piss baby

my bad yall i forgot i was doing this LMAO

xiv. the lazarus effect (2015) directed by david gelb

summary: frank walton (mark duplass) and his fiance, zoe mcconnell (olivia wilde) are medical researchers that have been working on a serum to help vegetative or comatose patients wake up with coworkers niko (donald glover) and clay (evan peters). however, they end up developing a medicine that can bring people back from the dead, but with side effects. it was trialed on a dog, but quickly was used on zoe after she gets electrocuted. the researchers then realize the side effects are much worse than they thought.

review: DAMN this cast was crazy. this is another movie that got low ratings and i really don't know why?? this movie had such a unique premise, and it was executed way better than i was expecting. watching the death take over zoe's body was awful. olivia wilde did an amazing job at selling this character in the film. maybe the special effects are worse than i remember, and that's why it got low ratings? whatever the case may be, this movie is such a good watch if you like the idea of consequences when you fuck with death.

rating: 8/10

xiii. mirrors (2008) directed by alexandre aja

summary: ben carson (kiefer sutherland) was suspended from the police force and is resorting to working at an abandoned, burned down department store as a night security guard. over the next few nights, ben starts seeing things in the mirrors at his job. he soon realizes the mirror has the ability to hurt people, and tries to understand why the mirrors are seemingly targeting him.

review (with spoilers): first, i must say rest in peace to cameron boyce ❤️ he was SO talented at such a young age and this movie proves it. although he wasn't a big main character, he sold the fuck out of his possession scene. this film has always been one of my favorites because of the bathroom scene. that has stuck with me for over a decade and sometimes i just randomly remember it and rewatch the movie lol. i also think the twist at the end was so upsetting but not in a bad way. knowing ben was stuck behind the mirrors forever after going through so much to save his family makes me so angry for him. i like the movie a lot!!!! there's so many superstitions about mirrors in real life, so this definitely scared me when i first watched it. i definitely recommend this movie and it got 15% on rotten tomatoes for no reason.

rank: 8/10

xii. devil (2010) directed by john erick dowdle

summary: 5 strangers get stuck in an elevator that seemingly goes out of service for no reason. a security guard, ramirez (jacob vargas) was keeping an eye on the camera in the elevator when he sees what he calls "the face of the devil" after the lights flicker and the camera glitches. a young woman in the elevator is severely injured after the lights situation, and the police are called. one of the passengers is responsible for this, and it's up to the them to determine who it is.

review (with spoilers): again, this movie got so much unwarranted hate when it first came out. i thought i had a good eye for foreshadowing, but i did not foresee the old lady being the devil at all lol. i think the actors all did an amazing job, and the kill scenes were scary. i honestly can't think of anything to hate about it other than maybe the cgi face of the old woman at the end? or maybe the fact that the dude who survives in the elevator confesses to a hit and run that killed the family of the officer who was overseeing this case? i don't think those were bad things at all, but i digress. i love a good paranormal movie and i definitely think it's worth the watch!

rank: 9/10

xi. choose or die (2022) directed by toby meakins

summary: kayla (lola evans) has the odds of life stacked against her. her boss treats her badly and underpays her, her mom is suffering from addiction following kayla's brother's death, and they're on the verge of eviction if kayla doesn't intimately please her sleazy landlord. in need of money, she finds an old 80s video game in her best friend, isaac's (asa butterfield) apartment that has an unclaimed $125,000 prize. she starts to play, but soon realizes others will suffer depending on which game option she chooses. this film follows her while she attempts to understand why the game alters reality and how to stop it.

review (with spoilers): i think this movie got waaaay too much hate. the premise of a haunted video game forcing you to choose how you kill others is definitely insane, but so are the plots of most horror movies?? IDK i liked this movie a lot. i will say the couple of scenes where they used cgi were done so poorly, but i don't know if that was on purpose since the game is technically set in the 80s? whatever the case may be, awful cgi LMAO. but even though the cgi was bad when isaac died, for some reason it just really stuck with me. i think watching someone have something so unnatural coming out of their body in a sickly way always freaks me out. the thing and alien are perfect examples of this and still make me a lil queasy when i watch them too. either way, the film's plot isn't bad, and while isaac is a stereotypical nerd, he honestly carries the movie. i don't know if i find it more interesting than i do scary, but it's still worth a watch.

rank: 5/10

x. midnight movie (2008) directed by jack messitt

summary: a director and actor in a slasher film in 1963 soon after suffers from a mental breakdown. in an attempt to "cure" him, two doctors show him the movie. after 40 years of being locked away, he breaks free. a movie theater is showing the movie, and ted comes back for revenge but... unconventionally. every victim of the night is shown on screen from his point of view. this film then follows bridget (rebekah brandes) as she tries to save the movie goers, including some of her friends and her boyfriend, from being killed.

review (with spoilers): there is something so intriguing about the plot that constantly has me coming back to this movie and honestly, for a while i thought this movie was a fever dream 😭 the acting isn't bad, but it's also not great, and i don't know if that's due to the actors or how each character was written. the characters are all just stereotypes of typical slasher movie characters. however, if you enjoy slasher movies that are different from the rest, this is something I'll recommend. i think the movie within the movie constantly shifting back and forth from the "old" scenes to the scenes where he kills the victims in the theater are so weird. the cgi is SO funny but it was also 2008 so it couldn't really be that good. however, most of the kill scenes are practical effects and are honestly amazing. flawed? yes. bad? no. and again with the 2008 movies!! i think my opinions may be a bit persuaded because of the age i was and how much these movies have stuck with me, but i don't care. that's why it's my list after all LMAO

rank: 7/10

(sorry yall i missed a post yesterday i had an awful gastro flare up)

ix. one missed call (2008) directed by eric valette

summary: one missed call is a remake of the 2003 japanese horror film that has the same name and follows the same premise. shelley (meagan good) is drowned for an unknown reason. at her funeral, her friend leann (azura skye) receives a call from shelley with a ringtone that isn't hers. she can hear herself over the voicemail in distress. even stranger, the voicemail is dated in the future. paranoid and hallucinating, leann calls her friend beth (shannyn sossamon) to help her. before beth can get to the train station that she's at, leann falls right in the path of the oncoming train. the story then follows beth while she tries to figure out the mystery behind the calls.

review (with spoilers): this movie literally got a 0% on rotten tomatoes, and i honestly think it was unwarranted af. the movie may be cheesy, but the ending is genuinely terrifying. it's those damn demon children man, they get me every time. the cgi is definitely dated (as expected) but the plot is good in theory. the execution could've been better, yet i still enjoy it. 2008 was honestly the year of horror movies. keep in mind, i was only 9-10 in 2008 and had no business watching any of these LMAO but i think that also warps my perception of "good" garbage movies. it's been a couple years since I've rewatched it, however I've watched it in my adult life and still think it's worth the watch.

rank: 6/10