illumination

• { name moodboard for anon } •

It’s been four years

Since the day you decided

You didn’t need me anymore

It still hurts

To say your name

It always hurts

To know you didn’t feel the same

Whenever people ask about you I look away

The memory of your face inflicts too much pain

It’s been four years

Do you remember it the way that I do?

Whenever you called we always talked about you

Not once did you ask if I was okay

You said you would be there for me

But lately it seems

You’re with everyone but me

It’s been four years

They say you’ve moved away

A different city

A different town

Changed your phone number

Got it all figured out now

I wonder if you think about me

Or if my memory is just crumbled words

You never intended to keep

It’s been four years

I thought I had forgot

The way you made me feel

But then I saw you on the street

And that feeling from four years ago

Destroyed me all over again

I’m beginning to think

That feeling will always be there

It’s been four years

But in my heart

Still wearing long sleeves even when the weather is hot cause my arms are mess. Still can’t tell my father how depressed am i and attend to kill herself for thousands times. He asked once but I couldn’t tell i just turn away to my room while the tears on my eyes. He left but nothing left me. Still can’t tell how bad am i. I am afraid from the summer i cant show my hands to any, and I don’t want to be asked. How the person could ask for help while it’s holding up the last breath! How the person could say “ im not okay , please help ” without ruining away?.

I am mess , i am the one who people get used to leave her. Today i cry in front of someone and she just left. I know the feeling of being abondend , I know it very well , i know the touch of the deepest things, and i know the feeling of being only connexion of everything and i know how its hurt when people could walk through you and your soul..