╰┈ illario

Okay, I had been skeptical of the advice to save Coffee With the Crows for after the Treviso choice because it feels like an early game type of quest.

(  you  know  that  dynamic  of  the  emotionally  closed  off  one  &  the  kind  one  they  have  a  soft  spot  for?  yeah,  that’s  the  vibe.  )

said from the lone wolf.

❛ you think you know me, but the truth is, you don’t. ❜

❛ going home isn’t an option anymore. ❜

❛ i’m fine. there’s nothing for you to worry about. ❜ 

❛ do you wish i was different? ❜ 

❛ i just, i don’t want anything bad to happen to you. ❜ 

❛ you deserve better than what you’ve got. ❜

❛ i guess we both lost something we were fond of. ❜ 

❛ i’m not leaving you out here alone. ❜ 

❛ you don’t have to keep me company, i’m fine by myself. ❜ 

❛ coming here to see you is the only place i could go. ❜

❛ i’m afraid of losing you, okay? ❜ 

❛ i know you probably hate me right now, and i get it. ❜

❛ what is with your weird fascination with me? ❜ 

❛ yeah, you keep on telling yourself that bullshit. ❜ 

❛ i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, i just have a lot on my plate. ❜ 

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ if i could be a different person, i promise you, i would be. ❜

❛ people like us don’t get to decide when we’re done. ❜

❛ i’ve never had anything good happen to me when i trusted others. ❜

❛ you won’t survive out there. they tear all good things apart. ❜

❛ i don’t know what’s the truth or what’s a lie anymore. ❜ 

❛ you got guts, i’ll give you that. ❜ 

❛ the more you know, the shorter your life will be. ❜ 

❛ for the first time in years, i felt something that i thought had been lost to me. ❜ 

❛ what you think you’re going through is nothing to what i have been through. ❜ 

said from the soft spot. 

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ how is it that you’re never scared? ❜

❛ you think i’m weak because i’m not like you. ❜

❛ you wanted to be left alone, right? ❜ 

❛ how do you make the pain go away? ❜

❛ you shouldn’t smoke, you know. ❜

❛ destroy what is destroying you. ❜

❛ i hope you find the peace you’re searching for. ❜

❛ you know my door is always open to you. ❜

❛ i look at you and my heart breaks because all i see is loneliness. ❜

❛ you’re avoiding the subject and you know it. what are you hiding from me? ❜ 

❛ you’re not at war anymore, you can come home. ❜

❛ it feels like you’ve been avoiding me. ❜

❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜ 

❛ why do you care? you could have just walked away. ❜ 

❛ i know you. how else do you think i found you so easily? ❜

❛ if it was the other way around, would you have come back for me? ❜ 

❛ i just thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ are you jealous? want me all to yourself, do you? ❜

❛ i knew you had a heart. ❜ 

❛ can you look at me? please? ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜

THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. the voice in the back of his mind ( & spite, too ) were quick to repeat such mantra the closer & closer he got to villa dellamorte, though his home away from home had become much too overwhelming to stay put for much longer; his help unnecessary at the lighthouse, unlike its other inhabitants ( & far too empty without them ) .. yet, even first home felt LONESOME. empty. reasons why he'd found himself here, before him. this was a bad idea.

greeting is like a dagger at his throat ( the look passed his way capitalizing on that ), & lucanis is quick to mask feelings of sorrow with that of anger. irritation. lest he let his guard down too much & leave himself open.

si, illario thinks, i think so little of you. if the roles were reversed, lucanis would be dead ... perhaps. each time illario thinks of this scenario, this outcome, there is a flicker of doubt prompted by his love for his cousin. had he not been filled with regret at the wake? had he not been filled with conflicting emotions upon finding out he still lived? and then ... no. no.

this is where they are different. illario would be prepared to do what he must as first talon, no matter the cost. if lucanis had betrayed him like this, he would be dead. that is the lesson his grandmother taught, and yet she favors lucanis all the same.

sometimes illario wonders if his years of training from caterina were a sick joke. how could she not see that illario is more suited to the title than lucanis? it doesn't make sense, not one bit. what does lucanis have that illario does not?

his expression is nonchalant as he takes a seat on the sofa at the foot of his four-poster bed, unbothered as he stretches his legs out before him. his hands clasp together across his chest.

"let me guess: you find yourself out of your depth as first talon and come to me for advice." illario tilts his head. "or perhaps this concerns your precious rook, hm? have you finally stopped ignoring your desires, cousin?" the last word is spat out with venom. illario never did understand lucanis' lack of interest in the more ... physical aspects of life.

illario's eyes narrow, and a grin curves one corner of his mouth upwards.

"struggling to please in the bedroom, perhaps?" illario couldn't help the shit-eating grin on his face even if he tried. "if she is unsatisfied, i would be more than willing to take your place ..."