Im_just_doing_stuff_

So that's how sex comes into play. Because it's always been weaponised against him by boyfriends past. If you love me you'll let me fuck you. If you're really sorry, you'll suck my dick. If you do that again, I won't be so gentle.

So when he starts dating Chad he just assume the same thing will happen. That's just how it is when you care about someone. And Chad is kind of dominating and rough anyway. He grips the back of Herm's neck when they kiss. He pins his hands above his head when he rides him on plastic sheets. He grips his hair tight while he swallows every last boiling drop.

But hes...nice. He listens. He's a bit blunt and a bit rude but he remembers to toast Herms sandwiches. He remembers what episode of Desperate House wives he's on so they can watch it mindlessly while they eat dinner. He remembers what shampoo he uses and how much he hates wearing socks, heating the floor whenever he's standing barefoot in Chad's bathroom, brushing his teeth.

And that's a bit strange. But it doesn't make him think that sex is any different. That it can be used differently. Have different expectations in an actual healthy relationship.

So the first time they have a big fight that leaves Chad screaming and Herm crying, he doesn't think. He just does. Falling to his knees sobbing and apologising through hiccups. Hands shaking so hard as they fumble with Chad's belt. Water flowing, making his hands slippery.

And Chad is so confused he stops shouting.

Just telling Herm to quit it. To leave his pants alone. Stand up and be normal because what the fuck is he doing?

He ends up having to grab Herm's hands and hold them. Force him to stop. Sobbing and hiccuping and beging him to let Herm show him how sorry he is. That he didn't mean it.

And that's when it clicks.

The way Herm always shuts down when talking about his exes. The way he is so passive in bed even when Chad is encouraging him to take the lead. The way he shrinks when Chad knows he wants something. When he can tell he's uncomfortable.

And so he drops to the floor and just holds him. Says its ok, he's sorry too. They'll talk about it properly later but he never needs Herm to do that. That's not what sex is meant for and he really, really hopes they can talk about that later too. And Herm just nods. Sobs into his shoulder and holds him back.

Chad eases up on the roughness. Kissing him tenderly and taking his time. Letting Herm take control sometimes and checking in more than he ever has. And Herm realised sex in a relationship is meant to be something else entirely. That it can be nice and tense and slow. That it's not a demand or an expectation. That it can wait days even months. That it's not needed, but it's there for connection. For fun. He can stop anytime he wants and say no if he's not in the mood.