Semi-Automatic

Know you’re gone, I know you’re gone But I don’t feel what I know I know you’re gone, I know you’re gone But my mind ain’t in control Cause it’s my heart that’s been missing you And it’s the heart I need to listen to And it’s been singing songs for tender dreams But when you sang to help us sleep And one day I will sing those songs Sing them ‘till they sleep Just like you sang to me Just like you sang, sang to me

Some nights, I still want to call you. Sometimes when things get really bad, you’re the only one I can think of. Except I have stopped thinking of you on the good days. You have stopped being the first person I want to call when something good happens. I guess that says that I still love you, but it’s different now.

Sometimes I think about the way we were and it makes me sick because it’s not you and I anymore. It’s you, and I. Separate, apart, distant. We were once apart of each other and now we’re strangers, back to square one. And I know things ended badly but I’d do it all again.

“I hope we last. I hope we do. But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me: I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you. Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too. If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending. Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

You didn’t want me but you didn’t want anyone else to have me.

It didn’t hurt me that you didn’t want me, it hurt me that you wanted someone more than me.

“For people like us, a life without music is death.”