Words from the heart

I get choked up, feel the blood trudging slowly up into my head as I look at this foreign language. This mound of emotions fog my brain and make me angry, mostly at myself. I learn quickly in all areas but math, but looking at an equation physically shuts down my brain and makes it incredibly difficult for me to not give up on the spot. I cannot comprehend the meaning of it, nor do I desire to. I am naturally a writer and wordsmith, why would I need to put my thought into something that confuses and frustrates me?

I've heard reasons.. "You need it to get through college", "It will be useful in any job you land", "You use it every day of your life", "It is the universal language of nature and life"...

I can understand the last one. I appreciate nature, and realize that the rules of physics keep things in balance using equations that have been fine-tuned over billions of years. Yet I believe there is a difference in understanding such things and being able to put the symbols on paper in the right order. I play sports and have great hand-eye coordination and prediction abilities when it comes to moving objects. I play pool well and conserve momentum in my daily life whenever possible; all without the direct use of mathematical equations.

I'm not sure where my mental block came from. It has its roots in my childhood, as mathematics has always been the most difficult thing for me. I eventually came to regard it with distrust and hate, I would avoid it if at all possible. While in Margaret Anne's class at MIR we were first given a group lesson on a 'piece of work' before given the freedom to work on it when we wish. While Uzair gravitated toward and quickly mastered the numbered blocks and multiples chart, I would be found in the library (by which I mean the couch enclosed by 2 small bookshelves), tearing through every book I could get my hands on. Reading came naturally, as did interpretation and extrapolation of what I had read. Writing followed suite, and I had soon figured out what was comfortable for me and what was not.

I have struggled with mathematics since then.

get so caught up in being popular, being 'beautiful', being what is expected. You strive for perfection without realizing that nothing is perfect, that it is an unattainable goal, taunting and slowly killing all who fall under its spell. We spend our lives putting a persona out there that we think others will like as opposed to doing what we want, what we really feel is right. Social pressure. It's disgusting. And hurtful. When the quest for popularity means that you hurt the ones you love, it has gone too far. When all you want is the approval of people whom may never care about you is your goal; when you're willing to overlook those who are there for you right there, in that moment, that is when it has broken the limits.