✨meghan✨

chapters

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

extras:

speed (1994) clips to accompany the story

read on ao3

"I'll be there soon, Tommy, can't y'just decide withou' me?" Joel grumbled as he shouldered the door to the diner open and made his way to the counter where he recognised Val, the waitress who he was sure had been here since he was a boy.

"Believe me, brother, I'd love nothin' more," Tommy's voice dropped and Joel could visualise him stepping away from the snooty couple who were currently making their lives miserable to speak quietly, "but they wanna talk to you. Told 'em you'd just say the same thing, but I think they're hopin' you'll take their side."

Joel heaved a sigh, scrubbing his palm down his face as the waitress approached the counter where he now stood. He ordered two coffees to go and then ended the call, calling over to Val.

"Better make 'em both doubles, darlin'," he smiled, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket when she made her way to the coffee machine with a you got it, Miller.

"Mornin', sweetheart," Val called when the bell jingled on the door behind him. Joel didn't glance up, still sifting through his wallet to pull out the cash he'd need. "Usual?"

"Please," said a voice, sounding slightly breathless, and, upon recognizing it, Joel turned to see Angelina making her way to the counter beside him. "Oh, hey- Ellie's dad, right?"

"Uh, yeah," he swallowed, nodding his head as she leaned both her elbows on the counter in front of them. They stood in companionable silence for a few moments, Joel hearing Ellie's voice in his head every second he stood there. Say something, Joel. You should tell her, Joel. Talk to her, J-

"Hey, thanks for reccomendin' the apple pie," he blurted out, wincing at his word vomit. He was fairly certain that that wasn't what Ellie would have wanted him to talk about. But how do you bring up the fact that she led the team who worked on his daughter the day she died?

"Oh, that's right!" A small noise of recognition left her throat.

"And thank you for sittin' with her too. 's been a rough few days, but that really helped her."

Angelina smiled warmly up at him, her eyes shining, voice quiet as she responded, "I'm glad."

A beat of silence passed before she spoke again, "God, that feels like weeks ago now. She said it was for you, the pie; how'd you like it?"

Joel allowed the ghost of a smile to grace his lips at Ellie's thoughtfulness, at her asking anyone for advice on something he might like.

"Was nice," he nodded, "a classic, really."

"I figured you can't go wrong with apple pie," she grinned, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the grinding of coffee beans, "especially when Val makes them!"

Val laughed loudly, setting about pouring Joel's coffees into take out cups. He found himself smiling a little wider now.

"I have to agree. My daughter, m-my other daughter that is, she hated 'em, so I jus' never ate 'em."

"Oh yeah? The daughter who likes strawberry sundaes?"

Joel felt like all the breath in his lungs had been suddenly punched out at her innocent question. Logically, he knew that Ellie must have shared this information with her, remembering that there had indeed been sundaes on the table the other night. But, for just a second, it had felt like Sarah was still alive. As if talking about her like this, in the present tense, meant that she would be walking in here from early morning soccer practise any moment.

If Angelina noticed him freezing, she didn't say anything.

"How did she like it?"

"She uh-" Joel started and stopped a few times before closing his mouth and taking a deep breath. This is what Ellie would have been wanting him to say. Truthfully, he wanted to say it himself, to get it out there. It did get easier to admit it each time, to say my daughter's dead, but it meant shattering that little moment of bliss that he'd just experienced, of believing she was still here.

"She uh, she died," he said eventually, swallowing down the small lump in his throat that always made it difficult to say the words, and staring at the coffee board above his head. He felt Angelina stiffen beside him, and drew his eyes away from the board to her face when she softly echaled.

"Oh, I-" she stopped short, muttering shit under her breath.

It surprised them both when he laughed.

She balked, seeming to panic at her reaction, which made Joel reach out his hand to touch her elbow."You didn't know."

She pulled a face at him, smiling a little when she caught his eye; "I'm still sorry." He dropped his hand from her elbow, leaning forward on the counter as he watched Val place his coffee's into a cardboard holder and turn to face them, making her way over.

"What was her name?"

"Sarah." he smiled, noting how good - how cathartic - it felt to share her name with a stranger. He slid his cash across the counter and pocketed his wallet once more just as Val handed him his coffees. "Her name was Sarah-"

"Miller," Val interrupted from the register, "you gave me too much money."

*

Angelina's blood froze. Sarah Miller. She'd never forget the name. Had been thinking about her all week, dammit. Sarah Miller.

Angelina watched on as the exchange happened between Val and Joel; him insisting she keep the change as a tip, her insisting he was just as much trouble as his younger brother.

"Well, thank you, sweetheart," she finally conceded. "And you tell that brother of yours to keep his nose clean." Val turned to Angelina now, "Yours is comin' right up."

Angelina barely heard her, had just zoned back in on Joel saying goodbye to her when she whirled back around to face him.

"Wait! It's Joel, isn't it?"

He had only gone a couple of steps, but paused on his way out, a questioning frown appearing on his brow. "Yeah-"

"Joel Miller?"

He stood still, as if debating his answer, before finally nodding.

Angelina couldn't help the gasp that escaped her throat - or the tears that sprung to her eyes - as she raised a hand to cover her mouth. He looked guilty, and she couldn't figure out why.

"You're him!"

For the longest moment, Joel looked as if he was working through his fight, flight or freeze responses. He rolled the fingers on his free hand together before sighing softly.

"I know. I didn't- I'm sorry I didn't talk about it before. It was her anniversary and-"

"Wait, you knew?"

He nodded again. "It was Ellie, she-" This time he shook his head, as if ridding himself of a stray thought. "It don't matter. I-" Another deep breath. "I know you were the woman who led the team that day, and- an' I-"

"Joel," Angelina practially whispered it, taking a step towards him; "I just meant- You- you were the one who left a note for me. At the reception desk, and I-"

She couldn't explain why she was tearing up so much, why she felt so emotional at finally being able to put a face to a name.

"Joel, I read it every day," she pushed out through a shaky breath.

He pushed his own exhale through his nose, almost in a laugh, and jumped when his cell phone rang out loudly, causing him to slosh coffee onto his hand.

"Shit," he fished his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen, swearing again and walking backwards towards the door once he read the name. "I'm sorry, I have to go, 'm already runnin' so late."

"No," Angelina replied, hands out in front of her and trying to hold back her inexplicable tears, "please, don't let me keep you."

"It was nice chattin' to you." He stopped dead on his way out. "An'- an' thank you for all you did for her."

Angelina felt the breath leave her lungs.

And then he was gone in a flurry of movement and a Tommy god dammit give me ten minutes that was cut off by the closing of the door.

Just as she was gathering her thoughts and scrubbing at her eyes, she heard her pager, loud and obnoxious, begin to beep. Despite the fact it had just ruined her moment, she jumped into action, heading immediately for the door and calling her apology over her shoulder to Val, promising to be back after her shift.

*

Sarah sat in Dr Alvarez's office once more, smilng gently as she watched Angelina move forkfuls of salad around the plastic tub. She'd been here for what felt like days following the conversation she witnessed in the diner just that morning.

When Joel had told Angelina that she, Sarah, was dead, she could see it in her dad's face that he felt differently. That this might have been the first time he had really, fully come to terms with it. She felt it then, a warmth in her heart. Just a small heat, as if she had been hugged.

She knew, then, that that was it. That was the key. The reason for it all.

Sarah was still here because she had to make sure her dad was okay.

It felt silly now. Almost obvious.

And when Angelina had figured out that Joel was the person to write the note she looked at every day, Sarah felt it again. A warm sensation, like a soft glow, deep in her chest.

She hadn't felt heat like it since she'd been alive.

Sarah had watched Angelina hurry out of the diner, saw the knowing smile on Val's face, and then found herself here, in Dr Alvarez's office, staring at her dad's note pinned to the noticeboard.

She wasn't alone in the end.

Sarah knew that; she hadn't been alone. Not really. Sure, she hadn't had the people she had wanted around her, but she did have a kind soul. Warm eyes. A guardian. Someone to oversee her moving from one life to the next.

When she thought back to the moment, she never could remember much. But now, she knew without a shadow of a doubt, that the love and the compassion that poured from Angelina Alvarez's very soul was what kept her feeling held and calm and safe until the very end.

Angelina's sigh interrupted Sarah's thought process. Sarah glanced to the doctor, pushing her lunch around, and then back to the note before standing and making her way to the noticeboard. She knew now, having been so seemingly tethered to her dad and to Angelina these last few days, that the reason she was here - more than making sure her dad was okay, more than trying to communicate something to him - was to ensure that Angelina passed on a final message to Joel on Sarah's behalf.

Like she had promised.

Sarah looked at the note again then nodded decisively, picking out the pin once more and moving towards the desk. As she watched the salad move in the tub - left, right, left, right, left - she dropped the note onto the desk in front of the woman, who kept glancing at the noticeboard, zoning out, and moving her salad around - right, left, right, left, right-

Suddenly, Angelina gasped and dropped the fork, allowing it to clatter to the desktop.

Sarah grinned.

With shaking hands, the doctor gripped the edges of Joel's note carefully and lifted it up towards the light. For a few long mintues she stared at the handwriting, and Sarah could see the cogs turning as she stood there, willing Angelina to get it. There was a slight frown taking over her features, as if she was concentrating hard. Eventually, she screwed her eyes up, mumbling to herself.

"No, it must have been me that told him."

"It wasn't," Sarah whispered, "but you promised you would."

Angelina's eyes shot open as she jumped, staring around as if expecting to see someone in her office.

Sarah watched, delighted, as Angelina gulped, placed the note down, and dropped her hands to her keyboard. She stretched around to see what the doctor was typing: Joel Miller, Austin.

Angelina blew out a breath when she clicked on the first link to show up: Miller Contracting, Sarah noted, smiling at the picture of her dad and uncle that popped up on the website's homepage.

She knew that her dad would have hated that, and that Tommy would have been downright gleeful watching his older brother grumble through a professional photo shoot.

Sarah watched as Angelina picked up the phone on her desk and began to dial the contact number with trembling hands. At the last moment, just as Angelina was taking a deep breath to speak, Sarah reached out and gently touched the tips of her fingers to the skin on the back of the doctors hand.

The effect was instant.

Angelina's shoulders dropped, she relaxed, and she closed her eyes as she began to speak in a steady voice.

"Hi, can I speak with Joel, please?"

Sarah wasn't able to hear the voice on the other end, only that she knew the tone wasn't that of her dad or uncle.

"Oh, well, are you able to pass on a message for me, please?"

It seemed like Angelina held her breath until the person on the other end responded.

"That's great, thank you. Could you tell him that Angelina called, and needs to speak with him?" A slight pause. "Oh, uh… no, thank you, this needs to be a face to face. I know this will sound weird, but if you don't mind, could let him know that I'll be in the diner every night after my shift this week, please? After eight." Another pause, in which Sarah smiled gently, squeezing Angelina's hand absentmindedly. "Thank you, I appreciate it. Have a great day."

Once the phone was back in it's bracket, Angelina slowly dropped her head to the desk and blew out a breath. Sarah thought she sounded relieved.

"Thank you," she whispered, so quietly that Sarah almost didn't hear her. "If that's you, thank you. And I'm sorry I took this long."

*

Tommy was laughing loudly when Joel stepped into the office.

"Oh, I like that," he snarked, seeing Tommy and Lucy, their secretary, giggling away, "leave me to deal with the assholes out there while you two live in up in here."

"Call it delegatin', big brother," Tommy's shit-eating grin made Joel wary. "Besides, Luce has somethin' that'll cheer you up."

Joel watched as Tommy nudged Lucy, who picked up a block of Post-It's.

"You're gonna get me fired," she laughed and then turned to face Joel, clearing her throat. "A woman named Angelina called, said she needs to talk to ya face to face. Said she'll be at the diner after eight every night this week."

Lucy said this all in a tone of voice that made Joel think that he now knew exactly why the pair were giggling behind the office door, but he wasn't focussing on that anymore.

Instead of answering his brothers loaded question, who's Angelina?, Joel glanced at the time on his new watch, grumbled a thanks to Lucy, and then left the office, shouting over his shoulder as he did so.

"Can you please get back to fuckin' work?!"

Raucous laughter sounded over the slamming of the door.

next ->

a/n: thank you once again for reading! i loved this one, i could picture the 'you're him' moment from the start. i really hope you liked it - only one more now! if you want to be added or removed from the taglist please just drop me a message or reply to the post!

Ellie entered the diner cautiously, already knowing the woman she was hoping to see was in there. She had crossed the street towards the place right next to the window that the doctor had chosen to occupy.

Trying to look decidedly less shifty than she currently felt, Ellie straightened her back and walked towards the counter. She drummed a rhythm with her fingers on the countertop as she feigned looking around the interior of the diner, catching a few glimpses of the doctor.

Now that she was here, and Angelina Alvarez was also here, Ellie didn't actually know what her next step was. Would she just go up and ask the doctor to talk about a case from five years ago? Would she even remember it? She'd probably worked on thousands of trauma cases in the years since Sarah, and Ellie hadn't thought that part through.

"What'll it be, honey?" A cheerful voice pulled Ellie from her thoughts and she straightened up, turning back to face the counter again. "Oh, you were here this morning, right?"

Ellie noticed a small change in the waitress' demeanor, and had seen the way that enough women acted around her dad and uncle to know that the waitress, whose name tag read Jenny, was seriously into one (if not both) of the men.

"Yeah, with my dad," Ellie replied, looking at the pastries in the display cabinet so she didn't have to see Jenny's eyelashes fluttering at the thought of Joel or Tommy. Gross.

"Oh- I- yeah, I saw him," Jenny was flustered but played it off well, Ellie thought. She had no ill-will towards her, and actually found it pretty amusing, impressive, even, that Jenny just took it all in her stride. But she didn't want to think about it right now; she was distracted.

"Anyway, what can I get for you, honey?"

Ellie didn't know. She was about to ask what Jenny would recommend when a voice sounded behind her.

"Can't decide?"

Ellie spun around and came face to face with Doctor Alvarez. She felt as if she was stuck in quicksand, like a deer in headlights, her mouth bobbing open and closed like a fish. Angelina stepped around to Ellie's side and slid a basket onto the counter, thanking Jenny, who started to fuss that she didn't need to clear the table.

"I like the apple pie," she continued, as if Ellie was not having an internal panic attack about the small encounter. "You can't beat a classic."

"Or," Jenny interjected, having cleared the empty basket away from the countertop and returned, "how about your strawberry sundae again? You didn't have a chance to finish yours from earlier."

Ellie's jaw had dropped, and now she was the flustered one, not Jenny. Panicking, she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Oh, I- that- that wasn't for me. I-it was my sister's fav- It was my sisters."

"Oh, I just assumed because you said you were here with your dad earlier. Sorry!" Jenny said kindly and Ellie nodded, staring slightly dumbfounded at this quick turn of events and starting to feel majorly stupid for even entertaining the idea that she could pull off a chance meeting.

"You know what, though?" Angelina quipped, making Ellie feel at ease again with her calming tone, and not like she would have to deal with an awkward conversation. She turned to face Jenny as she continued, "I would kill for a strawberry sundae when you've got a minute."

"Sure thing, honey," Jenny spoke to the doctor but turned to Ellie. "If you're still not sure, I can give you another couple of minutes to decide, if you'd like?" she spoke quietly and Ellie found herself nodding again.

"Uh, y-yeah, thanks."

Jenny smiled with an okay-dokey! and turned back to the doctor who was now ordering a strawberry sundae and skinny fries.

Ellie stood for a few seconds rather awkwardly, before turning around and heading to the booth from this morning. From here, if she sat where Joel had been, she would have a great view of the whole diner. When she sat, she quickly removed her backpack and deflated into the seat of the booth, resting her head down on the cold, metal table in front of her and releasing a long sigh.

One unexpected interaction with Dr Alvarez and she had gone to absolute pieces.

What was happening?

*

Angelina wasn't entirely sure what had prompted her to interrupt the thought process of the teenager at the dessert counter, nor what had overcome her when she ordered two sundaes and fries. Yet here she was, balancing the four items on a serving tray and carrying it over to the booth that the young girl had settled in to.

"Hey," she cleared her throat and set the tray down on the very edge of the table, "uh, mind if I join you?"

Even as she said it, Angelina was questioning herself. Who was she, a grown adult, to invite herself to join a teenage girl she did not know? She could just see the local news headlines now, and was about to take her words back when a wave of calm washed over her, and she instead held firm. Somehow, she knew this was the right place to be.

"Uh…" the girl gazed up at her and then cleared her own throat as she sat up straighter, "yeah, that's fine. Did you-"

"I think I threw you off by interrupting your thinking time back there," Angelina nodded back towards the counter as she took a seat opposite the girl, unloading the tray and sliding a portion of fries and a sundae carefully across the table. "I felt bad, so I thought, you can't really go wrong with some skinny fries and a strawberry sundae, right?"

The girl blinked, staring at the food as Angelina sat down. She smiled and finally looked up; "No, you can't. Thanks, by the way."

Angelina waved her hand, "Don't worry about it. I'm Angelina."

The girls eyes narrowed slightly and then widened as she nodded her head and pinched some fries between her fingers. "I'm Ellie."

"Nice to meet you," Angelina pinched some of her own fries and they both were quiet as they chewed.

"I think your sister might have a good point about the strawberry sundae being her favourite, by the way," Angelina nodded towards the sundaes sitting between them, tapping the giant strawberry stuck to the rim of the glass and scooping up some of the cream from the swirl on top. "That looks like the best sundae I've ever seen."

"I always preferred the chocolate one," the girl, Ellie, said as she picked up a crispy fry, "but these ones are good for this."

As she spoke, she dipped the fry into the sundae and scooped out some ice cream before quickly shoving it into her mouth with an appreciative hum.

Angelina smirked, "You read my mind."

"My sister and I used to do this all the time," Ellie sighed contentedly and leaned back in the booth. "So uh… what do you do?"

Glad to be talking about herself for once, and feeling like that was more than fair considering she had barged over here and inserted herself into a strangers life, Angelina was happy to share and to ask for nothing in return. Ellie just looked like she needed some company, and Angelina, whether she could explain it or not, knew that it needed to come from her. Almost as if she had been guided to the booth.

"I'm a surgeon, down at St. David's. I've been there for a little over five years now."

"Oh cool," Ellie nodded her head as she appeared to digest the information. "What kind of surgeon are you?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon, although sometimes I'm on call for more general surgeries during overtime if we're short staffed."

Ellie nodded again, quiet. Her eyes kept falling to the table in front of her. Angelina wondered if it was because she wanted to ask about the most gruesome thing she had ever seen. For some reason, that was the go-to question for most people when they heard the word 'trauma' before the word 'surgeon'.

"Do you uh… do you like it? Your job?"

Angelina shrugged, shelving her response that some days feel heavier than others, and instead going with a gentle smile; "I like helping people."

Angelina watched Ellie swallow a few times before realising she hadn't been eating anything. She seemed nervous, but Angelina thought that was very much down to the fact that five minutes ago, the girls probably thought she would be dining alone. She took that as her cue.

"Well," she dusted her hands together, brushing off some salt and made to stand, "let me leave you to it. You didn't come here to eat with a stranger!" Angelina laughed.

"No!" Ellie blurted as she made an awkward sort-of lunge across the table but grabbing nothing. "I mean, you don't have to. You’re cool to talk to."

Angelina felt that calm wash over her again, spreading warmth to the tips of her fingers and toes. She couldn't put her finger on it, couldn't explain it in any sane sort of way, only that she knew she was supposed to be here. She smiled again and sat back down.

Maybe something to do with whatever - or whoever - had been around her today.

"Alright, only if you’re sure."

*

Joel made his way across the street, avoiding at all costs the route he knew Sarah had taken five years ago.

He had watched Ellie go and got to thinking about how proud he was of his girl. He'd debated going after her to tell her, or just leaving it until the time he would see her next. But he knew in his heart that if he sat on the sofa, with his feelings of pride in Ellie and despair for Sarah all mixing together, that he'd reach for a bottle. And then his words would mean nothing to her, being slurred from a half-asleep state on the sofa.

So he had jumped up, grabbed a jacket, and walked the short distance to the diner, dawdling slightly so as to give her the head start to do what she needed when there.

Finally reaching the diner door, he grabbed the handle and felt the biting cold of the metal. He paused after he wrenched it open, his gaze falling automatically to their booth. The Miller Booth, they used to call it. Had done since he and Tommy were kids and their old man had taken them for the occassional ice cream.

He was surprised to see Ellie already had company. Slowly, as if he had forgotten how to use his legs, he made his way over to the table feeling a little intrusive. He blew hot air into his hands and rubbed his fingers together, more out of something to keep his hands busy than from actually being cold. It was Texas, after all.

"Hey, kiddo," he spoke, making the two occupants of the booth jump in surprise. When the woman turned to face him, he felt a strange sense of familiarity, and although he could not place her, he felt as if he'd known her all his life. Joel glanced to the table and saw that they were midway through some fries and a strawberry sundae each, and found his heart didn't hurt quite as much as it had this morning to see that stupidly large strawberry at the side of the glass.

"Oh, hey dad," Ellie grinned at him. "What are you doing here? Thought I'd find you asleep on the sofa when I got home."

The glint in her eye had Joel smirking slightly and reaching out to tug a strand of hair from her ponytail. Still a menace.

Instead of an answer, he asked, "Who's your friend?"

"This is Angelina," Ellie smiled at him and widened her eyes so imperceptibly that Joel knew he was supposed to figure something out. It was the same eyes she would use when they were at family gatherings and her social battery had drained, the same ones she would give him when he kept getting called up to the school and she was letting him know she was at her limit. He had practically taught her the eyes.

But he wasn't getting the sense that she wanted out of this situation. He was actually certain that the woman across from his daughter was friend not foe.

She wasn't in danger. She didn't need protecting.

"She's a trauma surgeon over at St. David's," she said very pointedly, and suddenly Joel knew exactly what it was that Ellie wasn't saying.

For a reason he couldn't quite explain, his palms felt clammy all of a sudden. He watched as Ellie scooted out of the booth, muttering about using the bathroom, and then he stood at the end of the table.

Like an idiot.

Joel only realised he had been standing awkwardly silent when Angelina cleared her throat and held out her hand for him to shake. Aware of his slightly sweating palms but unable to do anything about it, he reached out and shook the hand of the woman who had tried to save his daughters life half a dedcade ago.

And she wouldn't even have known it.

"S-sorry, 'm Joel."

The woman's eyes widened ever so slightly, and she nodded her head as he finally remembered how to use his muscles and sat in the booth across from her. Right where he had sat this morning.

"Joel," she said, as if putting his name to his face. She blinked several times and then, almost robotically, grabbed a handful of fries. She began to dip them into her strawberry sundae as she spoke, and Joel was only half-listening, suddenly being pulled back into a memory of teasing Sarah about doing the exact same thing.

"I know only a weirdo would say this, but I promise I'm not weird."

Joel couldn't help it; once her words registered and he found himself fully back in the present, the warmth of dark curls and giggling smiles now mere wisps in the corners of his vision, he laughed.

He laughed loudly, uncontrollably, and long enough for the woman, Angelina, to begin to laugh too. Did he imagine it? Or did he hear Sarah's laughter too? Did Angelina have the same laugh as his baby girl? Not likely. But he had heard Sarah earlier today, had felt her throughout the day.

"Sorry," he wheezed, "I don' know what came over me. I probably should be more concerned about my kids safety, huh?"

Angelina smirked, "Well, who am I to judge ya? I'm just a not-weird weirdo, remember?"

The pair fell into softer laughter for another moment, before Joel took a breath.

"So, you work at-"

"I'm so sorry, but-"

She had spoken at the same time as him, and then stopped just as suddenly when she realized she had spoken over him.

"You first," Joel insisted, nodding his head for her to continue, but she had just taken the biggest bite of fries - was that intentional?

Instead, she nodded at him, gesturing for him to ask his question.

"You work at St David's?"

She nodded, taking another few moments to chew and swallow her food. "Sure do," she replied. "Been there just a little over five years now."

Joel nodded, in the way one would if they already knew something, and then realized he should say words as well.

"That's uh… that's gotta be-"

"Tough? Rewarding? Draining? Incredible? Heartbreaking? Because yes." She sent a smile his way; a kind one, one that warmed his insides, and he found himself smiling back without even realising it.

"Hey, ordered you some fries so you can stop stealin' mine," Ellie's voice came from what sounded like right beside him and he jumped, dropping fries back into her basket. Had he been eating them? He felt the grains of salt on his fingers when he rubbed them together and thought that yes, he must have been.

"Weren't stealin'," he began, shrugging his shoulder. He took a breath to finish the sentence of the age old phrase, something his grandfather had said to him and Tommy when they were younger, and something they both now used with the girls and Benji whenever the opportunity arose.

But he needn't have bothered, because a quiet voice whispered it for him; "Jus' watchin' them."

He jumped slightly, frowning at Ellie in question. He found her gazing back at him in the same way, and before he could catch up with whose voice he had heard, Ellie's jaw dropped.

Interrupting the moment before either of them had a chance to speak, the waitress came over with an order of fries and a black coffee in hand, placing them down on the table in front of him.

"No sugar, no cream," she winked at him with a kind smile before disappearing off again.

"I'll let you two eat together," Angelina interjected, glancing between Joel and Ellie as she rose, sensing the pair had to talk. She took her sundae and basket of fries with her. "Thanks for letting me join you, Ellie. It was nice to meet you. I'll see you both around," she smiled and hopped down to the floor, making her way back over to a booth at the window once Ellie had responded with her own goodbye.

Joel watched Angelina go until Ellie slid slowly into his line of vision, catching his eye as she took up Angelina's previous spot.

"Do you know who-"

"Yeah, I know," Joel muttered, coming out of his daze and pinching some of his freshly cooked fries in his fingers. "What'd you say to 'er?"

Ellie's jaw dropped indignantly; "Nothing! She spoke to me first, I never said anything about-"

"Shh, keep your voice down," Joel interjected, wincing when Ellie's offended tone caused her voice to rise.

"I never said anything about Sarah. Well, I said my sister used to love dipping french fries into ice cream, but nothing about- about all that."

Joel nodded, quietly sipping at his coffee.

"What did you say to her?" Ellie pressed, pushing her sundae between them so that Joel could reach to dip his fries too.

"Nothin' important."

Ellie chewed the inside of her cheek and Joel noticed. He set down his mug and leaned across the table to gently stroke her knuckles once. "What's wrong?"

"Well," she glanced over her shoulder, as if checking to see if Angelina could hear them from all the way across the restaurant, "should we say something?"

Joel didn't want to shoot her down again; not tonight, not right now. Not when he had set out here to tell her how proud he was of her.

"Not now, baby girl," he smiled and she relaxed marginally. "I actually wanted to talk to you," he nodded his head and her eyes widened. The way they used to when she had been busted. "Jus' wanted to say how proud I am of you. I don't say it as much as I should, but I am. Proud, I mean."

He watched her cheeks tinge pink as she looked down at the surface of the table and mumbled a thanks.

"I mean it. I know this has been hard on you," he paused, voice dropping to a mumble as he spoke aloud a thought he had kept in his head, "prob'ly harder for you than me, sometimes-"

Ellie began to protest, and cut him off with a shake of her head, but he squeezed her hand gently. "No Ellie, it has," he smiled at her in a way that left no room for arguement. He knew it would have been harder on her at times because not only had she lost her sister, she had to then watch him lose himself too. When Joel thought about that, along with the fact that Ellie had already lost so many people before she had stumbled into his life, it broke his heart.

He saw the soft look in her eys across the table, spotted the shimmer in them, and, in the interest of not pushing his luck, he decided to leave it there, tapping her knuckles with a gentle touch instead.

She cleared her throat quietly, almost gruffly, in a way that was much too similar to him. It almost made him smile.

"Thanks, dad," she whispered, squeezing his fingers.

* The air felt cool for September in Texas as Ellie and Joel made their way home. The walk was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Ellie was feeling particularly introspective, especially after Joel telling her he felt proud.

When they reached home, Ellie rushed upstairs, reached into her bedside drawer for Joel's present, and then thundered back down to the kitchen. She carefully removed the cake box from her backpack and unboxed the thick slice of apple pie onto a plate, purchased upon Angelina's recomendation. She rustled around the drawers for a candle and a lighter, cheering aloud when she found them.

"Ellie?" Came Joel's voice from the front room. "What are you-"

"Just wait!" She poked her tongue out as she lit the candle, reaching for a fork before carefully lifting the plate and stepping towards the front room where Joel was resting on the sofa.

"Hey kidd- oh, what's this?" Joel stretched forward in his seat when he spotted Ellie making her way towards him, tongue poking out in concentration as she walked to the coffee table and slid the plate across to rest before him.

"Happy birthday," she smiled, walking around the table and plopping down next to him. "Blow it out!" she insisted, holding out a fork to him.

"Y'didn' have to," Joel swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he stretched to take the fork from Ellie.

"I know," she smiled. "Buuut I did." Her smile stretched to a wide grin and he felt his cheeks rise in response as he used the side of the fork to slice the end off of the pie.

"Mm, it’s good. Apple?"

"I know, not our usual choice, but Angelina said it was her favourite," Ellie shrugged and Joel fought a small smile, "so I figured why not try?"

He made a small noise of agreement as he chewed the pastry, turning around when he felt a tap on his arm.

"Trade," Ellie said, holding out one hand for the plate and offering a small box out to him in the other. He frowned at it, meeting her gaze as she offered him a smile that told him instantly that she was nervous. She fronted it out, though, stretching foward and spearing a chunk of apple pie large enough that she wouldn't have to talk for the next several minutes.

Joel inhaled, carefully picking at the wrapping on the side of the box. There hadn't been a fuss made about his birthday since the accident. Sharing his birthday with the day of his daughter's murder didn't exactly spark any reason for joy or celebration in his mind, never more than a mumbled happy birthday or a grumbled thanks to show that the day had even arrived.

The first year was the worst, he remembered, outwardly wincing at the memory of driving to the graveyard half-drunk and weeping over Sarah's grave until Tommy had found him and tried to convince him to come home. He wasn't proud of it, but he had fought Tommy that night - or tried to, at least. Had been in too much of a stupor to do any decent amount of damage, but Tommy's jaw still ached even now if he was ever in below freezing temperatures.

He was brought back to the present moment by the sound of Ellie speaking around her mouthful of dessert.

"Thought you might like one you could actually use," she glanced at the now opened box in his hands as she swallowed her mouthful and didn't meet his eyes again.

He looked down to see a watch; simple, browth leather strap the same colour as his boots, and a large face with gold detailing. He lifted it from the box carefully, as if he were handling treasure. And in a way, he was.

"I don't use-"

"I know why you don't use it," Ellie spoke quietly, gently, and he cast his mind to the green watch upstairs, the one Sarah and Ellie had snuck out of the house that morning to get fixed for him because he never bothered doing it for himself. The one that had been fixed for all of twenty minutes before being broken again. The one with a smashed face, that would now spend the rest of eternity stuck on the time that Sarah's body had struck the asphalt.

Joel took his time fastening the new watch to his wrist, admiring it once it was secured. Ellie had done a great job choosing one that he would like, and he had to clear his throat twice before he felt steady enough to speak, pulling her in for a long, firm hug.

"Thank you, baby girl."

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a/n: ahhh, they spoke!! thank you endlessly for still supporting this story! if you want to be added or removed from the taglist please just drop me a message or reply to the post!