forget I said anything

keep writing out the post and deleting it because I keep imagining the grease situation a professional mechanic would deal w/ but for being an office worker my hands are covered in splotches of black grease like so often now just because of my bike. It's not fully unremarkable but for sure not novel anymore. my hands are just visibly dirty so much of the time.

I can usually keep it in the road day-to-day but when I'm around someone I'm newly dating I become so visibly scatterbrained. Like I cross the boundary between manageable w/ effort into needing Adderall

so many weird terms sprung up to accommodate nb people and imo they're all alienating. I mean ideally we can get over the fact that anybody has the capacity to be into some amt of nb people by virtue of nb people looking and acting like whatever. (and the same goes for men and women. whatever). getting anymore granular than that is just off putting and weird

I can't believe people use "gynesexual" on hinge like yeah I guess it makes sense to use if you're nb and only into girls or whatever, but this is a term that only aliens should be using

i love that Merzbow is vegan. Pulse Demon, like, as in the grains

I like thinking abt the times I was like 9 and had clocked some trans woman and stared with vague undisclosed unarticulated self recognition, and how from the perspective of whatever random woman I was staring agog at I was probably just lightly terrorizing her

yeah there is a kind of sense of doom associated w/ having to do what you don't really want to, I felt that working at build a bear

when people are super anti-sex work it always feels to me like they are, without realizing, using sex work as some scapegoat to load down with all their anxieties about wage labor being inherently degrading. "It's just work" almost doesn't get across, because the work sucks, but all work sucks. like fuck off and start a union or something.

sexual fantasy represents like a particularly common and pleasurable form of daydreaming but sometimes I'm there and it's like oh I could be thinking about other things. Why is this the only time I focus my attention in this way. so many potential scenarios to consider