1997

siho finding out her brother (who had decided to estrange himself from their bloodline just to prove something) is actually a competitor of some sort and is now either:

a.) bored and wants to try killing siho OR

april 20th, 2024. the clock showed 4:10am on siho's phone. as if it had been just any normal day, she finds herself crawling towards her family home instead of her condominium in cheongdam. the difference between the last time she was here (read: at least four months ago) and now was her expectation of who would answer the door for her. then, it was her father, glasses always rested on his nose while he gave the girl a look of disapproval. "you can't keep wasting your time like this." pertaining to her drunken state. on the other end of the timeline, the now, she was surprisingly sober, not a sip of alcohol in her system the last 48 hours.

she sighed as she fixed her hair before pushing her key in to open the wooden doors. before her revealed simply her family home. the last glass of whiskey her father had still on his office desk, with papers stacked neatly on the other end. "what the hell am i even doing in here?" she thought to herself out loud as she picked up a few of the papers, skimming through them one by one, not a single paper seeming to give her interest. it nearly surprised her that nobody ever came to their house with the intention of trashing it now that the news has caused wider reach. somehow, she was expecting her life to be on the edge with her family gone. yet, she was living the most peace she has ever had since she was 14.

she moved from her father's office to her old room, checking her closet if she had anything she wanted to bring along. there was an incredible amount of dust everywhere and it was starting to nearly suffocate her with the amount of times she had to sneeze.

ever since her father had passed, she contacted nobody that dealt business with their family. she was extremely sure she would've died in november, thus reaching out to exchange sympathies with them just felt like a bother to her. it was pointless. you can imagine the disappointment she felt when she had awoken from her deep, deep slumber. with a sigh once more, she ran her fingers through her hair and started looking for somebody in her contacts list.

sweet ☆ homes

the contact read. i seriously can't believe i'm doing this again. it felt like she was about to do a bungee jump. the explosion nearly happening. her head felt heavy and she could sense a migraine incoming, but she knew she needed their help, and not anyone else's. whether they were trustworthy after the fact was really nothing she cares about anymore. she finally pressed call contact.

one ring... and there blared a thin never ending beep.

"hey. it's.. it's ha siho. i need help cleaning up."

ten seconds passed by and yet siho had heard nothing on the other end. despite being so hesitant in doing this, siho felt herself disappointed when she was met with silence. she heaved a sigh and was about to end the call when a familiar, deep voice spoke through the line.

"it will be our pleasure, miss ha. please expect our personnel to arrive shortly. welcome home."

[ 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 ] : sender has harmed someone who threatened the receiver.

"sen, sen... whydyouhavetodothat?" siho slurs as she fixes her slouched self on the couch, but ends up in a state much worse than prior, her cheeks red and voice already thin from all the drinking both of them have done from 6pm to the current time of 2:47 a.m. he was in front of her, also undoubtedly intoxicated, but remained a stoic image, looking at her with a slight frown on his face. "do you have no self respect? he almost got you inside of his car if i wasn't there to intervene. what the fuck is wrong with you?" and siho let out an exaggerated sigh again while she sat herself properly, then giggling, grabbing the half empty mug of beer and offering it to sen. "yeah but youuu were there and we are hereeee. so now what?" she waited for a few seconds to see if he would bite, then decided to gulp the rest of the mug for herself. "that was really fun." it was sen's turn to break to a chuckle, probably thinking the girl had officially lost her mind which was honestly, probably true anyways.

what have i done? for the first time in my twenty six years of existence, i've accidentally let fresh, cold milk, gone spoiled. i always end up needing to buy cold milk for myself as i like drinking it down when i can't sleep. i don't know why i still think it would help me feel sleepy despite it being only 5% successful per attempt. thing is though, that's how much i enjoy drinking it. even without a chocolate chip cookie to go along with it. so how did i end up getting a single 1L carton of milk get spoiled? how did that happen? how did i let time pass by me that i couldn't ever remember when i bought the carton of milk to understand how it got spoiled? well, there really isn't much i can do about it now.

today, i bought another carton of 1L milk.

i also added to my calendar: "march 15th 2024. bought 1L milk."

“have yourself, a merry meeerry christmaaaas~” the young lady’s voice echoed in the hotel bathroom’s walls as she waltzed across the tub, filling the warm water with all sorts of glittery bath bombs, flowers, and soaps. siho was set this time, she had finally made her decision, and she was happier than ever. she looked out the window once all the rose petals she had in her hands had fallen in the tub; a big sleazy smile appeared on her lips as she admired the winter snow. “it’s the most wonderful time of the year~” she sang once more, on her way to take her fourth glass of champagne that night. (well, she’s had much more than just champagne that night, as expected)

off her silk night gown went as she slid down the white tub. of course, not without her last bottle of champagne, deciding to sip right through the neck this time. “ahh~” she exhaled as she leaned back, the once iridescent, glittering water now turning red as her wrists lowered beneath. the prickling caused by the soap made siho wince, arguing with the champagne bottle at how painful it stung. she decides to keep drinking to numb it away.

at last. at peace. the words kept bubbling in siho’s mind as she stared at the beautiful paintings decorated on her hotel room’s ceiling. it was as if she checked in on a museum hotel instead.

what an elegant way to die.

she closed her eyes, for the last time now, and went to sleep.

05:24 am, siho was declared under a coma caused by intoxication.

—————————————————————- ❤️‍🩹

they say a little too much thinking and letting your brain's screws work overtime could turn it into a good old fried brain. insanity, as others would call it, and one of the adjectives most people would describe siho, past and present. as a young girl, siho was known to be this quiet little kid who hadn't want anything to do with anyone unless it involved desserts or pretty dresses, to ha juho's relief. I won't have to worry about her when she grows up. he once thought to himself, thinking that if she grows up normal, he won't have to bring siho into the world of petty crimes and the organization. he and his wife both, had high hopes that one day, their family can be at peace, away from the ugly world they're currently involved in- until the day 13 year old siho came home with a bleeding nose. worry and concern laced the faces of both her parents as they examined her for any further marks; her right hand knuckles were boasting a splatter of red and purple, siho's expression dull. "what happened, dear?" her mother asked as both her and her husband knelt down holding siho's hands, as if further examining it would heal it in real time.

"i wanted to see how many punches it would take before my nose started bleeding. it took only nine."

sihwan gave a quick nod towards the bodyguards that were standing across the room, to which juho raised his brow against. "we have done our investigations ma'am. she did it in the open field restroom five minutes before the bell rung. the principal of the school doesn't know just yet. a couple of students saw her bleeding on the way to the car, but no one saw the process." the taller man quickly informed, his head bowed down as he wasn't sure if it was right for him to say all those details, or if he lacked further of any.

losing both of your parents at the age of twenty six wasn't really something siho had imagine happening to her. regardless of how intense of an upbringing she had and lifestyle she maintained, at the end of the day, unfortunately for her, she was still an average human being, capable of grieving, feeling lost, and feeling hurt. for the first few weeks of her father's death, she was barely alive, a mere zombie in the eyes of people that didn't really know her. Anytime she visited their house, the assistants and staffs that met her only saw dead eyes placed on her face.

as if God himself wanted to punish the girl with her sins as early as now, he took away onigiri, her life companion, as well. oni-chan, as she like to call him, was brought to siho as a gift from her father right when she turned 21. "they are feisty, but they teach you patience, respect, and loyalty. they also teach you how to be a better person." she recalls him telling her, as he held the small carrier that contained the orange kitten, smiling as he played with him through the little holes, baiting his finger in between as they play bite. perhaps it really was God punishing siho after all. there's nothing to lose anymore.

there's nothing to lose anymore.

the first thing she wants to do, very honestly, is to kill herself. but, memorizing her history and will, she knows she'll fail, so she doesn't even bother. now, it's been three months since her father's passing, and a little over six weeks since her cat's passing; she was still alive. she spends majority of her days wasting the hours away drunk, in her flat, in their house, in a club. all she wanted to feel was nothingness, yet when it came, it still hurt her. how does nothingness hurt? how does that make sense? she would always ask herself. the second thing she wants to do, is to feel something. anything, other than hurt. the cycle has been going on for too long- numb, hurt, numb, hurt.

"I think I am ready. please confirm the date and time before I change my mind." she sends to attorney kim, before letting her conscious get snatched away with whisky again. it was a nightmare happening all over again for her. she wakes up in her dream, greeted by her mom, walking slowly towards siho with open arms, and siho feels warm, happy, and content. split second later, her mother falls to the ground, head shot point blank by an unknown figure. the white space containing them was then stained with her mother's blood, siho just staring in shock and fear. except, this time, its both of her parents, simultaneously, and over and over and over again. then she would wake up in real life in cold sweat, frustrated and tired. perhaps its time to go and actually check up with the family therapist? she rolled her eyes at the tiredness.

onigiri, siho’s most beloved cat, has passed away. not of natural causes, details will have to be revealed through a separate post

she has spent most of her days staring at him and pretending he’s just sleeping but it’s only a matter of days where this can’t really be ignored much

after a week of his passing, siho still kept refilling his bowl, mindlessly taking it out to clean at night and then refilling it the next morning, letting the cycle reset at night

siho wants to die basically 🫶

tw: mentions of animal death, necromancy(?), depression, slight implications of self harm.