Iām an 18yo computer science student stumbling his way through life. This blog is pretty much just gonna be my brain shitting out whatever it feels like. I lost my last account after only having it for a week ā¢_ā¢
This blog is gonna function a little like a journal, sometimes itās me nerding out about the things I love, sometimes itās vent posts. Youāve probably seen the whole block donāt report thingy a million times. Iāll put my crazier vent posts under read more.
This intro post is getting kinda long so Iāll put my interests under this :D
Interests!!!
Generally I love Linux, gaming, metal, a little bit of punk, programming, game dev, and tabletop games
Favorite bands :D
Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Death, Slayer, Darkthrone, Emperor, Immortal
Favorite albums!!!
Under a Funeral Moon, Panzerfaust, A Blaze in the Northern Sky, that one album by Leviathan that I donāt want to name because I donāt want to put a trigger warning here :), Under a Godless Veil, Countdown to Extinction, Rust in Peace, Killing is My Business, Bleed the Future, Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk, Monotheist, Dopethrone, Kvelertak, Caught Somewhere in Time, Tarot, Symbolic, Sons of Northern Darkness, Seasons in the Abyss, Reign in Blood
DMs are always open, and Iām always looking for new friends so feel free to talk about whatever :)
Also Iām looking to branch out with my music tastes so any music suggestions would be great
Proud shatling for the 3 people who get the reference
I donāt want to be in a relationship rn so if it seems like Iām flirting or liking your posts too much itās just cause Iām bad at talking :D. Iām clearly in a relationship with my three girlfriends (who smoke weed š)
DNI: people who shout when they sneeze. I donāt trust you
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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last song: the history of wrong guys from kinky boots the musical
last series/movie: 2 broke girls or falsettos I canāt remember
last thing I ate: rhubarb cake š¤¤š¤¤š¤¤š¤¤
last place I went: SCHOOL, EUGH
last game: sims 4 or my time at sandrock
uhhhh who shall I tag (sorry if youāve already been tagged in this): @t3ddyb34r2 @c4lgbrlkisser @imjayyouregay @dustybunnys @cl0wn1nth3fuckr0und @wormsinmousetraps @beetlefightsim @cat-found-in-an-allie @v1ktorian
if i didnāt add you itās not because I hate you I just have shit memory. /nf
Been a small minute since Iāve posted. Also not the type of music I usually talk about.
This album is cool to me because while itās so well written thereās so much about it that feels intentionally off in a way that I donāt have the musical knowledge to talk about. On days where I feel like something is wrong, when the depression hits or maybe Iāve run out of meds, this album is strangely comforting.
This guy also has like 15k streams a month on Spotify
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
Lore fact: It is important to remember, and to remind yourself, that others do not do the dishes incorrectly. They simply do it differently. And worse.
Lore fact: Itās literally fine to brush the crumbs off a place and reuse it. I was eating the same food again and I didnāt need to wash the plate for that :(
God I love convincing myself everyone hates me. I love that I have the emotional stability of a 5 year old. I love that my antidepressants donāt work.
This is one of my all time favorite albums. If I could just talk to ONE person who loves this album half as much Iād do I think my nerdy heart would go āit doesnāt get much more peak than thisā and explode. The art work, the concept, the story, the solos, the EVERYTHING. Holy fuck this album is so fucking good. Iāve definitely lost some amount of hearing to this album and Iām FINE with that. I know I probably sound like some pretentious fuck acting like the worst dogshit is the greatest thing ever, but if anything else this album was somehow tailored to my exact tastes. It gets a little cringe at times (but this is tumblr cringe is dead rawr xd whatever) and the vocalist isnāt the beeest (I feel like in a way that Iāve learned to appreciate tho). Anyway, if you canāt listen to any other part of the album, just listen to this 20 minute MASTERPIECE of a song :D
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
Sorry for spamming your feed moots. Writing things out helps me make sense of my emotions and Iām not touching my journal for reasons. Just ignore this igā¦
Block donāt report <3
I have this recurring and overwhelming feeling that my life is over. Iām distant from everyone who once loved me, I havenāt been able to land a mildly stable job (and Iām too unstable so I get no hours), Iāve lost any scholarships I had, any fleeting chance of having a future. I donāt care about my hygiene, nothing makes me happy, everything I do feels hollow, and everything is a confusing mess. My therapist hates me, my psychiatrist hates me, my professors hated me, my classmates hated me, my friends hated me, what the hell is the point of it all? What the fuck is the point of flailing around dragging every fucking person in my life down with me because Iām such a miserable shit. Because I canāt grow the fuck up and get my shit together. Because I canāt figure out the things that are apparently fucking obvious to every other person on this fucking planet. It sickens me that people care. It sickens me that I could feel so distant from everyone but it would be such a problem if I drove into the woods and disappeared. Why the hell people get to live their fucking lives and be happy while Iām sitting here wondering if it would be better if my family did or didnāt see my fucking corpse. FUCK Iām such a miserable worthless piece of trash. I want to disappear. I want to stop existing. If everyone could forget me that would make things so much easier but THEY WONT. And this hell will never never never never never never get even CLOSE to better because Iām born with this dumb ass shit. My mom went to the psych ward, my sister went there, and so will I. My life is OVER. Itāll be a miracle if I live to 19 and even more of one if I see 2027. I donāt care if Iām being dramatic. I donāt care if this is attention seeking. Just like how I donāt care about college. Just like how I donāt care about anything else in my goddamn life. My life is over, thereās only one way out and itās only a matter of time until I work up the courage to do it. Either that or I lobotomize myself or something. Theres gotta be a way to perform a self lobotomy right? AAAAAAA im such a fucking uninteresting boring person. Iāve always been that. Iāve always been on the outskirts of the friend groups. I never get invited to shit. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Iām such a fucking worthless awkward unfunny stupid bag of shit. Why am I such a fucking loser??? Why do I spend my life going in stupid ass circles??? Why am I like this???? FUCKKKK why donāt antidepressants work why do stimulants fry my brain. Why is it that all I can fucking think about is how I want to die? I want to think about other things. I want to play the new deltarune chapter and talk about it to people. I want to be able to play lethal company and laugh and make jokes and be funny. But NO I canāt. Why? I DONT FUCKING KNOW?! Because Iām supposed to know fucking everything about my brain apparently. Iām supposed to be mentally stable because I chose so. FUCK YOU if thatās how it worked Iād be stable. I wouldnāt cut myself. I wouldnāt daydream about killing myself. But my brain is broken and Iāll NEVER be able to fix it because fixing it requires knowing how to fix it. I donāt know that, my therapist doesnt know that, my psychiatrist doesnāt know that, most of my friends donāt care and neither does most of my family. When does everyone get tired of my shit? When does everyone see me as the lost cause that I am? Because thatās my way out, when everyone in my life sees me as a walking corpse then my death wonāt be a surprise. I donāt think Iām far away from that. Then I can hope there is no stupid fucking afterlife.
No way Tornado of Souls starts playing while I feel like my life is falling apart (or ig more like it already fell apart). Like Spotify is mocking me. At least the solo is incredible. Thank you Marty Friedman.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example
