How Autistic Obsessions Happen
Obsessions give us a turf in a world that loves to push us aside, a chance to feel like winners in a world that loves to make us feel like losers, and a sense of control chaotic. overwhelming world. Many autistics develop obsessions with whatever they happen to be good at as a kid. If people are impressed, we’re extra likely to go down the rabbit hole. If there are rewards, we zip down it with supersonic speed.
Things get more complicated as we get older. People aren’t as easily impressed and the rewards are fewer and farther between. Sometimes we get there in grade school, sometimes grad school, sometimes never. Depending when we get there, our obsession(s) can comprise a big part of our identity, enough to make it worth holding onto regardless of the consequences. It’s a lot more empowering to be an outsider with a niche than a nobody.
Behind our dare-to-be-different vibe, we’re a lot more impressionable than we let on and would go to great lengths to hold onto priorities and beliefs we subconsciously picked up from our immediate vicinity. We’re slow to notice trouble brewing but quick to adapt when we do. People often peg us as stubborn, narrow minded, and unwilling to change without realizing we just don’t see a good reason to. “Because I said so” doesn’t mean much to us but a logically grounded argument can inspire change far deeper than the people pleasing surface stuff.
Many of us find the world of social interaction painfully fake and desperately search for truth. Given access to enough broad and balanced information, we can get a lot farther than most people care to. Since the rise of the internet, we hear more stories of autistics getting involved in activism, often on their own accord. We’re capable of being true individuals, staters, and leaders, yet many of us get stuck in Rain Man land because that’s where we’re told we belong from a young age.
Our society starts labeling people as leaders, followers, task robots etc. way too young. The idea of proving yourself to make it to the next level makes sense in an interdependent adult society, but when forced on kids, it deters unconventional learning styles. We regard school as a predictor for future success but all it really shows is our ability to follow a prewritten script. Many people find passion and talent for fields that were not their forte in school later in life. Yet, the world continues grooming us to stick to what it knows rather than what it needs.
New roads aren’t trusted until they meet predetermined validation standards. While this keeps us safe in the construction industry, it holds us back when applied to who we support, listen to, or even give the time of day. Through compensating for impairments, we develop unique skill sets and thought processes, which you’ll usually never hear about because we grow up translating them into neurotypical speak and sometimes aren’t even aware of our differences.
I’m not suggesting that we analyze each other under a microscope. In fact, my #1 pet peeve is lay people playing therapist. What I am advocating for is a more open minded attitude toward new ideas and ways of life. It breaks my heart that many of the people in history who made the greatest impact on society lived in torment and exile, folks we’re taught to admire but not emulate, especially if we’re different.
We live in a world where being accepted is far more rewarded than being right. Acceptance tends to come from pleasing those around you, either by doing what they want when they want it or by convincing them of long-term perks to doing things differently. Those who can convince are welcomed into a larger sphere of influence while those who can’t learn to keep their thoughts to themselves.
Like any population, autistics have done both great and horrible things. While the media loves to lump us together, I believe the credit should go to the person rather than the condition. Autism influences how we think, not what we believe. It does, however, impact the kind of interactions and relationships we have that shape our beliefs.
Autistics are as capable of developing a balanced perspective as anyone else. We’re just less likely to because we tend to attract fewer people into our lives. Our difficulty making new friends makes us more dependent on the few we do have.Â
Family impacts us more than most. We take it literally when our parents threaten to call the cops if we don’t eat our food. We have an especially deep need for a calm, stable environment but live in an environment that puts a strain on the families of autistics as well. If we don’t grow up feeling guilty or ashamed, we’re still likely to grow up with an atmosphere of hidden tension as our control to base life on.
For many of us, obsessions are an escape. The more esoteric, the less likely to be invaded by the more stressful aspects of our lives. We cling to them, not so much because we need them, but because we’d feel displaced without them.
While some of us obsess for life, others jump between obsessions. Personally, I need to schedule time in everyday where I’m in control. It doesn’t even really matter what I’m doing, just as long as I can take a break from the fear of disappointing everyone around me.
As an adult we often want an identity larger than a series of obsessions. We want to make an impact. Obsessions can be a great safety net in our journey to the outside world. Despite our inherent lack of flair for social situations, they can become an obsession too if we devote enough energy to them.
We develop obsessions to feel good about ourselves, sometimes in the now and sometimes with hopes for the future. The whole western world is obsessed with dating and autistics are no exception. When something causes us trouble, we tend to walk the other way or charge in with full speed.
The new Netflix dramady, “Atypical,” is a great example. Sam jumps into online dating with 0 experience and fills the void with the first pickup artist videos he finds on YouTube. Unlike most teens, Sam is isolated enough to take the words of some douche with nothing better to do as gospel. Pickup communities and hate groups love to prey on those who haven’t found acceptance elsewhere. They don’t have to be right. They just have to be first.
Giving up is the worst thing you can do for those people and society at large. If we could just make people who are different feel welcome in more constructive groups, the haters would have no army. Society paints people who are a little quirky as the enemy and pushes them down that path. The more people we give up on, the stronger the dark side grows. They’re still just regular people who want to be loved like the rest of us. They just need a logically grounded reason to change and someone to give it to them.
We’re capable of becoming obsessed with just about anything, but it comes from inspiration, not force. No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself I like studying for class. I love my job in the same field and I read plenty of random tech blogs but the arbitrary deadlines and grading is a major turn off for me. Maybe if people tried discouraging me from staying in school, I’d actually enjoy it. Who knows. I definitely did when I switched majors. Back then, it was my act of taking control. Now, school feels like the place I have least control.
The scope of an obsession is different for each person. I absorb tutorials like a sponge but can’t stop my mind from wandering in class. I go all-out with my makeup every month or so but rock the lazy girl look 99% of the time. I love trying new things but usually lose interest once I succeed. I know I can do it if I want to. That’s all I need. I really don’t like practicing. I feel like I could be spending my time doing so many more exciting things. I’ve gone through enough obsessions in my life to know they tend not to last for me personally, so now I’m obsessed with novelty.
Obsessions have an immense power to engage us but they don’t define us. We are as undefined and adaptable as anyone else. We just need to opportunity to grow in our own passionate way.
