ShOPyNionAted

I’ve known what i wanted to do with my life since i was 12 years old. I knew i wanted to be like Quincy Jones and Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds. I knew I wanted to write songs, make television programs & media. An I would tell everyone who would listen from my friends, relatives, teachers, random strangers because i know i had the ability within me.

I think knowing what you want to be at such a young age has its drawbacks as well as advantages. The advantages are people who know you and deal with you know where your passions reside an can assist you as they see fit.

The drawbacks are different, children dont need adults stepping on their goals an aspirations an i was one of the people who got alot of pushback.

I would tell adults about my plans and they would say i was being unrealistic and I needed a fall back plan. Thats doesn’t help anyone. Children need the freedom to dream an aspire. Adults who have never colored outside the lines, meaning they have never gone after their passions should not be able to snuff out a child’s dreams with their lack of belief or foresight.

I wanted to do the album cover for Sample Sho 3 as an ode to all my other covers in a sense.

The original cover for Soul’d Out Sho was supposed to be a piece of street art in the East Village that i loved when i worked in the neighborhood. We went with a grid photo of me an that was an excellent call at that time.

Sample Sho 1 & 2 covers are stills from live video just capturing me in the act of doing the thing i love and is extremely dedicated to. Have been for more than 2 decades

So Sample Sho 3 is a tongue an cheek tribute to the 2 decades of dedication, the lack of tangible success and the impression i assume that it has had on people who know me an have deemed me a failure.

I spent my whole life hiding in plain sight, trying to figure if i was actually invisible like many ppl tried to make me believe an feel.

I hid behind hats n hoodies n scarves, rhymes, alter egos, narcissism & too many personas.

Subconsciously i always thought nobody wud remember me or even cared about me enough to notice if i was there or not. That happens when u have to be without ur parents for a considerable amount of time. Those who step in are supposed to handle fragile children with care….. but that may have been too much to ask for in my circumstance.

This is not a diss to anyone who may be offended but my upbringing was fucked up in every way possible. It was filled with trauma n abandonment starting very early…..which led me to have bouts of self doubt n plenty of trust issues. I’ve pushed good people away simply because they didnt remind me of the toxicity i spent my entire life around. Ive had the people who were supposed to love n care for me leave me in my times of need repeatedly n then tell me to get over it when i brought it up. Same ppl let me get mistreated by strangers n the system n stood by an said/did nothing. Thats the stuff i cant understand. Those are the things i cant forgive. Ive been mistreated & abused by people i have done the unspeakable for.

I never bombarded ppl with my work in fear of being rejected or ostracized all of which stems from a lack of confidence which comes from not having actual support. Its hard for me to expect strangers to support me when the ppl who i feel shud support….. Dont.

I’m no longer looking for support….. not that its not wanted, i know now that its not needed. I did all this without anybody supporting me or cheering me on or checking to see if i wasnt mentally destroying myself. So im grateful for it all. I actually hope writing all this lifts a burden.