❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

now your emotions are unstable. your anger is all-consuming, your fear takes your body away from you, and always always always you are a danger to others if you can't control yourself from what you want and need. you can no longer be in the daylight living a typical life, so your social world completely changes and so does the environment. you might be stuck now with cold empty streets and buildings. you might cling to clubs and bars are the only places where you get to be around people living their lives. in some severe cases, you can't even look at yourself anymore, or perhaps the figure in the mirror is someone you don't recognize. your past identity and way of being has been taken away, permanently

you do what you have to in order to survive. and your new way of surviving, the only way you can exist, is something society finds disgusting or fetishizes. it doesn't matter what other people think because it's all you can do anyway. your new "community", those who most understand what you're going through, are themselves traumatized and suffering, in a constant state of victim and perpetrator. maybe they want to help you but maybe they want to use you. maybe you want to be kind but now your very nature makes real consent and honesty difficult, so in some ways you are a user and abuser too