wazup

Every friend I've had get's tired of me. No matter if I'm myself or trying to change myself. Idk what I'm doing wrong.

It starts with small things. And suddenly they forget to tell me that they are going to other countries. And wont try to meet me anymore. I thought this time maybe I am stressing them out to much by texting them so much. So I stopped and tried doing it less. Look where it got me. Haha

Is there something inherently wrong with me? If there is what is it. And what can I do?

Would there even be a point?

Is there a point that I have?

Is there a point to me still being here?

I feel like there isn't.

Is having hope even worth it at this point?

No matter how many times I think,

"This time will be different"

It isn't.

So maybe I should stop.

Looking at the political atmosphere we are having in the whole world. But me also just meaning my own country.

I can't help but wonder what the point is?

It seems like humanity doesn't really learn from their mistakes.

We get fashists in our governments over and over again. And it seems like, that even if we manage to not get them into their positions one time.

It doesn't truly feel like a win. But a delay of the inevitable. Which will come back stronger the next time.

All of these things had got me thinking about us. And our development.

Have we truly developed? Sure technologically of course! We can see it in our everyday objects..

But mentally? Emotionally? Intellectually?

Have we truly?

Because if we truly changed. From 10 or 100s of years ago, why do we still act like back then?

As an example war.

We know that it doesn't change anything. We know there aren't any winners. We know that it only brings death and destruction. And yet it is still happening.

Of course the argument stands, that it's the leaders of these nations who decide these things. And I agree.

But it comes back to a question of which I am still not sure of if it makes sense. But a question I still need to ask.

If we had truly evolved from these days of violence and unessecary inflicted pain like we like to look back on to see how much better we are now. (Example: Medieval times)

Wouldn't we have a kind of, fundamental instinct, not to do these things?

Because, and correct me if I am wrong about this.

Evolution in a sense kind of makes the things that we don't need anymore go away. Even behaviours. Which we can see in animals. Like cats who domesticated themselves to get an easier access to food.

So I wonder.

Why did we not evolve in that sense? Considering we are constantly putting ourself and our species into danger by war in itself existing. Or at least give us some kind of instinct to truly revolt against outliers who are constantly putting us in danger?

Those are things I have no answers to. But which keep me up at night.

Can we truly just watch history repeat itself over and over again? Is there truly no end to this?

What is the point of us being born into this world? For some to have a relatively safe upbringing just to get thrown into a world with little hope and the others to never have gotten the feeling of safety at all?

I'm not sure.

I know it's the little things in life that matter. But how should we focus on these little things if our reach towards them gets further away?

Considering how everything becomes so much more expensive.