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@illsung
ILLSUNG— a kpop demon hunters multimuse blog WRITTEN BY VETLAN — they/them | portugal | 07/98
independent and private. canon divergent and belligerent. low and sporadic activity. intended for a mature audience. crossover friendly. asks always welcome. preference towards plotted, para/novella length threads. muse list under cut. blogroll and guidelines on carrd.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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𝚅𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚄𝚂 " 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 " 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂!
below is a list of starters from both sides of the conversation , with prompts geared toward scenes involving some sort of confrontation. prompts rage from friendly to not so friendly. please consider following for more prompts and please do not steal!
❛ i can't believe you hid this from me. ❜
❛ that's it. we need to talk about this. right here. right now. ❜
❛ don't see how we can get around talking about this anymore. ❜
❛ you can't just keep avoiding me! ❜
❛ i'm not leaving until we talk about this. ❜
❛ come on just . . . talk to me. ❜
❛ all this time . . . and it was all a lie? ❜
❛ i trusted you. ❜
❛ did you think i wasn't going to notice? ❜
❛ start talking. now. ❜
❛ when are you going to stop lying to me? ❜
❛ i just wanna talk. ❜
❛ can we talk about this? please? ❜
❛ i came to talk this out. ❜
❛ you and i can work this thing out. ❜
❛ enough lies. tell me the truth! ❜
❛ i just wanna know what happened. ❜
❛ you can tell me. ❜
❛ just . . . start from the beginning. ❜
❛ are we gonna talk about this like grownups? ❜
❛ can you just be an adult about this for once?! ❜
❛ i didn't think it was gonna be so hard to talk about it. ❜
❛ i don't wanna talk about it. ❜
❛ i said leave it alone! ❜
❛ it's not that simple. ❜
❛ can we just . . . not talk about this right now? ❜
❛ i didn't want to see you get hurt. ❜
❛ okay fine. you wanna talk about it? here it is , ❜
❛ i kinda hoped you would just ignore it. ❜
❛ okay , fine just . . promise you won't get mad. ❜
❛ i don't wanna lie to you. ❜
❛ i wish it were that simple. ❜
❛ we passed the talking stage a long time ago. ❜
❛ the truth is more painful. ❜
❛ the beginnings , still a little hazy. ❜
❛ stop saying i'm not taking this seriously! ❜
sorry about the silence, this week hasn't been the kindest to me from one thing to another - once i face the literal demons hounding me i'll come back stronger. 🙏
VILLAINY — MANIPULATING
"Ungrateful…" "Calm yourself." "I did it for you." "I never said that." "You forced my hand." "Tell no one of this." "You always do this…" "Have you calmed down?" "Are you this sensitive?" "You know I care for you." "Are you certain of that?" "So you're leaving me…?" "You were told what to do." "You care about me, right?" "This is for your own good." "Are you trying to hurt me?" "You always side with them!" "Indulge me just this once." "So be it. Do what you want." "It was a joke. Lighten up." "I'm not perfect, no one is." "And you trust what they say?" "Look at what you made me do." "You'd be nowhere without me." "You should be more grateful." "I only want the best for you." "No one sees you as I see you." "They all conspire against you." "I'm sorry you feel that way…" "I warned you this would happen." "No one else had any objections." "Who would you trust, them or me?" "It is all in the past. Let it go." "Your trust in me will be rewarded." "Ah. I see. You're scared to do it." "If you'd just let me, I'd help you." "I don't know why I trust you at all." "This is what they would have wanted." "I urge you to reconsider your words." "You should know what you did. Think." "So you don't care about me, is that it?" "Please, I don't want to argue with you." "Forgive me, please, it won't happen again." "Other people have it much harder than you." "You let your emotions get the best of you." "It's not you I don't trust, but the others." "Are you incapable of following instructions?" "I may be the only person that cares for you." "Don't crawl back to me when things go south." "You should think your choices over carefully…" "I wouldn't do it like that… no, no, keep going." "Every time… it's always the same thing with you." "Your orders were simple, and yet… you disappoint." "It was nothing more than a lapse in my judgement." "I know you think that this is what you want, but it really isn't." "No, it is my fault, I should not have expected different from you."
i add an oc to the blog. they're also a demon hunter. however. they're followers of the insane clown posse and a horrorcore artist and also believers in killing people that sell their souls.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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starter call — @honmoonsworn ( il-sung and mi-young)
End me.
Those were the first words he'd spoken to her. A plea for a mercy killing, to be freed from the grasp of the demonic forces that held his soul captive. He saw no life outside of servitude to Gwi-Ma, felt no joy in the petty things amused the lesser demons… his existence was weighted down by the weight of his sins, the burden of a soul chained to the netherworld, unable to free itself.
He had seen her as a means to an end. A solution to what haunted him.
She turned to be so much more than that. The light in his life, a direction he could follow, she gave him hope, the desire to see the next day come around… all because she looked into his eyes that one fateful night, truly saw him for the man behind the markings that adorned his skin like a brand.
And that is why he fears, now. His presence is a curse, and while selfishly he wants to stay, wants to be able to claim Mi-Young as his beloved… the mere acknowledgement of his existence would bring her ruin, tarnish her relationship with the other demon hunters.
He couldn't have that… But it was too late to back out now.
His hand caresses the side of her cheek, adoring, but such a heavy expression settles on his face. This should be a joyous occasion, to find out they were to have a child bringing feelings long forgotten to the surface… but wasn't this just another thing for Mi-Young to be ashamed of, that she would have to hide?
"You're beautiful…" He compliments, and he smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes, a palpable sadness in his tone. "I am certain they'll take after you."
starter call — @honmoonsworn ( sun-hi and celine )
Things have been quiet lately…
Sun-Hi understands the reason behind their sudden hiatus, has seen the blow back from the press and the tabloids, the betrayal felt by their fans that one of them dared to have a life outside of their entertainment… and although she wouldn't admit it out loud, a small part of Sun-Hi felt the twang of betrayal as well.
Why hide the pregnancy from them for so long? Why the secrecy? After everything they've been through together, their training and life calling bringing them three together for a reason… Sun-Hi was for the first time uncertain about where things were going.
In no way did she doubt Mi-Yeong's dedication to their job as demon hunters, nor did she think Mi-Yeong had any reason to not trust them… so why?
Restless fingers toy with the chunky bracelets on her right wrist, the metals and ornaments softly clinking together as Sun-Hi runs her hand over them, seeking any grounding for the thoughts that won't leave her alone. They're not doubts. She's not going to acknowledge them as such.
"Do you think… it's someone we know?" Still, curiosity can't help but crawl it's way out of her, a fleeting, guilty glance thrown in Celine's direction before she looked away again. It wasn't hard to guess what she meant: the child's father. Could it be that they knew who it was, and that was why Mi-Yeong was so hesitant to tell them?
starter call — @xgeumbit ( celine and joon-ho )
She preferred to keep to herself more than not these days, some tabloids that still kept up with her calling her a borderline recluse ever since she stepped back from performing at all or showing up for public appearances… but there was no denying that she led a lonely life, one where she prioritized keeping herself and those close to her safe even if it meant hiding away from the world.
… and Rumi had been the deciding factor and main argument towards that being a cold, antiquated belief system, especially when in the end all it did was make everything worse. So, after all of their feelings had been talked out and they were finally honest with each other after a lifetime of repression… Rumi very strongly pointed Celine towards the direction of not being a complete shut in.
A new gym… seemed like such a small step, but even this made her somewhat… not exactly anxious, but perhaps insecure, a feeling she's felt for a long time but never had the courage to name. Not in her appearance or her strength, but in the sense that she wasn't in control of everything around her.
Still, her regal nature and pride never quite leaves her, and it is with a lifted head that she enters the space and has her eyes scan the area. She had called the owner in advance saying she'd like to see the space… A Joon-Ho? Her face becomes more alert when a man confident in his steps approaches her, and Celine extends a hand in greeting once it's clear he is coming towards her.
"Kwan. We spoke on the phone, I believe."
starter call — @actualbabysaja
The girls had done it — and they did it without her help, free of her overbearing guidance. Celine could never say she was disappointed in them, especially not in Rumi… but she was disappointed in how she herself had acted, in the way she went about things.
She could argue that she didn't know how Rumi had felt but… she'd always known that guiding her towards repressing what she was had its toll on her, even if she took to it with much more grace than Celine had any right to expect from her.
Still… it came from a place of love. She could convince herself of that.
So did this, this scouting for signs of stray demons even after the honmoon had been reinforced and protected while the girls celebrated their victory and earned their rest. In genuine truth, it was probably just Celine feeling restless, running from her own feelings…
But she'd been right again. There were demons left behind.
She stood there, at a distance, an ominous silhouette at the end of an alleyway. The click of her heels as she approaches something stern, methodical. She is on the hunt…
Except she is not. She does not have the abilities she once held, although she is attuned to the honmoon, she can no longer summon her weapons. For all intents and purposes, she is but a woman, no more a demon hunter.
"… I know what you are." Her gaze is stern, and her tone betrays the fact that she is not speaking out of a place of fanaticism, aged expression showing a calculated contempt.
STARTER CALL — like this post and reply with a muse you'd like to interact with and i'll write something up or message you for plotting. ^-^
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
༘⋆｡ stirring the pot starters
a mix of arguments, tension, manipulation, gossiping, fighting, & general emotional messiness!
you weren't supposed to hear that.
don't look at me like i'm the only one lying.
want to tell them, or should i?
you think i don't know what you did?
i've hit people for less.
oh, i thought you already knew.
that's funny, you didn't say that last night.
say that again. i dare you.
you wanna talk about loyalty?
no offense, but if you're the last to know, that's on you.
go ahead - pretend like it wasn't your idea!
they deserve to know the truth.
you didn't hear this from me, but -
oh, so now you care?
don't flatter yourself. you were just convenient.
you crossed a line.
we had bets on how long it would last.
it's not even a secret anymore.
you don't get to cry about it now.
touch me again and see what happens.
say it again. louder this time.
you really thought nobody would find out?
don't act so innocent.
okay, but am i the villain for laughing?
tell me who else knows. right now.
this whole time, and you didn't say a word?
don't act brave now.
you're really gonna do this here?
it wasn't supposed to get this far!
you can't rewrite history.
oh, i'd never say it to their faces.
it was supposed to stay between us.
we're all thinking it, i just said it.
you're not as untouchable as you act.
do you even feel guilty?
they warned me about you.
go ahead, make it worse.
if you repeat this, i'll deny everything.
the next thing out of your mouth better be an apology.
you're about three seconds away from regretting this.
you keep pushing, and i'll push you back.
they're going to find out.
one more lie, and i walk.
they're lying to you.
you need to back off. now.
you're defending them? after everything?
don't try to hide it.
tell me, was i just a placeholder?
you really think sorry fixes this?
there's nothing left to say.
don't act like you're the one hurting.
i don't owe you any explanation.
whatever helps you sleep at night.
you should've seen this coming.
i hope it was worth it.
i told the truth. just not all of it.
you'll miss me before i miss you.
smile. you're ruining the mood.
i'd watch that tone if i were you.
it's not my fault you believed me.
you have such a talent for pretending you're innocent.
we both know this is over.
i never said i was a good person.
i thought you were different.
STARTER CALL — like this post and reply with a muse you'd like to interact with and i'll write something up or message you for plotting. ^-^
PROMPTS FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN'T USED TO KINDNESS * assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary
what are you doing?
i can handle that myself, you know.
you didn't have to go out of your way to take care of me.
i'm not used to this. this caring thing.
thank you. don't ever do that again.
i thought you hated me, to be honest.
i didn't ask you to love me!
no one's ever actually just... sat down and listened to me.
i didn't think people like you existed.
is this normal for you? going out of your way like this?
i told you i had it handled. you didn't have to bother.
i... should probably thank you for that.
i don't know what to say. this has never happened before.
wait, that's mine. you fixed it?
you did all of this... for me?
that was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
i'm kinda at a loss for words.
i wasn't expecting this from you.
you did all this for me?
i had it under control.
when did this happen?
how long were you planning this?
i'm not sure what to say. i'm not used to this.
i owe you one.
that was... very kind of you. thank you.
i'm just not used to people going out of their way to help me.
usually people just look the other way, but you actually care.
this is weird. is this what caring about someone feels like?
i could have handled it.
this must have taken you forever to arrange. and you did it all for me?
it would be easier in the long run if we went our separate ways.
i hate being in other peoples' debts.
i didn't want this to happen.
people around me don't last very long.
i feel like i'm screaming and screaming and no one hears me.
i'm in your debt.
how did you find that? i lost that ages ago.
you actually... listened to me?
no one's ever paid attention.
no one's ever put that much time in effort into something for me.
when did i say that?
i didn't ask you to care about me!
i'm easily missed. people don't pay attention to me.
i'm invisible most of the time.
it's easier for people to look the other way.
do you do this often? help people?
i'm surprised you're still here.
if you're expecting something in return, forget about it.
you came back?
why do you care about me so much?
i'm a lost cause. you should just forget about me.
what's the use? there's no point.
i don't even celebrate my birthday. no one cares.
you can't just make someone care about you.
i thought you left.
what is it about me that has you so worked up?
you're making a big deal out of nothing.
thanks for patching me up.
you... brought this here for me?
but i didn't ask for this! i didn't ask for any of this!
stop smiling at me like that.
the sunlight sisters breakup was brewing ever since they went into hiatus over mi-yeong's sudden pregnancy, a scandal in it's own right at the time, given that mi-yeong wasn't married at the time and wouldn't confess who the father was.
both celine and sun-hi were as supportive as they could be, but the secrecy behind what happened and with who started to strain their relationship, especially when they were just came from the high of reinforcing the honmoon after their world tour and their mutual trust and connection was what strengthened them to do so.
when it is revealed that a powerful demon was tracing their steps, following after them and singling out mi-yeong and newly born rumi... both celine and sun-hi assumed the worst. they were ready to kill him, destroy the demon that named himself il-sung and attached himself to mi-yeong like a leech and free her of whatever hold he could have over her...
only for mi-yeong to beg them to stop. to spare him.
sun-hi was the first to be dissuaded, one to always be let herself be led by more stern, combative personalities - but celine couldn't forgive it, couldn't just let this go, not when her best friend had just given birth, was at her most vulnerable, and let herself be led astray by whatever lies il-sung charmed her with.
the fight that ensued was the true reason behind the sunlight sisters disbanding after over a decade in the industry. they had done their duty, the honmoon was secured until the next generation, nothing more was expected of them beyond upkeep and destroying stray demons, something they could do on their own until the next generation was established.
stray demons like il-sung.
it was his idea to meet with celine behind mi-yeong's back, an attempt to ease tensions, take whatever blame celine held against mi-yeong onto himself, a chance at protecting her... but she finds out about the meeting, and interrupts them at the peak of their fight - because celine was never going to give him a chance.
mi-yeong finally breaks it to celine: if she kills him, she will die of heartbreak, for they are lovers... and that tore celine's heart in pieces. mi-yeong was going after everything they had lived to upheld, let herself be manipulated by under-world scum... it only reinforced celine's decision to take il-sung out.
... so it happens. celine kills the demon as is her duty. mi-yeong watches it happen.
a heaviness settled in celine from the moment she did it. mi-yeong's scream made itself space into the depths of her mind, and the tearful look of betrayal seared itself into her memories. but she could not say she regretted her actions, for no demon should be allowed to live, each and every one a threat to humans.
a month later mi-yeong is gone. rumi is left without a mother. it is celine's fault and responsibility.
sun-hi refused to believe it at first. she hid for as long as she could until her breakdown caught on camera, a trampled solo career destroyed as uncertainty and fear took over her mind, losing a fellow guardian after all of their time spent training and living together. after everything they have achieved, for one of their own to just... die?
and celine was never clear on what happened that night, only that il-sung was at fault for it all, the demon's clutches too deep in mi-yeong's soul. she did what she had to do, and she would continue to hold up their duties as demon hunters with sun-hi's help... but celine would have to go without it, because sun-hi couldn't find her voice after everything that happened, choosing a mundane life.
under the pressure of her own guilt, the responsibility to raise rumi as her own, being the sole demon hunter to prepare the next generation... celine hardened like a diamond, and made herself just as sharp
this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!!
L I G H T
‘ at night i dream of you. ’ ‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’ ‘ falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack. ’ ‘ i am still so weak when it comes to you. ’ ‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’ ‘ i don’t care where we go when we die, as long as i’m with you. ’ ‘ i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late. ’ ‘ i feel so warm & safe when you talk to me. maybe i could love you if you’d let me. ’ ‘ i finally let the right people in & i have never felt so loved. ’ ‘ i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone. ’ ‘ i lived in your permafrost for twenty years & then you looked at me & i felt the warmth of spring. ’ ‘ i once wished you’d leave me alone, but i take it back. ’ ‘ i want to be able to love someone else, but you stretch your arms & spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else. ’ ‘ i want to believe that we got it right this time. ’ ‘ i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely. ’ ‘ i would travel across the world to be by your side, because as long as you are with me, anywhere is a perfect place to me. ’ ‘ it took me awhile to realize it myself, but you are not what other people say you are. ’ ‘ it’s not that i really need you, but life would be pretty boring without you around. there’s no one i would rather be with. ’ ‘ i’d like to stay like this for awhile. ’ ‘ life & death don’t have to be so boring, let’s make both an adventure. ’ ‘ life imitates art, they say. i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke. ’ ‘ live your life so that when you die, souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales. ’ ‘ make your exes jealous & your past self proud. ’ ‘ maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on. ’ ‘ never get caught falling harder. they’ll never let you back up. ’ ‘ please don’t go. ’ ‘ some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it & succumb. ’ ‘ sometimes, you’ll find it hard to keep going, but you always will. ’ ‘ the desire i feel for you is that same itching, insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction. ’ ‘ the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad. ’ ‘ there is absolutely nothing & no one who can stop me. ’ ‘ there is no route of losing you that is without pain. ’ ‘ there’s still room for adventure & there is no one i’d rather have by my side. ’ ‘ things didn’t turn out the way i planned, but i’m alright with that. ’ ‘ we could be really incredible together, you know? ’ ‘ you are beautiful & vibrant & confident. you are light & laughter incarnate & every fiber of your being screams freedom & joy. when i am with you, i am truly happy. ’ ‘ you are starlight incarnate, from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think. blessed are any to be loved by you. ’ ‘ you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you. ’ ‘ you call me yours & i have no idea what that even means to you. ’ ‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’ ‘ you still visit me while i sleep sometimes. your fingers trace my spine & i listen to you breathe. please stop haunting me. ’ ‘ ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you. ’
D A R K
‘ a thousand empty bottles & fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day. ’ ‘ everyone else has moved on, but i am still here. ’ ‘ everything about you screams danger. ’ ‘ everything is worthless to you & you, in turn, became worthless. ’ ‘ for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress. ’ ‘ freedom is really hard to get used to. ’ ‘ how could you do this to me? how fucking could you? ’ ‘ i am becoming everything we always dreamed of & i am leaving you behind. ’ ‘ i buried you so well that you might as well have died. ’ ‘ i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead & not the monster you became. ’ ‘ i can’t look at you. not now, not ever. ’ ‘ i don’t ask how you’ve been. what’s the point? you’d lie anyways. ’ ‘ i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest. ’ ‘ i haunted this house first. there is no room for you here. ’ ‘ i have a right to be upset. i loved them too, you know. ’ ‘ i just want it to end. i want it to all go away. i want to go away. ’ ‘ i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous. ’ ‘ i saw your face today & didn’t feel anything. i am free. ’ ‘ i tried to save you, but you didn’t want to be saved. you just wanted someone to suffer with you. ’ ‘ it’s almost as if you were never here. ’ ‘ it’s unhealthy to do these things, you tell me. you say it’s time to stop smoking, time to stop gambling, & dammit, i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you. i sure hope you’re right, darling. ’ ‘ i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind ’ ‘ i’m not really scared to die. i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone. ’ ‘ i’m not the person you left behind anymore. there’s no one here to miss. ’ ‘ i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive. ’ ‘ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals & ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you. ’ ‘ i’ve never been completely satisfied. i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death. ’ ‘ no motive other than pleasure, my dear. ’ ‘ one day i’ll go or you will. either way, it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself. ’ ‘ our dreams & promises decay along with you. ’ ‘ the leaves change, but nothing else does. ’ ‘ the only difference between avoiding & leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you. ’ ‘ there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you. ’ ‘ there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage. ’ ‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’ ‘ this is not something to be proud of. this is a tragedy. ’ ‘ trying to get rid of me? oh honey, you’ll have to try much harder than that. ’ ‘ trying to get under my skin? you’re nothing more than a pesky itch. ’ ‘ unlike you, i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger. ’ ‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’ ‘ would you even miss me? ’ ‘ you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart. ’ ‘ you complain nonstop about being unloved & alone, i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true. ’ ‘ you don’t know what it’s like. ’ ‘ you made this so fucking easy for me. ’ ‘ you should see me as a threat. i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you. i am a walking threat. ’ ‘ you think i’m already gone, but i’m still fighting. ’ ‘ you think i’m dead, but i’m just dying. ’ ‘ you were never an addiction, you were a fucking disease. ’ ‘ you wouldn’t dare cross me. i am god & you are the soil beneath my feet. ’ ‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’ ‘ your fingers are so cold & bruised, but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference. ’ ‘ your hair is tied in a noose & your fingernails are razor blades, your lips are poison & i will gratefully kiss them. ’ ‘ your hatred has a body count & we will not forget. ’ ‘ your loss, not mine. ’ ‘ you’re a sick fuck. you know that? ’ ‘ you’re not gentle with me & i would never ask you to be. ’ ‘ you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s a pit. ’
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love that festers, care so strong it sickens you. everything celine did, she did under the belief she was protecting rumi from a world that could never understand her, a world that would ruin her and hunt her down for the sin of being born wrong.
her entire life she was raised under oath to exterminate all demons, shown time and time again the way their existence was ruinous to all they touched, experienced the loss and sting of failure when the sunlight sisters themselves were still learning to work as a team. they could not make exceptions, they could not lower their weapons.
the betrayal, the heartbreak she felt when she found out the truth about the relationship mi-yeong kept secret from the sunlight sisters... in part, she never accepted it, even to this day, and that's why was so adamant that zoey and mira would never accept rumi if they found out the truth. she was pushing her own guilt and uncertainty onto the situation, placing herself in their shoes... and being torn in half.
she wants to protect rumi, she wants her to live and thrive and be free of her afflictions, she's raised rumi as her own, she sees her as a daughter, rumi is the last remnant of a woman she considered her closest friend.
she wants rumi to hide herself away, she raised her in the industry, she knows that any fault shown will be torn apart and paraded in the public eye, she wants rumi to live with the 'knowledge' that she cannot be loved if she is imperfect.
when she sees rumi at her lowest, guilt is what makes her ashamed to look at rumi, the pervasive thought that if she was firmer, if they all worked harder, nothing like this could have happened, and it is only in the silence that she is left after rumi teleports away does she start to crumble and realise she had failed. everything she's ever wanted, everything she's ever done. she failed. she failed rumi.
