Imagines

 *Present Day*

 “Wow. Just, uh, wow.” Your mind struggled to come up with an illegible sentence as you felt, more so than saw, your boss’ stare burn through you. Why? Why did you not understand whatever it was that you were feeling? Why could you not just say yes?

“Ms. Y/L/N? So, what do you say?” Your boss’ tone was friendly, although you could tell she was trying to rush you for an answer. It’s not like she would’ve thought there would be any debate. It was a once in a lifetime promotion she had just offered you. One that you had been working for ever since you graduated from Harvard. You could be running your own law firm, making more money than you could even imagine. Your life would be stable. You would be happy.

Happy. That’s what you’re feeling, like a ball, bundled up in your stomach. Right? What else could it be? Everything was happening so fast, you couldn’t think straight. When did the room get so small? Suddenly you found it hard to breathe, as you began wiping the sweat off your palms onto your skirt.

This is happiness. This is what happy people feel.

“I’m going to need an answer, Ms. Y/L/N.”  

“C...Can I have some time to, uh, just some time to think?” You stuttered out, stumbling over your words as you tried to catch your breath.

“Some time? Of course, feel free to take a walk, think it over. But I do need an answer by the end of the day.” Your boss, although the confusion was clear in her voice, offered you a smile. You rose from your seat, still in a complete daze. You barely registered yourself leaving her office as you ran to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the ground floor button, immediately feeling claustrophobic as soon as the doors closed.

The elevator began to drop down, floor by floor, as you braced your back against the elevator wall, trying to even your breathing.

“This is happiness. This is how happy people feel.”

Ping. Another floor past.

“This is happiness. This is how happy people feel.”

Ping.

You repeated the phrase to yourself, again and again.

Ping.

The elevator doors lurched open, and you basically ran out of the elevator and the lobby.

You sprang outside, the cold air immediately hitting you. “Deep breaths. Deep breaths.”

A car screeched to a halt to your right. You could hear the yells of a newspaper boy, trying to entice new customers. You struggled to catch a breath as all of the noises of Star City seemed to smother you. You look around you, trying to find a quiet place. You notice an alley way, just across the road and run across to it, ignoring the beeps and jeers you hear as you cross the street.

You immediately crash to the ground in the alley, hidden behind a dumpster from the public eye. Your hands fly up to your ears, covering them from the bustle of the city, as you tried to focus on your seemingly new mantra.

“This is what happy people do. Promotions make you happy. Being successful makes you happy! I am happy!” You feel tears threaten to break through, but you force yourself to gulp down a sob.

“Happy people don’t cry!” You tell yourself, squeezing your hands even tighter against your ears. You don’t know how long you stay like this, or how many times you repeat the same thing to yourself, but it finally begins to work.

Your breathing begins to stabilize and you stand up, the only evidence left of your breakdown being the moist feeling of sweat from your palms. You wipe the dirt from your skirt before exiting the alley way, almost forgetting to wipe the leftover ‘almost-tears’ from your eyes. Taking a quick look at yourself in a nearby window, you hastily fix your hair and clothing, trying to make everything look normal.

Suddenly, you become very aware of the empty feeling in your stomach, deciding to head over to a nearby café to get a quick bite.

You keep your head down as you quickly walk down the straight, focusing on the click-clack of your heels, knowing how easily you another breakdown could be triggered.

Click-clack, click-clack, clic – You feel a broad shoulder collide with your own as you stumble slightly to the side.

“Oh, sorry.” You quickly blurt out, keeping your eyes to the ground, expecting the other person to continue on their way.

“Y/N?” That voice. It sounds so familiar. You raise your head, and their he his, smiling that beautiful smile of his, the one that makes his green eyes sparkle and –

“Barry!” You practically squeal, at the sight of him. It had been so long since the two of you had spoken last. “What are you doing in Star City?”

“Oh, I live here. What about you?” He lives here. He lives here! You had almost forgotten about Barry completely, ever since the summer he had broken up with you. Well, maybe you had clung on to him for like, a year or two after, but other than that, he had been out of your mind. But now….now all of those feelings seemed to come rushing back to you. His smile was so contagious, you almost forgot about the empty feeling in your stomach.

“I live here too. You know, we should grab coffee, or maybe dinner some time.” You blurt out. It’s his eyes, they’ve always made you forget all of your problems.

“Oh, man, Y/N, I would love that. But I’m moving back to Central City. I was actually on my way to the airport now.”

“Oh. Really?” It was times like this you were glad Barry could be so oblivious at times, because anyone else might have picked up on the clear disappointment in your tone.

“Yeah. It’s really amazing there. Nothing like Star City. The city just always makes me so…..happy.”

Happy. There’s that word again.

“Well, if you’re ever in Central City, just give me a call, maybe we could hang out then.” Barry said, his smile stretching from ear to ear as he waved goodbye to you.

“Sure.” You reply, almost in a dazed sort of whisper.

Happy.

You watched as Barry hopped into a taxi cab, giving you one final smile before the cab drove off. Left staring at where he was only moments ago, you repeated the conversation in your head again and again. He looked so happy. He was so happy.

“Central city?” You say to yourself aloud, not paying any head to the strange looks passer-by’s were giving you.

All of your troubles, all of your problems, in that one conversation with Barry, seemed to disappear.

What even was your problem? You remember being in the alley, running out of your boss’ office, and –

Crap.

Your boss. How long had you been? You rush back to the law firm, heading immediately up to your boss’ office. Some, possibly more sensible, part of your brain was telling you to take more time, to think things through. But you were done thinking, you knew what you needed to do.

You knock on your boss’ door before entering her room, where she is still sitting behind her desk, except this time her eyebrows are raised at your sudden entrance.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. Have you come to a decision yet?”

“I have.” You reply, taking a deep breath. You didn’t want to think about what your mom, or your boss, or what anyone else expected of you. You just wanted to do something for yourself, for once. “I’m afraid I can’t take the promotion. In fact, I quit.”

Your boss is left speechless at your confession, somehow managing to raise her eyebrows even further. “I’m sorry, but you do realise how great an opportunity this promotion is, correct? Let alone a job like this. You are one of our most qualified workers, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“I know, and I am truly flattered, but I can’t keep doing this to myself.” You say confidently, to your boss’ confusion.

“What? What does that even mean?” She questions you, her confusion growing by every word coming out of your mouth.

“It means I need to be my own person. You understand right? So, goodbye.” You feel the smile grow on your face as you leave the room, only hearing a quiet “No?” from your boss before the door closes.

On your way to the elevator, one of your co-workers, Laurel Lance, cuts through your path, a curious look on her face.

“You look happy. Did you get your promotion?” The history between the two of you wasn’t the best, but you didn’t feel like fighting, not today, not right now. Now was a time for being happy, not angry.

“Nope. Well, yes. But I…I quit!” You squeal in delight, as Laurels mouth practically dropped to the floor.

“And you’re happy about that?” She questioned you, right before the door to your boss’ office opened, and you heard your boss call Laurels name out. “Guess, I won’t be seeing you.”

You watch as Laurel walks away, probably to pick up the promotion you had just passed on, but you couldn’t care.

As soon as you got into the elevator, you immediately took out your phone, looking up jobs, houses, flights, everything that you could possibly need to start a life in Central City (Look, it’s only two hours from a beach! (Four in traffic)). Barry’s flight was overbooked (not that you wanted to be on the same flight as him, that would be weird, it just would’ve been the soonest flight), so the closest flight was two days from now.

You take just a moment, to fully understand what you were doing. And all you felt was blissful happiness.

  *2 Days and One Flight Later*

 “I would just like to say it will be a pleasure working for you, Ms Grant.” The words flew easily from your mouth, having had to recite them multiple times throughout your career. Butt kissing was kind of your thing.

“While I appreciate the compliment, it’s me who has the pleasure, what with all of your qualifications. Maybe I might just have someone who is qualified at their job for once.” Cat didn’t even so much as glance in your direction as she spoke, instead handing you a pile of papers she had grabbed off a desk she passed by. “You can start with these.”

“Will do, Ms Grant.” Taking the papers from her hands, Cat left without another word, yet somehow, you felt that whole conversation was her version of friendly.

You glanced around the small office building, a much smaller scale than your office in New York. Some might say it was a downgrade, but the fact that it was in Central City was enough.

“So, you’re the new girl, huh?” A brunette girl spoke up from her seat, one desk over from where you were standing. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh, yeah sure. Go ahead.” You say, setting the papers down on the empty desk beside her, assuming it’s yours.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh, what? I’m sorry I don’t think I understand.” Stuttering over your words, you feel a nervous sweat begin to form on the back of your neck. Why? It’s not like you came here for a weird reason? The city just seemed nice? Right?

“Well, judging by your clothes –“She gestured at your clothes, a deep blue pencil dress with a black blazer, in contrast with her purple blouse and jeans, “and based on how Cat seemed vaguely nice to you, you’re either overqualified or overcompensating.”

“What? No, I just – Cat offered me a position, and I looked into the city more and it sounded amazing. And it’s only two hours away from the beach!”

“Well, four in traffic.” The girl corrected you, as she squinted her eyes in distrust. “And that’s why you moved here? Nothing else?”

“Nope. What other reason would I have to move here, honestly?” You laugh and shrug you’re shoulders.

Which one of us am I trying to convince here? You think to yourself, but shake the thought away.

“I never got your name, by the way.” You say, trying to move the conversation away from you.

“Caitlin. Caitlin Snow. I’m the paralegal at the firm here.” She was still giving you that squinty look that made you want to duck underneath your desk and hide. Instead, like a rational human, you stared directly at the papers Cat had handed you, although it wasn’t like you could focus on the words on the pages. This could be a long day.

 *After Work*

 The glowing neon sign, although tacky, definitely managed to catch your attention.

‘The Flash’s Sports Bar’ complete with lightning bolts swirling around neon footballs and baseball bats.

I wonder if Barry will be here You think to yourself, not that that’s why I’m here, I need to meet the locals and bars are a good way to do that, I’m just being a normal social person.

As the wind picks up, you get a strong smell of beer along with a tinge of urine, from the open bar doors. Appealing.

Bracing yourself, and your nostrils, you head inside the bar, which honestly looked similarly to how it smelt. It was pretty empty, about twenty people scattered around the bar, all of them apparently alone. As you walk towards the main bar, you quickly, and ‘discreetly’ (aka not discreetly at all), glance around the room, looking for Barry. Or just anyone who you might recognize, you quickly add on, to your own thoughts. God, why do I keep having to rationalize all of my own decisions?

“Can I help you? You seem…..lost.” You hadn’t even noticed the bartended walking over to you, an empty glass in one hand and a cloth in the other.

“What? Oh, oh no, I’m just new here. I’m actually waiting on a friend.” The words just fall from your mouth, you barely even realised what you said.

“Oh really? Who’s your friend? I pretty much know everyone around here.” The bartender says with a grin, leaning his elbows on the counter. His grin did that same thing Barry’s did, seemingly lighting up an entire room.

“Uhm, Barry Allen? We ran into each other back in New York a couple days ago.”

“Tall, dorky, always late?”

“Yep, that’s him. Do you happen to know where he is?” At this point you felt your heart beat begin to race. You felt it, you were so close to seeing Barry again, and his smile, and his eyes and –

“Actually, the two of us were heading to a party tonight. One of our friends, Linda, is throwing it. Oh, I’m Wally by the way.” He extended his hand for you, which you accepted. “You know, I could bring you if you want?”

“You mean, like a….date?” Just the thought of going on a date full stop seemed to twist your stomach. Wait, isn’t this what butterflies feel like? Or nerves? Aren’t they normal? Why would I be nervous? It’s not like a have a boyfriend. “Uh, sure, that would be great.”

Your answer just seemed to make his smile grow even wider, he even let out a little giggle.

“Great, I can pick you up at seven?” As he said that, you heard laughter from behind you, as a group of young people came into the bar. “I should probably get back to work. But, uh, just write your address on this, and I will see you at seven.”

You take up the pen he had handed to you and write down your new address on a napkin, handing it to him. Pocketing it, he gives you one last chuckle before heading off to take the groups order.

“What’s wrong Y/N? Afraid you’ll have to kiss one of us?” Bailey teased you, as per usual. You were typically the more mature one from the group, tending to think logically over emotionally. Ok, maybe you don’t let yourself have fun too often, but when you work with a team of people working to save the world, there can’t be that much room for fun, right?

You feel your cheeks begin to burn, not so much at Bailey’s words, more so at what your true answer is. You would die for the chance to kiss her, god knows you dreamt about doing it for so long. But it would be highly unprofessional, so there was nothing you could do other than to push those fantasies aside.

“Ok fine, if you all insist.” You sit down in the circle, directly opposite Bailey. She had that trademark smirk on her face, only making your blush intensify.

“I’ll go first!” Jesse quickly added, clearly excited to finally have some fun after being trapped in Zoom’s lair for so long. Luckily, Joe and Harry had left the party a while ago, which would have turned this game very awkward (I mean, Wally and Iris were still playing, but it was a given if they got each other they would just spin again). She spun the bottle and the group waited In anticipation at who it would land on.

“Wally!” The bottle landed on Wally, and neither him or Jesse seemed to be too unhappy about the kiss.

“Ok, me next!” Bailey said, quickly spinning the bottle. You waited for the bottle to stop, feeling your heart pound in your chest.  There really was no good outcome for you. Either you get to see Bailey kiss somebody else, which was sure to be soul-crushing. Or, you get to kiss her, and most likely make an embarrassment out of yourself.

The bottle continued to spin, past Caitlin, past Cisco, past Iris, round and around. It seemed like it would never end, that you would be stuck in this moment of constant dread. But you weren’t that lucky.

As the bottle stopped, all eyes were on you, including Bailey’s, who now looked a lot less smug than before.

Knowing there was nothing to say that would get you out of this, you crawled towards her, stopping inches before her face. She was looking directly at your lips, her bright green eyes tracing your lips as you inched closer and closer towards her. And then you were kissing. And it felt perfect.

The world seemed to stop as the two of you kissed, Bailey’s soft lips against yours. Your hand instinctively went to her hand, gently cupping it in yours, your eyes fluttering shut. In that moment, you didn’t care about responsibility, or professionalism, or anything else. All you cared about was Bailey Allen, the girl who had stolen your heart since the first time you had met her.

And then it was over, and you physically felt your heart ache at the loss of her lips on yours. Her emerald green eyes locked with yours for just a second, and you could see the obvious blush now on her cheeks.

“I..I need to go.” Bailey stuttered before flashing out of the room. You didn’t move for a few seconds, trying to process everything that had just happened. Coming back to reality, you realise everyone’s eyes were still locked on you, confusion clear in all of their eyes.

“I should check on her.” You say, clearing your throat, trying to act nonchalant as you walk out of the cortex where you had all been sitting. Trying to act as if that kiss hadn’t just turned your entire world upside down and made you rethink your relationship with Bailey. But she still didn’t love you that same way, clearly, seeing as she literally got out of there as fast as she could. Still, you had to try to make this right, to try and hang on to your friendship.

Thinking of where she could go, you figure to check the time vault first. She told you once that’s where she would sometimes go to hide when being a superhero became too much.

You open the doors to find Bailey with her back to you, looking at the newspaper from the future. You can tell from her posture that she’s biting her nails, a nervous habit you had started noticing a lot more frequently lately.

“Iris West-Allen.” She spoke, sounding dazed. She was referring to the name under the newspaper. The name predicting Bailey and Iris’ future together. Yet another reason that your feelings for Bailey can only ever be a wild fantasy.

“Bailey, about that kiss…….” You begin but trail off, unsure of where to go. What to say. Suddenly she turns around to you, locking eyes with you. Her hair is windswept from running straight here, and you notice a couple strands falling in front of her face, but she does nothing to correct them. She raises her eyebrows, expecting you to continue.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away, I guess.” You say, allowing your gaze to fall to the ground. This isn’t what you knew how to deal with. If someone gave you a computer code to fix, or a server to hack, you could do it in record speed. But emotions? Feelings? Not too good with them.

“Carried away?” Bailey spoke. She didn’t say it in an accusing tone, instead it was more of a questioning tone.

“I just got so caught up in the moment, and in you, that I didn’t want it to end. I….I like you as more than a friend, Bailey. I have for a while now.” You let that sit with her, the weight of your confession simultaneously being lifted from your shoulders, while also feeling as prominent as ever.

“Really? You like me?” She asked, sighing, which only confused you more. Why would she sigh?

“Yeah? I’m sorry, I just had to tell you.”

“Don’t be sorry! I like you too Y/N, I always have.” She explained, a smile growing on her face which just made her eyes shine brighter to you. You felt your heart grow as her words set in. “I never said anything because there was always a threat, like Reverse Flash, or Zoom. I just didn’t want to put more people in danger.”

“Well, there isn’t any threat right now.” You say, throwing all professionalism you had previously wanted to keep out the window, taking a step towards Bailey, so that your lips were only mere inches from one another.

“I suppose you’re right.” She replied, that same grin from earlier now planted on her face as you lean in to press your lips against hers. 

You feel her throw her arms over your shoulder as one of your hands caresses her cheek, the other wrapping around her waist. You trace your tongue over her lips, a silent request. She follows through, allowing your tongue entrance as the kiss deepens. You had been wrong earlier, thinking that was the best moment of your life. This was the best moment, having her in your arms, nobody else watching. This time, it truly was only you two, and in that moment, nobody else matter.

------------------------

“And my twenty bucks?” Cisco asks smugly, holding his hand out towards Caitlin, who just rolls her eyes. She rummages through her pocket before digging out a two ten dollar note, placing it in Cisco’s hands.

“I thought they wouldn’t kiss for another two weeks.” Caitlin sighed, as Cisco flicked through his whole two notes, clearly doing it as a joke.

“Wait, what just happened?” Iris asked, looking between both Caitlin and Cisco, a questioning look in her eyes.

“Cisco bet me twenty dollars that he could get them both to kiss tonight.” Caitlin explained to Iris.

“And my plan worked, as always!” Cisco spoke triumphantly, now pretending to ‘Make It Rain’.