I’m very aware of that classic “Disney pop girl” archetype. My music is definitely separate from my acting in a way I always dreamed would happen. When “drivers license” came out, everyone was like, “I have no idea who this Olivia Rodrigo girl is, but I love this song.” That is the absolute dream for me, because I’ve always wanted to be taken seriously as a songwriter. 

Well… since a thread blew up on twitter about me being a lesbian I thought I’d officially just reintroduce myself to those of you who don’t know. My name’s Becky. I created this blog when I was 13 with the help of a few girls. Honestly, it was a joke that kind of blew up. Somehow I brought joy to girls and boys all across the world (”justgirlythings” but literally any man or woman could laugh/relate to this blog) and that’s all I really could’ve asked for when creating this. The above picture is me and my fiancée Chelsi. 

I think most of us can agree that Beck and Jade are not a good example of a healthy, model relationship. They weren't the worst, but they certainly weren't a healthy relationship or a good example of what a relationship should be. This isn't new. People have been saying this for a while. Most people agree that Jade's possessive, jealous behaviour is the main reason for this, and this is true in theory. You should trust the person you're with. This jealousy and possessive behaviour is a result of Jade's own insecurities and a lack of a healthy romantic relationships around her growing up. Her parents aren't together, her dad is with someone else, she doesn't get along with her mother or her father but still wants her father's approval, and no one in her friend group other than her and Beck have been in serious, healthy, loving relationships, so Jade probably doesn't know what this type of relationship is. None of this is new.

However Jade's insecurities aren't entirely unfounded. I can't think of a time that Beck himself has stopped or attempted to stop other girls flirting with him. He may not flirt back but he doesn't do anything to stop it. This suggests to the girls that it's okay to flirt with him as long as Jade isn't around, which they do on the drive to school.

Let's go to the ever-popular first episode. He kissed Tori, this was Tori's revenge, Beck and Jade stayed together after this for some reason, it was part of a scene and this took part in front of the entire class. Now a lot can be said about Tori, Beck and Jade in this episode and a lot has been. Let's go back a bit to Beck and Jade's first meeting with Tori.(Note this post isn't about Tori so my thoughts on Tori won't be looked into.) So, Tori bumps into Beck, spills coffee on him, and, for some reason, decides the best way to fix this is using her shirt sleeve to remove the coffee by rubbing it. So, as she's rubbing the coffee into his shirt more, she looks at him for the first time, realises how attractive he is and starts making heart eyes at him in what's clearly supposed to be a moment. If this was a wattpad book, this would be the moment that starts the cute love story. Unfortunately for Tori, this isn't Wattpad, so naturally the very attractive boy has a girlfriend, and that girlfriend is Jade who walks into the classroom to see some girl, that she doesn't know, rubbing her boyfriend's chest and looking at him lovingly. Now, I'm not going to speak for anyone, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be thrilled to see this. No, I wouldn't pour coffee on someone's head because of it, I wouldn't have coffee in the first place, but I still wouldn't be too happy about it. Now, we, the audience, know that Tori wasn't actually trying to flirt with Beck, we saw the events leading up to this moment, but Jade didn't. For all Jade knows, this is another one of the many random girls who flirt with her boyfriend. This is why she's automatically aggressive towards her. If this is a random girl flirting with Beck, he's not going to go out of his way to stop her. I'd argue that the reason she pours coffee on Tori's hair is a warning. She doesn't hate Tori yet, but if she flirts with Beck again, she'll make her life hell basically.

So, Tori wants revenge, and the best revenge is to embarrass Jade in front of the class. I don't think Tori planned ahead to kiss Beck, that seemed more spontaneous, like it came to her in the moment. That's Tori's reason for kissing Beck. Question: why did Beck agree? He didn't have to. "He was helping Tori get revenge." By cheating on his known-to-be jealous girlfriend in front of the entire class, when the reason she poured coffee on Tori was because, in Jade's view, where she didn't see what we did, Tori was flirting with her boyfriend. And, yes, I do consider this cheating because he didn't have to agree, he didn't have to kiss her, he chose to, he made the choice to kiss another girl when he was in a relationship. He could've said 'let's not'. But, you know, its never mentioned again, and, for the rest of the series, we're brainwashed into believing Jade has no reason to be jealous, she's just insecure, and her feud with Tori is one-sided and Tori never retaliates. Honestly, I'd love for them to redo this episode from Jade's point of view, where the audience only sees what Jade sees, it would be interesting to see how it changes the episode.

Also, it's after this event that Jade starts to dislike Tori, truly. She only calls herself Tori's friend after Tori stops Beck from kissing her, showing that she truly is different to other girls who like Beck. The only other girl she's even remotely friendly with is Cat, who is also the only girl in the show who doesn't show any feelings of attraction towards Beck.

I will agree, Jade does let her jealousy get the better of her, but that just shows she cares. Despite their arguments, Jade does love Beck. She's the only person in the show who only dates one person. I know there's the whole Moose episode but I'm not even entirely sure she liked Moose. He was a good looking guy she shared common interests with and Beck's friend. She may have been attracted to him physically but I don't think they would've lasted in a relationship even if he liked her back. She doesn't get with anyone else and doesn't seem to like anyone else. She even shows she wants to get back with him. Also, while she does still get jealous after they broke up, it's not quite the same. With his not-date with Tori, she thinks she'll be jealous, but when she sees them together, she doesn't get mad or do anything crazy, she's calm and isn't as jealous as she thought she'd be. In the episode where they get back together, Beck takes another girl to a school dance. Jade is jealous or at least gets mad but she doesn't do anything to the girl or try to sabotage their date, she doesn't have to. They break up because of their arguments, but their arguments only truly happen because Jade cares. And, as it turns out, those arguments are the things he likes about their relationship because she doesn't change who she is. She doesn't go along with what he says just because she likes him. She's one of the only girls who likes him for more than just his looks and is completely, unapologetically herself around him. She has her own thoughts and opinions, she's her own person, and she may get jealous and be insecure, but Beck knows the reason for those insecurities possibly better than anyone.

About ten years ago, sometime in the eventful 2006-2007 George W. Bush-ruled hellscape of my identity development, I was just starting to figure out how I felt about my conservative upbringing (not great) and whether I was some brand of queer (probably, but too scared to think about what brand for too long). I was working as a server at a popular Italian-inspired sit-down restaurant that was the closest thing my tiny South Carolinian town had to “fancy” at the time but isn’t really fancy at all.

The host brought a party of four men to one of my tables. It was hard to tell their ages, but my guess is they were teenagers or in their early 20s in the 1980s. Mid-40s, at the time. It was standard to ask if anyone at the table was celebrating anything, so I did. They said they were business partners celebrating a great business deal and would like a bottle of wine.

It was a fairly busy night so I didn’t have a LOT of time to spend at their table, but they were nice guys. They were polite and friendly to me, they didn’t hit on me (as most men were prone to do – sometimes even in front of their girlfriends, a story I’ll tell later if anyone wants me to), and they were racking up a hell of a tab that was going to make my managers happy, so I checked on them as often as I could.

Toward the end of their second bottle of wine, as they were finishing their entrees, I stopped at the table and asked if they wanted any more drinks or dessert or coffee. They were well and truly tipsy by now, giggling, leaning back in their chairs – but so, so careful not to touch each other when anyone was near the table.

They’re all on the fence about dessert, so being a good server, I offered to bring out the dessert menu so they could glance it over and make a decision, “Since you’re celebrating.”

“She’s right!” one of the men said, far too emphatically for a conversation on dessert. “It’s your anniversary! You should get dessert!”

It was like a movie. The whole table went absolutely silent. The clank of silverware at the next table sounded supernaturally loud. Dean Martin warbled “That’s Amore” in some distorted alternate universe where the rest of the restaurant went on acting like this one tipsy man hadn’t just shattered their carefully crafted cover story and blurted out in the middle of a tiny, South Carolina town, surrounded by conservatives and rednecks, that they were gay men celebrating a relationship milestone. 

And I didn’t know what I was yet, but I knew I wasn’t an asshole, and I knew these men were family, and I felt their panic like a monster breathing down all our necks. It’s impossible to emphasize how palpably terrified they were, and how justified their terror was, and how much I wanted them to be happy.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I said, “Congratulations! How many years?”

The man who’d spoken up burst into tears. His partner stood up and wrapped me in the tightest, warmest hug I’ve ever had – and I’ve never liked being touched by strangers, but this was different, and I hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he whispered, halfway to crying himself. “Thank you so much.”

When he finally let go of me and sat back down, they finally got around to telling me they were, in fact, two couples on a double date, and both celebrating anniversaries. Fifteen years for one of them, I think, and a few years off for the other. It’s hard to remember. It was a jumble of tears and laughter and trembling relief for all of us. They got more relaxed. They started holding hands – under the table, out of sight of anyone but me, but happy.

They did get dessert, and I spent more time at their table, letting them tell me stories about how they met and how they started dating and their lives together, and feeling this odd sense of belonging, like I’d just discovered a missing branch of my family.

When they finally left, all four of them took turns standing up and hugging me, and all four of them reached into their wallets to tip me. I tried to wave them off but they insisted, and the first man who’d hugged me handed me forty dollars and said, “Please. You are an angel. Please take this.”

After they left I hid in the bathroom and cried because I couldn’t process all my thoughts and feelings.

Fast forward to three days ago, when my own partner and I showed up to a dinner reservation at a fancy-casual restaurant to celebrate our fifth anniversary. The whole time I was getting ready to leave, there was a worry in the back of my mind. The internet web form had asked if the reservation was celebrating anything in particular, and I’d selected “Anniversary.” I stood in the bathroom blow-drying my hair, wondering what I would do if we showed up, two women, and the host or the server took one look at us and the “Anniversary” designation on our reservation and refused to serve us. It’s not as ubiquitous anymore, but we’re still in the south, and these things still happen. Eight years of progressive leadership is over, and we’ve got another conservative despot in office who’s emboldening assholes everywhere.

It was on my mind the whole fifteen minutes it took to drive there. I didn’t mention it to my partner because I didn’t want to cast a shadow over the occasion. More than that, I didn’t want to jinx us, superstitious bastard that I am.

We walked into the restaurant. I told the hostess we had a reservation, gave her my last name.

She looked at her screen, then looked back at us. She smiled, broadly and genuinely, and said, “Happy anniversary! Your table is right this way.”

Our server greeted us, said, “I heard you were celebrating!”

“It’s our anniversary,” Kellie said, and our server gasped, beaming.

“That’s great! Congratulations! How many years?”

Fuck your age, put on your high heeled boots and a pair of overalls and do Meryl Streep proud.

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