i never know when thoughts of you will show up

uninvited

i find myself in the back of a bathroom stall

kneeling down and gasping for breath

and this anvil on my heart -

won’t go away.

I carry red like the colour

in the colour

and my veins

and the way you think of me

paint me red because this heart of mine

is burning with love

paint me red

with lips

full of broken promises.

l break off pieces of my hair

I wash my skin, my hands, scrubbing the soap in

hard

each time leaving fewer and fewer places where you touched me

7 years is how long it takes for the body to replace each cell in a body

perhaps this is the time it will take

to forget about you.

I’d rather lay ugly

on the floor

two day bed head

licking each other’s scars

like broken strays

and maybe in these depths of despair