Spirituality, to me, is ultimately about actualization. Once i am gifted truth in understanding, the challenge/opportunity then becomes: how do i navigate reality with that understanding? how do i cultivate it and allow it to flow harmoniously with and through my steps? how do i live/breathe, as best as i can, my truth?
As i continue moving forward in Creation with the desire to be more conformed to love and authentic in my expression, i am gently reminded how important it is to walk the walk.
i grew up learning that the Word must shared in relationship: it is most powerfully communicated in the way that we relate to one another. That, to me, means the true power lives in our ability to integrate our thoughts and beliefs with our actions. Which is not always easy.
Years ago, i heard what i thought (and still believe) was a calling to become a spiritual teacher. And a part me of me ran away from it the first time, uncomfortable with the magnitude of it's volume. It didn't come to me in a gentle whisper. Thunder and lightning would more adequately describe the way the message rang in my spirit. But i wasn't ready--i didn't believe i was ready. Too attached to my conditioning. Too conflicted with my narrative, my drama, my life stories (my life story would make quite an entertaining Lifetime movie).
Honestly, sometimes i feel like i will never truly be ready. But i also know that's not true because the Most High would not have gifted me with something that i can not handle. i also know that i wouldn't be burning with such heARTfelt desire: to know love, to be love. If it was not Purposed.
And so, i sit in silence. With meditation and prayer. Breathing. Asking. And listening. Trying to hear the Creator's voice over the many thoughts chiming mindlessly in my head. Which can be very frustrating... But goodness, those moments when i am clearly and Divinely Spoken to (and i do use that word in the traditional sense as sometimes messages come in many different forms, sometimes a symbol or simple gesture/movement)... Everything makes sense. And i am inspired. To keep moving forward. To keep expanding. In love and possibility.
As i focus more on what i do. And commit more to the walking of my understanding vs. the talking, i feel more connected to my calling. i use my heART to excavate and discover the spaces within myself that are longing for more light and love. So that i might bring, as best as i can, this energy into my interactions and contribute most meaningfully to Creation. So that i might fulfill my greatest Good.
It is in this moment that i innerstand the yearning and passion in the Negro Spiritual, "I Wanna Be Ready" (a song i discovered witnessing one of y favorite ballets, Revelations, which was choreographed by Alvin Ailey). It's essence so beautifully describes my heART:
"i wanna to be ready to put on my long white robe."
