Robert’s bad relationship with sex (Coupé addition!)
Janelle swings her leg around, letting it fall against her other one. They mirror each other in positioning as she lays herself down on her side. She pulls herself closer to the body she was straddling merely a moment before. Janelle does not touch, though, keeping her hands tucked closely to herself. The only thing she does is stare very intently at Robert’s side profile.
He, in turn, is staring at the roof, but there’s no intensity in his gaze. It is an empty one devoid of any attention or awareness. Pairing it with how his loose limbs don’t move at all, he looks like a corpse lying in her bed—almost as pale as one, too.
She supposes, in a way, she’s flattered by Robert’s trust in her. He knew she was right above him when he disassociated. Though she has no weapons and couldn’t hide one from him due to her naked body, she still has the means to kill him. He knew that, yet he still came into this room with her to lie on her bed. He still slipped completely from the world.
But that small speck of warmth drowns in a mercilessly cold ocean. What does it mean for someone who knew he was about to have sex to disassociate right as it was beginning?
The answer, unfortunately, is one Janelle feels she knows. That’s why she’s lying beside him now. Though she’s assuming he would not care to be touched, she does not have the strength to leave him on his own.
So, there she lays, for what could be minutes of hours (who knows when she keeps her room so dark) until awareness trickles into those eyes. Just a little bit more, and Robert is back with her.
Well, not quite. He gives her a glance to acknowledge her presence, but he brings his attention back to himself. He feels about his bare skin, not in a sensual way but more searching. It is clear he expects to find something that doesn’t end up being there.
“Did we not…?” Robert trails off. His voice is rough, but not in a way Janelle likes.
“We did not,” Janelle confirms. With how much attention she was paying to her partner, she did very little before realizing what had happened.
Robert frowns. “Why not? I thought you said you wanted to do what… er, Dark Lord Brian—“
“Brynnal,” Janelle corrects softly. “You disassociated. Are you aware of this fact? Do you know what it means?”
“I know what it means. Sometimes I just do that in the bedroom. But you really didn’t have to stop on my account.”
Janelle is not particularly surprised Robert would say something like that, even with the limited information she has. Still, she was hoping nothing like this would dare be uttered in her presence—at all, actually.
“It was my desire to be with you tonight, both in body and mind,” Janelle tells him. For added measure, she says, “I do not consider your body to be a tool for my pleasure.”
“You can, though. I mean, when I’m disassociating, I’m not using it, so someone might as well.”
“I do not want to.” Janelle says, cold and firm, threaded with only a hint of the concern she feels.
Robert looks at her funny—more like a panicked animal than their charismatic dispatcher. Janelle’s touch is gentle as she uses her fingers to coax his face back into neutrality. She can’t remove that haunted look in his eyes, though, no matter how many times she calls for the shadow to come to her.
Because of this, Janelle sits up. Robert almost follows her, but she quickly lies back down, bringing the quilt she made that was on the end of the bed back with her. She covers herself completely. As she drapes it over Robert, she says, “If you truly wish to pleasure me tonight, you need only stay with me until morning.”
There is an argument brewing in Robert’s mind. Janelle even prepares herself for it. But once the blanket is over him and Janelle is snuggled up close enough to touch, Robert sighs. Saying nothing, he turns toward her. On the waves of partial consciousness, he continues getting closer until her arms are around him and her chin is tucked over his hair. He falls asleep before she does, and this makes her feel warmer, more trusted than him disassociating with her did.
She leans back to kiss his forehead, and the returns to her previous position to fall asleep herself.
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