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@ijustsumthots
Marijuana
I need weed I need it
I can’t live without it fuck

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I still want to die
I want I die
Fuck my life
Death
My ultimate goal in life
The only thing that I’m looking forward to
They’ll say but my life problems aren’t difficult
And they’re right they’re not
But that’s precisely why they’re my problems
I just hate living
I should’ve killed myself that day
Saved myself the failure that was to come
The failure that I’ve become
One of these days I’ll die hopefully soon
And people will see how utterly meaningless my life was
At one point in time
The first times around i convinced myself
Maybe you should live
But now I’m such a loser
I’m so weak
That killing myself would just be better
I should have enough money to pay for a funeral too
So I don’t really feel bad
This is the best way for me to get somewhere
At least I’ll be in heaven
Or even better hell
Or I’ll just decompose and be one with the earth
That’s probably the most logical answer
But people will always find greater meanings in things
I’m going to love being dead
I really hope no one finds out
Misunderstood
People always say suicide is bad
But as someone’s who so excited about dying
I strongly disagree
There’s a certain joy in knowing that you took your own life
It’s a sense of control
Finally a sense of controlling my life
At least I got to control it at the end
I’m so misunderstood
No one has ever been able to understand me
People have tried but failed
On the surface I am simple
But deep down I’m so complicated
It’s kinda scary to be a psycho
But at least I found something that’s good for me
Hopefully this time I’m better at it🥰

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Happiness
I’m usually not happy anymore
I only feel happiness at one point in my day
When I’m planning my death
Only then do I smile
I smile so big
From ear to ear
No one has ever seen me smile so big
I love it
I’ve never loved anything more than my death
Never looked forward to anything more
I seem to have a tendency to love things that would destroy me
And this does it the best
I can’t wait to die finally
My breakdown
Tonight I broke down and I’m so happy about it
I’ve finally come to terms with my actions
Come to terms with my reasonings and desires
I miss 216A In a way that place saved me
I’m glad in remembered and looked through my folder tonight
I miss my blue knife the most though
These tough memories of me at my weakest points just tell me I need to die
I’ve been lying to myself that I don’t want this
I jumped onto the slightest thought of my own death
And ruined my life just so I can get closer to achieving it
Imagine I told someone this
I’d get sent to the hospital ASAP
If I do I’m going to demand room 216A again
Every day, living my life as a complete loser with nobody and nothing to lose,
I bring myself closer to my greatest goal
My own death and I love it 🥰
I am truly sick how do I even explain this to someone deadass
Like I just realized this all tonight
I remembered my thoughts and my countless spirals during that time
Then my thoughts before and after
From the beginning to the “end”
But the “end” never actually came and I guess I have never actually gotten over it
I never stopped wanting to die
So when I was slightly reminded of it
I jumped onto it because my life has been so shitty
And the rest is history
At least this time I will actually reach the end
I HOPE
My suicide
My suicide will be so glorious that absolutely no one will know about it
That’s the best way for me to go
I hope there are only 10 people at my funeral and that no one finds out
Getting rid of my social media was probably the best thing I could’ve done
Well I can’t wait I wish I could stop the inevitable
Well I do try to stop I keep trying to find faith
Faith in life faith in the stuff that would tell me
Hey someone cares don’t kill yourself
But life hasn’t offered me anything satisfactory for staying
Honestly I just get more sad and have more reason to want to die
Every day I ruin things I get closer to my suicidal paradise 🤗
Who to turn to
I know I need help
But I also know I need to die
I can’t go through this spiraling process a second time
I might as well kill myself now
I have no one to turn to though
Absolutely no one
And honestly I like it that way
Subconsciously I probably created this all by myself
Subconsciously I haven’t been able to live with myself in years
I’ve been searching for the perf opportunity and it came
I pushed myself back into this hole because I’m secretly always craving suicide
That desire to have everything stop is so satisfying
I’m sorry for all the ppl I’ve hurt along the way
I guess that’s what happens when you begin a journey to your own death
I’m especially sorry for my family because there was literally nothing they could do about it
I’ve been sabotaging my own life because a part of me hates myself for being happy
It clings onto the sadness and anger that I have for myself and this world
It whispers ruin everything and then kill yourself
I yearn death
I’m on a roll pt2 Blue Knife
Wow I can’t believe I’m releasing all this
So the blue knife has been a reoccurring theme for me
I’ve loved knives for a while now
I used to cut myself for fun in middle school
I’d cut my arms and literally show it
Then I really cut myself badly once in 9th grade and my mom saw
Yeah that was bad had a scar for a while
Then I fell in love with my blue knife
The knife I almost killed myself with
Oh what I’ll do to have it back with me
I’ll just get a new one
Maybe my new friend will get the job done 😊

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Death means I want to die
Sometimes when I experience death
Under certain gruesome circumstances
It sparks a spiraling process in me
One in which every night I think about my own death
I don’t want to die naturally
I want to take my own life
It’s way more thrilling that way
These thoughts I can never bring up to the surface
I shut them down
The passive suicide ideation has never died down
But the active is usually pretty well tamed
I can’t wait for my own lonely death
It’ll be so satisfying for the blue knife to win
Yay this idea makes me happy, my first genuine smile in months
Room 216A
This is where my destiny lies
I have no life
I have no future
I am a total loser
I have no friends
I only have loneliness
I am sick and 216A is my only home
It’s either I spiral down that road now
Or I just go on my own
I don’t need anymore destruction
maybe the blue knife will win this time
I love blue knives and they love me
Hopefully they’ll take me to the next world
Alone
No matter what happens I’m always alone
Always was always will be
I prefer being this way
Maybe this is why I destroy everything
I’m addicted to feeling alone
I love being sad and alone
Not talking to ppl
To me it’s a waste of time
Sometimes I do find comfort in it
But I don’t actually like it
There’s no point of caring about people
Not anymore not ever
One inconvenience to them and they’re gone
It’s ok it’ll always be this way
Same as my uncle
I’m destined to die alone
Can’t wait till that happens
But at least I’ll be happy I guess
No one can handle me at my worst
So no one can have me at my best
And at my best I’m supposed to be alone
Right now I have to be at my best
After going thru this year at my worst
Принцесса 
Я знал одну принцессу
Её называли Тени бу 
Она было красавица
И взяла моё сердца 
В этой жизни она самая
Хорошая, красивая и ласковая
Ласковая девушка это она
За неё болит моя душа
Радост она приносить всем 
Мы все её уважаем 
Я её так сильно люблю 
Ничего плохое ей не позволю
Она такая Сильная
Замечательная и Великолепная 
Для меня только есть она в этом мире
Я хочу с ней быть в паре
Ей в этом мире только удача 
Она моя яркая звёздочка
Я её люблю навсегда 
Чтобы она была только рада

Free
Free is when I’m with you
Free is when I kiss your soft lips.
Free is when I hold your soft hands
Free is when I hug you tight
Free is when I run my hand through your hair
Free is when I can talk to you about anything
Free is when I see your bright smile
Free is even I look into your glowing eyes
Free is when I cuddle and snuggle
Free is when it’s me and you against the world
I’ll never be free again
I’ll always be trapped by the demons
The demons I let win this battle
You are my freedom

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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One person
One person had faith in my success
One person saw the good in me
One person wanted what’s best for me
One person motivated me to be the best
One person was there for me cheering me on
All I did was push that person back
Could I really not handle all the good they gave
Am I that weak
I am so pathetic
I was blessed with this person
But I cannot appreciate my blessings
I cannot do anything right ever
Who THE FUCK AM I ANYMORE
I worked so hard in building myself for YEARS
for FUCKING YEARS
And one bad event
Well actually a series of them
And I decide to just ruin everything
What in the world is wrong with me
One person I love
How could I let them down like this
How could I let myself down like this
I worked so hard, they worked so hard
And what did I do? Act so fcking weak
I worked on myself so hard
To gain so much confidence
I believed in myself too
But look at me now
Let down the one person who cared
The one person who wanted me to be happy
One person who saw what no one else did
Saw things I know I had underneath
For myself I started to work on them
And I loved how happy it made them
That’s why I kept doing it
To make me happy, make us happy
But one triggering bad event
And I let it all burn
I am a loser
Egg
My egg is golden
It shines so bright
It’s so delicious
It radiates positivity and sunshine
I love absorbing it all
I never wanted to crack my egg
I never wanted to lose it
I am the true face of evil for what I did
Now I will never have another egg