じあ♡

You know what sucks? Feelings. Human emotions. I feel like a fool. Why did I come clean about how I felt about you? Why did I allow you to string me along? Am I overthinking? I don’t think so. Am I making up scenarios in my head? I don’t think so.

I had more to say but my mind just went blank. I think it’s best if I just stopped talking to you.

It’s always been you. You are the one I want.

It’s been a year since we split and you are still on my mind. We talked earlier. It’s nice to see you open up to me again. I wish the conversations were longer but it is what it is.

I can’t wait until our kid gets older and I get to show her all of the photos we took together.

They only bring you up when it regards our child. I find myself becoming annoyed at the fact that I have to repeat myself, “We haven’t spoke”, over and over. Yet it brings a smile to my face. Everyone would’ve liked you.

It’s fun to sit and think about the what-ifs and how we could have prevented this. The universe had already predetermined that outcome. Maybe that’s why I was so afraid when we were okay.

Your absence I treat as death. We didn’t break up, you died. At least in my head. So instead of me grieving over someone who left me to wallow in my emotions, I am grieving for someone who died. That version of you I grew to love and appreciate died that day.

We could get back together and I would still be grieving you. You’re never coming back.

I hate how fickle my brain is. One day, I’m missing your company. The next, I’m angry at you. It doesn’t happen often. The anger.

I’m sitting here thinking about how I graduated a year before you yet we are only 2 months apart. I love that.

I love that we share the same hobbies, the same music taste, the same love for adventure. I love that you comfort me when you’re around. You truly made me feel special. Until you didn’t.