I'm in the Cloud Nine

By Ahn Ji-young  

It’s exactly 7:10 pm right now. My parents are both watching the news in the tv. Music was playing while I was typing this. Ahhhhhh another day is going to pass. Have I done anything productive today?

It’s been a while since I last wrote an entry here. During those times, a lot has happened. The reason I’m writing tonight is because I can’t contain the feeling that I have for the last months. I continuously find job at a daily basis actually. I’ve been to several job interviews but somehow I still can’t find one.

Last Saturday, I had a job interview at a big hospital. A day before my interview, I was briefed that the chief dietitian will be the one to interview me. I was thinking a lot of things the moment I received the message I got an interview but one thing is certain for me, I have to make this happen. I have to get the job.

One of my friend had been interviewed and already took an exam at the same company that holds the dietary department of that hospital. We’re both currently unemployed at the moment but luckily I also got the chance to be screened. She gave me tips on how the interview will go. She also gave me the outline of the exam and some of the questions that she can recall. I was so determined to pass this that’s why I reviewed my past notes and read also my board exam reviewer. I do practice and all. 

The interview day was a complete mess. I was asked the basic questions about my profession but I couldn’t even give a proper answer. I did try my best to calm my nerves during the interview. I was so disappointed with myself that day. Students could’ve give a better answer and nailed it. The next part of that day got even worse. Ten minutes before my interview my shoes fell off, I was panicking and I had to think quickly to fix my shoes. Then convenient store inside the hospital doesn’t have a stock of their super glue. I thought of buying a tape even though it would look ridiculous but I WAS SO DESPERATE. I was about to pay for the tape when I saw the chewing gum at the counter. BAM. CHECKMATE.

It wasn’t a good idea though. I was ashamed that I thought it would work. Imagine what I had to go through with broken shoes while being interviewed by a CHIEF DIETITIAN. 

I was on my way home when the second misfortune happened. I rode the wrong jeep. I had to walk for almost 20 minutes to ride another jeep, get off and walk again because there are no fucking jeep available. I was on the verge of crying while walking in the middle of sticking hot weather. I feel empty and useless.

I’m actually having the best night of my life in here. I clearly remember how my heart pounds and envy people who had their tix ahead of time. Luckily, we were able to bought concert tickets at a very cheap price, like literally. We had a VIP access and wow nobody knows we’ll get this far.

I’m starting to have something that I didn’t want to have. This might bring joy or disaster to me. I’m trying to choose and focus on what I really need, what I really want. I know this sound sucks, but for the I don’t even know when time, I feel like I’m blooming again. I kinda’ want this but I feel horrible at the same time knowing that I might end up hurting myself again. 

I tried. But then, I failed.