I'm Rarely Impressed: RedJade_Queen

I love writing dark fantasy, and while I enjoy world-building, crafting the characters is my favorite part. I'm especially drawn to creating antagonists, as I don't really write anti-heroes. My stories tend to feature morally gray characters. The best part of character creation for me is delving into their mindset. 

When I inhabit a character, I have to think like them. But I also have to be cautious. For instance, one character led me to explore a destructive relationship with alcohol. She used it to numb her feelings and thoughts, essentially trying to destroy her own mind, without regard for the consequences. 

I tend to create complex, emotionally driven characters. They're not shining beacons; they're raw and vulnerable in their darkness. Sometimes, these characters give me a better understanding of what makes someone a predator, not necessarily a sexual predator, but more how someone exploits others' vulnerabilities through emotional and mental manipulation. That's why I've been listening to people familiar with cults and their tactics of brainwashing and grooming.

It's important to understand dark social psychology, as it involves numerous tactics used to manipulate others. Having adopted a "predator's mindset," while also considering an "ideal prey" profile, I began observing the surrounding people, including those on social media, and analyzing their communication styles and topics of discussion, seeing them almost as potential targets.

People with low self-esteem are the easiest targets. Those who crave conventional beauty and worry about their appearance are especially vulnerable. Who benefits from this social dynamic? While "pretty privilege" offers advantages, it also creates disadvantages in certain life areas, making even those who are considered attractive prey. 

The halo effect plays a significant role, becoming a dangerous force when it comes to people. I once jokingly pointed out that blue eyes can be deceiving. Because they are often seen as attractive, it generates an emotion in some people to view them as innocent and trusting.  People with blue eyes benefit from the halo effect, especially in entertainment careers, the fashion industry, and so on. You get what I’m talking about. Combining this with modern beauty standards amplifies its influence. However, this can make them the most deceptive if they are secretly predatory.

People with low self-esteem who feel unlovable, especially due to their appearance, are vulnerable. They may become overly attached to someone who shows them any kind of attention. Even a basic compliment, something everyone deserves, can make them view that person favorably, even if that person was a sleazebag. 

I knew someone like this, and it happened with her first boyfriend. She'd talk about him like he was the love of her life, the "ugly duckling" he'd chosen. But the things he did were so minimal; I thought she was deluded. Turns out, he'd been cheating on her for a year with her best friend. Later, he died, and she still idealized him, despite his awful behavior. It was all because of her mindset. That's why desperation rarely ends well, at least not after the initial delusion wears off. Eventually, you get burned, and the only option is to gaslight yourself. My friend was so self-deceived, I wondered if she lived in reality. I stopped associating with her because she let so much bad stuff happen, and wouldn't even report it to the police, because she didn't want to lose friendships that were worthless. This was before I understood the predator-prey dynamic. 

In times like these, I find myself reflecting on this dynamic more than ever. I wonder how we arrived at this point. When I consider these dynamics and the minds of history's most evil figures, I see this as the perfect environment for controlling the masses. 

Understanding the halo effect and really delving into how villains and morally gray characters operate, I believe, unconsciously, I honed my perception. It's like I developed a radar. Now, I often feel like I'm perched on the fence, observing the oblivious "captive animals"—humans—as they roam, completely unaware of the wolves among them. 

I just heard an insightful person in the health and fitness industry speak. I noticed that when they showed any vulnerability, even though they were incredibly dedicated to their field, I immediately saw them as prey. Not just prey, but like lambs, inadvertently helping wolves in sheep's clothing gain access to more victims. Because his viewpoints were centered on a deceptive ideology, and he missed the marker that beauty standards have indeed changed drastically, based on eras. He believed they were not that different culturally, but the question wasn’t really about culture. The interviewer was referring more to the fact that beauty is a trend. It changes with time. 

Dude, obviously, never set foot in a museum that showcased pieces during the Victorian and medieval eras, or any other era in history across the globe. Them folks from those time periods, if they walked around today, would be labeled ugly as fuck. Cleopatra wasn’t the beauty that the entertainment industry portrayed her as. Actually, she carried abnormalities that happen with too much inbreeding.  But they were considered the ideal beauty standard of that day. And Henry the 8th was a walking tub-o-thon. Even the ladies in the Tudors, and the actor who played Henry, no. In the series, they looked nothing like the actual historical figures. No actor looks like the figures of the past, because modern looks are different from the past, because we mixed and mingled. Genetic mixes make for more unique looks.  

I mean, the reason white women focused on thinness in America is because of racism and having to look starkly different from black women. 

Yet again, these are all ideologies that were perpetuated by the colonizer, the patriarchal system that is struggling to maintain its hold. And I listened to basically a white male in the fitness industry talk about beauty, who got plastic surgery because even with what he achieved and looking ripped, he still doesn’t like himself. Those are all signs that you are insecure, but he masks around as a brute figure who thinks he’s funny. And he doesn’t even realize that bodybuilders are not normal. But it’s not like we want to judge that, but I’m sorry, the bodies that bodybuilders have and what people try to achieve fitness-wise, aesthetically, is not normal. I’m gonna state it out there. It’s not about what’s normal or not normal; it’s what they believe is normal and should become normal for everyone else. Those are actually eugenic ideologies, and what’s associated with eugenics? You probably guessed it… The F-ism.

By the way, women are just as horrible when it comes to aiding the patriarchal system and misogyny. How the patriarchy gets to women is through other women. "The Hunting Wives" is a good example of how this dynamic works and how dangerous it can be.

Certain groups target specific communities for a reason, often exploiting vulnerabilities. These can include a lack of socioeconomic stability, strong relationships, or a sense of belonging, as well as a desire for acceptance, low self-worth, and poor self-esteem. 

Surprisingly, people often misunderstand the emotional fragility of a narcissist. While you *can* inflict emotional and mental harm, it requires sacrificing your own integrity, realizing you have the power to break them down internally.

Neutralizing someone with narcissistic traits isn't hard for me, but it *does* mean swallowing my pride. The trick is to avoid reacting and giving them fuel. They want to keep you engaged so they can constantly chip away at your self-worth and feel superior. Then try to leave if you can, but if that’s not the case, really fortify your mind. And everything ‌they say is bullshit. I say it in my mind every time: “They are bullshit on steroids.” And I move on with my day. 

Some people are masters of words and charisma, and they're well aware of their ability to manipulate others. Their charming personalities and eloquent speech allow them to prey on people, a reality we see play out in society. This inherent skill influences how others perceive them, but it doesn't work on me. 

I see them like a siren's song—meant to lure me to my doom. So, I'm always cautious. Frankly, it's wise to be wary of anyone; you never truly know someone until their true colors surface. 

Yesterday, I learned that if a specific part of the brain, like the area responsible for judgment, doesn't receive blood flow, those minds won't recognize any red flags. Something to think about, readers. Maybe you should listen to the people around you when they point out the red flags. Love is not blind, but lack of awareness is, especially if your are clouded with hormones, consumed with the things I mentioned in the beginning of this blog, and if your judgement is not working because of lack of blood flow to that area of the brain.

I know–I’m at it again, discussing weight loss versus health.

The reason I see them as far from each other, yet again...I’m not a professional. I’m someone who puzzles together information alongside personal experiences and what I’ve collected from people I know. 

So, I worked in manual labor most of my life. My genetics are different from the next person. I say genetics because they play a role in how my body works  — that means how dense my skeletal structure is, to the illnesses I have, to what foods I can eat, to even how youthful I look. The women in my family don’t age fast, and we maintain our skeletal structure because it’s denser, and we are not at risk for osteoporosis. This is a common problem for older women who don’t have these advantages. 

Therefore, weight loss is not a reliable measure for health or appearance. Like looking lean or skinny, which, in a society that focuses on that, is basically practicing a delusion, looks don’t mean healthy either. I said in my other post that a fit-looking person has no real upper hand in living longer. I don’t believe in longevity pursuits because they're just not something important to strive for. 

People discuss why humans are living longer than their ancestors, and the answer is simple. We advanced in creating things to help us live longer. And we mixed and mingled with other genetic material that led to advantages. People don’t realize this, but medicine, agriculture, creating infrastructures to gain access to resources more easily, and science in general have played a major role in our living longer. 

Before, people died in their 20s. We have to think about the state of affairs when it comes to wars, illness, and lack of access to resources. 

Before even advancing, when we were out in the wild, there was a lack of shelter against the elements and other predators that were higher on the food chain. 

We lacked access to food. 

But we started creating tools to help us gain access to food, even learning to cook food because we discovered fire, which helped us pull more nutrients from food, because human beings have a weak gut. 

Surprisingly, many people don’t realize that, at some point in history,  how thick or skinny you were represented your socioeconomic class in society. Going even further back, thick women equated to fertility. But that’s a whole different discussion. So, the skinnier you were, the further down the caste system you were, and impoverished. The thicker you were, the more wealth you had, and the higher the caste you were. There were even types of food you could eat within the caste system. The darker the bread, the poorer you were. The white bread was for the wealthy class.

We are living longer because of our advancement in medicine, and the fact that they created vaccines and medicines that have helped heal lethal illnesses.  Not to mention, surgeons learned to wash their dang hands.

Oh, you can’t forget we created laws against child labor. The very laws they are trying to overturn in my country. When you go deeper into the darker side of history, you learn that people gave birth to kids so they could shoulder the finances and labor. Back in the day in the US, children worked in the textile mills, and because of the contents they were exposed to, most of them died in their 20s from lung-related issues. Not to mention, they sometimes died on site from accidents. And we can’t forget the fact that we created more safety regulations on gear to wear at certain jobs and the working conditions. That’s why we have OSHA. 

Dismantling anything that revolves around safety for both adults and kids, and even bringing back child labor, that’s gonna raise the mortality rate. Because of exposure to any chemical or contents in a demanding job, or even the heavy labor aspect, down the line, health problems are guaranteed. They don’t tell you when you enter a certain field, most likely you’re gonna have this health issue. Or you’re gonna end up disabled from it. People who work in law enforcement or were in any of the military factions who had to wear a lot of heavy gear, a good portion later on in life will need knee replacements. No job is gonna give a warning label of what you would be sacrificing in the long-term. 

But back to the topic at hand…

Famine and having access to quality nutritious foods have always been a factor in living longer, as well as clean water. And there is the fact that wars kill people… and the trauma of surviving, depending on the person, kills you later on.

Mind and body are intertwined, whether people want to believe it or not. Certain groups don’t like science because then everything would have a warning label on it. It would actually mean they are messed up as well. Ignorance is not bliss. It just breeds ignorance, and it harms everyone.

There’s a lot of factors that go in being in better health, and leaning out, and even living longer. It’s not just one thing, but the problem is people are still obsessed with planting flags. What I mean by this, people want to be famous and known for something. So, they focus on anything that enhances their theory and chosen study. But really, the systemic issues don’t come into conversations. 

Instead, they resort to shaming. Saying walking is free, sunlight is free, resting is free, sleeping is free, and so on. But they don’t address the long work hours people work. That to get walking in or any exercise requires sacrificing sleep and even rest. Sunlight is not free for the more impoverished, who have to work in buildings 12 to 14 hours of the day, working 2 to 3 jobs. 

Nothing in life is free for the underprivileged in society. But they don’t mention the systemic issues because they benefit from them. People do benefit from other peoples suffering. You know, we wouldn’t need fitness people in the fitness and health industry if people had time and access to resources to live better.

Fitness people did not even exist way back, because everyone had to contribute to manual labor in some way. People had to walk everywhere. People had to lift things or even carry things for miles. People had to tend the fields to grow food and harvest. 

Modern and postmodern society allows all these fields to exist because people are locked in a building most of the day, not getting out, not eating proper meals, not getting proper sleep, not getting proper rest, not getting enough socializing, which that’s not even free. It costs money to hang out with people or even time and money to get to people. 

So, we created more problems along the way of advancing. Meaning, we still clung to the caste system, and socioeconomic class is no different from the caste. Both play on superiority and inferiority.  Therefore, people are still stuck on a power-hungry complex that kind of needs to die out. 

I worked in manual labor for most of my life. Even though I liked strength training at the gym, I had to be careful with injuries. What fitness influencers tried to achieve really bears no comparison to heavy labor because it’s not about aesthetics. Yeah, changing my diet had effects of me leaning out more, but with the jobs I worked and my hobbies and interests of running and weight-lifting, I, as a 5.5 ft woman, was consuming 3800 calories a day. I did the calculations for 2 weeks, when I was at my leanest at 170 pounds. I was a size 4 in my jeans, and my body type is not a petite frame. I’m meant to have a butt and thighs. I even said at my leanest, I was still unhealthy because I have health problems that will never go away. I’m gonna be on medication for the rest of my life. And even with meds, my well-being fluctuates.

 So, healthier people, even if they aren’t skinny-looking or lean, if they feel good in life, they don’t have any aches and pains; they have energy to do things, and have a better well-being throughout the day, don’t shame them.  

Honestly, I think people are just jealous, or they just can’t mind their own business because they want everyone to look the same or have access to them. Some people are just so dang greedy and so plunged into their arrogance that they need to pursue shaming people to get fit, or look a certain way. 

Low-self esteem is not because there’s something wrong with the person; it’s society. It’s a them problem. They hate themselves and they lack a lot internally, so why are we creating trends? “Nerd out, peeps.” I swear…idiocy is on steroids. When I see that trend, I just think right off the bat, people really dislike their life. They lack interest and hobbies. They are addicted to aesthetics and consumerism like it’s a hot cake. 

People literally just can’t be happy with themselves. They can’t be happy with their choice of fashion. They can’t be open about the things they like, for fear of judgement. 

The reason I’m mentioning this, well, healthy mind means being comfortable pursuing interests and hobbies. I have many interests and hobbies. They keep me sane in this crazy world. And hobbies and interests do vary from person to person. Another thing that keeps me sane is not letting anyone pressure me into things. I don’t follow the conventional blueprint. And I don’t pursue things that I know for a fact it wouldn’t do any benefit to me overall. 

I recall discussions about the scarcity of "third spaces"—places outside of home and work—where people could gather and connect. Maybe even establish relationships, or maybe even find love or possibly a soulmate, if you believe in that idea. The loneliness epidemic sparked this conversation after the events of 2020. While the solution might seem ‌simple, as creating more of these spaces, the problem is far more complex than that. It's a systemic issue, considering factors like time constraints and financial limitations. Many of us simply do not have the room on our plates for human connection, or even the energy and money to visit places.

For example, in the US, a major challenge is the time and expense associated with its car-dependent infrastructure. Our brains are rotted by cars, peeps. Worse. We tied status to vehicles, which makes me laugh. You can tell I couldn't care less about cars. I know how to drive, but I absolutely “hate” it with a passion. And I do mean “hate.” Not dislike. Hate.

Most areas are designed around roads, encompassing cities, sprawling suburbs, and rural landscapes. These areas vary in the quality of their infrastructure, with some significantly worse than others. I mean, fourth world, worse. Furthermore, zoning in many districts reflects historical segregation and economic disparities. That’s a whole dark rabbit hole on its own. So, I’m not getting into that.

As a pragmatic person, I can't help but notice the inefficiency of our infrastructure. It's expensive to maintain, and it consumes resources that could be put to better use. However, efficiency isn't the point. The focus has always been about consumerism as the main goal. More roads mean more people buying cars. Suburban sprawl is the biggest culprit, creating debt and wasting resources. It actually costs more in tax money to maintain suburban areas than cities and rural areas combined. 

Just think about the sheer amount of roads, underground wiring, and piping. And then there are the big-box stores with their massive parking lots. Suburban areas are notorious for their "stroads" — a combination of highway and road. 

Large homes in these neighborhoods require more roads, streetlights, electrical work, and miles of underground piping. Tax money funded all of this from the working class. Not the wealthy ten percent of the US or corporations that utilize all this infrastructure under consumerism and the capital C word, it’s the working class. That’s everyone but the wealthy class. The wealthy class exploits the system and people to obtain and keep wealth and power in their hands. 

Besides, I’m one of those people who say essential workers have to be given their praise, because they keep our world functioning. And there are a lot of BS jobs. So BS, and they get such a big salary that I think we are doomed. I’m just kidding. But really, we have things backwards on what’s important. Doctors are important; trade workers are important. Not a CEO of a large company.

But back to the topic. 

 It’s easier to make a city more environmentally friendly than a suburban area, because you can optimize walkability, bus-only zones, bike lanes, trains, even trolleys, and what I remember in New York City, they turned an old metro track into a walkable bridge that went on for several miles across the city. Some cities even have ped-ways, which are mostly underground walking networks. They are good when you live in a cold city, and those walkways avoid storms, so you can get around. 

To me, that’s well thought-out infrastructures and more worth putting tax dollars into to maintain or build upon. However, the other major issue is how expensive it is to live in a city, because of greedy slum lords and private equity that buys up everything and makes the area become more expensive. Not to mention, private equity is literally the reason businesses go out of business because they buy up the land and charge a hefty rent.  

But how does the 3rd space play a role in healing the loneliness epidemic? 

Well, the more places you can frequent daily, that’s within walking distance and the vicinity of your living space, the more chances of meeting people that you can meet up with every so often. Third spaces are not supposed to be just bars, clubs, religious places, or places to eat or cafés; they're supposed to be areas to gather as a community with no strings attached. You can just be there. 

We have lost a lot of places to hang out, and the infrastructure makes it difficult to get around without spending time on the road. Consumerism and the capital C-ism, along with the other systemic issues, make it difficult to have a variety of places, because of how expensive it is to open an establishment catered to certain hobbies or interests. And it has to turn a profit somehow. I would love to have establishments catering to my hobbies and interests instead of going online all the time.

 I enjoy gaming, and I remember arcades being a huge thing back in the day. But for our era, creating gaming lounges seems like a fun concept to me. But separate the adults from the underage. The reason I mention this is because I used to enjoy just meeting up in person with gaming buddies and, like how people watch streamers play a game, imagine grouping in real life, and watching together, with drinks and snacks. It would be cool to have a lounge like that. It would be cool to have more cyber cafes, maybe more reading corner-style type book lounges to just chill and read. I know there are libraries, but I’m talking about places that are set up more like a manga/anime cafe. You buy a beverage and read, and just chill. However, that’s not gonna turn any profit. But dang, people can have a legitimate space to have book clubs or even a manga club. I still like libraries when I have access to them. Check out a book and have no obligations to own a book. Just read and return, and don’t occupy so much space on my shelf. I’ve always enjoyed libraries. And I wish they would’ve expanded a physical media section to rent out films and TV Series. I kinda don’t like that I have to always rely on my internet service working, or a streaming service. But owning a lot of physical media is expensive and creates a lot of clutter to clean and organize.

But back to the topic.

I mean, there are templates to look at and use from other countries that have a lot of accessible third spaces, but dang, my country just loves its wasteland of roads. The endless sea of asphalt stretched across the landscape. And the assimilation of housing that makes me want to gag.

Interestingly, some homophobic people rant about a whole lot of crap, and I remember one saying they would just gather up all the LGBTQIA+ people and put them on an island, saying they would just die out from there.  

I laughed. 

The reason I laughed about that statement is that they think we don't work in trades, or have medical degrees, or have any skill whatsoever. More likely, our island would be a paradise, and more likely, we would achieve a lot of things humanity-wise, because basically, the rest of society kicked us to the curb. Which means we either work together to create the environment we want, or just die out, which is impossible, by the way. It's all nonsensical. But that's how blind people are by their ideology. 

With how things are, I kinda want a dedicated district for the unconventional. I mean, the reason we have the label LGBTQIA+ is due to the hetero-normative propaganda, making it the prime example of humanity, when in reality, that's not the case. Even within other animal species, that's not the case. Humans are just really good at making life hard for themselves, especially when they are power-hungry and want to control people. 

So, if we didn't have hetero-normative or patriarchal ideology, there wouldn't be any need for labels at all. Humans would just go out and be human by creating connections and building relationships. 

Thus, because a lot of people believe in the hetero-normative agenda that was spoonfed to them, that this is normal and everything else is not, I would absolutely enjoy a district or even a country completely under the control of the LGBTQIA+ community and build our way to a more accepting environment to thrive in. With plenty of places to hang out. However, that idea is even nonsensical, because that would make it difficult for other newer generations or even closeted individuals to gain access to. It’s just better to resolve the overall problem by deconstructing it, versus trying to escape from it. 

And I don’t like it!

I quit drinking for a variety of reasons, but the main one was that I felt like I was playing roulette with my health. Even though I can genetically handle drinking, I kinda inherited the worst end of the stick when it comes to health. So, what do I mean by this? Just because I’m spinning the chamber and pressing the trigger and it's not firing a bullet at that moment, it doesn’t mean that’s how my luck is always gonna be, depending on how alcohol affects my health. One day, that bullet will fire while pressing the trigger, and that’s the day I want to prolong. 

Now, these 104 days haven’t been easy for me.

It also made me self-aware that I had a problem because I couldn’t stop, and the itch to have a drink was always there. 

I thought, or I self-deceived myself, that I was in control, but in reality, I wasn’t.

Self-deception is a huge factor in my decisions. But I am becoming self-conscious of it.

The truth is, I’m what they used to call high-functioning. 

Even though I’ve suffered from chronic depression most of my life, I’m high-functioning. The reason “high-functioning” is a bad word to attach to issues is that if you’re productive in society and contributing, the depression part gets ignored, and they just tolerate us who suffer from issues like depression, or they ignore people who have particular disabilities because they still can get the job done, or ignore the drinking habits of someone. 

I know where I get my addiction habits from, because both my parents have addictions to various things, but it’s acceptable, even though it's a huge problem. The mental/emotional health of the person is getting ignored. And I’m starting to think that the mental health industry just wants patients to assimilate into a toxic system better and not address the real problem. Society in itself. The systems that have people trapped and living the day-to-day in conditions that do not serve the well-being of a human being. That’s why I fired my psychiatrist and left my therapist so long ago. It is because they wanted me to cope with my abusers, both at home and in society. 

Who shaped my abusers? Their homes and society. Same issue, running a cycle, over and over again.  We have been taught to enable the abusers. 

So, here we are, with several forms of addiction to run away from our demons. To accept our chains and cages by normalizing them, and even finding comfort in their confinement. Over time, you gain a bit of money to make the cage feel less like a cage by filling it with things.

So, I became aware that I was a high-functioning alcoholic. Something my mother refuses to believe. If she accepted that I am an alcoholic, that would mean she would have to look at herself. 

With that, I don’t focus on pointing out my mom's addictions. She needs it because she’s been grappling with her demons. Demons that have grown quite strong from decades of bad life choices. I’ve made a lot of bad life choices as well, but I took the action to care more about the choices I make in life.

Therefore, I chose to stop drinking. Now I feel and face all those demons. I also have to grapple with my neurodivergence, because in the first month, I lost sleep to all the racing thoughts. I can barely keep myself focused. There’s hardly any will in me to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. 

When I stopped drinking, I didn’t want to play video games as much. I also stopped going to the gym to strength train. Now, at 104 days, it’s still difficult for me to incorporate weight training throughout my week. So, basically, I’m saying I’m still struggling. 

With my brain healing and new neuro-pathways opening up, I’m more analytical than ever, which is annoying people in my life. I’m also pragmatic. So that combo is a buzzkill, but, to be honest, I don’t give a damn. Also, a lot of topics aren’t taboo to me. So, I do say to people, “Well, you've got about maybe 50 more years under your belt, give or take. What do you wanna do with it?” This would be regarding making life-changing choices. 

However, I kinda just think about myself more these weeks and days. I don’t think about other people and their problems, because they haven’t woken up yet or become self-aware of their issues. They also have bad habits of taking anything at face value and not developing any sense of discernment. They are more of a prey to be manipulated. Which a lot of people can be easily manipulated. It happens every day when someone walks into a retailer or watches media. And desperate people are easily manipulated. So, my suggestion, become less desperate in life. And I mean that.

Just to tack on more to this…

Wisdom doesn’t come from experience; it comes from acknowledging your inner demons and helping those demons do some good. Because your inner demons carry most of the wisdom that can actually help others, and even help yourself.

I’m not an alcoholic because of the alcohol. I became an alcoholic because all the crap in society, every system created that perpetuated toxicity, shaped the behaviors of people, and through traumas, I have an addictive personality type.

 It is discussed what nature and nurture mean in people. My question for people who claim that it is human nature, certain habits or behaviors… How would you know, since you were behaviorally conditioned since the day you were born? And your parents, before you, were conditioned the day they were born. And their parents before them. How in the dang hell can anyone figure out what human nature is when throughout history you’ve been under someone's control, shaping your mind and perspective? 

So…

I’m a recovering alcoholic who’s also deconstructing all the crap fed to me my entire life. 

The conundrum of language and misconception. Okay… any of us who’s born into a trend culture where the beauty standards change constantly and are misogynistic at its core, really give women some crap about their looks. They throw shade about something weight-related, but someone's looks have nothing to do with weight. The scale versus looks is always different. So, when someone pitches about weight loss, I ignore them, and they are not what I’m looking for. 

First, the health and fitness industry has nothing to do with health and well-being. It’s an industry that preys on insecurities, because if it really had to do with health, then a lot of conversations would be happening about the current systems in place and normalized toxic behavior that fuels the health crisis.

Now, I’m no professional, but I do piece together a lot of factors with the knowledge I do collect as well as consider my personal experience, because I do have health problems that people don’t see or assume I have, because of the misconceptions of looking healthy versus actually being healthy, as well as other people I know and their experiences. 

Let me tell you, achieving better health is complicated and not a quick fix, and it is based on how you feel and move daily. It is tied to mental and emotional health. It’s also about other factors that are often overlooked, such as oral and eye health. But regarding the word weight-loss, just view it as an old misconstrued term that’s absolutely bulls*** to its core. 

Leaning out is the string of words people are going for when it comes to looks. This is why the BMI scale is absolute bulls*** as well, and not needed for the process of achieving looks. When I was at my leanest in my life, which was in 2021, I only looked at the scale to see what my weight would be at my leanest. And for me, as a 5-foot-5 lady, my bone density and muscle mass were 170 to 175, with the inflammation I retain with my autoimmune conditions, which doesn’t go away no matter what my weight lands on. My quality of life is always going to revolve around my health conditions. My well-being lands on some good days with a whole lot of bad days. I’m the type of person who doesn’t strive for longevity but quality. If I can get some good, serene years and live a short life, that’s better than living a long life with a lot of suffering.

So, some people gain a little pudge or, some say, a bit more fat in certain sections of the body. This happens with adulthood, because of the jobs we enter, and how we don’t meet our overall needs in terms of rest, proper sleep, downtime with hobbies and interests, social connections, physical activities, not to mention our emotional and mental well-being, because emotions do affect the immune system. What kinda traumas we have endured affects how our brain functions as well, which ends up affecting the overall body. It’s also about how much muscle we retain as we age and about keeping ourselves mobile. It’s about the type of foods we eat, more than the calories. Calories are the worst thing to focus on when it comes to health; it’s the nutritional index of the foods to eat to nourish the body. Most ultra-processed foods lose their nutrition and are just calories that won’t give the body what it needs. Calories are really just energy to keep the body running, but the micronutrients are important as well as the macronutrients. But definitely the micronutrients get overshadowed by the macro, because of the fitness industry. Most of the people I’ve seen in the fitness industry aren’t going to be living much longer than the average person. They might end up in the pine box before the average person because genetics and environmental factors play a role. They are all unavoidable. And I personally have blood relatives that are in their mid-90s and are still drinking rum and cokes, and driving around all over the place, and don’t have any particular diet. But they are women, and they keep up with social lives; they spend a lot of time with themselves, enjoying their interests and hobbies. And the culture my relatives come from is different. But a lot of luck does play a role. And that luck is the unseen on a biological/genetic level. 

So, I mentioned my leanest was 170 to 175 for my height being at 5.5 ft. I wasn’t bulky with muscle, by the way. I look just like any average woman who barely shows any real contrast from muscle to fat ratio. I didn’t look ripped. I didn’t look big either. My frame became slim-thick, is the word. But that’s the lowest weight without severe consequences emotionally. Depression can happen when too much body fat is lost. As well as other mental conditions, such as body dysmorphia,  and hormonal imbalances. Now, with calorie deficits, which the other word used is “cut,” it has’s upside and downsides. The major downside is losing muscle. Losing muscle means you lose strength and your metabolism slows. More muscle equals better metabolism and strength to handle the day. However, muscles require eating not just a good amount of calories, but it’s about eating enough macronutrients in terms of protein, along with a considerable amount of micronutrients. Not enough of certain micronutrients, especially as an active person who’s a heavy endurance athlete, I have to pay attention to the essentials, such as potassium, magnesium, sodium, and so on. My best friend is a long-distance runner, and because she wasn’t eating according to her hobby of running, she suffered from heart arrhythmias at night. And tack on lifting heavy suitcases at her job along with some minor weight-lifting, her body was suffering greatly to the point of developing health issues and injuries. Now she has to take supplements to compensate for her lack of eating nutritious meals, and because her job keeps her from cooking meals, which forces her to order out, she has to lug around supplements to meet her needs. And slowly she’s starting to feel better. 

So, when people mention losing their pudge, really, they are looking to lean out and not lose weight. Muscle and bone are always gonna be heavier than fat. It’s not easy to lose fat, but a lot of the time, when people check the scales, when they do a crash diet or a calorie deficit, they are losing inflammation, which is water, along with muscle, and not really any of the fat. A lot of the time, they get more obese because of the muscle loss. Therefore, most of the time, I tell people to avoid the scale and look at how clothes begin to fit, when changing some habits that contribute to fat gain in certain sections. 

A lot of it is lifestyle. Eating more whole food, nutritious meals is always gonna go a long way versus overly ultra-processed foods. Another factor to consider is sleep habits, rest habits, and even habits that help with mental and emotional health. Social engagements. Physical activities.

Any journey for better health and leaning out has to start with movement. Walking is always the best because it’s low-impact, which makes it easier to recover from, and it’s something that can be achieved consistently. Not to mention, walking is a good therapy to regulate emotions, along with focusing on breathing. 

Of course, there are other activities to try, such as outdoor cycling, swimming, climbing, and so on, but if you’re like me, you’re not gonna have access to that consistently. Also, strength and resistance training, because building muscle is key to contrasting your body to fit clothes differently, as well as helping with building a more robust metabolism as well as helping with mobility. This doesn’t need more than 3 days of at least 30 minutes to an hour dedication on those days. People used to say to me, “You can’t get anything done in 30 mins.” And I disagreed with a hard, “Yes, you can,”  because when I went to my community gym, I didn’t bulls*** around. I got straight to work and focused on the exercises I needed to achieve. The exercises that actually help build strength, help with mobility, and build muscle are boring, and they have to be done consistently. It’s not some sort of flashy exercise of bouncing around and doing crazy crap. It’s generally simple, and it targets multiple muscles. A lot of people do body-weight training, which is free and you can do it anywhere. If you want to spend money, buy a pull-up bar. Actually, that’s a great way to stretch arms, shoulders, and back by hanging from a pull-up bar. Push-ups don’t have to start from the ground; you can do them against the wall, work on your form, and build up strength that way. All you have to do is give yourself a bit of an incline to work with.  I’ve injured my shoulders a lot in life, so it works, and you will still feel the aches that come after doing a workout.  Not to mention, I even have a hard time keeping up with this habit, and that’s stretching every day. Staying limber is about stretching those muscles every dang day. Better for mobility and better for the aches and pains. 

I think this doesn’t really apply to what I’m talking about with leaning out, but buying clothes that are meant for your body type. Most clothes that are produced aren’t made for my body type or any other woman who’s got some thighs and some extra behind assets. The clothes, I kinda do think, are produced by people who want to only cater to the ideal beauty figure, which is a twig. No rump, no thighs, not extra plush for the cuddles, just twigs made of bones and skin. Not appealing whatsoever to me, and it makes it difficult for me to enjoy anything related to fashion. 

Well…

It doesn’t matter anyway since I’m a punk with a whole lot of nerd going for me.

The first part of Season 2 of “Wednesday” has kicked off in high gear. You would think Season 1 was enough. No. Season 2 is an evolving entity, pulling me into its delicious traps, overwhelming my mind with all the twists and turns, the new characters being introduced, and the actors' performances, which have me immersed in the shadows of Nevermore and all the Edgar Allan Poe references. 

So far, as I can tell, the structure of Season 2 is similar to Season 1. 

The first episode of Season 1 started with Wednesday being Wednesday, by setting loose a school of piranhas on the boys who bullied her brother. This led to her getting enrolled in Nevermore. 

Season 2, spoiler warnings…

I’m going to reveal details in this blog, so don’t read any further if you don’t wanna get spoiled. 

Wednesday goes after a serial killer, which leads to his capture.

Then it follows with her going back to Nevermore for another semester. Her mother, Morticia, had to state it was the first time with Wednesday, returning to school. Because we know Wednesday usually gets expelled from every school before she can return for another semester.

However…

Even though Wednesday returns to Nevermore for another mystery-filled semester, the structure of the overall season is laid out similarly to the first. At least, that’s what I’m seeing so far with the 4 episodes, and my speculation is leading me to that notion with how the story, so far, is not revealing its full hand. 

Yes, episode 4 of season 2 reveals Judi as the Avian who’s controlling the crows, but there are other things at play behind the scenes with other questionable characters. Such as Principal Dort, who’s blackmailing Bianca to use her siren powers, and who was he talking to on the phone? There’s also Bianca’s mother and the image of the cult leader that was presented to us. There’s also the question of the true motivations of Agnes, the invisible girl. I don’t fully believe she’s just an obsessive fan, because she was stalking Wednesday before even the events of season 2 happened, when she was able to reveal herself. There’s also the mystery of the zombie, Slurp, and what truly happened to him when he was alive. And now that Tyler is loose and bigger and stronger than ever, it’s a sure thing that Enid might not be so lucky to defend herself and Wednesday against him. 

Now, Part 2 of Season 2 is gonna be released on September 3rd, which I fully believe the last 2 episodes, just like season 1, will unravel what’s really going on and who the main antagonist of the series is, who’s controlling everything. I believe episodes 5 and 6 will continue to have us be on an emotional rollercoaster of twists and turns like season 1, and will wrap up with 7 and 8. So, that’s my reason to believe season 2 is structured similarly to season 1. 

Now, there’s a lot of emotional upheaval between Enid and Wednesday’s friendship, but I have to point out some key elements relating to Wednesday grappling with opening up and letting her emotions come out. Those who have noticed by now, Wednesday displays quite a bit of vulnerability regarding Enid. From facial reactions to tonal shifts in voice. Wednesday rarely shows facial reactions to things. She rarely gets stunned. Usually, she’s calm and collected enough to act without her emotions getting in the way. However, that’s not the case in regards to Enid. Just to point it out, the entire premise of season 2 is Wednesday trying to save Enid from death.

 Right at the end of episode 1, she has a vision of Enid’s grave stone, with the crows all around, and Enid showing up in the vision, blaming Wednesday for her death. 

Episode 2 begins with Wednesday calling out Enid’s name, and pay attention to the voice tone. It was genuine concern. Fear. 

Wednesday makes the decision to keep the premonition a secret from Enid, and even says Enid is too fragile to handle her own death, but, right in the same episode, right after stating that, she opens the door to the dorm room and the scene of her seeing the blood trail, leading out the window and seeing Enid’s body laying outside, you might as well add a glass cracking sound in the background as a sound of effect, because Wednesday’s reaction was in indeed priceless, because, me, as the watcher, I can see and even feel the fear of Wednesday off the screen. Because I know the character to be stoic and not so easily put off guard, Wednesday was not calm or collected. She delayed in speaking, and she truly stood there over Enid, not knowing what to do. Which is far different from the Wednesday who would just sashay around a body like it was a summer's day walk. The time of that scene, from claiming Enid’s too fragile, to Wednesday cracking at the sight of Enid, I was thinking, “Who’s fragile now?” 

When Enid opened her eyes, omg, I just started laughing. 

The episode revolves around Prank Day, and Enid and Bruno get captured by Wednesday’s stalker, who we find out later is Anges. But I’m mentioning the scene of Enid speaking to Bruno because the dialogue exchange about Wednesday is important.

Bruno asks, “Why are you friends with her?”

Enid: Because even though Wednesday is literally the tunnel at the end of my light… I can’t imagine my life without her in it.

Bruno: I think it’s cool how you’re her ride or die.

Enid: Emphasis on die at the moment.

Bruno: I wish I had someone like that.

Now, why does this dialogue exchange stand out so much to me? Well, the line Enid gives is too powerful for just roommates and friends. Yes, they could have a strong friendship, but Wednesday is not the type of character to open up easily, and really, the events of what happened in season 1 weren’t too long ago, and they only shared a hug after the events of almost dying. 

Enid is a teenager. Her character's story reflects that well through her actions, especially after gaining confidence in herself, especially after being able to shift into her werewolf form, and with the additional confidence boost, Enid defeated Tyler. That’s a huge confidence boost by itself. During her first transition, she was able to save Wednesday’s life, and by luck, she was able to win the brawl with a Hyde. 

Even though Enid didn’t have to look for Wednesday in the woods, and even though she gets mad at Wednesday for all the dangerous situations that happen, she chose to go into the woods in season 1, probably knowing full well the dangers that awaited out there. Enid, despite her being aware of it or not, is magnetized towards Wednesday. Wednesday is her polar opposite. And they constantly have back-and-forth banter that makes me laugh. 

Even in season 2, Enid has become fully accepting of Wednesday being that dark cloud that follows her.  “The tunnel at the end of her light.” Enid is fully aware of Wednesday. It may annoy her a bit, but she’s accepting of it. Like saying Wednesday is the north star for murderous psychopaths, which led to Bruno asking her that question in the first place. “Why are you friends with her?” Then Enid delivering the heartfelt answer “I can’t imagine my life without her in it” is a strong statement. 

Yes, she kissed Bruno amid the situation, but look how fast she moved on from Ajax. I’m sure her infatuation with Bruno is gonna be just as fast and fleeting. So, I don’t see much going on between Bruno and Enid, other than hormonal teens hooking up.

Now, the friendship Enid is trying to have with Wednesday is solid. It’s also challenging because their dynamic works, but it’s not easy because they are two contrasting characters. Wednesday being closed-hearted, and Enid being open-hearted. 

Now, before I talk more about Enid, let me point out some key details regarding the grappling of Wednesday's emotions and how she’s a control freak. So, we meet Capri, who is the new music teacher. Her meeting with Wednesday is very specific. Wednesday was trying to play a difficult piece of music on her cello, but Capri critiques her and even gives a bit of advice, revolving around letting the chaos or the music take control, and not trying to control it. It may have to do with Wednesday's powers. But I believe it has to do with her emotions. 

Wednesday’s grandmother is the opposite. Her motto is to suppress emotions.

However, Enid lies on these opposing scales. Enid is the reason Wednesday has opened up and has even become a bit more vulnerable, to where she cares about the well-being of others. Enid is the core motivation of this season. To save her life. Yet again, Wednesday has to struggle with her stubbornness and her choices that make things worse because of it. Her mother, Morticia, was trying to convey that, but she wasn’t listening. 

Obviously, Capri is the better philosophical advice that might lead to saving Enid and allow Wednesday to open up to loving someone. Because it’s too obvious with Enid’s wordplay that she loves Wednesday, whatever that is or takes form as. And I think Wednesday is grappling with letting herself love as well. Which I speculate, deep down, Wednesday loves Enid. I’m not saying romantic love. I’m saying an emotional intimacy that allows genuine connection, trust, and even growth. 

Now back to Enid.

Enid became stronger, more empowered, and built confidence because of Wednesday being in her life. Her being out in the woods in season 1 during a blood full moon motivated her change. Wednesday being in her life promoted her growth, and I believe in season 2, Enid’s going to grow even more and become more powerful as a werewolf, because now, Wednesday got seriously hurt by Tyler and is in a coma from what I viewed in the Part 2 trailer. 

I’m speculating that they're not going to wake up Wednesday right away. I think episode 5 is gonna focus on Enid for a bit, which some people have been saying Enid has had very little screen time in the first 4 episodes. Because the moment of seeing Wednesday not conscious, I thought right away, how would Enid react to the situation of Wednesday being in a coma, and the fact that Tyler is the one who did it. Especially after she confessed that she can’t imagine her life without Wednesday in it. Just my speculation, but I don’t think she’s gonna take it too well.  

Let me be honest about this: I get confused by Enid a lot this season. 

In the very first episode, she states that she wants a normal semester and has sworn off bodies. She revealed her goals. Not only that, she was accepted into the pack, and she has Bruno pining after her. She’s got a lot of things going on. However, Wednesday acts as usual, working a mystery, but is using Agnes as a pawn, and suddenly, Enid is threatened by it.  

I don’t think people realized, Enid, in Episode 3, started acting territorial over Wednesday. And even acts jealous and almost possessive.  In episode 4, Enid literally contradicts herself and wants to be a part of a dangerous mission with Wednesday. And Enid was even confronting Wednesday about whether she wanted to be friends anymore. Which I kinda laughed, because it mirrored what she did to Ajax. Ghosting him. Not clarifying whether they are broken up or not. Ajax approaches her in episode 3, wondering when they broke up, so it’s clarified. Then, to have Enid question Wednesday if she wants to be friends anymore, I just burst out laughing. Because Wednesday is doing this entire search for Enid. It’s like watching Enid’s karma unfold on screen. I thought it was an interesting parallel.  But Enid, despite wanting a normal semester, ends up wanting to be a part of the mission to break Fester out of the hospital, to even question about Wednesday making her the look-out, I was asking, “Girl…what are you doing?” And of course, Wednesday doesn’t risk saying no, and she made sure Enid had a safe distance from any danger. But knowing Wednesday, despite the story, the character fully believed the mission was supposed to be easy and flawless. Which is why she convinced Enid to be the lookout and call the Sheriff if anything went wrong. But the silly part is, Wednesday didn’t expect it all to go wrong. But thankfully, Enid did her job well and called the Sheriff's department. 

To be honest, September 3rd is not coming fast enough. I want to see how everything unfolds with the story and Enid and Wednesday’s friendship, because this is too juicy to pass up. 

The Last of Us Season 2 is complete. How do I feel about it since I enjoyed the games and the first season of the series? I absolutely enjoyed every episode and the changes they made for season 2. And I understand fully that this season has its discourse, just like the game. So, I expected the reviews to be divided, regardless of what the creators tried to avoid. I sometimes think the heavier stance is always going to have better results than those who try to soft-blow or dodge backlash. At least to me, it shows a creative, bold stance, and usually I admire that approach more than the other. Therefore, I enjoyed both the series and the games equally, despite what changes they made, and what I didn’t like about what they did with Abby in the series versus the game Abby.

 I enjoyed the changes to Ellie in the series to make her appear more realistic as a 19-year-old. I told my friend older adults like me who are civil aren’t gonna straight-up tell young adults that they are annoying, arrogant, naïve, impulsive, or anything of the sort because, at least I’m aware, or I didn’t forget the experiences of that age, that is a more accurate depiction of a young adult. 

Even my friend and I agreed because we worked in retail for so long that we see people in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s, acting like a bunch of young adults negatively. Not even in the positive. I mean, straight-up, you want to bite your tongue. Or like my friend, he balls his fist, thinking, who wants to knock out that person? Usually a guy. Women are annoying to handle, but dealing with guys is the scariest, because they can do a lot of damage if they lose control of their composure. People just don’t know until they know. Really… all those jobs didn’t pay me anywhere near enough to deal with people’s issues. 

And this brings me to the reason I enjoyed the games so much and the series, which displayed what I enjoyed about that world. Surprisingly enough, I am one of those people who can imagine myself in that world. But not for what people would think. Of course, an apocalypse, even regarding fungus taking over a human body, is frightening as hell, but it’s more about the aftermath of the collapse of societal structures and the destruction of the capital-C-ism. It also showed how individualism is a made-up concept, and it doesn’t work at all in nature.  I always told people the lone-wolf concept is toxic by nature, because they would be dead earlier than the pack working together to protect each other and thrive. A lone wolf is a dead wolf, and a lonely one. 

It shows with Bill. He could get around alone for a while, but he was miserable, and of course, in that episode, it showed what happens if he can’t fend off the raiders alone, and he gets seriously injured. The show doesn’t explicitly show it, but from my perspective, Bill survives his injuries because of Frank. It puts a lot more meaning behind why Bill died, along with Frank. Even though I wouldn’t do it the way the show displayed it, because there are things wrong with it, I can acknowledge what they were trying to convey in this somewhat romantic act. But as a partner, I wouldn’t trust that way to make sure they have a peaceful death. That’s when the sacrifice comes into play in my peaceful way of going to make sure my partner gets the best treatment. Because in reality, whoever passes first, is gonna get the best treatment by their legitimate loved ones in terms of their passing, and probably get the better arrangements. In the Last of Us world, there’s no one else if you live alone like that with only one other person. So, I replayed the scene in my mind, playing as Bill, giving Frank the drugs so he can fall asleep and be unaware of things. Take my pistol and make it clean and quick, and give them the luxury of being buried with absolute care. Then I would go off into the wild in Bill fashion and do a lot of good by thinning out the infected along with the raiders. Nothing is more dangerous than a man who no longer fears death, because they would welcome it so they can be reunited with their loved ones. But that’s just me if I were in that world.

However, there’s some beauty in that world, regarding Jackson. That’s what I was referring to with that I could imagine living in that world. Everyone in that town works as a collective, relying on each other. Every person is important to the livelihood of Jackson. Even Joel, being an experienced killer, could be a contractor again, and help build up Jackson, by fixing and creating new homes as well as using his experience with weapons to protect the settlement with his brother Tommy. I can imagine myself, with the unique skills I have, contributing a lot better in that world and having that sensation of purpose because all the things I do would have true meaning. Because everyone has to work as a collective to survive as well as thrive in that world. And even in Fedra, which is a representation of the F-ism, it still relied on collectivism versus individualism, except it’s forced onto the people to submit and comply. WLF is no different, except there’s the illusion of democracy and freedom, when in reality it still relies on military control and so many more issues. I mean, take your pick on issues, but the best outcome of building a new life post-apocalypse is the Jackson Community.

In the series, you get to see more in-depth how Jackson functions as a collective society. They have a council and town hall meetings to discuss things. You get to see how they handle a crisis together through the stampede of the infected. Therefore, I viewed it as more compelling than the game, because I wanted to see how Jackson would handle threats as such. And I kinda smacked myself in the head when Ellie told Gale the truth, instead of playing into Joel’s white lie, because she was so mad at Joel, and she doesn’t understand how much more devastating things are if you say the exact truth. Lies have their purpose, regardless of what people believe. Gale is practically the worst psychotherapist now, and I don’t know how she was beforehand, but she’s the type of person who needed that lie to keep herself grounded and going. Because the last session with Joel was the worst scene to stomach when you are a patient who needs help, but the therapist weaponized their abilities to hurt people mentally and emotionally. 

Despite what people think of the show, throwing in their identity politics and subjective opinions on the series or even the game, both the series and the game are phenomenally done, regardless of expectations. The series includes many well-thought-out details that are impossible to ignore; for example, the way they created Jackson, Fedra, the WLF, and the Seraphite. The series displays how a threat, such as the Fungus infection, evolves based on spreading. When something wants to spread, it will evolve and adapt to do so. And I enjoy seeing that on the show. 

Now I want season 3, please. 

“Last of Us” fans who’ve played the games and are watching season two likely noticed a key difference between the game and show versions of Ellie, especially in episode five. The Ellie/Nora scene, spoiler alert, lacked the raw anger many expected. Some critics felt the torture scene felt jarring and unearned. This is understandable because the game version of Ellie is known for explosive anger. A good example is the displayed anger in her interactions with Dina after the pregnancy reveal. The game Ellie is visually and emotionally volatile. However, since episode three, the show’s Ellie exhibits a quieter, simmering anger. Notice her facial expressions as she leaves the hospital—a sly grin quickly turning to a deadpan stare. This mirrored her encounter with Nora; both scenes use close-ups to highlight her controlled fury.

Episode 5 changed my perspective on episode 3. Initially, I saw it as filler, but it’s actually packed with foreshadowing. Why introduce Gail, the therapist, and give Seth extra screen time? Even Ellie’s speech to the council about justice—which we know is a lie—is vital. Seth’s speech beforehand felt like a clumsy attempt to appease a grieving daughter. But it was more than that. When he aided Dina and Ellie’s plan against Abby, his sarcastic comment about Ellie’s “justice” speech revealed his awareness of their vengeful scheme. Meaning, he knew perfectly well it wasn’t about justice. And Gail’s conversation with Tommy at the baseball game foreshadowed Ellie’s sinister transformation. Episode 5 connected these threads, highlighting Ellie’s increasingly ruthless pursuit of revenge in a darker, more sinister manner.

However, I need to highlight a lot of the telling about Ellie’s anger. We learn from Dina and Jesse that Ellie has anger management problems, despite not showing them in episode 3 or later episodes. It tells me Ellie used to be explosive. Jesse advising Ellie to write their speech instead of just speak their mind. Dina offering cookies, before telling Ellie the truth about what she knew about the group who killed Joel, knowing Ellie would get reckless. To even Episode 5, when Dina suggested Ellie to not shoot and just run, knowing Ellie usually acts impulsively. But that’s not what we see. We see a more composed Ellie with a sharpness, and hides more behind jokes and playful banter.

Even in episode 1, we see an impulsive Ellie who manipulates Tommy by screaming to vast nothingness that she’s immune to get their way. Tommy said in the show that Ellie is just like Joel. And I’m seeing that more clearly than the game version of Ellie. Joel had a silent rage. He kept his emotions locked in tight and wore a stoic expression. Ellie is mirroring the same now, after Joel’s death. Even though she screwed up with Nora, letting her guard down, which led to the infamous chase throughout the hospital and ended up in the basement with spores, Ellie displayed that silent rage. The deadpan stare, kneeling eye-level with a choking Nora who’s trapped. The context of the scene of Ellie acting in that manner gave me chills because even though Ellie has power now, she maintains the deadpan stare and kneels at eye level with Nora. This is a taunting display. Which feels different from the game version.

To point out the differences in power display, we witness Isaac torturing the Scars, always having his victims lower, as he towers over them. That’s a display of power and control. With children, an adult should kneel at eye-level with the child to mitigate the overpowering stance of power and control. But for an adult, doing that to another adult, especially an adult who’s trapped and slowly getting consumed by the fungus, what does that tell you as a viewer?

Nora knows Ellie’s in control, and Ellie knows she has the upper-hand. This was a final, polite “Where’s Abby?”, before things escalated, the silent rage simmering. Even to torturing point. So, if you expected the game’s explosive anger from Ellie in the series, you’ll be disappointed.

Now for my final thought.

I’m enjoying the series, flaws and all, as a work of art in its own right. Which I will say this outright. I’m frustrated by viewers demanding it mirror the game exactly. Those types of reviewers annoy the hell out of me. Now… The game was great, but the room for improvements was always possible. Game narratives prioritize gameplay, unlike film or TV. So, the series’ changes add realism to it and it makes more sense for on-screen digestion. For instance, the Episode 5 spore sequence vividly depicts the fungus’s evolution, adaptation, and spread—a sense of foreboding the game lacked. Now we get a sense that the stakes are higher along with the jump-scares and action scenes. The game just really had jump-scares and not much of an evolution of the fungus.

Ok, I’m done ranting…

I can’t wait to see Ellie’s reaction after killing Nora. From there, I’ll see where they’ll take the character, moving forward.

WARNING!!! DON'T READ IF SELF-HARM AND DEATH ARE TRIGGERING TOPICS!

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COLD? The aches and shivers overwhelm me, making my joints too tense to endure. It’s a grip tightening tension to where I just want to say ‘F-this’ and give up. The priest had already said his last prayers and final guidance as if he understood my soul needed peace for the long night ahead.  A Rabi came before him, offering solemn words not too long ago, which was strange to have both visit me within an hour before visitations ended.

Life wasn’t so grim at this peaceful hour with only the Asian Nurse and I in this dim sterile scented room. The heart monitor lays silent and the wires and I.V. lines didn’t seem as apparent with how exhausting staying awake became. Her blue scrubs faded in and out, with her long silk black hair loose as she pinched a butterfly needle into my already bruised forearm, trying to hunt for a vein that had enough blood to take for another round of testing. Yet again, always leaving another mark with each try.  Both arms jacked-up like a junkie with no mercy to how sore it stung under my skin; raw and tender as my soul wanting to leave this broken body behind.

The Nurse notices my discomfort and decides to pull a chair from the corner, and drags it to the side of the bed to sit on. She lays her hand over mine and gently holds it, not really saying anything.

“I’m tired,” I sigh.

“Then sleep a little.”

“Can I have some water now?”

“Not until morning,” she rejects.

‘Fuck the morning’ I said to myself, thinking it had been twelve hours already since I guzzled a bottle of the Grim Reapers peach tea. Nasty as fucking hell. Why did I do it again?

At this point, who cares, right?  Death himself has been lurking in that same shadowy corner since they brought me here. The blackness of his presence was waiting for me tonight with his shadow creeping across the floor, stretching closer with every hour towards my bedside. And with every inch the coldness began to fade.

Who said death was agonizing and frightening, when all I sense is peace from what it offers. I just want to fall into an endless sleep with how comforting the tension eases, and my eyelids began to weigh heavy enough to seal shut completely with how hard it became to stay awake. As I let go, they finally collapse, and my mind separates from reality by falling into a soothing slumber.

“Do you really want to sleep?” an ominous voice asks. “Is this what you really want…? To leave me searching forever and never finding you.” Her disappointed tone draws me into a dream of only white light. “Do you really want to leave me this much?”

“What’s the point anyway…? I’m tired.”

“So, what you said before about deciding when it’s your time to go… was that a lie? Are you gonna let yourself give up now after promising me that we will find each other.  Were you just lying about how strong you are?”

“I thought I was strong enough to endure this life, but I overestimated everything.”

“What about me, then? What am I supposed to do? Never find you. Tell me if that’s even fair at all.”

“Sorry… I know it’s unfair to you. It just hurts so much.”

“I know… but you have to keep your word—what we promised, okay? Give me time and I will find you. Believe in me.  I will find you. Then we can finally be together in this life.”

“That sounds nice…”

“It is… Just wait a little longer, okay.”

“If you say so…”

“Promise me!”

“I promise.”

“Good! Now wake up!”

Suddenly, my eyes open to the morning light beaming in through the shadeless windows, welcoming me back into the world once again. The nurse walks in. “Looks like your liver enzymes are stabilizing.” She’s holding a paper cup in one hand. “You can have some water now.”

I’ll wait for you…

To any reader,

The first thought that comes to mind about what this short story is about is likely the correct one.

I've always been inclined to write from the darker end of the spectrum. Some people in my life even say I'm just a delicious, hopeless, dark romantic. It can come across in that way, but this is just how I utilize emotions and how I phrase things when I can't come up with simpler words to describe it. However, ever since I was a kid, I've always set foot into nihilism, realism, and pessimism alongside esoteric beliefs/spiritualism. It's why I resonated more with writers who delved into the darker aspects of the psyche and the complexities of humanity. I don't suppress the darker aspects of myself, which is why certain stanzas of my poetry stand out the most in describing myself.

"I am now a shield and sword in this game of trivials, Becoming friends with the beast instead of sparring rivals."

It's much more liberating to accept all aspects of myself because, like in another stanza I wrote before this one, it describes perfectly when certain aspects of myself are left unchecked.

"Sins of a beast leaves trails of ruin, Love withers away and splits apart at the seams, Until I can no longer wear the mask with dignity."

Just this morning, I was reminded of how some shows used to portray the development of two female characters’ friendship in such a natural way that it could be perceived as a romantic relationship. In the past, homosexuality wasn’t widely accepted in the media, and although we still have a long way to go, things are gradually changing. However, in those earlier shows, they created organic same-sex friendships with subtle hints of something more. For instance, a kiss between two same-sex characters might be hidden behind a situation, like one of them being in a cursed slumber and being kissed on the lips by their same-sex best friend. Even though these characters were the protagonists of the series, they were never explicitly portrayed as a couple or reached the point of their friendship turning romantic, despite having a firm foundation for it.

There are two series that depict female protagonists who develop a deep bond with their same-sex best friend. In one series, it is not specified that they are in a romantic relationship, while in the other series, romance is never explored. These two series are Xena: Warrior Princess and CW’s Supergirl.

Throughout the six seasons of Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena and Gabrielle become the best same-sex couple without explicitly acknowledging their relationship on screen. However, there are many scenes in season one and especially in season six that strongly suggest their romantic connection. Unfortunately, societal homophobia often limits their expression of love.

In the show, male characters are introduced as romantic interests for both Xena and Gabrielle, but these relationships are short-lived and lack depth. The bond between Gabrielle and Xena, on the other hand, remains consistently wholesome throughout each episode and season. Later in the show, it is revealed that they are soulmates and they even share parental responsibilities for a brief period. They do share kisses, but only under certain circumstances. Their influence on each other’s journey is profound, as they support and rescue one another when needed.

It is interesting to note that despite the show being set in ancient Greece and Rome, both known for their bohemian lifestyles, same-sex relationships are not openly depicted. This is ironic, considering the prevalence of such relationships during that era. In fact, there were many same-sex romantic exchanges among men, especially among soldiers, as part of their rite of passage. However, accounts of same-sex relationships involving women were often disregarded, similar to how Japanese culture primarily focuses on documenting same-sex relationships among men, overlooking those among women.

Now, with the addition of Supergirl, we are introduced to Lena Luther and Kara Danvers, also known as Supergirl. Throughout the show, there is a notable representation of sapphic relationships through Alex Danvers, Kara’s older sister. However, the most natural progression can be seen between Lena and Kara. Their bond had the potential to develop into a beautiful and slow-burning romance, but unfortunately, it did not come to fruition. I firmly believe that the creators did not want to depict two leading ladies in a romantic relationship with each other, even though the audience witnessed these characters laying the foundation for one. Some may argue that their connection is simply a loving friendship, but it is important to remember that a romantic relationship is often built upon a firm foundation of friendship. A successful relationship requires more than just physical intimacy; it needs support, trust, emotional closeness, and genuine care for one another.

Just like in Xena: Warrior Princess with Gabriella and Xena, getting tossed flat male relationships to appease the audience with some form of romance, the same issue occurred in Supergirl. The male romances introduced to Lena and even Kara fell flat. I think the writers probably wanted to write Lena and Kara getting together, but they couldn’t get that to happen. Maybe the media’s ingrained homophobia prevented the writers from pairing the two leading ladies. Who knows, really?!

I want to clarify that I am not against straight relationships when comparing these two series. I actually enjoy well-executed romance between heterosexual characters, but only in series that display them with quality, because not all series portray it effectively. On the other hand, some series do an excellent job. One example is “The Outpost,” a sci-fi fantasy series exclusive to CW. Surprisingly, the best romantic developments occur between the supporting characters, like Munt and Warlita. When their relationship finally blossoms, they become the cutest couple on the show. Munt’s character growth is satisfying to watch, as he initially appears as just the muscle of the show and a bit dim-witted. However, he later reveals his heart of gold, which makes his romantic evolution with Warlita even more heartwarming. Another well-developed romantic relationship is between Janzo and Wren, who even have a child together in the show. Unfortunately, the series fails to give Janzo and Munt their own weddings. Instead, Talon and Spears, who I personally found to be the least believable couple, receive a wedding at the end. I’m not a fan of the trope of ending a series with a wedding, as it feels overused. Additionally, combining Talon’s coronation and wedding to Spears felt forced and unnecessary. I preferred Talon’s character as a lone queen who would heal a nation, rather than being tied to a romantic partner. It’s disappointing to see the writers mishandle the romance between Talon and Spears, especially when they were able to create a more emotionally intimate bond between Talon and Qwynn. It’s interesting that they can create better emotional bonds between women but have an issue with hetero romances among the main characters.

By the way, not all main characters need a romantic ending or pairing for a satisfying conclusion. In fact, I can already envision Talon and Spears getting a divorce. They were the worst couple in the show, and I’m never going to change my mind about that. Personally, I would have been happier to see Munt and Warlita or Janzo and Wren receive a wedding. It’s frustrating that the supporting characters were denied a happy ending. It just makes little sense to me how these shows are written.

I believe that CW rarely focuses on developing strong romantic relationships for their main characters. I’m talking about legit quality that makes your mouth water and I’ve seen quite a bit of their stuff. They have a lot more misses than hits. However, it is entertaining to see the supporting characters shine in some of their series. This is why it’s disappointing to me that Lena and Kara never got the chance to explore their romance, even though it seemed like they were naturally heading in that direction. It’s frustrating when media fails to prioritize and properly develop these meaningful relationships between certain characters on screen.

Another example of this is “The Legend of Korra,” although it aired on a different channel. In Seasons 3 and 4, we saw the relationship between Asami and Korra grow, but it was always subtly portrayed and only hinted at their friendship evolving into something more. Especially in the ending scene of Season 4, when Asami and Korra entered the spirit gate and shared a meaningful gaze, many people’s instincts told them there was a romantic connection. Even my gaydar flared and I’m an oblivious person. So, the release of the comic “The Turf Wars” confirmed that they were indeed interested in each other romantically and could finally be together as a couple.

To wrap up this blog filled with my random thoughts, I must voice my annoyance with the lack of representation and openness regarding same-sex relationships among the main characters in a certain series. I’m talking about mainstream, not independent. It would truly be miraculous if we could progress beyond homophobia and openly acknowledge the relationship status of these characters. Fortunately, we are making some progress, but slowly. A notable example of this is seen in “Interview With The Vampire,” where two male vampires were depicted as being in a domestic relationship and were the central focus of the story. Despite it displaying an abusive relationship, all scenes of Louis and Lestat are believable and delicious to watch. So, why can’t we also see a more mainstream series featuring two female main characters developing into a sapphic relationship, but done with the same organic quality and build up just like Lena and Kara, Xena and Gabrielle, and even Korra and Asami, with actual satisfying endings.

I hope nobody ever brings up foreign shows, because I’ve seen quite a few and they also have their problems, particularly with toxic tropes, internalized misogyny, and those awful scene ideas that some series showcased, completely ruining the show for me. I mean, seriously, what were they thinking? I’m talking about scenes that were just beyond unrealistic. And don’t even get me started on how so many GL shows end with a wedding.

The women in Arcane League of Legends are some of the best developed animated characters I’ve seen in a long time, specifically designed for adults to watch. Unlike animated characters aimed at children, they cater to an older audience. As someone who enjoys animation and appreciates the quality of storytelling it offers, I want to explore something fun in this blog: using the female characters as an example. My focus will be on whether they would make compatible companions for me. To illustrate this, I’ll draw from my own preferences and experiences, particularly when discussing the qualities of each character. Ultimately, I’ll be determining who fits my standards of being girlfriend material and who doesn’t.

Before I dive in, I want to point out, in the series, Caitlyn and Violet stood out as the more explicit couple. However, Jayce’s relationship with Mel was not as clear-cut. While they hooked up, they were not explicitly a couple. On the other hand, Jayce and Viktor had a stronger, more established connection.

In my opinion, Viktor and Jayce are actually a compatible couple. It’s clear that they were into each other. Although the writers didn’t explicitly state it, Jayce seemed to be attracted to Viktor and displayed a bisexual inclination.

Viktor, on the other hand, is an enigma. He was never interested in Sky. Actually, for a second, I thought Viktor was asexual. However, I soon realized he had a soft spot for Jayce. Viktor probably is Asexual, but it’s important to note that Asexuals can love and be in a healthy relationship as well. But who really knows what Viktor’s sexuality truly is?

But come on, who spends their lifetime trying to get Jayce to save his version of Viktor by convincing him of his beauty, imperfections, and all? It’s worth mentioning that Jayce, in season one, wanted to un-alive himself, and guess who stopped him? Viktor. Throughout seasons one and two, Jayce constantly thinks about Viktor, even during the sex scene with Mel. That’s not just bro love, that’s love-love. It’s a love shared between companions.

However, when it comes to Cait and Vi, in reality, their relationship would never work. Their communication with each other is not the best. And let’s not forget that Cait looks down on the people from Zaun. As for Vi, she herself holds no allegiance to any nation or people. Her love is conditional, not unconditional. That’s why the two women in her life went through a growth phase and changed into people she didn’t like. Vi was judgmental and lacked acceptance. How can two judgmental people be together romantically? They can’t. That’s why Arcane is fiction. Furthermore, Cait completely ignores the fact that Vi is a lower-class citizen from Zaun.

Can you imagine your romantic partner ignoring your heritage, culture, and where you come from, only seeing you as an exception because of their desire for you? This imbalance of chemistry ruling the mind too much and reason too little is problematic. Both individuals are allowing chemistry to guide their decisions, despite underlying issues that would not work in reality. It’s similar to what Vi mentioned to Cait in season one - they are like oil and water. From my perspective, I can confidently state that the composition of oil cannot be changed. While oil and water can temporarily bind with certain tools, they will eventually separate. Cait and Vi, in reality, form a toxic mix. In the show, they serve as red flags to be mindful of. Although they are both attractive characters and share chemistry, these factors alone do not sustain a long-term relationship. Thus, I believe Jayce and Viktor serve as a better example of a compatible couple in the story compared to Vi and Cait.

Now that I have finished explaining my thoughts on the better couple, let’s shift our focus to the characters who I believe are capable of building a lasting romantic relationship. Additionally, I will discuss the reasons for considering these characters and also highlight the ones that should be avoided without any exceptions.

Ambessa

Regardless of how anyone chooses to frame it, Ambessa is a woman to be avoided. Once I discovered the inspiration behind her character, I realized she’s someone we can learn a great deal from. It’s important to be cautious of anyone who finds themselves attracted to her persona. In essence, Ambessa is the female equivalent of Niccolò Machiavelli. The writers were quite clever in their portrayal. They had Ambessa teach Mel about embodying both the Fox and the Wolf, while Machiavelli spoke of being both the Fox and the Lion. Though the terminology differs, the underlying mentality remains the same. The aim is to disable enemies enough so they won’t feel compelled to get revenge. That’s why Ambessa is merciless toward civilians of an empire she takes over. Manipulation is the focal point. Ambessa and Machiavelli share traits such as violence, deceit, treachery, and using others to their advantage. Ambessa passed on these characteristics to her daughter as well.

Now this moves on to Mel.

Mel is another red flag for the very reason I mention her mother as someone to stay away from. While she may have a caring side to some degree, in reality, she’s manipulative. Nonetheless, there are positive traits that can help redeem her negative qualities, allowing her to use them for good. However, I wouldn’t risk myself on that notion unless there was a clear sign it would end up okay.

On the one hand, she can change and not be like her mother. But on the other hand, in the series, it’s something I wouldn’t count on too much. I do give her praise for helping fight Ambessa, but I would still tread cautiously in a romantic relationship with this character. She can swing in either direction, depending on the influences.

Therefore, Mel is a gamble at this point. Getting involved with her could potentially lead her partners into terrible circumstances, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Next on this following, the no-compatible trend is Violet/Vi.

The only good thing about Vi as a character, based on my preferences and opinions, is her strength and protective nature. While some may find her attractive, her personality is lackluster. She uses humor as a coping mechanism, but it’s clear that she’s struggling with her own problems. As I mentioned earlier, she’s conditional, meaning she can’t accept her partner changing or evolving. This reminds me of people who resist change and hold onto toxic fantasies and memories, leading to disastrous situations. For instance, Powder, also known as Jinx, wouldn’t have had to save Vi if she had accepted that Vander was gone. Furthermore, Vi lacks loyalty. Her transformation into an enforcer for Piltover exemplifies her chameleon-like nature, lacking a solid individuality. You know those people who change their looks to fit their partner’s tastes? Vi acts like them. Many celebrities engage in this behavior, altering their appearances and personalities according to their partners, but it’s not healthy. Additionally, Vi is not a good listener. Although she is comfortable talking about herself and being vulnerable with certain people, she is oblivious to her partner’s issues. Unfortunately, Vi is too mundane to keep me interested. Her interests revolve around fighting and being tough, lacking the complexities that make a character intriguing. It’s no surprise that Cait told her she was becoming predictable. I can’t help but think, “Cait, she’s been predictable since season one. She is the most transparent character in Arcane.” I have to be honest about this. Vi is just not a mystery, and some people, like myself, enjoy unraveling the complexities of a romantic interest. So, what happens if there’s none of that? Well, there’s only sex. While some people may solely be interested in the physical aspect, that’s not me.

Next on this list is Sevika.

If there’s one goon worthy of falling in love with, it would undoubtedly be Sevika. Despite her involvement in illegal activities, particularly under Silco’s command, she embodies the true meaning of loyalty. Sevika’s allegiance has always been unwavering towards her nation and its people. She aligns herself with leaders who prioritize this quality, such as Vander, until she discovered his lack of loyalty to the community. Sevika, on the other hand, takes immense pride in her work. Even though Silco held the reins of power, she efficiently managed the lanes, ensuring that everything ran smoothly for him. She was the driving force behind the functioning of businesses and the well-being of the people. Despite tempting offers from the power-hungry chembarons, Sevika remained loyal to Silco. In season two, when the chembarons sought to hand Jinx over to Piltover, Sevika stood firm in her belief to never betray their own. Additionally, Sevika possesses a softer side. Her concern for Isha was clear when she and Jinx searched the prison block for her. Sevika’s help in helping Jinx infiltrate Stillwater prison to rescue Isha showcases her compassion. It’s worth noting that their primary aim was to find Isha, with freeing the others being an added bonus. Sevika is not only a protector, but also someone who speaks her mind. Her bluntness stems from a genuine desire to do what is right. Despite her interest in gambling and fighting, she remains a complex and captivating character because of her grounded nature and unwavering principles. For me, Sevika is a dependable partner, someone who can smoothly navigate everyday life. The best part is that I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. She is resolute and unswayed by others, and her loyalty is an incredibly attractive quality. With Sevika, there would be no insecurity or fear of infidelity. She would stand by her partner’s side, no matter what.

Now let us move on to Caitlyn, aka Cait.

You would think that I would place Cait after Vi or before Sevika, considering I talked some trash about her. I mean, Cait is a character who tends to look down on others when unfortunate events challenge her perspective. However, I attribute this primarily to her sheltered life and the naiveness that resulted from her mother not teaching her the harsh realities of the world. I have to admit, Cait’s mother never instilled in her the importance of holding a higher position in life to effect change. The elites hold power over the lower class. So, when Cait was disgusted by how the Undercity residents lived, she failed to realize that it was the upper-crust of Piltover who was responsible for their plight. Instead, when she witnessed the consequences of inequality and the oppression faced by these people, her mind automatically labeled them as animals. Consequently, she dehumanized them. In season 2, she even resorted to using biological warfare tactics in her pursuit of Jinx in the Undercity, disregarding the well-being of innocent citizens. I’m fairly certain there were casualties resulting from her use of the grey. So, when you really think about it, she may have caused more deaths than Jinx. Now, why would I mention Cait, after praising Sevika’s admirable qualities? Well, despite Cait’s transformation into a dictator, there are certain positive aspects about her that I cannot overlook. One of them being her empathy and capacity for compassion when she gains a deeper understanding of things. Her world was shattered in season one, having been betrayed by a citizen of the Undercity for shimmer and taken captive by Jinx in her most vulnerable state. That’s a lot of trauma to endure. Furthermore, she witnessed Jinx launching a rocket at the council. However, in season two, Jinx confessed to Cait that she had no idea her mother was there. This goes to show that Cait is not immune to narrow-minded thinking.

Cait is known for being super analytical and her ability to read people. She pays close attention to those around her, unless she’s consumed with thoughts of revenge. Unfortunately, this obsession blinds her to those who manipulate her, which ultimately led to her letting Maddie and Ambessa into her home. On the other hand, when Cait is not seeking revenge, she genuinely cares about the people close to her and is willing to help them, even if it means sacrificing material things.

One person Cait has a good understanding of is Vi. She can predict Vi’s actions, showing just how observant she is. Cait is not only attentive to her partner, but she also acts as a protector in her own unique way. While she may not possess Vi’s brute force, she adapts and learns new techniques to become a more efficient fighter and protector. She even goes as far as sacrificing her own eye to ensure Mel’s victory over Ambessa.

Like Cait, I can relate to making tough decisions and doing whatever it takes to accomplish goals. Cait maintains a stoic demeanor, but she let her guard down with the people she trusts. Additionally, Cait’s intellect might actually make her a captivating conversationalist, despite her privileged upbringing, which I like that. Her marksmanship skills and classy demeanor add to her appeal. It’s worth noting that in season one, Cait went through a rebellious phase as she sought to find her own path outside of her elite status. This quality is truly admirable. Actually, it’s cute.

Cait handles challenges exceptionally well, especially when faced with skepticism and lack of support. She takes initiative and is willing to take risks to achieve her objectives, refusing to let anyone stand in her way. While it’s unclear if Cait is capable of loving someone unconditionally, her love for Vi suggests that she is. However, Cait needs to acknowledge and embrace Vi’s background, understanding that Zaun and the Undercity have both good and bad individuals, just like Piltover. Cait’s ability to love someone less fortunate than herself is a testament to her character.

I must admit, I have a soft spot for characters like Cait.

Now let us move on to Powder, aka Jinx.

I love both Powder/Jinx. Although they are the same person, my love for them is unconditional. It’s not surprising that Ekko had a crush on Powder when they were kids. Powder is incredibly creative and practically a scientist and engineer, as she creates her own weapons. For instance, she designed her own grenades and crafted guns that perfectly suit her fighting style. Whether she goes by Powder or Jinx, she always likes to make a grand entrance. Even in the alternate universe, Powder showcased her true character - caring, thoughtful, loving, compassionate, and empathetic. There’s just so much to adore about her. Despite her possessiveness, it stems from her fear of abandonment. She simply wants to be useful to those around her. Unfortunately, Vi never really nurtured this side of Powder, and allowing others to bully her didn’t help either. It’s disheartening that we had to witness an alternate universe where Vi is no longer alive to see Powder rise and become the leader. In that reality, she became a solid foundation for her brothers, Mylo and Claggor, and they no longer belittle her, as shown. She even prevented Mylo from embarrassing himself in front of a girl. It’s a stark contrast to the world where Vi is still present. Powder is a vibrant individual with excellent taste in music. She embraces her quirkiness, loudness, and expressiveness. Her thoughtfulness and adorableness shine through when she customized an arm for Sevika based on her gambling habits. Powder pays attention to people and their interests. She even drew in Ekko’s journal, similar to how someone in love would leave love notes for their partner, except hers were cute doodles with hearts. Although she is young in this series, Powder, also known as Jinx, possesses many qualities that could lead to a fulfilling long-term relationship.

Despite the trauma and everything else going on with Piltover versus Zaun, the qualities are still there. Jinx, in particular, exhibits selflessness when the situation demands it. She has shown her willingness to protect those in need, which is commendable. In fact, she offers more positive support than Vi ever did, as evidenced by her actions towards Isha. When Isha had a memory flashback, similar to the one Jinx experienced in Season one, Jinx jumped alongside her, holding her hand. It is clear that Jinx can use her past experiences to forge stronger connections with others in the future. She strives to do things that were not done for her in the past, seeking to provide the support she longed for. This growth from past mistakes shows her commitment to personal development.

Furthermore, Jinx possesses a unique way of being a protector. While she may not have the physical strength of Vi, she compensates with her craftiness and agility. Using her skills as an intuitive gunslinger, she leverages speed and precision to her advantage. This is why I believed that Jinx and Caitlyn would have been a better match as a long-term couple. They complement each other perfectly. Caitlyn desires someone who will stand beside her, and Jinx has that persona to be that person. Not to mention the loyalty factor. Jinx yearns to be useful, always ready to lend a hand to those who appreciate her presence.

Moreover, let’s not forget that Powder can be quite the gangster. Her entrance with the balloon blasting her music was absolutely hilarious. The expressions on Ambessa’s and Caitlyn’s faces were priceless. We should be grateful for her stylish, yet badass persona.

Conclusion:

LGBTQIA+ representation in media has historically been mostly terrible, with only a few exceptions. However, there is an overwhelming abundance of harmful tropes. Although I’m tempted to express my frustration with the Cis Hetero community for constantly promoting hetero-normative propaganda, I’m supposed to hold my tongue. What bothers me the most is when people complain about diversity being forced upon them and dismiss it as “woke” nonsense. I really want to tell them that I have been bombarded with hetero-patriarchal, misogynistic, and gender role propaganda since birth. How is that any different? It’s just the opposite side of the same coin, yet they fail to realize that they are the villains in someone else’s story. Furthermore, the distressing amount of misrepresentation of Lesbians, Gays, Trans, Asexuals, Bisexuals, and others is incredibly disheartening. The entertainment industry’s use of queer-baiting to attract the LGBTQ+ community is the worst tactic. I remember watching countless films and TV series where we were portrayed as exaggerated side characters with no depth. Even worse, we were often killed off or depicted as predators. We were used as the butt of jokes, ridiculed in various ways, and subjected to disgusting scenes for comedic effect. Let’s face it, discrimination is still rampant today. People with rigid and narrow perspectives see everyone as the same, disregarding individuality.

I didn’t enjoy watching lesbian characters being depicted as predators to other women. It bothered me because I knew there would be consequences based on who watched it. After all, there are a lot more heterosexual predators in the world than lesbians. So, how do you think this would go? A heterosexual woman might believe that a good majority are predatory. It’s frustrating when women have said to me, which has happened before, “I’m so glad you’re not a predator.” And to make matters worse, these women were heterosexual. I looked at them in disbelief, thinking, “Are you serious right now?” I can understand that some lesbians, although very few and not even a fraction of the population, may have boundary issues. But to generalize and assume that all lesbians are predators? It’s just not fair. It really struck a chord with me when I heard that sentence, because I don’t like it when people lump the very few mentally ill individuals and automatically think they represent the majority of lesbians or bisexuals. By the way, bisexuals are the most assaulted in society. Just something to keep in mind. Okay!

The issue arises when heterosexual characters in films and TV exhibit predatory behavior towards women. As someone who has watched many classic Westerns, I was taken aback by how the writers portrayed men committing criminal acts against women. These actions were presented as entertainment, and it is disheartening that viewers at that time saw nothing wrong with it. Even in heterosexual romantic comedies, male characters often resort to coercion to win women over or persuade them into intimate encounters. It is difficult to understand how this has become normalized. The power of entertainment to shape people’s minds is undeniable. It is the very reason why I had to venture into the depths of the internet universe, seeking out like-minded individuals in order to access shows and films that were not available in my country. Unfortunately, many of these stories ended tragically, with characters succumbing to cancer or meeting a violent demise. Though there were a few instances of happy endings, they were far outnumbered by the negative outcomes.

I also despised the way they labeled a woman as a lesbian character in the 90s, only to later show her dating men. It made me question why they couldn’t call her bisexual, but then I remembered how bi-phobic people can be. It’s frustrating how the entertainment industry loves featuring lesbians, but often fails to accurately represent them. Most of the time, they end up writing bisexual characters, but they seem to prefer portraying lesbians as villains, killing them off, or having them fall in love with men, perpetuating the harmful notion that the right guy can change someone’s sexual orientation. As a non-hypersexual, demisexual lesbian, this lack of proper representation is even more disheartening. One particular episode of “House” really bothered me with how they treated an asexual character, claiming that it’s only natural to constantly desire someone. I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Excuse me! What’s wrong with not constantly focusing on sex?” It’s frustrating to see writers come up with such nonsense. Although shows like “Dexter” were entertaining, it baffles me why they had to make the main character asexual. Thankfully, there are some examples of better representation, like Bojack and Entrapta from She-Ra.

However, it’s worth noting that these are animated characters, and it’s disconcerting that cartoons often get representation right more often than live-action shows. Even the portrayal of characters with disabilities is often more accurate and respectful in animated works.

My focus and fixation once again revolve around Jinx and Caitlyn. They are my so-called imaginary power couple in the messed up world of Arcane. However, hear me out, Cait is not portrayed as a hero in this show. In my opinion, she is even worse than Jinx. I mean, she’s on a whole other level of villainy. It’s mind-boggling.

One of my friends, who I got addicted to the show, believes that Vi is worse than her sister Jinx when it comes to being afflicted by mental illness. He argues this because Vi punched two kids, Powder and Isha. Initially, I tried to convince him to give Vi the benefit of the doubt. One incident was an emotional response, and the other happened because Isha bit her. However, after reflecting on it and watching how Vi treated her sister throughout season one and the first 3 episodes of season 2, I now see what he means. Vi lacks compassion and empathy, especially towards her sister. Unlike Powder, who unconditionally loves Vi even as Jinx. Powder killed Silco because he was going to shoot Vi.

As for Caitlyn, despite showing moments of compassion here and there, deep down, she didn’t truly possess it. I attribute it to her naivety. That scene with Maddie in her bed in episode 4 was so unexpected and hilarious. It made me laugh so hard. Even in their conversation, Caitlyn seemed cold towards Maddie. I interpreted her words as covertly expressing her boredom with their relationship. It was cringe-worthy to watch Maddie not taking the hint at all. “Girl, she’s not interested. Stop trying. She doesn’t care.” And then Cait got up and left. I had to pause the show because I couldn’t stop laughing. Cait is like a full-fledged dictator.

Okay, listen up. I need you to read this carefully. Caitlyn, with a personal vendetta against Jinx, resorted to using chemical warfare in the Undercity. She poisoned innocent people, completely disregarding the fact that her own mother had tried to improve the conditions there. Remember those vents her mother created to provide fresh air and combat the sickness caused by the “Gray” in the air? Well, Caitlyn went ahead and used the same harmful substances on the citizens of Zaun while hunting down Jinx. It’s just so wrong on so many levels.

Now, Vander once told Vi that she had a good heart. I couldn’t help but wonder how that could be possible. Vi punched her own sister, abandoned her, got captured by the Sheriff, and was thrown into Stillwater with no one knowing her whereabouts. Then Caitlyn shows up, releases Vi, and enlists her help in navigating the treacherous Undercity. But even there, Vi tries to ditch Caitlyn and repeats the same mistakes she made with Jinx, which we all know didn’t end well. On top of that, Vi gets injured by Auntie Sevika, and Caitlyn, who can be compassionate at times, but also lets her high status and naivety cloud her judgment, provides her with medical treatment.

It’s frustrating to see that Caitlyn fails to fully comprehend the privilege she holds. She doesn’t seem to grasp that Piltover, her mother, and the other council members played a significant role in the state of the Undercity and the violence that plagues it right under their noses. Even in season 2, she continues to overlook her privilege and forces Vi to choose between Zaun and Piltover. Vi, who is easily influenced at this point, chooses her girlfriend, but failing to realize Cait only tolerates the Zaunites mainly due to their relationship. Not because she truly cares. But even during the tea party scene in the last episode of season one, Caitlyn lacks genuine compassion or empathy for Jinx, despite the fact that Jinx has suffered the most. Jinx even protected Vi from getting shot by Silco, the woman Cait supposedly is or was in love with.

It’s disheartening to see Vi constantly resorting to violence and repeatedly telling Powder that she’s no longer her sister and that she’s a monster. All the while, she fails to fully acknowledge that Powder has been under the care and manipulation of Silco. And we can’t forget that she has trauma and other mental health issues and isn’t seeing the world clearly at all. Jinx hallucinated when she’s overly stressed and triggered, and she was loaded with Shimmer because she nearly died and it was the only thing that saved her life, for what, to continue to suffer.

As we approach the end of season 2, I find myself contemplating who the true villains of this story are. To be honest, they all exist in shades of gray, constantly fluctuating between darkness and something slightly less sinister. Even Caitlyn is not exempt from this. In fact, she may be worse than Jinx in some ways. While Jinx caused relatively minimal harm in season one, Caitlyn, under her marshal law, has inflicted significant suffering upon Zaun in her relentless pursuit of Jinx.

It’s important to note that most of Jinx’s killings in season one were carried out under the influence of Silco. She wanted to fulfill Silco’s desires, namely, securing Zaun’s independence. She never truly believed in Silco’s cause, but she craved a sense of usefulness and acceptance from her father figure. This internal conflict of wanting to be needed and valued led her to create a destructive weapon for Silco. And in the end, she used it as a way to cope with the guilt and shame of killing him. Despite his claims of love and loyalty, Silco didn’t leave Jinx with many alternatives. She needed an outlet for her grief over her sister seeing her as a monster and the pain of taking the life of the only person who embraced her, flaws and all.

This is precisely why Arcane is such a heart-wrenching series to watch. The characters and their emotions are incredibly complex. Jinx, in particular, never seems to catch a break.

In Season 2, we had the opportunity to witness her actively working towards fixing things. She turned over a new leaf by taking care of Isha, becoming a sister, a motherly figure, and a friend. It was something she was determined not to mess up, and believe me, Jinx did an incredible job as a mother during the time she spent with Isha. In fact, she outshone Silco, Vi, and Vander combined when it came to ensuring Isha’s well-being. This is why I affectionately refer to Sevika as Auntie Sevika, because she truly acted like a concerned family figure, especially when she and Jinx were searching for Isha in the prison block. Those scenes will always hold a special place in my heart.

But let’s go back to Jinx’s role as a good sister and motherly figure. She transformed her lair, making it more vibrant and colorful. She even created a cozy nook for Isha to sleep in, which was a significant improvement from Jinx’s own childhood spent in a dreary room with a bunk bed. Jinx made sure to spend quality time playing with Isha, and they developed a unique way of communicating since Isha was non-verbal. Jinx struck the perfect balance of granting Isha independence to help her grow and adapt in their harsh world, while still ensuring that she didn’t take on tasks beyond her capabilities as a child.

I witnessed this dynamic in action during a dire situation in the prison when Warwick entered and started killing the guards. Jinx immediately ordered Sevika to get Isha out of there. It was heart-wrenching to see Isha crying and not wanting to be separated from Jinx. But Jinx, selflessly sacrificing herself, fought Warwick alone to buy time for Sevika to escape with Isha.

In episode 5, an interesting moment occurs when Vi reactively hits Isha, causing her nose to bleed. Immediately, Jinx gets up to check on her. This is when it becomes apparent that Vi is realizing her sister is changing and that she is not the monster she believed her to be, regardless of what happened in season one. It’s actually quite satisfying to see Vi’s perspective shift and her self-righteousness knocked off its pedestal.

Moving on to episode 6, we witness Jinx’s growing trust in Isha as she assigns her small missions, such as fetching her gun and sneaking it into Viktor’s camp. Throughout the process, Jinx closely observes Isha through a spyglass and even praises her. It’s a fascinating development that showcases the evolving dynamics between these characters.

Now, let’s talk about Cait. Although she puts Singe to sleep with a chokehold, it becomes clear that she only did it for Vi. However, this decision leads to Ambessa’s right-hand man putting Cait in a one-handed chokehold. And guess who comes to Cait’s rescue? That’s right, Jinx. It’s worth noting that Jinx nearly dies herself if it weren’t for Vander waking up and blocking the glaive from hitting his daughter. When Cait wakes up, she’s surprised to see Jinx. I couldn’t help but laugh at Cait’s confusion because she’s been saved by the very person she’s been hunting. It’s a moment that calls for reflection on Cait’s part.

Overall, these events in the episodes highlight the complex relationships and character growth that is taking place.

Although Cait lost her mother because of Jinx’s actions. Let us be real about this. Jinx didn’t consider who was present in the council room. Her primary goal was to destroy the building, as it represented her torment and Silco’s desires. However, the loss that Jinx experienced with Isha sacrificing herself is distinctly different. Jinx witnessed the entire event and desperately wanted to intervene, or at least take part, but Vi prevented her from doing so. Vi held onto Jinx, preventing her from joining the tragic scene. As a result, Jinx had to helplessly observe her sister, daughter, and best friend being consumed by the explosion. While Cait may have lost her mother, Jinx lost everything. She lost the person who gave her purpose and the motivation to heal and become a better individual. Additionally, she lost Vander, her second adopted father, during this process. Frankly speaking, Jinx is not obligated to assist Piltover or Vi in any way. She doesn’t owe anyone anything. However, she might embrace her role as the leader that Sevika sees her as, considering Sevika’s loyalty and willingness to follow Jinx’s orders. Sevika showed her loyalty by informing Jinx about Isha’s capture and aiding Jinx in breaking into the prison to ensure Isha’s safety. If Jinx helps, it will be for her own personal reasons rather than any sense of obligation.

I am truly fixated on Arcane this month. This coming Saturday marks the release of Act 3 of Season 2, and I am eagerly anticipating what will unfold. The beauty of it all lies in the uncertainty; I have no clue what to expect. The events of Act 2 with Isha caught me completely off guard. I mean, seriously, who saw that coming? It was a curveball unlike any other. However, amidst the surprising twists, there were several standout moments, particularly Jinx’s redemption arc. She has truly emerged as the hero of this season. Contrary to popular belief, she was technically the hero of the first season as well. Let’s not forget that Piltover has been oppressive towards Zaun for far too long. The economic inequality between the two cities has driven Zaun to its current state, and the council of Piltover has been corrupted to its core. I firmly stand by this allegation. Zaun’s people have suffered immensely at the hands of the elite, breathing in poison daily…literally. Because of the exploitation, they have been forced into criminal activities and violence just to survive, leaving innocent children like Vi and Powder to endure the consequences. Their current circumstances directly result from this toxic environment.

In season one, Powder aka Jinx blasted the Piltover Tower, which many considered being a fair act…meaning me. I was skipping with joy to that scene. Additionally, Jinx and Sevika’s actions of pushing the gray back up through the vents into Piltover marked the beautiful beginning of a revolution. You can’t get any better than painting the city in colors. This revolution was progressing in Act 2, as certain people started coloring their hair blue and dressing like Jinx. However, the missing piece of this revolution was Jinx herself, who cultivated a softer life by having fun with Isha and embracing her inner Powder. During episodes 4 through 6, I had the opportunity to witness a completely different side of Jinx. It seemed like she had overcome her attacks for a while, showing that the inner voices, including Silco, were no longer causing chaos in her mind.

Allow me to share with you my favorite scene, the one that I simply can’t get enough of.

In episode 4, when Isha was taken by the enforcers and Sevika went to inform Jinx while injured and without her toy arm, Jinx experienced a mental attack. I appreciated the minor details of Sevika, remaining on her knees, not saying anything more to fuel the situation, while Jinx struggled to regain control. Eventually, Jinx could ground herself and calm down. And together, they embarked on a mission to break into the prison and rescue Isha. As a result, not only were the Jinxers, the Firelights, and other Zaunites set free, but it was also heartwarming to see Isha cry and hug Jinx upon their reunion. Unfortunately, their emotional moment was interrupted by the enforcers barging into their location. However, Warwick, the beastly wolfman, arrived and began attacking the enforcers. I was deeply moved when Jinx glanced at Isha and then Sevika, instructing Sevika to “Get her out.”

Sevika swiftly lifted Isha with one arm, clasping the little girl, and rushed into the cell with her. Meanwhile, Jinx engaged in a fierce battle with Warwick, luring him towards the back of the section so that Sevika could escape with Isha. Witnessing Isha crying and reaching out as she watched the epic battle unfold was heart-wrenching. Wasting no time, Sevika ensured that the little girl was taken far away from the chaos, successfully escaping the prison island. I honestly believed it was the end for Jinx, but to my surprise, it wasn’t.

I remember mentioning that there would probably be two outcomes in that scene: Isha crying and reaching out while Sevika carries her away in the trailer. Now, we finally know what happened. However, I was not prepared for the ending of episode 6, and it still weighs heavily on my mind. The reason being, Isha sacrificed herself, which was essentially the central theme of the episode - sacrifice. With Isha’s sacrifice to save Jinx, it is highly likely that our manic pixie will now step up as the revolutionary leader. This presents an opportunity for her to rewrite her story and make it better. Or at least that’s what I hope.

Season 2: Act 2 will be released tomorrow for me, peeps. I’m excited to see more of my 3 favorite characters. Now, I’m adding Isha to the list. Additionally, I see Sevika in a new light, since she’s truly dedicated to the people of Zaun. This dedication was clear when she didn’t give up Jinx to the Chem-barons. However, I can’t help but feel sad because of the trailers. In one scene, Sevika is seen running away with Isha, which can be interpreted in two ways. It could mean that either Jinx dies and Sevika ensures Isha’s safety, or Jinx gives her the order to protect Isha. The scene is filled with a red glow, possibly showing a battle similar to the opening of season one. Having watched season 2 episodes 2 and 3, I can confidently say that Isha is attached to Jinx and Jinx cares for her safety. So, it wouldn’t surprise me if Sevika prioritizes Isha’s well-being, as Jinx would want to protect her. This is just my speculation.

Based on seeing Vi confront a humanoid beast in the same reddish-orange glow, I believe it is the same scene where Sevika runs off with Isha. With all these uncertainties, who knows what will happen in this series from here on out? It seems like Jinx is rising to her role of uniting the people of Zaun, which Sevika has been waiting for. I one hundred percent believe Sevika never expected to follow and fight alongside Jinx. It was kind of Jinx to create a new arm for her, incorporating Sevika’s interest in gambling. This made the fight scene in Season 2 Episode 2 so enjoyable to watch, as it was all playful. Considering Sevika’s rigid character, she started having fun with Jinx's invention. This speaks to the depth of her emotions and her future loyalty to our favorite manic pixie.

I don’t know, peeps. Jinx feels like a whole fresh leaf in this season. She’s actually attempting to fix things. Not only does she save a kid, but she also gives Sevika a new arm. To be honest, she acts more like a gray character than a villain. It’s important to remember that Zaun and Piltover are full of ethically questionable characters, so we can’t blame Jinx all too much for the turnabouts. Additionally, from what I saw in the trailers, Jinx earned her role as the figure of hope for Zaun. In contrast, Caitlyn was only given her leadership role as a military dictator to become Ambessa’s pawn. It’s clear that Ambessa knew exactly what she was doing by letting a revenge-focused Cait lead the battle against Zaun.