DREAMER

float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea

I miss my leeches for all the normal pet reasons but I also miss being able to use them as a one-hit death blow to end stupid conversations. Whenever I defend the ecological importance of parasites someone will inevitably crawl up and go “well I bet you wouldn’t feel that way if you had them” and oooooo boy let me tell you. It was so fun to hit back with “I DO” and then whip out my phone and show them 30 pictures of my fucking Worms

What were your leeches named?? Please i need to know please please tell me about your leeches oh my god

Wormitha, Burrito, Chungus, Chocolate Chip and Squish Baby. I collectively called them The Squish Squad

the Feather Duster is a weapon that does no damage but draws aggro

I dislike the violence and unpredictability of the ice dispenser

@staticspxcelover I'M CRYING 😂😂😂😂

what companies who sell you anti aging stuff don't want you to know is that if you're chill about aging, your perception of attractiveness changes as you get older. there is no "wall" where you suddenly become ugly and unfuckable because in my experience what actually happens is you get into your thirties and suddenly realize that people in their thirties are hot as fuck and the "flaws" that the beauty industry wants you to panic about are a feature not a bug, and based on the std statistics in nursing homes I don't really expect that trajectory to change.

Wait is he saying that or is she