ImBigAng

When you not tryna hear that shit

The world is so loud some days. Billions of people trying to be heard. Opinions swirling about like tornadoes carrying whatever they picked up along the way. Ideas, facts, gossip, news, info. For some people it's a job and everyone else is an unpaid intern and only about 15% of it is useful. Everybody's an expert. Only validated if people agree and repeat your sentiments. What if no one agrees? Do you still feel so strong about your opinion? I just birthed a rant I won't witness. I put my phone up. I'm in good company. We listen to wordless music. Look outside each other's windows. We both want the same thing. And for a moment the world doesn't seem so loud.

She don't wanna be with you She wanna be with us, y'all, them. She don't want weight. She wanna fly. She wants the freedom to choose. She might've chose you but you don't own that woman. Don't call her a hoe. She has the right to search for what's pleasurable. She has the right to deny your offer. She has the right to share her love. Her value hasn't changed. She's playing the game, there will be losers. Will you be one of them? Guess that depends on what your idea of winning is. Shackles and cuffs give her wings. She thoroughly enjoys the right of choice. If she chooses you consider yourself lucky because who gets what they want these days.

People will attempt to shake your foundation in an attempt to figure out who you are. They don’t do it intentionally. Even if they do, remember you are who you say you are. Believe and stand on your beliefs about yourself when they are positive. Speak highly of yourself only speak on faults as recognition that you can be an even better person. Seeing the greatness inside allows you see it in others. Be planted within yourself. There should be no doubt, have that knowledge. Life is like building a skyscraper and the most important part is the foundation. Make sure there are no unsure or unwanted beams in your architecture and you’ll reach the heavens.

I sit in deep thought while the world spins. Reflecting because my sanity has been questioned. I thought to myself, Am I crazy? Or is the world crazy? I had to think am I confused about the things I feel? Why do I feel them? A series of questions just to just to come to one conclusion, if I am crazy in a crazy world I must be sane. They call me emotionally unstable for feeling natural feelings. I know how it feels to be heartless and cold stubborn rejecting my wants and needs. I snapped back to reality. My reality. What’s real to others isn’t real to me. I accept my situation feelings and thoughts. Now I focus on bigger and better things. I’ve stepped inside myself.

This started as a simple hobby. Something to free my mind. Something to entertain me. A simple pleasure. But you know, when you like to do something you want to do it all the time. I lost sleep to be with you. I forgot to eat but I saw you today. I haven’t talked to my mother but I talked to you. Told you my secrets. I think about you when I wake up and before I close my eyes you hear from me. My real friends been looking for me for days. I haven’t done anything with them or 4 them. Everything I do is for you. You’re always available for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Maybe I’d die, maybe I’d live. What’s life without risk? Fuck it. Wait, yeah, nah, okay. I quit. I’m done being what say I hate, a fiend, Ima man.

Why can't you hear me? Am I not speaking you language? I mean is it because you can't or won't? Why do your ears open up for anger? Why lie and say your here but not hear? This is frustrating. This message is only for your ears. Fuck it Ima leave unsatisfied. Why won't you let me leave? Why are you blocking my exit? Now you need answers from me. I don't want to talk anymore. I wanna leave, leave this behind. Release me from your bind. Your hurting me. You don't care. This hurts inside and out. I'm reaching for you. Clutch. Your embrace is sweet. Lemme squeeze you. Thanks, lay down and relax. Oh, now you can hear but not for long. What was so important? I just wanted to say I love.......loved you. Now I have to leave you behind.

Lately forgiveness has been on my mind. Letting go of the anger within my heart. They say if you don't forgive god won't either. Well, I don't give a fuck. Guess I'll never be forgiven. My heart is very pure. If you made you way to my bad side that must mean your a terrible person. You deserve everything horrible coming to you. I no sympathy for my enemies. My heart becomes ultra cold and if ever I have to make a decision I will do it without hesitation and with a smile on my face. I don't give a fuck about forgiveness. Because I've never been forgiven and honestly, I don't care. Small offenses ok, but to anyone who does anything to deserve to be forgiven don't expect shit from me. Fuck you until you die, Sincerely

I never knew someone like you. Never knew such a beautiful being. Never knew I could feel this way. Never knew how pleasant presence was. Never knew I would want to trust you. Never knew god was such an artist. Never knew hugs can heal. Never knew you had keys to undiscovered doors. Never knew such delicate strength. Never knew happiness is your smile. I know your worth, and that having you is true wealth. I know your imperfect, perfection is a lie. I know I'll never forget our history. I know there's bliss in your kiss. Idk what forever looks like. I know how right now feels. I know they don't understand. This isn't for them. This is for us. These are the things I know.

As I grow I’m finding out it’s not in my best interest to show emotion. Any emotion is dangerous. If I show that I care or love something people try to take it. Show loneliness people only chime in to say “all you need is you”. if You show anger people think they got to you and in my case it makes people feel unsafe. I barely wanna feel anything. I feel things in private or in safe places. In public I’m a calculated decision maker. A thinker a doer. The cool guy that feels nothing. Numb. But brave are the people who can verbalize how they feel and are respected for it. Does this make me a coward? Should I let people know how I feel or should I keep my feelings inside? Idk how to feel.

There’s ambition in the air There’s love in the air There’s opportunity in the air There’s history in the air There’s power in the air There’s doubt in the air There’s betrayal in the air There’s tension in the air There’s arrogance in the air There’s purpose in the air There’s possibility in the air There’s honesty in the air There’s ownership in the air There’s pride in the air There’s cowardice in the air There’s confusion in the air There’s hesitation in the air There’s certainty in the air Inhale, exit hell. Breathe deep. This is life. Everything comes with this. This IS life. Live, Breathe.