sing, muse,

private dash-only multi-muse, mutuals only, etc etc

if i don't already know you i may not follow you back

this is mostly to write with my friends

ball till you fall

❝  you  don’t  give  yourself  enough  credit.  ❞     how  many  times  now  has  she  been  told  something  similar?  how  many  times  has  she  been  encouraged  by  his  helpful  hand  when  magic  has  seemed  to  complicated,  too  much  for  someone  who  never  should  have  drawn  it?  the  encouragement  and  tutelage  of  her  fellow  witches  has  been  helpful  too,  of  course,  but  coco  knows  she  never  would  have  made  it  this  far  without  him.  he  gave  her  a  chance  —  a  chance  to  learn,  a  chance  to  remember.

(  who  would  she  be,  if  she  forgot  her  mother?  who  would  she  be,  if  she  never  got  the  chance  to  stain  her  fingers  black  with  magic  ink,  if  she  never  held  pen  in  increasingly  calloused  palm?  it  sounds  like  such  a  sad  life.  an  unfulfilling  life.  )

coco  smiles,  and  hopes  it’s  as  encouraging  as  every  smile  professor  qifrey  has  ever  given  her.  maybe  she  will  never  quite  fit  into  this  world,  and  maybe  she’ll  never  dazzle  with  her  magic.  but  then,  maybe  she  will.  maybe  she  can  learn  to  amaze  a  world  that  is  determined  to  make  her  want  to  forget.  she  wants  to,  more  than  anything.  she  wants  to  flourish,  she  wants  to  grow.  she  wants  to  save  her  mother  and  see  her  face  glow  with  pride  when  she  realizes  how  far  coco  has  come  in  such  a  (  hopefully  )  short  time.

she  doesn’t  quite  miss  the  way  qifrey  won’t  look  her  in  the  eye,  but  it  does  little  to  dissuade  newfound  hopeful  optimism.  he’s  got  a  lot  on  his  mind,  surely…  that’s  all  it  is;  she  brushes  any  lingering  doubt  away.  a  small  hand  is  placed  atop  his  forearm,  and  her  smile  widens  enough  that  the  corner  of  her  eyes  crinkle.     ❝  i  wouldn’t  even  be  a  witch  if  it  wasn’t  for  you,  professor  qifrey.  if  i’m  becoming  an  amazing  witch,  it’s  only  because  i  have  you  as  a  teacher.  ❞

❝ that's my line, ❞ qifrey jokes. tries to ignore the twisting in his chest that his student thinks *he* needs the reassurance.

he wants this to last. when he looks up and sees coco's smile, longing pulls him under. he wants to stay like this forever. i would like to remain professor qifrey. there is darkness on his fingertips that has nothing to do with ink. calloused palm from scratched coffin door. an ache in his lungs that will never be soothed. his pupil smiles. the rage qifrey feels is red hot and aimed at everything outside the walls of his atelier that seeks to take that smile from him. he spends most of his days angry.

something is changing that he cannot stop. he knew it the moment that coco turned her mother to stone. the moment he turned back and took her into his arms and refused to let the world take her memory. ( there is a pain that comes from a child with no memory -- an isolation that never quite leaves. qifrey knows this sure as he knows the feel of his own skin -- he would never forgive himself if he brought that pain to her )

❝ thank you, coco. ❞ he means it. he pairs it with his hand on top of her head for a moment and this time his smile feels a little more real. he pulls her in to a gentle hug. the anger remains. the pain returns to his temple.

i'll destroy them for this. he wants coco to remain a child with love singing in her heart and he wants his home to never fall. he wants to grow old and see his students become teachers of their own. he wants to live to see coco save her mother.

prompt. @seeblood

someone else said something similar, once upon a time. you remember his face with all the comfort of a rock sinking to the bottom of a lake. i'll lend you a hand when you need the help. but you have to be alone, don't you? the safest place for others to be is far from you and what you want to do. yet you teach the girls to love their magic and you make them breakfast in the morning and make sure the roof is always dry when it storms. you need to be alone.

you can't be alone.

you woke alone and in the dark and half-drowned. your fear and anger have long since been a fond companion. but you can't accept hawke's help. just like --

❝ i'll be alright. ❞ your fingers find a fraying thread at the edge of your cloak and you fight the urge to pull it. most days you feel near to unraveling. you want your life to remain the same as it ever was. you know, one day, it will all come undone. ❝ i've years of experience -- taking care of them and keeping us safe. ❞

prompt.

❝ but that isn't quite the case, it is? ❞ throat feels too thick. nerves burn where skin is exposed to the air. it's shame. if he had always been there, coco would understand the danger of magic. if he had always been there, she would have known better than to play with fire and stone.

then again, how much did he really think he could save?

❝ i haven't always been here, coco. ❞ even now there are days he leaves and worries and hopes that they'll be safe in his absence. that he's given his girls the knowledge and strength to keep themselves safe against the dark. ❝ but i promise to be there for the rest of it. ❞

liar. he doesn't know how long he'll live for. he hopes long enough to see his student flourish and shine. blackened vines around his ribcage speak to the contrary. qifrey's fear is ice water through his blood. he refuses to let her see how afraid he is that one day he will leave and never come back but not even that will stop him leaving. ❝ i'll be here to help you -- however i am able. ❞