therapypilled deadbeat father: I really don't have the headspace for custody right now

is high jump kicking peoples dogs punk

no, to punk is to love

I love to high jump kick peoples dogs

won’t a high jump kick miss most dogs? they’re usually kinda low to the ground

call me a wish mouse the way she [remembers wish mice are creatures from a particularly gruesome dream my friend had several years ago and are not recognizable figures to anyone else] whatever

trent reznor keyboard violence thursday

fun part of going places with my boss is that people can’t tell if i’m her son or her inappropriately young boytoy

insurance companies love to be like WE HAVE AN URGENT MESSAGE FOR YOU and then the message is “Being healthy is good for you!”

reading fanfics isnt enough i need to squish shane hollander between two pieces of bread and eat him

Imagine a vampire sucked your blood and they didn't even pop a boner. not even half hard. fully flaccid the entire time they sucked your blood. I'd be so humiliated.

having a side wound is such slut behavior tbh. like damn your waist is looking pretty grabbable right now 👀 due to needing to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. but also other factors.