andy

i don't think about it every time im hungry, i try to ignore it as much as i can until i start getting angry, and when i do eat i try to eat something low calorie, and convince myself that it's enough for the rest of the day

im bruising easily again, im always tired and constantly sleeping

i dont like my body, i am desperate to see more progress than with my diet and exercise and it's gotten easier and easier to stop eating

and frankly, there's one thing i saw that made me re-think it, i saw someone talking about the physical effects it had on their body, like heart failure, infertility, anemia, etc etc

like actual physical effects and idk i just dont think its worth it to risk your bodys health over its image... like yes youre thin but all your organs are failing?? yes i look hot but i will pass out if go up a flight of stairs

anyway it's the thing that made me eat like a person today, i hope it helps someone else, motivates anyone to maybe eat a little more even if its just for today, it's easy to think you're in control and it's hard to try to get better cause most times we don't want to get better, but maybe just try for today

ive gained weight, which i hate, i cant even say i dont like it, i hate it

but my body has literally made a fail-safe if i dont eat i get an intense migraine that makes me throw up and sometimes lands me in the er

i wont blame it all on not eating, it started with stress, not eating and abusing coffee

not everything has to be platonic, best friends, "sibling-coded" whatever that means

sometimes people date each other and that's okay!!!