transatlanticism

Incredibly violent take of mine but I actually don’t think you need to relate to a story in any way to enjoy it. You can enjoy a story even if you can’t point at a character and insert some aspect of your personality or identity into them. In fact I would argue the need for a character like that to be present in every single story you experience is a sign of stunted growth.

anyway today I am thinking about ilya [guy who ghosted his hookup for six months after telling him they were nothing] absolutely BOOKING IT to that bathroom after shane. bursting in there all out of breath and then realizing that might make him look like he gaf so he has to do a totally casual and indifferent lean against uh… the paper towel dispenser. to imply that he just wandered in here by chance and is feeling very cool calm and collected. soooo lol. come here often

I have accepted the semi popular concept into my heartcanon (it’s deeper than headcanon…) that Shane doesn’t identify with gay culture. he thinks there’s something wrong with him, that he’s not gay enough, or whatever. Then he meets a bunch of dykes and everything clicks into place and before you know it he’s going white water rafting with, ironically, a woman named Jane and her beautiful trans wife Annie and their assortment of insane adrenaline junkie lesbian friends

Ok and another thing I want to say gently (again, not because I don’t think it’s hot, I definitely do) but ultimately I think Ilya is not typically this calm, cool, and collected guy during sex the way a lot of fics write him, like Shane makes his brain melt out of his ears from how turned on he is. I think most of the time Ilya is little frantic and like, losing it a bit from how horny he is.

ilya has an understanding of identity + performance as inextricable and an unimportant distinction while shane is absolutely unable to see the difference between his identity and the performance he puts on this way Shane is a fundamentally more dishonest character and yet he cares So much about honesty Ilya is More True to who he is and is so luch More comfortable putting on the performance he has to

its like . Ilya knows thats whats under yhe performance is Unchangable . Whatever he has to put on top to get the job done is what has to happen wtvr . but shane would do anything to meaningfully change himself Into his performance . The way he performs is so much more tied to his self worth + identity

unfortunately im thinking serious thoughts about hollanov again. like it's really that deep to me......... imagining Definitely IVF Baby shane growing up with his loving parents, just so so much Love poured into him from the moment he's born. they call him perfect all the time. their miracle baby. and he wants to live up to that so bad. he wants to deserve everything they've given him. his mother came all the way to canada from japan as a scared kid for a new life for herself and her future family and he's going to make himself worth it. he can work hard enough and he will, because he loves hockey, he chose hockey, and he knows he can do anything he sets his mind to because his parents always told him that and they don't lie to each other. and sweet ilya the second born, a gentle heart in a family with not enough love to go around, whose mother was hurting so bad and we never really hear about it, just have to fill in the gaps. she was so funny and beautiful, she was light and tenderness and loved her sons but it still didn't save her. she was so sad. and thats not even touching on his Much Older father (he was so hard on her) and his abusive brother who uses him for money and a punching bag. oh and they're both Police #wow #bad and ilya just isnt like them dude. he's like his mama. he's funny and beautiful and so sad. like it genuinely fucking kills me dude. and then they meet as a defensive combative traumatized teenager in a new country and an awkward earnest traumatized wunderkid and they're both so lonely and terrified and they want to escape the crushing weight of expectations of family and society and their stupid fucking professional sport jobs and they meet in the middle and create new lives and new selves together from their fractured pieces and at long last stop running away because they finally know who they are and where they belong. they find themselves in each other. Hi for the love of god hello.......

when is route 96 kanata being updateddddd [remembers you shouldnt pressure an author of a WIP for updates] im sad route 96 kanata hasnt been updated [remembers this is emotionally manipulative] i dont care about it at all actually [remembers encouragement and positivity is what keeps writers motivated] Anonymous author of route 96 kanata im asking for your hand in marriage [remembers undiscussed public proposals are also emotionally manipulative] Nevermind ummmm i just love your fic and cant wait to see where you take it

i dont like when shane is characterized as being a color coded spreadsheet super organized and neat guy. that's not him. he's in a pressure cooker of his own design but he pays people to do the admin for him. he pays for an interior designer and a stylist and a perfectly balanced meal delivery service. his mom manages his calendar. shane wants so badly to outsource control to someone else who can tell him how to be shane hollander. he does not have a fucking color coded spreadsheet