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Something had been bothering him for the last three days. Something family-related, you knew that much. He never responded well to those issues when something triggered it, considering the deep roots of trauma that surrounded his family dynamics. When it got stirred up, he took a while to come back to reality.

He wouldn’t give up going to the studio. So you all piled into the room, knowing he wasn’t in the right headspace to record but nervous to keep telling him the same thoughts repeatedly.

“His voice is fucked,” Rook grimaced when Colson went into his first hook.

He was right. You couldn’t understand why he had to be so headstrong. His pride was in his music, and it wasn’t clear he was delivering his best.

Colson’s face told you everything you needed to know when he stepped out of the booth. He knew he was just making things worse the harder he pushed himself. Fumbling over lines, hoarseness in his throat. It wasn’t him.

“Fuckin’ shit. I’m over it.” He grumbled while the rest of the room was depleted of helpful advice.

“Again,” his voice growled

“I’m done, Kells. I need a break at least.” Rook stood up, shoulders broad as he put his foot down to his friend.

Slim joined him. “Yeah, man. We been at it.”

Colson’s face twisted with anger. “Uh, yeah. That’s what we fucking do in the studio. Pullin double-digit hours if we have to.”

He wasn’t wrong; the studio was where everyone pushed for their best, no matter how long it took. But this time was different. Colson was different.

“Then give us a breather for a bit. You need one too.” Rook took to the door and Slim followed. “Need some food or somethin.”

When they left, Colson’s anger churned into pain. It was as if his friends had just abandoned them.

“Un-fucking-believable.” He barked and threw himself back into his chair.

You studied him. His body was stiff as a board, his breathing rapid.

You figured you could try helping him again, though your efforts earlier had failed. You’d begged him to skip out on recording, to talk to you about what was going on with him. But he wouldn’t budge and instead came to the studio to self-sabotage and lash out at everyone around him.

You didn’t really feel like being nice anymore. But your love for that blonde-haired, blue-eyed man overshadowed most of those feelings.

You got to your feet and tangled your arms around him from behind while he sat in the chair. His shoulders were so tense, and his breathing almost sounded constricted with how he was holding himself.

“You’ve gotta do something different,” you whispered and rested your head on his.

“I’m fucking mad, y/n.” He gritted his teeth together as he spoke.

“Clearly,” you kissed his hair. “You gotta fix that before you do all of this. Emotions fade, but your career is forever.”

You kissed on his neck and shoulder while your hands ran along his chest.

He shook you off of him. “I’m done with everyone treatin’ me like this. Like I’m not the whole reason any of y’all are here.”

Your patience snapped. “Excuse me?”

“You wouldn’t fuckin like me if I didn’t do what I do… If I didn’t live the way I do.”

You were all that was left to lash out on, and there it was.

“Fuck off, Kells. I love you despite your crazy-ass lifestyle.”

You stood back up, ready to wander outside to find Slim and Rook.

“See, you’d do way better with a corporate finance boyfriend. As vanilla as the day is long.” He laughed, anger still flowing from him.

He was on a sabotaging rampage. Willing to run everything he loved into the ground. And you still couldn’t quite figure out what caused this switch in him.

“You don’t know me then if that’s what you think.” You shook your head and reached for your belongings piled up on the loveseat you’d taken residence on.

He jumped to his feet when he heard the clanking of your purse. “Missionary every Thursday typa dude.” He taunted you again.

Everything he was saying was so uncalled for. Irrelevant.

“You just want to hurt your own feelings,” you sighed, not even looking at him anymore.

You felt his heat against your back. He pushed your stuff out of your hands and onto the floor.

“I’m what?”

You couldn’t back down from him again.

“You’re making up shit to give you more reasons to last out. You’ve been shitty for days, and I told you coming here was a bad idea. You’ve chased off your friends, and you’re about to push me away for good.”

The words were hard for you to say, but it was true.

Colson’s blue eyes scanned your face. “You sit here and tell me everything I shouldn’t do like you know it all. Then come kiss on my neck. It’s fuckin weird and doesn’t make sense.”

Was he really going to shit in everything you did?

“What the fuck else do I do? I’ve tried everything, Col. Love and understanding, trying to be the voice of reason, shutting up and giving you affection.” Your voice was quivering with anxiety and the pain of his rejection.

He smiled eerily. “So hard to please, ain’t I?”

You shrugged and your voice lowered. “When you’re like this, yeah.”

He nodded and ran his thumb along his bottom lip.

“There is something you haven’t tried.”

You threw your hands against your side. “What, what would you like me to do to fix all of this?”

“Not fix it, but help.”

He got closer to you again, brushed your hair off of your shoulder, and placed his hand on your neck's base.

“Remember when we talked about it,” he cleared his throat. “You being my uh, free-use?”

Your eyes darted around. You recalled a particular conversation post-sex a few weeks prior. Colson was stroking himself in preparation for round two, outlining the idea of him bringing you on tour with him to fulfill him. Flying you out if he had to. All to be his free-use slut.

The bridge between that conversation and this interaction was blurry.

“Okay,” you said it as a question.

“Frustration builds after a while, ‘specially here.” He broke eye contact to look around in the studio. “What’s a man to do?”

Fuck. Denying Colson sex was something you never could do. No matter how exhausted or busy you were, his dick was a craving. The appetite for it was always there, regardless of how much he pissed you off.

Now was no exception. Sure, he’d been a royal pain in the ass. A true dickhead. But maybe this would help him shake off his inner anger. After all, the lovey-dovey approach wasn’t always his thing anyway.

“Right here, in the studio?” You clarify.

He smiled, a little softer than earlier but still with an edge. “We both know how you get watchin’ me spit in the studio, probably been soaked all day.”

“Okay, don’t embarrass me now.” Your face turned bashful, though entirely ready to submit to him.

Colson’s hands hooked around your waist and slid down your hips. “I’m rewriting a few lines and you’re gonna suck me off while I do it.”

Heat rippled to your pussy while Colson grabbed your wrist and pulled you to where he’d been sitting off and on.

He sat and cleared more space on the table for his composition book and black pen.

“Do I need to explain it more, baby?” He taunted you, loving when you played the dumb slut act.

“I think I understand,” you swayed.

He grabbed your wrists and pulled you onto the floor below him. You crawled between his legs, slightly concealed underneath the table but close enough for him to look down at you in his lap if he pleased.

He unbuttoned his jeans and yanked down his zipper quickly, allowing his hard dick to spring out.

“Already so hard,” you licked your lips. “Just thinkin’ about me does that?”

He laughed and gripped his hand onto your cheek. “Thinkin, about that pretty mouth wrapped around me does. Plus, you yellin’ might’ve helped.”

There hadn’t been any thought about your anger turning Colson on, but you weren’t about to question it.

You took him in your hand, stroking him softly and tracing your tongue along the sides of his shaft.

“You don’t gotta make love to it, just fuckin suck it.” He hissed and ripped through papers in his book.

You followed his orders, taking his cock deep into your mouth and bobbing your neck quickly. You coughed, which elicited a laugh from Colson and him to peek down at you.

“That’s right,” he sighed in pleasure. You heard his lighter spark and the scent of marijuana filled your nose.

You took him from your mouth, spit dripping down your arm. “Smoking or writing?”

He grabbed the back of your head and pushed it back down onto him while you squirmed.

“Less talking, more sucking.”

You sucked him hard, eyes filling with tears every so often and then taking your hand to pump him while leaving his tip nestled on your tongue.

You’d heard him scribbling on the table above you, but he tossed the pen aside and took your face into his hands again. This time his nails dug into your cheek.

“You like being here for only one reason? Just to be a hole for me to use?”

“Mhm,” you moaned onto his cock.

Your pussy was aching with arousal. You desperately needed him to touch you. He didn’t need to make you come, but just a touch would be enough.

So you nudged one of his legs inward, closing his wide stance a little. All so you could press yourself into the front of his leg.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing.” Colson said as soon as your clothed pussy met his shin.

You didn’t reply, keeping him in your mouth and fluttering your tongue along his bottom ridge.

To your surprise, Colson retracted out of your mouth and stood up. He reached down to pull you to your feet, pressing you against the table. “Lie back.”

You fell back onto the hard surface, extending your hand to wrap around Colson’s length, not giving up your purpose.

His hands slipped between your thighs, yanking your panties off in one harsh swipe. He chucked down at the sight in front of him: you bottomless from the waist down, soaked and aching for his touch.

“Want it so bad, don’t you?”

You nodded quickly in hopes he would grant your wish.

He spread your pussy open, examining your arousal. You desperately were hoping for a kiss or a touch.

“Please, Kells.” You begged, unashamed.

“Aw, how sad.”  You were pitiful in his eyes.  “Need it bad, huh?”

Your pouty bottom lip slipped under your bite. Your spit was beginning to dry on his cock, but you weren’t about to let go.

“Wanted to bust in that mouth, but this pussy is too tempting.” His fingers faintly brushed across your folds, teasing your clit ever so slightly. Your hips jumped up in response, silently screaming for more.

Part of you was still bothered by Colson’s bad attitude and anger. He’d gotten entitled and bossy. Though he was entitled to your cunt, something you’d never push back on.

“You know you want to,” your hand teased down your chest, stomach, and down to your opening. You twinkled your fingers exactly where he wanted to be most.

Colson was reluctant, only because his friends might return. While he didn’t give a fuck about them seeing him, he was protective over them seeing you. It was fair game for them to hear you or for Colson to share a few stories here and there. But he strictly wanted it to remain in their imaginations rather than their realities.

“Not tryin’ to get caught, don’t you get it? Or are you too mesmerized by my cock?” He scoffed and took himself from your hand.

The latter statement was correct. All logic had left your brain, and you were exactly what he wanted you to be—his needy slut, with only one thing on her mind and one job: to make him come.

“You gotta be ready to take me again later if this ain’t enough,” he pulled you by your hips to the very edge of the table and skimmed the head of his cock against you. His heat made your entire core flex.

Colson let out another one of his signature cocky laughs. His long finger traces lines along your pussy and he pinched the hood of your clit between his thumb and index finger. You jumped yet again at the contact.

“Sensitive for such a slut,” he licked his lips and guided his length into you. Your back involuntarily arched as he slid inside.

A forceful hand pressed down onto your hips, flatting you against the table. His thumb swiped along your clit, causing whines to fall from your mouth.

His jeans had been contained around his knees, but they finally slipped to the floor as he started to fuck you harder. Rougher. Scratching at your skin, then shoving two fingers from the opposite hand into your mouth.

“Suck,” he instructed you and you formed a seal around his digits.

His cock hit you deep, making you rattle with pleasure. He pushed his thumb harder onto your clit, finally sending you over the edge. You were unable to hide your sounds, though you knew he’d want you to.

You seized around him, and his dick pulsed in response. He was about to fill you.

“Shut up,” he groaned and slid his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds. They weren’t exaggerated moans, but they were loud and borderline squeals. You tried to control them, but they’d come out louder, with more force.

He thrusted harder, pinching your face between his hands roughly. Your cheeks hurt with how hard he squeezed. Your walls clenched around him at the pressure from his hand.

Colson grunts left him back to back, and you felt him bust inside you. A hot sensation spread throughout your walls and spilled out before he was fully finished.

He pulled out, but dropped to his knees to bury his face between your legs.

“Come for me one more time,” he moaned against your pussy.

It wasn’t a regular thing for Colson to eat you out after he came inside of you, but he did it once in a while because you’d told him how hot you thought it’d be. How having his cum inside of you while you had another round was everything you wanted.

He pumped two fingers inside of you, while his tongue and lips fluttered on your sensitive clit. His cum made it even easier to slip in and out of you.

Your hands wound into his hair, tugging on it and your hips rose to grind into his face. Another orgasm ruptured through you, this time rooting from somewhere deep in your core. Colson moaned at the gripping of your body around his fingers and your pulsing clit in his mouth.

When he pulled himself from you, he immediately sat you upward and brought you into an embrace. His mouth slammed into your lips while his face was soaked in a combination of his fluids and yours. Making it the nastiness yet hottest kiss you’d ever shared. Your tongues quarreled together, and you tasted his release. A satisfied hum vibrated into his mouth from yours, which he met with panting breaths.

“Fuck, baby. That was good.” You sighed out, and your legs shook around his sides.

He nodded against you, visibly depleted of energy.

“So much for just using me for your own enjoyment.” You teased him as you watched him shimmy up his jeans again.

“I come way harder after feeling you lose control of your cunt around me.” He smirked, proud of his rebuttal. Anything to show he was still calling the shots. “You’re a mess.” He stared between your legs.

You swiped your fingers along your pussy, taking up even more of the combined orgasms and sucked your fingers clean.

“Mmm, good girl.” Colson clutched his cock in his jeans.

You stared into his eyes, repeating the same moves. Slowly fingering yourself and sucking off everything he’d left behind.

He watched in awe and clutching his bulge before shaking his head and bringing himself back into reality. Of all things his friends did not need to walk into, it was this.

He snatched your panties and bottoms from where he’d thrown them and slid your legs through the holes. Then he helped you off the table and brought them all the way up to cover you.

“Feel any better?” you peered up at him, knowing at least you did.

He grinned at you, pulling you into a hug and squeezing your ass. “Yes, but I need something else from you.”

You tiled your head, ready to hear what he had to say.

“I need you on standby, ready for me if I need to get out more frustration, okay?”

You nodded eagerly.

“Mouth, pussy, ass even.” His finger tapped in the sensitive spot where he’d grabbed your face. “You’re only here to please me, got it?”

You wanted to laugh, knowing it’d be hard for Colson not to please you if anything were to happen. But you didn’t and instead assured him you were ready for him as soon as he needed it.

He grabbed his notebook and pen again. “Now I really gotta fix this up, now that my brain is cleared up a bit.”

You kissed his flushed lips and sat back where you had been watching him all night. He slumped forward and began scribbling ink along the pages.

Rook and Slim cautiously came back into the room, tiptoeing like they were avoiding disturbing the beast. In their hands were bags from the convenience store filled with drinks and snacks.

“Aye, I think I got it now.” Colson held out his book to Slim, who looked relieved that Colson’s tone wasn’t in anger.

He raised his eyebrows in approval. “Got it.”

Colson headed for the booth once again. “Run it.”

When he was gone, Rook looked over to you. “Finally find a way to make him feel better?”

In five years of dating, you’d seen Colson angry many, many times. 

He was a dark person, after all. His past had clouded his perception of the world to be starkly negative. You loved him regardless, but lately, there were more dark days than bright ones. The good days were still there, of course, but few and far between. Yeah, you saw him angry a lot.

But never like this. 

And it was your fault.

So, maybe you wanted Colson to be jealous. Maybe he wasn’t paying much attention to you. Maybe you were tired of it. Seriously, you thought, who does he think he is? Did five years mean he didn’t need to pay attention to you anymore? Show you how special you were to him? Well, that was bullshit.

You felt like you’d been asking for attention for months, for him to call when he was on tour more often or at least send some texts here and there. At the very least, respond to the texts you’d sent. But he always brushed off your pleas and you were tired of it. Was it time to end things? The thought of that made you nauseous. 

“We’re going out tonight,” your friend had told you on the other end of the phone, “and meeting guys. You’re gonna flirt and have fun. Got it?”

“I don’t know,” you had said nervously, knowing what Colson would do if he found out. And he would. 

“Come on, Y/N,” she’d scoffed. “He’s being a dick and he needs to learn his lesson.”

You’d considered it for a long moment before finally straightening up. “You know what? Fuck it. I’m down.”

You dressed sexy and went to the club with your friend. You felt good and you looked good, too. The best part of all of this was that Colson was coming home tonight. He would come home only to find you gone, no note, text, or anything. You’d leave your location on so he’d know exactly where you were. Let him worry about you like you’d worried about him throughout the tour, always knowing where he was but never getting to talk to him. Fuck that.

You were on the dance floor with your friend, pleasantly buzzed from the drinks you’d already had. Many people recognized you and the drinks were pouring in, literally. It seemed like every time you turned around, you were being handed another drink. It was great. 

All of a sudden, your friend let go of your hand. You looked up, confused, then smirked when you saw her dancing with a guy she’d been eyeing all night. Suddenly, a gentle hand landed on your arm. You turned to see the guy’s friend, smiling at you. “Hey,” he said. “Do you want to dance?”

You were a little surprised, but you smiled and nodded. “Sure!” He smiled, too, then set his hands on your hips. You placed yours on his shoulders and let him sway your body. You weren’t actually interested in anyone but Colson, but it felt nice to have someone actually wanting to be in your presence. 

You and the guy danced for a while. He was being perfectly respectful and you chatted over the loud music. You were actually having fun. Until your eyes locked on a pair of fierce blue ones. 

Fuck.

Your eyes widened and you pushed the guy away from you. He frowned, confused. “S-sorry,” you stammered. “I gotta go.”

You rushed past him, walking towards Colson. You knew he would come, but immediately, you found yourself regretting your decisions. It was clear your boyfriend was positively fuming. His jaw was tense and his brow was furrowed, nostrils slightly flared. You noticed his fists clenched at his sides and your stomach twisted uncomfortably. Fuck. you were in trouble. 

His hand curled around your arm as soon as you were close enough to touch, and he yanked you out of the club. You met eyes with your friend, who looked concerned, but she waved you off. You swallowed hard and let Colson pull you outside. 

He was silent on the walk to the car, which was even scarier than him talking. He threw open the passenger door and practically threw you into the seat. You yelped and curled in on yourself, buckling up. Colson slammed the driver’s side door and took off, flying out of the parking lot. He was going way, way too fast, veering around other cars and running yellow lights, even a couple reds when no one was coming. You were shocked to make it home in one piece. The entire time, you were scared to look at him. You could hear how hard he was breathing.

At home, he hauled you out of the car and inside where he lifted you, hanging your body over his shoulder. You bit your lip as tears stung in your eyes and you clutched him as he carried you to the bedroom. That was where he spoke his first words. “Take off your fucking clothes and get on the bed.”

You scrambled to follow his orders and crawled onto the bed, shivering. Forcefully, he handcuffed each hand to a corner of the bedpost and shoved your legs open. He leaned over you, curling a hand around your neck so hard that you squeaked. “Don’t fucking move,” he said lowly. 

You were trembling as he disappeared from the room, barely breathing, wondering what was in for you. You couldn’t deny that you were a little excited, though. You actually liked rough Colson at times. Mostly, though, you were scared.

Your fear only intensified when he returned and you saw what he was holding: a switchblade with a pink handle that Mod had gotten him a few months ago. Your eyes widened and you whimpered, squirming. “Didn’t I say not to fucking move!” he barked. His eyes were wild with fury. His entire body was tense with anger. 

He came over to you and flicked open the switchblade, studying the sharpness of the blade as he stalked over slowly. His eyes flicked to yours. “You wanna act like a fucking slut, huh?” he huffed. “Dancing with some other dude? Not being here when I got home?”

“I–” you tried.

“Shut the fuck up!” Colson yelled, silencing you immediately. It was then that he climbed over top of you and pressed the tip of the blade to your throat. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How dare you.”

Tears finally spilled from your eyes and Colson seemed to pause. For the briefest of moments, something affectionate flashed in his eyes. “Color?” he nearly whispered.

You hesitated. You could say red and he would immediately stop. He respected your safe word. But you couldn’t deny that something about this was making you throb between your legs. “Green,” you finally squeaked.

Colson smirked darkly, all the mirth disappearing from his eyes at once. “That’s a good little slut,” he said, dragging the knife’s tip down your neck without cutting you. You panted as the gleaming tip moved down between your breasts, circling each nipple painfully slowly. You were shaking hard, scared that he’d accidentally cut you if you trembled too hard. 

Part of you wanted him to, though. 

It wasn’t the first time you guys had messed around with a knife, but it was definitely the first time that Colson was angry when messing around with the knife. And that was definitely terrifying, but also intriguing. The unpredictability thrilled you. 

The knife was at your belly now, Colson’s eyes watching how hard you were breathing. He huffed a soft chuckle and pressed the tip of the knife more firmly to your stomach. You winced at the sharp pinch and bit your lip hard. 

Colson’s eyes flitted up to yours and then the knife was back at your throat. He used it to tip your chin up and you held his eye contact, scared to look away. “You’re going to tell me what the fuck you were thinking,” he murmured, “getting sexy. Going to the club. Dancing on that guy. Knowing full well I was coming home tonight.”

You stared at him, scared to admit it. He didn’t seem in the mood to listen.

“...After I fuck you ‘til you bleed,” he added. You shivered at his words. “Do you understand?” he asked, pushing your chin up a little more. You nodded frantically. “Good girl,” he muttered. Reaching down, he roughly pressed your thighs apart and started messily stroking your pussy, smearing your desire. 

He laughed darkly. “Seems like you like it when I get rough with you,” he remarked. Then, he was sneering. “Or maybe you liked dancing on that motherfucker at the club. Hm?” The knife was back at your throat and you whimpered. 

“N-no!” you managed before the knife was pressed so hard to your flesh that the skin broke, just a little. You cried out and arched your neck away from the pain. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Colson gritted. “You’re fine. Barely anything.” His thumb came up to brush away the blood and then he sucked his thumb into his mouth. You stared in complete awe. You’d never seen Colson like this before. 

He tossed the knife onto the bed and reached between your legs again. “Mm, love this wet pussy,” he muttered, more to himself. “Whose pussy is this, Y/N?” His eyes flitted to yours.

You were terrified to speak, but at the same time, you didn’t want to not respond. “Y-yours, daddy,” you squeaked.

Colson laughed. “Damn right.” Removing his hand from you, he came up to squeeze your face, the remnants of your excitement now on your own face. “I’m gonna fuck you. Hard. And you’re going to like it and fucking thank me.”

Your breath hitched. All you could do was stare at him.

“Do you understand?” he asked, and you nodded. “Good,” he said with a smirk, shoving your legs apart. He got to his feet, stripped down, and got back between your legs. He lifted your hips and eased himself inside. He easily could’ve hurt you by ramming inside, but Colson wasn’t cruel. He didn’t really want to hurt you; you knew that. There was a difference between pleasurable pain and just pure pain. You knew that deep down, he wanted you to enjoy this, too. 

You whined as he pressed all the way inside, your eyes squeezing closed. Suddenly, Colson’s hand was clamped tightly over your mouth. “Shut the fuck up, bitch,” he muttered. “You don’t get to moan and enjoy this. Oh, and you don’t get to come either. How’s that?”

You could’ve cried.

You were so damn deprived. His refusal to let you come almost pushed you over the line, from scared but enjoying yourself to furious tears. All you wanted was him, his attention, his body, and now he was denying you all because you’d done something to make him want to give you all of those things. It hurt. Deep in your stomach, it hurt. 

Colson grunted as he started to fuck you, his eyes closing and his toned abdomen tensing. He was so gorgeous and you loved him so much. More than anything. You didn’t want that guy at the club. You didn’t want anyone else. You didn’t want to be single. You wanted Colson and only Colson. 

You held back tears. 

Colson smirked when he saw you holding back. “Oh, now you wanna cry?” he mocked, leaning over you. “Crying because you made a stupid decision. Isn’t that fucking cute.”

That was all it took for tears to spill over with a choked sob. Colson ignored you and bit his lip, fucking you harder. Your sob was interrupted by a moan and you wanted to clamp a hand over your mouth but your hands were handcuffed to the fucking bed. You were so goddamned helpless. 

Colson laughed again. “That’s right, you love this cock deep in your pussy. You love bleeding for me, being a good little slut for m-e.” His last word melted into a moan, his eyes fluttering shut. “Oh fuck, you feel good.” His praises mixed in with his cruel words were making your head spin. You ached for the praises. You wanted to be good for him, anything to hear those kind words. 

Colson hoisted your hips up, hitting you at a different angle, and you bit back a groan. His cock was aimed right at your g-spot, the pleasure increasing by the second, and it was getting hard to hold back. You felt your legs trembling and your pussy clenching around him. You were so desperate.

Colson slowed then. “Oh, no, you’re not coming, baby girl,” he said lowly. He pulled out and reached up, hastily undoing your handcuffs. He flipped you over onto your stomach, hauled your hips up, and rammed back inside you. You couldn’t help but cry out, but Colson was so deep in his ecstasy that he didn’t say anything. 

He fucked you harder and harder, making it hard to keep your hips up, but you didn’t dare let them fall. You gasped as Colson landed a big hand across your ass, the skin immediately stinging. “You’re a bad fucking girl, Y/N,” he borderline growled, smacking your ass again. “Take it, bitch.” Tears spilled from your eyes as he landed more smacks to your ass, the perfect blend of pleasurable pain. You couldn’t deny that you loved it. 

“Ah fuck, gonna make me come,” Colson grunted, hips stuttering against your ass. You didn’t think it was possible for him to go any faster, but he did, his skin slapping lewdly against yours, and then he was moaning lowly as he came inside you. When he pulled out, leaving you empty, you could’ve cried again. You were so sensitive, so fucking desperate to come, your pussy clenching around nothing. You let your hips fall to the bed. 

You heard Colson’s footsteps, then the flick of the bathroom light. You listened to him moving around the bathroom, peeing, washing his hands, cleaning himself off. He was taking his sweet time, leaving you a mess on the bed. You flinched as the bed dipped beside you. You hissed quietly as he cleaned off your legs where his release had spilled out. 

He was quiet as he dropped the towel into the laundry basket and sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He cleared his throat. “Y/N,” he said quietly. “Look at me, baby.” His use of the word baby was what convinced you to look up at him with teary eyes. He looked remorseful. “Come here, honey?” 

You scrambled up and into his lap, letting him pull you into his chest. His hand stroked your hair, tucking your head into his neck, and you wrapped your limbs around him, crying silently. You’d missed him so much and all of this hurt so badly. All you wanted was his attention, a reminder here and there that he still loved you. You were no more sure now than you were before he fucked you. 

“Hey, shh,” he soothed, stroking your hair gently. “It’s okay now, baby. It’s okay.” After a moment, he removed your face from his neck and held it in his hands, studying  your face. “Was I too rough? You always promised to use your safe word.”

“I-I would’ve if it had gone too far,” you told him, and meant it. The only reason sex like that was possible was because you and Colson had rock solid boundaries and promises to use safe words whenever one of you felt like something had gone too far. 

Colson’s jaw worked and your anxiety hiked up. He was still upset. “I just want to know why, Y/N,” he croaked, studying your face. “It hurt so fucking bad to see you with another dude.”

Your teeth worked your bottom lip as you held back your emotions. Sputtering through your words while you cried wasn’t the way to get your point across, but at this point, you couldn’t help it. “B-because I’ve been begging you for months to give me more, Colson!” you finally blurted. Colson looked a little stunned. “I’ve been begging and begging you to just talk to me more. To call me, to text me back, to give me any semblance of attention. You’re out touring the fucking world and I’m here alone, missing you. My mental health sucks right now, Colson, and it’s your fucking–” You cut yourself off and swallowed. Blaming wasn’t helpful, either. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” Colson said, his eyes holding so much pain and remorse. “Baby, I’m…I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing better.” He tucked your hair behind your ears. “Were you…were you trying to get me to pay attention?”

You nodded.

“Fuck,” Colson said, covering his face. “Can’t believe I acted like such an ass. Y/N, baby, you should’ve told me.”

You scoffed. “As if you were in any place to listen,” you reminded him. 

Colson looked down guiltily. “Jesus Christ. I’m the worst.”

You sighed and composed yourself. “Col, you aren’t,” you assured him. “But I need more, baby. I don’t even know right now if you love me.”

Colson’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?” he asked breathlessly. You kept your eyes fixed downwards. Colson held your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks. “Baby, I love you more than anything in this world. I’m so sorry I was a bad communicator and that you didn’t feel heard.” He looked at you sadly. “I’m home now for a while and…and I’m gonna do better. I promise.”

You sniffed. “You better,” you muttered. “I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t lose you either,” Colson murmured, then finally pulled you in for a kiss. His lips on yours was the best thing you’d felt in a very long time. Soft and warm, loving, gentle. For the first time in forever, you felt connected to Colson again and you hugged him closer, deepening the kiss to maintain that proximity. 

Your foreheads pressed together when you were done kissing. “Are we okay, baby?” he murmured. 

“Yeah,” you said, sniffling, but smiling. “We’re okay.”

Colson pulled you in for another deep kiss. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too, babe,” you told him.

He gave you a small smile. “Can I make it up to you real quick?” he asked.

You cocked your head to the side. “How?”

“Well,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear, “I think you actually do deserve to come.”

Your brow raised and excitement surged in your belly. “Really? You’re not mad at me?” you asked in awe. 

“No baby,” Colson said with a soft smile. “I’m not. Now come on, let me take care of you.” He leaned in to kiss you, hands sliding down your waist to hold your hips. He broke the kiss to trail kisses slowly down your neck, causing you to sigh and tilt your head. 

Carefully, Colson’s hand went between your legs, his motions much more gentle this time. You closed your eyes and groaned as his fingers circled your clit, still so sensitive from earlier. You’d been close and pulled back several times. Your hips shifted against the friction. 

Colson angled his fingers up inside you, watching your face as he pleasured you. He wanted you to get yours, but maybe he was being a little selfish because he loved watching you come undone. He couldn’t help it. 

He made quick work of bringing you to the edge, and as you dangled at the precipice, Colson leaned in to kiss you hard, his tongue pushing into your mouth. As his thumb rotated on your clit, your hips jerked frantically against him as you rode out your orgasm.