passing through meridians

today’s mood, but in long, drawn out sentences: my hair smells like tangerines and i’m dancing around my room trying to get rid of the shaky feeling in my legs as the anxiety sets in. i set back into and smells the tangerines and step forward and smell warm vanilla sugar and hear the sound of my bracelets chime together. i think of my guy and how we’re going to dance on hardwood floors in Tennessee and surrounded by full trees and warm sunlight. i think about today and yesterday and tomorrow and the week ahead and try to love myself as i twirl around the room and yet...the nagging voice has made her return and i am so close to jumping back in. be kind to yourself. let yourself breathe. just breathe. there is a red tigers eye in the right pocket of my jeans and an apache tear in the left and my legs feel heavy and grounded and the mantra of my word ring through music lyrics, pumping along with the beat. and i am here. and i am real. and all around me, i smell tangerines.

january feelings: frozen fingers vs. sharp shrills of wind - said fuck it to gloves too many times. warm curry carrot soup. pen against paper. go go go. 7am wake up calls to sit and watch the sunrise. handmade scarves. red. red noses, cheeks. love, red hot. mournfulness. tiredness. regretfulness. abundance and light and free. so free. soft lips and quiet hellos and goodnights.