I Had Tried

If you’re attacked by someone’s pet, you don’t sue the dog.

Maybe that’s because you cry and lecture when they bring up a topic you don’t like. Or show you a song that has a curse word in it. Or mention a person you think is “sinful”.

Maybe they have to stop and weigh if it’s worth opening up to you.

Maybe they want to share things with you, but eventually decide not to because it would take too much careful walking on eggshells.

The song “God’s Perspective” Bo Burnham is a funny little thing to listen to. I know that’s the point but there is something that feels almost… masochistic.

“You’re not going to heaven” repeated over and over in my ears attacks a part of my inner child.

Heaven was the only thing she ever wanted. It was the only point to living - kinda. It was the point to everything. Whenever things felt hard or even uncomfortable she could rest on the idea that someday there would be heaven.

At 25 I don’t believe anymore but she is so hurt by that song. So hurt by the snide remarks in the verses, in the (true) implications made.

She was always so vulnerable.

You’re not going to heaven.

She wants to crawl under the desk in her childhood room, wants to curl up and cry. What do you mean we’re not going to heaven? We were supposed to. What did we do?

I don’t know how to explain to her everything that happened, how we grew.

You pray so badly for heaven.

She’s never going to understand. That AWANA going, VBS singing, Praiseband and Deacon’s daughter is never going to grasp that she was lied to - that her parents and grandparents and their parents were lied to.

You’re not my children.

I know why it hurts her so much but I can’t stop listening to it. She doesn’t deserve to hear these things she can’t understand but I can’t stop listening.

I think I lost how to take care of her. I can take care of me, but not her.

Yup

There is. A. MorningStar Church….

MorningStar.

Brain: “wow, you’re so easy to manipulate you’re just asking for it. Who could blame them?”

*stops*

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Hell yeah!!!

And now four years later every time I hear a passage from the Bible it sounds more and more ridiculous. It looks more fake with every passing day.

…. Wow. Thank you for the generosity…