I haven’t been able to muster the motivation the play since about a year ago. My cousin was the one tutoring me. But he disappeared last June. We don’t know what happened but in January, he hung himself.
I’ve been depressed for some years now. Last August it got bad. But I’ve never felt anything like I did in January. My family is hard to lean on, and none of my friends cared enough to support. It’s been hard.
The suicidal thoughts have been creeping in for the past month. I’d hoped they just go away but it’s not happening. I can’t want to play music anymore. I need to pick it back up and make myself learn.
My inspiration died on my birthday some years ago. And teacher and cousin who I loved died. So I need to learn on my own. I’m going to die soon. I don’t want to die without passion in my life for at least once.
