me, knowing fine well i have no time to be here for the foreseeable future: maybe iāll add gwen to my multimuse account so i can write more characters and interact with more fandoms .....Ā
styofa doing anything
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

ā
i don't do bad sauce passes
Claire Keane
DEAR READER
NASA

titsay
Show & Tell
Today's Document
todays bird
Jules of Nature
One Nice Bug Per Day
$LAYYYTER
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
Three Goblin Art
seen from Argentina
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seen from Iraq
seen from Iraq
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from United States

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@illuminans
me, knowing fine well i have no time to be here for the foreseeable future: maybe iāll add gwen to my multimuse account so i can write more characters and interact with more fandoms .....Ā

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@ofgclaxiesĀ Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā &Ā regina.
ā arenāt you tired of shutting everybody out?Ā doesnāt it get lonely,Ā regina?Ā i donāt mean to pryĀ but itās painfully obvious how alone you are.Ā āĀ you donāt mean to stick your nose in where itās not wantedĀ . . . but you care, perhaps you care too much about a woman who you barely know.Ā Ā ā you push people away when they try to open up to you.Ā āĀ
& the songbirds are singing like they know the score ā¦Ā Ā Ā /Ā Ā Ā independent oc, many fandom verses, slow activity, mutual exclusive.
IāM HERE FOR A CHANGE !Ā CONSIDER THIS A STARTER CALL.Ā
despiiteā Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
For a moment, Gwendolyn looks as though sheās been caught entirely by surprise, and an edge of uncertainty begins to crawl up Lanaās spine, but before she can close herself off again, the other woman is standing and shaking her hips and a bubble of laughter spills out of her own throat.Ā āI stand corrected.ā Taking the offered hand as she gets to her own feet, she feels herself go flush all over at the unexpected compliment and squeezes her lower lip between her teeth, head ducked and gaze furtive. Fingers press lightly over her mouth in a self conscious attempt to hide, but when she casts a sidelong look at her companion and catches her eyes, the edges of that lopsided grin stretch well beyond the cover.Ā āYouāre making me blush.ā
Out on the floor, Lanaās usual formality, her cautious distance, is utterly lost as she places her free hand on Gwendolynās shoulder, fingers stretching to brush the back of the otherās shirt collar and body very nearly touching. Her tone is low, soft, hardly above a whisper:Ā āYour lead?ā
youāre making me blush.Ā the last thing you expected to be doing today was making lana winters blushĀ -Ā but youāll consider it a win.Ā you feel the need to shudder when her hand places against your shoulder.Ā it feels good,Ā to be touched like this.Ā and whilst youāre merely dancing,Ā it feels intimate.Ā to feel this close to a woman youāre attracted to is something that comes so rarely for you.Ā Ā āit would be my pleasure.āĀ you like to leadĀ -Ā and youāll lead her wherever she wishes to go.Ā it feels like your lifeās calling now that it comes down to it.Ā
your own hand settles against her waist,Ā fingers draping around her form.Ā the other settles against lanaās shoulder, your bodies so close - brushing against one another in a way that makes your breathing hitchĀ ever so slightly.Ā you can feel the eyes of the otherās in the room burn into you.Ā youāre dancing with lana winters,Ā a name known amongst most in your communityĀ . . .Ā and you know fine well that some of the women in this room are filled with envy.Ā it encourages you further.Ā Ā āthis is nice.ā you whisper,Ā feet moving slowly, thumb absent-mindedly brushing against her waist as you slow dance with her.Ā Ā āisnāt it nice, lana? it feels freeĀ - to be able to dance like this with another woman without worrying what people might say.ā to be gay in this society isnāt something people envy.Ā āiām so glad you came here with me.āĀ

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reasons i havenāt replied back:
- iām socially exhausted - i donāt have the time right now - i donāt know how to reply - i have a bad memory and got distracted - iām having a depressive episode and donāt have the energy to socialise
not reasons i havenāt replied back:
- iām ignoring you just because - i hate you - iām fed up with you - i donāt want to be your friend anymore
despiiteā Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
āThey can and they are. It would be an act of mercy if it was laced with arsenic.ā Itās not entirely uncalculated that Lana had pressed her palm to the back of Gwendolynās hand for emphasis, nor is the lingering slide of her fingers when she goes to pick up her drink. Another sip, and sheās down to meltwater and comfortably sloshed, easily distracted from memory by the low in the belly thrill of Gwenās attention; even the thickening of her own lisp manages to slip below her radar, the usual rigid discipline that itās met with well out of her mind.Ā
āSpoken like someone whoās never tried my cooking.ā Thereās another wink, and this time it is very much deliberate, slow and inviting. Sheās feeling more than a little bold, and one stockinged leg only just brushes fleetingly against a calf, unseen beneath the table as her head tilts to show off the fine line of her neck.Ā Can she really be more obvious?Ā āArenāt you going to ask me to dance, Miss Briggs? Or, do you not have the hips for it?ā There, another crooked smile.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā is lana winters asking you to dance?Ā perhaps sheāll notice you staring when she asks you that.Ā youāre not staring because you find it utterly ludicrous that she brought up the idea of dancingĀ -Ā but more amazed that the woman who had been so cold towards you an hour or two before was now asking you if you were going to invite her to dance.Ā Ā ā wellĀ . . .Ā Ā would you do me the honours?Ā āĀ and just like that,Ā youāre standingĀ -Ā you even shake your hips a little in the process to prove that you do indeed have the hips for it.Ā Ā
āĀ it would be my pleasure.Ā āĀ you offer out your hand,Ā Ā waiting for her to take it.Ā Ā ā you have such a beautiful smile, by the way.Ā āĀ you have to say it.Ā you have to let her know.Ā
EIGHT Ā PEOPLE Ā IāD Ā LIKE Ā TO Ā KNOW Ā BETTER.
ALIAS/NAME:Ā bex
BIRTHDAY: march 7th
ZODIAC SIGN: pisces
HEIGHT: 5ā²4
HOBBIES:Ā writing, playing animal crossing, procrastinating, singing
FAVORITE COLOR:Ā pastel pink
FAVORITE BOOK: tipping the velvetĀ
LAST SONG:Ā dear theodosia from hamiltonĀ
LAST FILM/SHOW:Ā binge watched? ratched. but the last thing i actually watched was the great british bakeoff.Ā
INSPIRATION:Ā honestly . . .Ā my mood.Ā or music.Ā or movies/tv i watch.Ā
STORY BEHIND URL:Ā iām not one hundred percent happy with my url but it is what it is. basically,Ā i noticed gwen said things wereĀ āilluminatingā a few times so i just ....... google translated what that was in latin and apparently illuminans is that.Ā henceĀ -Ā illuminans.Ā
tagged :stole from dash !Ā
tagging :Ā YOU. YES YOU.Ā DO THE DO.Ā
despiiteā Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
The drinks arrive immediately after that tempting proposition, and Lana is grateful for the distraction, the chance to hide her flush once again behind a glass. It gives her the opportunity to collect herself before she can go entirelyĀ gooey, a chance to formulate an answer that isnāt too eager. She canāt hide the gleam in her eyes though when she finally says, coy and flirtatiously āmodest,ā āI might pop by.ā Another crooked smile follows, a quick sip and a flippant admission over the tumblerās rim,Ā āDo you have any Elvis?ā There are other guilty pleasures, certainly, but she is all too aware that that one is by far the most embarrassing.Ā āDonāt give me that look, I know, itās awful. I canāt even say it with a straight face.ā She giggles, and the blush comes back with an unmistakable vengeance the moment the sound leaves her lips.Ā āYou absolutely may not quote me on any of that. Iāll completely deny it. All of your credibility, right out the window.ā Her eyes are sparkling as she lights up from the inside out, a glimpse of the old Lana and her easy, dry humor melting that wall that Miss Briggs seems intent on tearing down.Ā āI just hope youāre a better cook than I am. Thatās where I started actually, the cooking column. Iām surprised I wasnāt chased out of Boston by the homemakers for crimes against humanity.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā do i have any elvis?Ā āĀ you repeat her with a smile,Ā as if youāreĀ Ā t h i sĀ close to teasing her about it.Ā but instead,Ā you nod once and offer her a hum with your words.Ā Ā ā i may have oneĀ -Ā though he isnāt quite the heartthrob for me that most other women see him as.Ā āĀ because youāre gayĀ and you knowĀ (Ā or hopeĀ )Ā that sheāll appreciate the slight joke youāre making.Ā Ā ā which part is it you like, lana?Ā his voice or the way he moves his hips?Ā āĀ now youāre reallyĀ winding her up.Ā the sparkle in your eye matches that spark in your voice.Ā Ā
conversation turns to cooking and you canāt help but laugh at what sheās saying.Ā Ā ā my cooking isĀ . . .Ā mediocre,Ā at best.Ā but i can make a mean chicken casserole āĀ you follow your motherās recipe.Ā it always played a great part of your childhood.Ā Ā āĀ not the height of haut cuisine but itās niceĀ for a cold evening.Ā āĀ trevor never complained about it,Ā at least.Ā Ā ā your culinary skills canāt be that bad,Ā can theyĀ ?Ā Ā chased out for crimes against humanity?Ā you make it sound as though you lace your meals with arsenic.Ā Ā āĀ the thought amuses you though.Ā Ā ā you have to be kinder to yourself, lana.Ā Ā Ā everybody can cook.Ā Ā āĀ
š šššš ššššš š šššššššš
independent and headcanon based lillian luthor of supergirl. adored by bea promo by an angel

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ofgclaxiesāĀ Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā &Ā h.gĀ
It was actually nice to get out for a change. Most of the time Helena stayed at home in her room at the inn, either reading, tinkering, or out on missions retrieving the latest artifact. The sun was setting, itās effects beautiful among the sky. H.G. stealing a look at the beautiful woman walking along side her.Ā āTonight was lovely, thank you.āĀ Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you donāt get to go on these lovely walks too often so you relish in the opportunity whenever it comes up.Ā and with tonightās company?Ā oh,Ā you cannot possibly complain.Ā Ā it had been a brisk fall evening,Ā the coldness in the air isnāt bitter but it does nip ever so slightly at your skin.Ā your cheeks are pink,Ā the skin on the end of your nose too and when you glance at her to offer a smile,Ā your bright blue eyes light up your face.Ā Ā ā wasnāt it just?Ā iāve had such a lovely evening with you.Ā āĀ honesty blankets your words,Ā your tone somewhat melodic.Ā Ā ā would you perhaps like to join me for a nightcap before we say our goodbyes?Ā āĀ
ooooooh she's drunk
despiiteā Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
Gwenās assertion isnāt exactly dominant and itās not possessive, but it is something, and that something brings back that small thrill of giddiness that burns a hole through her usual aloofness. She canāt feign disinterest, not when sheās clinging to the otherās arm and looking up at her with that stupid mooning schoolgirl look in her eyes. She nods, both at the appeasement and the drink, and heads straight for the table in the far back corner, keeping her head down and rebuilding that unfriendly expression of deterrence. Sheās frustrated with herself, annoyed by her own sudden reliance on Gwendolyn; she has done and handled everything up to now without help, and she canāt afford to let self-sufficiency crumble when it has quite literally kept her alive. Whatever this is, itās a temporary luxury, and the vulnerability sheās already indulged in - far too much of it - is beginning to make her feel nauseous.Ā
When Miss Briggs returns, so has Lanaās former resolve and the steel in her gaze, but itās such a normal question that sheās asked that sheās quickly sent back into self conflict. No one asks her questions like that; no one is ever interested in Lana Winters the person and not Lana Winters the tragedy. āUhmā¦Julie Londonā¦Jo Stafford, Doris Day.ā And then a wry, self conscious piece of a breathy chuckle, gaze in her own lap. āYouāll laugh if I say anything else.ā This conversation, the shyness, itās all another indulgence.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā all very good choices.āĀ youāre a fan of doris day yourselfĀ -Ā you approve of lanaās music taste.Ā but then,Ā youād approve of whatever she said because you think sheās truly wonderful.Ā Ā ā and i wouldnāt laugh,Ā i can assure you of that.Ā go onĀ -Ā hit me with it,Ā lana.Ā what are you guilty pleasures?Ā āĀ you have your own.Ā you like bob dylan,Ā Ā simonĀ &Ā garfunkleĀ andĀ the hollies.Ā Ā youāve found yourself singing mrs robinson into your hairbrush once or twiceĀ -Ā providing a one woman show to your bedroom mirror.Ā you donāt divulge that information to lana but the thought of it does make you smirk a little.Ā itās subtle,Ā though.Ā Ā
ā iāve got a few records at homeĀ -Ā i think i have a couple of doris dayās and perhaps a jo stafford single.Ā i canāt quite remember,Ā iāve gathered quite a collection over the years.Ā āĀ your teeth snag your lower lip,Ā the most daring of words about to fall from your lips.Ā Ā ā you should join me at my place one night for dinner.Ā youāre welcome to look through my record collection and we can enjoy some good music, food andĀ - of course,Ā Ā company.Ā āĀ are you going too far?Ā you wouldnāt be surprised if lana left tonight and didnāt want to see you ever again for being over-keen.Ā itās not your intention to be so forwardĀ . . .Ā this is genuinely just how friendly you are when you meet somebody you enjoy spending time with.Ā and lana?Ā oh,Ā you certainly enjoy being around her.Ā Ā ā iād like to cook for you before you leave lucia.Ā it gets boring cooking for one all of the time. iād love an excuse to do something special. āĀ
despiiteā Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
By the time itās over, sheās eager to get out of the car. The seclusion of the drive did little to ease her initial anxiety; with a man, it would have been impossible, but Lana has never seen a more trustworthy and kind looking person in her life than Gwendolyn, even if she does work in politics, and so sheād managed, and only for just under 10 minutes, as promised. She keeps close on their walk to the door, stays close in the doorway and swallows the urge to hide behind her companion when sheās met with a handful of stares. āI think theyāve noticed Iām here.ā Tricking herself into enjoying the attention is easy on the clock, but now it makes her itch and squirm, and she finds herself threading her arm through the strawberry blondeās.Ā āPeople donātā¦talk to me as much, when they think Iām with someone,ā she explains under her breath, shying away from meeting any eyes.
Itās ironic, she knows, that people like her make her so nervous, that she has an easier time entertaining housewives at book signings, but itās places like this that make her feel the most like a fraud, perhaps. The most like a sellout. Sheād never had community, not like Wendy had, and now, she thinks, sheās too old to find it anywhere.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you hadnāt thought about the attention lana might get when you enter the bar.Ā of course the lesbians are going to stareĀ -Ā are going to look utterly shocked that the outĀ Ā āĀ sapphicĀ reporterĀ Ā āĀ is right in front of their eyes.Ā but they seem respectful.Ā whilst staring is rude,Ā thatās pretty much all that they do before going back to their conversations,Ā their relations,Ā their dancing.Ā still,Ā there is an ounce ofĀ Ā awkwardness in the air but gwen will do her best to relieve that.Ā sheās made it her mission to make sure lana winters has an enjoyable night.Ā Ā
ā well they donāt think youāre with someone because you areĀ with someone.Ā ā with you.Ā your smile is as bright,Ā eyes matching that.Ā you canāt help yourself,Ā you feelĀ . . .Ā good.Ā good to be here with lana tonight.Ā if youād expected anything to come out of todayĀ -Ā this was not it.Ā Ā ā these women are goodĀ women,Ā i promise.Ā iāve been coming here for a few years and iāve never had a bad experience.Ā it might feel a little intimidating at first . . .Ā but trust me,Ā youāll be left alone if you make it look as though youāre not interested.Ā āĀ youāre only talking from experience and because youāre not famous in any way, shape or form,Ā maybe itāll differ for lana.Ā but youāll protect her as best as you can.Ā Ā ālet me get you a drink.Ā same as before?Ā bourbon on the rocks?āĀ you feel bad even leaving her for a couple of minutes to grab some drinks but you ask the bartender if she can bring them over for you so you canĀ get back to lana sooner.Ā Ā āso,Ā ahĀ -Ā Ā āĀ you want this to be fun,Ā you want to make her feel as though youāre interested in more than just her tragedy.Ā and you are ! youāre not feigning it.Ā Ā ā what music do you like,Ā lana?Ā perhaps weāll have a few things in common.Ā āĀ
psychvibeāĀ Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā &Ā mildred.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ driveĀ backĀ toĀ theirĀ homeĀ feltĀ muchĀ longerĀ thanĀ itĀ tookĀ toĀ getĀ toĀ theĀ clinicĀ inĀ theĀ firstĀ place.Ā Ā onĀ theĀ wayĀ there,Ā theĀ twoĀ ofĀ themĀ wereĀ hopefulĀ andĀ buoyantĀ aboutĀ theĀ future,Ā andĀ now,Ā onĀ theĀ wayĀ backĀ Ā /Ā Ā itĀ hasĀ beenĀ theĀ mostĀ silentĀ andĀ painfulĀ experience.Ā Ā ofĀ course,Ā whenĀ theyĀ firstĀ receivedĀ theĀ newsĀ thatĀ gwendolynāsĀ cancerĀ wasĀ š¬š©š«šššš¢š§š Ā šš§š Ā ššš« Ā ššØšØ Ā š©š«šØš š«šš¬š¬šš Ā ššØ Ā šš«ššš,Ā itĀ wasĀ aĀ swiftĀ punchĀ toĀ theĀ gut.Ā evenĀ swifter,Ā gwendolynāsĀ lifeĀ expectancyĀ wasĀ aboutĀ aĀ year.Ā Ā however,Ā mildredĀ plasteredĀ onĀ aĀ forcedĀ smileĀ outĀ ofĀ pureĀ instinctĀ atĀ thisĀ point,Ā immediatelyĀ tryingĀ toĀ easeĀ herĀ loverāsĀ fearsĀ Ā ( šš Ā ššššššš Ā šššššš Ā šššššš Ā šš Ā ššš š Ā šššš Ā ššš Ā ššš )Ā andĀ tellingĀ herĀ thatĀ theyĀ ššøš»š»Ā findĀ aĀ doctorĀ whoĀ wasnātĀ afraidĀ toĀ doĀ theirĀ goddamnedĀ jobs.Ā Ā tellingĀ herĀ thatĀ itĀ didnātĀ matterĀ š”šØš° Ā š¦š®šš” Ā š¦šØš§šš² Ā šØš« Ā š”šØš° Ā ššš« Ā šš”šš² Ā š”šš Ā ššØ Ā šš«ššÆšš„,Ā thatĀ sheĀ refusedĀ toĀ giveĀ up.Ā allĀ theĀ whileĀ tearsĀ rolledĀ downĀ blotchy,Ā blushedĀ cheeks.Ā
understandably,Ā mildredāsĀ attempsĀ atĀ bothĀ comfortingĀ andĀ projectingĀ herĀ ownĀ feelingsĀ wereĀ shutĀ down,Ā andĀ mildredĀ justĀ letĀ herĀ thoughtsĀ devourĀ herĀ inĀ theĀ silenceĀ ofĀ theĀ automobile.Ā Ā butĀ sheĀ madeĀ sureĀ toĀ keepĀ herĀ loverāsĀ handĀ withinĀ herĀ own,Ā theĀ otherĀ onĀ theĀ steeringĀ wheel,Ā gentlyĀ rubbingĀ gwenāsĀ knucklesĀ withĀ herĀ thumbĀ Ā /Ā Ā justĀ toĀ offerĀ theĀ smallestĀ amountsĀ ofĀ comfortĀ untilĀ theyĀ arrivedĀ home.Ā Ā thisĀ wouldnātĀ beĀ theĀ lastĀ timeĀ mildredĀ wouldĀ tryĀ andĀ convinceĀ gwendolynĀ toĀ seekĀ outĀ furtherĀ options,Ā butĀ forĀ nowĀ Ā āĀ šššš Ā ššššš Ā šššš Ā šš Ā šššššššš.
onceĀ theyĀ arrivedĀ home,Ā mildredĀ alreadyĀ feltĀ asĀ thoughĀ herĀ chestĀ mightĀ explode.Ā Ā thoughtsĀ ofĀ whatĀ lifeĀ wouldĀ beĀ likeĀ withoutĀ gwendolynĀ briggsĀ plaguedĀ theĀ entireĀ carĀ ride,Ā andĀ justĀ theĀ šš·š¾šš¶š·šĀ ofĀ itĀ madeĀ mildredāsĀ heartĀ physicallyĀ acheĀ moreĀ thanĀ ever.Ā Ā openingĀ theĀ frontĀ door,Ā theĀ nurseĀ enteredĀ afterĀ herĀ girlfriend,Ā droppingĀ theĀ carĀ keysĀ intoĀ theĀ dishĀ byĀ theĀ door.Ā Ā theĀ emotionsĀ inĀ theĀ roomĀ practicallyĀ hungĀ heavyĀ inĀ theĀ air,Ā itĀ almostĀ madeĀ itĀ difficultĀ toĀ breatheĀ properly.Ā Ā butĀ still,Ā š¦š¢š„šš«šš Ā ššØš«ššš Ā šš§šØšš”šš« Ā š°ššš¤ Ā š¬š¦š¢š„š,Ā thoughĀ herĀ eyesĀ toldĀ aĀ truerĀ story,Ā asĀ herĀ blueĀ huesĀ lookedĀ intoĀ gwenās.Ā Ā takingĀ aĀ stepĀ forward,Ā closingĀ theĀ small distanceĀ betweenĀ them,Ā mildredĀ raisedĀ aĀ gentleĀ handĀ toĀ caressĀ herĀ loverāsĀ warmĀ cheek,Ā āšāš Ā ššššš Ā šš Ā šš Ā šššš Ā š¢šš Ā š Ā šššš, Ā ššš Ā šššš,ā Ā sheĀ toldĀ her,Ā meanwhileĀ herĀ throatĀ wasĀ almostĀ failingĀ herĀ asĀ theĀ emotionsĀ bubbledĀ upĀ towardĀ theĀ surface.Ā Ā
herĀ lowerĀ lipĀ waveringĀ onlyĀ slightlyĀ asĀ sheĀ walkedĀ towardĀ theĀ bathroom,Ā sheĀ madeĀ sureĀ toĀ getĀ allĀ theĀ wayĀ inside,Ā closeĀ theĀ doorĀ andĀ startĀ theĀ bathĀ waterĀ beforeĀ givingĀ inĀ toĀ herĀ grief.Ā Ā sheĀ tookĀ aĀ heavyĀ seatĀ ontoĀ theĀ topĀ ofĀ theĀ toiletĀ seatĀ lid,Ā grabbingĀ aĀ towelĀ onĀ herĀ wayĀ down.Ā Ā sheĀ usedĀ itĀ toĀ muffleĀ theĀ soundĀ ofĀ heartbrokenĀ sobs.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā life seems to be offering youĀ oneĀ Ā cruelĀ jokeĀ after another.Ā Ā if a gun shot wound through the chest wasnāt enough,Ā perhaps a side-serving of cancer would do the job of finishing you off.Ā Ā you feelĀ Ā -Ā numb.Ā Ā the drive home is awkward,Ā a thick tension between mildred and yourself as she drives back.Ā your head rests against the back of the chair,Ā your eyes closed as you try to comprehend the information given to you by the doctor.Ā cancer.Ā itās one of those things that you hear about but never expect to happen to you.Ā perhaps if you close your eyes,Ā youāll wake up and itāll just be a cruel, horrible nightmare.Ā but when you reopen your eyes and youāre back home,Ā you realise that no matter how hard you try . . .Ā youāre going to still have cancer.Ā Ā
youāre silent as you walk into the house,Ā colour drained from your cheeks.Ā you might be sick but you donāt feel sick.Ā you just feel . . .Ā empty.Ā completely and utterly empty.Ā Ā when she mentions a bath,Ā you canāt help but sigh.Ā youāre brought back to reality,Ā pale blue eyes fixing themselves on her.Ā Ā ā i donāt want a bath, mildred.Ā āĀ you donāt mean to snap at her,Ā but you do.Ā but before she can reply,Ā it seems sheās already gone to draw the bath.Ā Ā maybe relaxing will help ease some of this numbnessĀ -Ā maybe the hot water of a bubble bath will ease something.Ā who knows ,Ā Ā you certainly donāt.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you feel bad for snapping and after a few minutes you go to the bathroom door,Ā lifting a hand to place a few knocks upon the wood.Ā Ā ā mildred?Ā āĀ your voice is soft,Ā remorseful.Ā you reach down to twist the doorknob,Ā opening up the door to be met by the steam of a bath,Ā the sound of running water andĀ -Ā sobs.Ā Ā thatās when you kick yourself into shape,Ā you rush towards your partner and you bend onto your knee to take her hands.Ā Ā ā oh, sweetheart.Ā my love.Ā Ā āĀ you bring her hand to her lips,Ā Ā you kiss her knuckles over and over and over again.Ā Ā ā look at me.Ā Ā āĀ your other hand lifts to place beneath her chin,Ā tilting it upwards so that she can meet her gaze.Ā Ā āwe will get through this.Ā Ā āĀ you realise now that this is not just your cancerĀ -Ā youĀ donāt have to go through this illness aloneĀ . . .Ā you have mildred.Ā Ā ā i promise.Ā iām so lucky to have you.Ā you know that,Ā donāt you?Ā Ā āĀ

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despiiteāĀ Ā Ā Ā» Ā Ā gwendolyn Ā & Ā lana.
She offers a thin, pale imitation of a smile; what a title, indeed. But it doesnāt sound wonderful, not to Lana. It sounds like being hounded by the press, her own people, like being shouted down in the street, cornered in the grocery store, an endless stream of questions, mothers shepherding their children far away from perverse influence. She canāt decide if itās brave of Gwendolyn to escort her out or just reckless; politics isnāt as forgiving about that sort of thing, but, she wonāt argue. Itās not her career that will be lost if word gets out.
She slips into her coat, handbag securely in her grip, and tries to erase the worry knitting her brow at the realization of being driven by anyone. It isnāt an outright fear, but it is a noticeable discomfort, a vague and pervasive anxiety that ties a knot in her stomach and tightens the corners of her lips. Miss Briggs isnāt an angry stranger with a pistol. She isnāt going to hurt you. She gives a slow, deliberate exhale, forcing a smile that flashes her teeth and hoping that it doesnāt just look like the threat display of a frightened animal.Ā āTen minutes is fine,ā she promises, making a beeline for the parking lot.
the drive was exactly as long as you said -Ā in fact,Ā it was probably shorter because you know the quick route.Ā but you soon pull up outside what looks like a cabin in the middle of the woods . . . some would say it was the perfect location for a horror movie but with the lights decorating the building and the faint sound of laughing from insideĀ -Ā you hope thatās reassuring enough to lana that sheās safe here.Ā Ā ā this is one of my favourite places.Ā itās the best place to unwind,Ā to have a few drinks and forget about the world.Ā ā and thatās that,Ā you walk with her inside and you swear your arms brush lightly as you do.Ā you donāt mention it,Ā though.Ā you act as though it didnāt happen.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā once inside,Ā youāre met with the smell of smoke,Ā of chatterĀ -Ā of women and only women dancing, kissing, talking.Ā you glance to lana briefly,Ā subtlyĀ -Ā wanting to catch her reaction.Ā Ā ā so . . .Ā Ā what do you think?Ā Ā āĀ
mqryaliceā   »    gwendolyn Ā &Ā mary - alice.Ā Ā
starter for @illuminans
She realises she's been caught staring when she looks up and meets the other woman's gaze, and a blush rises high in her cheeks. Panic sweeps through her, her heart beginning to race in her chest as she realises there's no way to properly explain why she was staring, especially not now that she's reacted like this. A sense of horror overwhelms her, and she looks away quickly, her shoulders hunching as she stares down at her hands, fingers curling into fists to stop them shaking.
'Forgive me', she breathes, 'please, I... I didn't mean to...' except she had, hadn't she? She'd been staring because the other woman is beautiful, so beautiful, and there's a part of her that aches to be closer to her. And now she doubts she'll ever see her again. 'I'm sorry', she mumbles, 'I... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable'.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās not often you find somebody staring at you and at first you worry that theyāre some leering eyes of a man.Ā but when you look up and turn your head,Ā you canāt help the smile that graces your lips when your gaze settles on her.Ā Ā ā oh -Ā ā you let out the softest, most graceful laughs when she speaks and you shake your head to dismiss any worries she may have about making her uncomfortable.Ā instead,Ā you decide to approach her.Ā you donāt want her to worry.Ā Ā ā quite the contrary,Ā in fact.Ā itās not everyday i have a lovely woman gazing my way.Ā āĀ she wishes it happened more often.Ā Ā ā are you alright?Ā āĀ you notice the way her hands tremble and itās instinctive to reach out and drape long fingers over her arm.Ā Ā ā youāre shaking.Ā do you need anything?Ā some water?Ā āĀ