âYeah.â Evan said lamely, his shoulders shrugging. He wasnât sure what he was supposed to say, what he was even allowed to say. Was Iâm sorry too much? Or was that something he was supposed to do? Were they just supposed to pretend it never happened, or was he supposed to mention it? The last thing he wanted to do was rub salt in Zaraâs wound and yet he knew just being there had the possibility of doing that exact thing. âMusic? Thatâs- Thatâs great.â His head bobbed, his eyes diverting to the ground. âI remember that was something you liked doing, you know, with the um, jazz band and-â He cut himself off with a nervous laugh, taking the time to glance back up at Zara.
He wondered if his presence reminded her of Connor the way it did when he saw her. He wondered how she was actually doing⌠but he didnât feel like he had the right to ask. âI, Iâm sorry. I can go? If that would help, I mean. Like, um, we can just pretend that we didnât see each other and if we ever see each other again we can just not talk? If that might make it easier, I mean.â He didnât want that. He hated what he had done to her, but Evan still thought Zara was a good person. He didnât deserve it, but he still wished they could be friends.Â
HOW WERE THE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS ?? were they going to walk on eggshells every single time they saw each other ?? would her mind go instantly to her brother ?? who, in a way, she needed right now. sure, both had their differences, but zara always thought he would GROW OUT OF IT. evan was a very socially awkward person, and zara had turned so INTERNAL that, she, herself happened to be just as awkward. when wanting to be alone for SO LONG, it was hard to get back into the more extroverted version of herself. and, in a way, things had really changed when out in the world. when having the opportunity to come her, zara thought that it would help her FIND HERSELF. maybe with evan actually being here, she could. finally, reflect on the things she kept inside her hear for a long time since connor had left them. âjazz band---- y e a h !!â laughing softly, missing jazz band and the days where things were s i m p l e. life was complicated, a huge complicated mess that zara couldnât believe was her life.Â
âi know you like jazz band jazz...â nodding her head slowly, remembering the one time they talked about. not in-depth, only for a brief time. dragging her teeth across her lower lip, â----no evan, weâre going to have to see each other.â thinking it easier to take the higher ground, why should she be the one to hurt him. hadnât there been enough emotional turmoil between evan and her family - between them both, it was too much for the both of them. zara was trying to become a better version of who she used to be. yes, she had become withdrawn and things had changed a lot, but things could move forward. both evan and zara deserved to grow as people. evan used to be SO IMPORTANT to her; how could she not respect the time they had together. âiâm sorry it happened--- it was--- a little emotional and it was a lot, but i think we learned a lot.â