Solo
Written by @CladInCoutureĀ
[As quickly as your career could begin, it could all come crumbling down. This much I had learned from my time in California. The modeling scene was a big competition for go-sees and booking runway shows, it grew even more competitive during fashion weekĀ to the point it was almost sickening. As you got older the pressure to keep your skin flawless, and the need for things like Botox and everything else became clearer because you wanted to look desirable.Ā
Men fell at your feet, after all, following you aroundĀ at the club or bar, tongues out like dogs and all. Now I loved the attention, and though Iād been out of work for a whole month it never seemed to falter. But that was just the thing, I was out of work. One little photo shoot mishap could end your career and for me, itād doneĀ just that. I was sick of being told how haggard I looked when to be quite honest I was one hundred times more gorgeous than some new chick on the scene. No needle marks to cover, no drug habit, no coming to work high or hungover, I was clean. What they saw in those otherĀ girls? I had no clue. I was flawless, and now flawlessly or not so flawlessly passing out on what seemed like a different couch each night with friends who seemed like they wanted nothing to do with me because I wasnāt who I was to them anymore. Sure some friends you made you kept here but for me? Those girls had moved on to better and bigger things like raising a family. Theyād married rich just to not hold a job and they were gorgeous enough to get away with it.Ā
Meanwhile here I stood overlooking theĀ Pacific Ocean from the pier in Santa Monica, contemplating lifeās choices. I could dive right in and allow myself to sink right to the bottom. Escape the state of partial unraveling is succumbed to and ignore the blatant fact that in twenty-four hoursĀ Iād be subjected to the ridicule and gossip that would be my old hometowns people. Iād bring some meaning into their pathetic lives. Youād think people had anything better to do but, that was far from the case when you came from a small town.Ā I hugged out an annoyed sigh as eyes remained focused.Ā
Iād never forget getting kicked out, I would never forgive the friend whoād done it either and despite going back to Forks soon.. A part of me wished I could run half way across the world but alas, I couldnāt waste whatĀ money I had on some fancy hotel, or I could, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere sunny and nice, never look back. But that also wasnāt an option.Ā
At some point Iād need a job, I had to be legally able to work. Which was why I found myself back to square one.Ā I would miss California, I would miss the golden sand beaches and Iād miss the weather. How the sun shone so brightly, how it never snowed, and wasnāt always so gloomy. But when youāve tried and tried again? You were bound to give up at some point. Donāt get me wrongĀ I wasnāt one for giving up.. I guess one could say theyād do some growing up at one point in their lives this? Was just that moment for me. For now anyways. I couldnāt wait for people to start talking. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and I nearly dared someone to repeat a rumor to me directly once I stepped foot out of my parentsā place back in Forks. That was one thing I wouldnāt subject myself to or take lightly, I never had.]
