have you memorizedĀ āMum was Louise. Dad was Dennis. Dennis met Louise when she was 18. He was 24. Total surprise, a year later, my brother Denny. And me, less of a surprise, I guess. Dad starts working in a coal mine. Itās, uh, more money. Slightly more, but heās barely home now, and Louise, wellā¦ Louise is home with the kids, but sheās basically a kid herself. A kid with two kids, and a husband 600 meters down. So, she does what kids do. She plays. So, Dadās underground, and Mumās under some bloke, andā¦ the thing about a coal mineā¦ Well, the thing I think about most now Iām olderā¦ No plants down there. No life at all. See, these menā¦ We send them down into this dark mess, digging for something dead. Soā¦ dead that itās now lumps of dead things, so old and lifeless that they will literally burn, and that was his life. While she did whatever she could to feel alive. All that death, that dark, powdery death is all over his face, his hands, his fucking lungs, when he comes up. Thereās not a leaf, not a branch, not a flower in his world, and when he finally climbs out of that grave, finally climbs back to the land of the livingā¦ they laugh at him. They laugh because the whole town knows that the new baby, my little brother Mikey, isnāt his. So, Dennis buries his head in the soot, and theyā¦ praise him for his loyalty, while they mock him for a cuckold. Louise, on the other hand, call a spade a spade, and they call my mum a whore. Call the daughter one, too, bully her at school, on the streets. Even makes its way home. Little Denny piles on, tries to save his own skin by blaming all the females in the family, and in ā67, Louise bolts. She splits, and I come home from school to find Mikeyā¦ aloneā¦ screaming his little head off. Heās still a baby, and he doesnāt understand what heās done wrong. I try and take care of him. But Iām just a kid. Kids canāt raise kids. I forget things. Like watching over a pot when it boils. So, one day thereās an accident. Social Services gets involved, and weāre split up. Dad did his best. He spent so long underground, didnāt know what to do with a kid, let aloneā¦ three kids. So, he disappeared into the dirt. Then, it was foster care. Just a bunch of stale, perverted men with bitter wives, hoping to make a few quid by taking care of the local trash. I left for London pretty soon after that. Got myself into all sorts of trouble there. Wound up serving a couple of years. And itās there I start gardening. Busy work for idle hands. But I fucking love it. Love it. And itās so clear thenā¦ how peopleā¦ arenāt worth it. But plantsā¦ you pour your love, and your effort, and your nourishment into themā¦ and you see where it goes. You watch them grow, and it all makes sense. So, yeah. Everyone is exhaustive. Even the best ones. But sometimesā¦ once in a blue goddamned moon, I guessā¦ someoneā¦ like this moonflower, just might be worth the effort. Look, I know youāre struggling. I see it. I know youāre carrying this guilt around, but I also know that you donāt decide who lives and who doesnāt. Iām sorry, Dani, but you donāt. Humans are organic. Itās a fact. Weāre meant to die. Itās naturalā¦ beautiful. And it all breaks down and rises back up, and breaks down again, and every living thing grows out of every dying thing. We leave more life behind us to take our place. That life refreshes and recycles, and on and on it goes. And that is so much better than that life getting crushed, deep down in the dirt, into a rock that will burn if itās old enough. So much better to see the leaflingā¦ and flower. We leave more life behind to take our place. Like this moonflower. Itās where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing.ā or are you straight
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