Oh, It Annoys Me So

To be honest, if someone asked me that back when I was still with my old pack I would’ve thought them delusional for even thinking it.

If someone were to tell me that there would be a day that I didn’t hate this man, I would hex them.

If you told me that over the course of a day I would skip over three ranks and go straight to captain I probably would have laughed in your face.

‘Three months ago, if anyone had told me that this was going to happen…’ Tony finally said.

If someone would have told Tony Stark a few days ago that his murderous AI would be nurse-maiding his injuries he would have laughed in their face.

If someone were to ask him exactly what happened in the three months he’d been kidnapped by the Ten Rings, or the events that followed, he wasn’t sure how well he’d be able to.

If someone told Bucky he’d be spending his weekend in the hospital for one of the most embarrassing occurrences of his life, he’d probably laugh in their face and tell them to go fuck off.

If someone told me a month ago I would be willingly hanging out in a Wakandan jail I would have asked how many shots they had taken and asked them to hand me whatever they were drinking.

If someone told me a month ago I would spend most of my free time with a prisoner in jail I would have laughed at them.

If someone told her four years ago she would take an active interest in the personal life of Tony Stark she would have laughed in their face.

If anyone had told him that this would be his life, he would never have believed them.

If someone told me last year that I would be sitting here with a student who was not in Slytherin, I would have thought they were barking mad.

If you’d told Ianto five years ago that he would ever want to turn down a beautiful woman who wanted nothing more than to give him a blowjob, he would have said you were off your rocker.

If anyone had explained to him exactly where they had come from, he would have been appalled, although he still would have eaten them, because that was what he had been told to do.

Had he been told the previous year at Bag End that he would find himself living with an army of dwarves under a mountain, he would have laughed and told that person that they should go easy on Old Toby. Then he would have gone inside and locked the door. Just in case.

If you told me a year ago I'd be telling the King to just cover that lovebite on your neck for crying out loud, I'd laugh at you, you know what I mean?

And really, if someone had told Bilbo a couple of months ago that he'd be leading the King into his room one day, hand in hand, he'd probably call them a lunatic.