antagonism.

“Doesn’t matter.” He waves it off casually with a smirk. The little voices words are already beginning to slur. The hand holding the glass is raised, tipped ever so slightly in the direction of his companion before the contents are drunk once more. It hits him harder this time, three in a row in such quick succession, causes him to be visibly taken aback before his smile widens. “You’re lucky you’re entertaining or you’d be drinking alone right now.”

more often that not, seokyung always thought this friendship was simply toxic. he didn’t think such thing when it started, no. because when it started? it was perfect. two guys that knew each other too well, that were chaotic in their own way, that somehow managed to find someone that could understand each other perfectly. because chanyeol was that person. someone who understood him, someone he could relate with. someone he could truly call  a friend and it was perfect, more than perfect.

then things go to shit and it proves how alike both are when none of them makes the effort to change said things. no, they remain the same, the same, the same for weeks, then months until it gets to a point where they are no longer friends, just people that know each other. strangers at this point. “it’s been so long i almost forgot the kind of individual that you are. i should’ve known better.” seokyung sits back, amusement written all over his face, “well, then go ahead and get drunk so you can put up with me.” the tone of his voice is demanding, except he’s not actually demanding anything from him. it’s not like seokyung can control him or tell him what to do. chanyeol is free to go if he wants to, and seokyung watches the way he struggles inside, he knows he’s thinking about leaving and also thinking about staying, and when he decides to stay? he sighs in relief.

and then he basically watches him get completely fucked up. he doesn’t say a single thing, he just admires the man in front of him, the way he just takes those drinks like they’re tiny little glasses of water. it’s impressive, and seokyung can’t help but think of himself, of how similar they are when it comes down to that. he graciously accepts the drink he gives him, stares at it for a moment. “don’t call me that.” he tells him, eyes snapping up towards him. chanyeol knows that, right? of course he does, he knows he shouldn’t call him that and yet... “why don’t you try to love yourself a little more? why are you even implying people turned me down? wouldn’t that mean you were my last option? i wouldn’t want to be anyone’s last option, you know?” now he teases back, but also, it’s a good way to let him know he was the only option he reached out to.

the why sticks harshly to the back of his throat, but still he heeds his manager’s request. there were still plenty of staff members around (eyes watching. here, everywhere. always.) and jaeyoon could do nothing but try for a smile, hands slipping into the pockets of his pants, gait almost lazy. there’s no proper segue to this. jaeyoon doesn’t think he needs one. clearly, he’s trying for casual but he’s fed up with the entire day and his patience hanging by a thin thread and is just about done. it borders on tense, instead. “hey.”

it’s a routine. it’s always been a routine. everyone always tells him the same anyway, ‘just look pretty’, and sure enough, he does. it’s been like this since his early days as a trainee. sure, they loved that when he came in, he already knew how to dance and how to look okay-ish in front of a crowd. but what everyone loved the most was his undeniable charisma, that charm-ish, boy-ish look that he sports everywhere like his biggest life accomplishment. he always supposed he had his parents to thank for that, perhaps the only fucking thing he could thank them for. 

and variety is just that, just another outlet for him to show up, to sit there, to crack some jokes, to look pretty, to smile at the camera, to provide enough aegyo and pretend he’s embarrassed (he isn’t, he never is; but the fans absolutely love it, they think it’s ‘adorable’ and he’s gonna give them exactly what they want). and that’s it, that’s another payday for him, without doing much. it’s lovely and so poetic. 

the worst always comes before, during break or after the show. seokyung has a pretty clean reputation, but rumors of him and his group mates not getting quite along have always followed them and him like starving animals, as if waiting for the one precise moment to attack and prove that indeed, there’s bad blood somewhere in there. but midas has told seokyung he can’t allow this, certainly not because of his image, and certainly not because olympus getting in trouble would mean he’d have to let go of his solo, of his big opportunity to shine without the rest. 

is he going to throw that away? absolutely not, he won’t. so he’s always forced to ‘at least be nice’ to others, in this case, the staff, the other guests, whoever approaches him. he will be, surely. but when he sees it’s kwon jaeyoon the one trying to catch his attention, seokyung can’t help but freeze in place. hazy eyes looking from his glass of water, to him. “hey.” he says back, sounds much more like pure courtesy rather than him actually wanting to respond to him. 

“So. What now? Did you even think that far, hm?”

it’s always like this. it’s not the common ‘i hate you but kiss me’ dynamic between them, at all. because truth is, seokyung doesn’t hate hanui, can’t come close to it at all. but she definitely doesn’t rank high on his list of favorite people, that is for sure. in his eyes, what she has of pretty she has of annoying and bratty. to think he’s known her for years, to think their parents once upon a time thought it would be a good idea for them to become friends. spoiler: they didn’t become friends. instead, they moved on with their lives, with their paths, then found each other again several years later.

ironic, isn’t? a pair or rich kids becoming idols when they essentially had it all since the beginning. but both have their reasons, reasons they really haven’t bothered asking each other about because they’re much more focused fucking each other’s brains out than doing anything else. it’s just how it is, it’s always how it’s been since they saw each other for the first time again, since they realized they weren’t the same kids they knew years ago.

“because you love it, that’s why.” he responds, body pinning her against his penthouse’s wall. it was a shame he was still confined to the dorm life, he couldn’t wait for the day he would be allowed to move out for good and spend all of his time here, in his own building, his own penthouse. all in due time, of course. but while that wasn’t a reality yet? it certainly still frustrated him. hands travel from her waist up to her face, seokyung pulls her close and kisses her again, this time, much more demanding than before. 

and then he laughs, “jesus christ, shut the fuck up already.” and he pulls her in for yet another kiss, the sweet, sweet taste of her lips feels like a drug at times, one he certainly can’t get enough of, “all you ever fucking do is yap and yap and yap and yap.” he pauses, breaking the kiss only so he can speak against her jaw as he peppers it with kisses, “if you’re so concerned about staying long then you should’ve stayed home. but no, here you are, as always.” he adds the ‘as always’ to remind her that both of them are into this as much as the other, and that apparently, there’s no escape to it for now. 

And so he approaches, glass in hand, not bothering with a greeting when he finally reaches his destination. “I’m here. What do you want?” Short and sharp. The voice is flat, not quite apathetic but still far from enthusiastic. “Tell me what this is about so that I can say no and go enjoy my night somewhere else.”

he’ll be damned. he’ll be fucking damned.

seokyung isn’t exactly sure why he does the things that he does, honestly. he doesn’t even think about things before doing them, that’s the truth. always the one to open his mouth when he shouldn’t, always the one to say something he shouldn’t, and in this case, always the one to be the first to reach out when he’s bored. or you know, lonely; but that’s certainly not the thing he’s going to admit, not the word he’s going to use and not the feeling he’s willing to come to terms with.

but in very much kyo seokyung fashion, he looks for a way to feed whatever he wants to feed within himself. in this case, his solitude. sure, he knows there’s other people he can call, like aroon, but he knows he’s busy and he knows he shouldn’t drag him to this place when he’s ready to launch a solo soon. there’s daehyun, but seokyung would be even more damned if he ever dared bring his friend into this. hanui, sweet, darling hanui... she crossed his mind, but she too, shouldn’t be involved in something like this. the list goes on, with many possible candidates for the spot and yet, no one is suitable. 

except for kang chanyeol.

friend. no. former friend. yes, former friend. it’s quite strange the way things happened between them. two unlikely people to get along somehow managing to do just that for a period of time. that is, until work, until life and until whatever else got between them. distance, distance is a bitch. but chanyeol is prideful and seokyung is prideful. both too stubborn to do anything about it other than shrug and say ‘oh well’. 

and now here he is, two shots of tequila later and seokyung is already texting him, using the always infallible boredom excuse. to be quite honest, he spends the whole time doubting he’ll show up. why would he even, anyway? he probably had other stuff to do than hang out with his semi-drunk friend. until he proves him wrong, until he actually shows up. “that’s not how you greet people. no one ever taught you anything about human decency, i see.” he barks right away, mostly because he can almost hear it in chanyeol’s tone, something as if he would very much rather be somewhere else other than this place. 

“i should fall in love and cry more… i hardly have anything to write about.” 

he stares at her. half-dumbfounded, half-amused. perhaps one of his favorite things about her, that she’s sincere. “i mean, yeah, i wasn’t actually looking for a literal question, but i suppose that’s on me.” with serena, he knows he can’t talk with his metaphors and his analogies or what have you. it would make sense that she would give him that kind of answer, very on brand of her too. 

when she sits down, he nods and goes back to what he was doing, not bothered at all that she’s there. he knows of many artists that prefer solitude when they’re working, but he’s not one of them. sure, if surrounded by strangers that are just being loud for no reason, he would definitely snap. but she’s one of the few exceptions in his life, so he has no trouble in allowing her to keep him company while he works. 

it is until she speaks again that he shakes his head, “it’s not worth it.” he keeps writing, not really giving her much context until he’s done with another line of the song. he looks up at her and tilts his head, “falling in love, i mean. or crying, whichever. not worth it.” he’s been there and he’s done that and he could attest to the fact: it’s not something he got too much enjoyment out of. 

well, he couldn’t say much about the crying, he couldn’t remember when was the last time he did. but falling in love? he surely remembered that and god, he hated it. he hated remembering it, he hated talking about it, he hated every single little aspect of it. which is funny considering he was the one to break someone’s heart in his last relationship. that was the thing though, loving someone so much lead him nowhere whatsoever, it just made him miserable. 

then again, he just sucks at loving, doesn’t actually know how to.

after a soft sigh, hyejung leaned her head to the side and chuckled. “c’mon, tell me what you’re thinking about. as much as i’d like to, i can’t read your mind. what’s bothering you?”

it’s sunhee’s birthday. just as every year, he wrote her a letter, tried calling her, texting her, tried everything he could to get in touch with her and was met with the same result as always: nothing. she didn’t write back, didn’t text back, didn’t pick up the phone. he knew, of course, that trying would be pretty much worth nothing, because he knew how upset she was, how much she still hated him, he knew, he knew, he knew. but that didn’t stop him from reaching out, didn’t stop him from trying to turn things around, didn’t stop him from trying to fix everything once again. 

soon enough those thoughts come to an end when hyejung’s voice interrupts them. he looks up at her and smiles, hand coming up to brush away a strand of recently dyed blonde hair. “hm?” his eyes then move down, staring at the plate in front of him, and smiles, “diet.” it’s a bullshit excuse, but how to explain he gets like this every time his little sister’s birthday rolls around and he can’t wish her a happy birthday? when he can’t tell her how much he loves her? but soon, her words are met with a chuckle of his, he throws his head back and lets it out, honest and joyful, “might actually put the diet away just for that.” and he stares at her, elbows on the table, chin on his hands. he stares, lovingly. 

he lost count, he lost count on how many times she had said ‘no’ to him. he lost count on how many times she reminded him they had careers to focus on, how many times she reminded him of their obligations as idols, as people. every time he showed up wherever she was and asked for a chance to show her he could be a good boyfriend, and every time he was met with the same answer: now it’s not the right time. but hyejung, in her softness, always used the right words, the right tone, the right everything to the point her rejection, although did make him pretty sad, never angered him to the point of walking away and leaving her behind. always in his mind that maybe one day, she would actually accept him. that she would actually want him.

“you do need this more than i do. especially for that reason.” in the same way she had pushed the plate for him, he does the same for her as he pushes it back towards her. “it’s yours, you don’t have to share it with me. so, i’ll just...” he grabs the fork he’s supposed to use for himself, but instead, he takes a piece with it and brings it close to her lips, a bold, definitely scary move considering the place both are in right now. pictures of this would cause major issues for both of them. “do this instead.”

“and before you try to fling around your weight, i know i can’t cover inferno’s songs. i know i can’t dance. i also don’t care, and i definitely don’t want to cover your shitty discography. i already had to suffer through enough electro-pop trash to last me a lifetime. so fuck off back to your hovel, won’t you?” ruwon tucks his hands into his pockets, rests his weight back against one foot. disrespectful little shit. that’s all he thinks of seokyung, really. “are you a fucking school girl?” ruwon asks, sounds disgusted when seokyung stops to giggle.

“are you mad?” is his first reaction. is he? is he not? seokyung doesn’t know but for the sake of his mental ‘i’m winning this stupid argument’ narrative? he would like to think he is. it’s funny, isn’t it? how they’re just standing there, fighting over the stupidest things and only because seokyung was bored, only because his destructive ways pushed him to prompt conflict between them. it would be so easy for them to ignore each other, to go on about their lives pretending they don’t exist. but they don’t, or at least, seokyung refuses to do so because he’s pretty sure ruwon would ignore him if he could.

“i’m just asking because you’re really, w o w, you’re really going off right now. so much i’m almost offended!” the tone of his voice is pretty exaggerated, which could also indicate that he’s growing annoyed with the whole interaction. funny that he prompts it, funny that he gets irritated by it. typical kyo seokyung life tactics.

“oh no, i don’t say things because i want them to be magically true! i say things because… they are facts. if it wasn’t for a shitty show none of you would exist. but i suppose i can give you guys that, at least you did something for yourselves so i can only applaud you for that.” and he does, one, two, three claps, all of them slow and weak.

he scoffs, “do you even know how pathetic you sound right now? trying to come for the guys in my group? man…” he laughs, shakes his head, completely amused, “let’s see, i? i have zero fucking interest in hitting whatever fucking notes your lead vocalist hits. why would i want to sing in whatever note when i can out-dance and when i can out-rap whoever the fuck stands in front of me?” and the funny thing is: he believes it. because his ego is so big, he truly believes he’s all that. it’s funny ruwon brings up remy, because he’s one of the few guys in this industry that he actually likes and respects, and that is very hard to believe given the circumstances. but he doesn’t think that friendship is relevant to this conversation at all, so he doesn’t mention it.

“and listen, i’m not going to stand here and try to defend my group-mates because i know they can sing just as good as whoever, so you trying to pit me against a vocalist is yet the stupidest thing you’ve said to me ever, but it is you after all, and you’re pretty stupid, so i’m not surprised.” he pauses, arms folding in front of his chest, “you tried it though! and hey, don’t worry, i wouldn’t want to see you try to cover our discography, i have zero interest in seeing a pathetic soon-to-be-has-been try to do what we do. we’re too much anyway, i doubt you could keep up.” his hands fall and shoves them inside his pockets.

“hyung, why can’t i do it?” woosung asks pathetically, trying not to cry. “why can’t i talk to people without feeling so scared?”

seokyung goes through two kind of emotions back to back. the first? amusement. he laughs when he sees woosung’s reaction at being falsely called out for supposedly watching porn. he knows that’s not the case, he would probably believe it about the other boys, but woosung? never. that boy was too sweet, too cute and too innocent to do something like that. perhaps too innocent to the point it conflicted seokyung. sometimes he wishes he wasn’t, mostly because he knows how tough this industry can be. he knows that woosung needs to be less… scared.

and this is where the second emotion comes in: pain. he feels bad for him, watches how conflicted he is, how his body language has changed, the way he hides his face with his hands and seokyung sighs. slowly, he sits up next to him. wraps an arm around the younger boy and pulls him close, “because you’re you, that’s why.” he says, “we’re all different. some of us are more outgoing and loud and stupid, some of us are more quiet and reserved and scared about whatever. it’s normal, it’s okay. you shouldn’t feel bad about that.” he leans his head against woosung’s, uses his other arm to wrap around him as well, this time so he can just hug him.

“you will be good at it eventually. give it some time, yes? don’t stress over it, you’re so young, you’re… well, you already know you’re my baby and i’m always going to look after you, i don’t give a fuck if anyone thinks that’s silly or pathetic. i… well…” he pauses, rolling his eyes, “i know i’m not the best role model and i’m a piece of shit and a terrible person but, i try for you. and i want you to know that you can’t change drastically. you have to keep working on your confidence everyday, you have to find ways to open up, find ways to approach others or you know, to be approached. yeah maybe it’s hard for you now but, give it some time woosungie, trust me.” he gives him a light squeeze.

he laughs with seokyung, raises his head to look at him. “well technically you’re fucking me tonight but yeah, who else gets the priviledge to be fuck buddies with the amazing kyo seokyung?” he asks, a smirk on his lips as he goes back to lean his head on seokyung’s shoulder. “but enough of this sentimental bullshit, tell me about your songs,” he says. “what are you writing? is msg giving you something to do besides looking gorgeous all the time? i hope they are, i like the things you write.”

“i know i am cute, but thank you for the ego boost, i appreciate it.” there’s a little grin on his face when he says that, because he does. seokyung knows he’s attractive and knows he has used this to get many things from several people. does he take advantage? you can absolutely bet that he does and he loves it. of course, that played a big role in how he ended up being fuck buddies with aroon, the difference here is that he didn’t feel the need to trick his friend or to use him, because he genuinely cares about him. as odd as that can be coming from him.

“why would that make him feel uncomfortable? it’s just a sexuality question, you’re not asking for anything out of this world, especially on this time and era. but i mean, i suppose if you feel that way about it, i get it.” he doesn’t, really. because to him it’s just a random topic to bring up, why be scared about it? he doesn’t know. then again, he’s not friends with hyukjae and aroon is, so surely aroon knows much more about the vocalist than him.

he laughs, even throws his head back and shakes his head, “i reeeeeeally wish that was the intention behind my words but nah, i suppose i’m feeling generous this time around and do want to try and be helpful.” plus, he respects titanium. funny, because 1nferno is supposed to be the group who will compete against them, but seokyung admires and likes their level of creativity and artistry. perhaps because it’s similar to what msg is trying to do with 1nferno, so it only makes sense to him. “but yeah, don’t get smug, 1nferno’s time will come and you all won’t know what hit you.” and in return, he’s the one being pretty smug about it. pretty on brand to his cocky character.

he shakes his head again, however, wants to brush that comment off, “i don’t think i’m a good friend, i’m just using this little thing called ‘common sense’ that you seem too dense to even try and use, but i’m not judging.” he’s fronting, of course. because seokyung does deem aroon as a friend, a close one at that. he wants to help, he’s one of the few people in his life he genuinely cares about. maybe because he feels the same coming from the other male. and while seo is terrible at dealing with emotions and feelings, he can’t help but reluctantly admit to himself that all people in the world sometimes do want to be appreciated and loved. no matter how bad they hate the world.

he doesn’t say anything when the beer is taken away from him, instead leans his head against aroon’s when the other leans it on his shoulder, “thank god we’re done with that emotional chat, definitely not a fan.” when he gets his beer back, he takes a sip and sighs, “i’m writing..” he pauses and scoffs, “a bunch of ballads. i have no idea why, i suppose i’ve been melancholic for no reason.” there is a reason and the reason is that he’s miserable most of the time, but he won’t admit it, “but uhm, yeah i don’t think that’s enough? surely of them getting good production, they can fit somewhere in there as some b-sides but, it’s not enough.” he brings his free hand and scratches his jaw, “i really want to try and slide in a title track and i have some ideas here and there but really, it’s nothing special. just words on top of words and, msg will most likely want to give it a catchy tune and call it a day.” not that it bothers him, he’s actually okay with the concept the group has, but certainly thinks he’s lacking what it takes to do anything memorable right now.

“i am.” there’s something about the way he’s able to pluck those words from her. how easily he’s able to extract a confession she used to be so wary of making, of admitting. “feels like i’ll fall down any minute.” i just want to sleep, but sleep won’t come. it’s quiet out. save for the downpour drenching the world in melancholy. she sits with her hand in his, palm to palm, and trembles. “i feel like i’m spiraling–like i’m about to spin out of control, full speed and no brakes.” i messed up. and i don’t know how to fix it. 

she’s vague about it but seokyung has an idea of what’s happening. clearly not exactly and doesn’t think he’s aware of everything. but he does know that sophia is losing control of something. and he, the manipulative, control freak that he is? knows better than anyone that control is important. that sometimes everything is going according to how you want it to be, to how it should be but then sometimes comes in and fucks everything up, messes up entirely whatever you’ve been doing and working on and getting back on track either comes around after a lot of work? or it just doesn’t come around at all.

so, he sighs. “you’re strong.” he says, brings his cup of coffee and takes a sip, the warmth sliding down his throat making him feel at ease, certainly at much more ease. “i’m pretty sure that you can just hold on to the wheel, set direction again, and nothing bad will happen.” he’s not so sure of it, but he also believes she is indeed strong. both had been through so much and both know exactly all about it, she knows his life, he knows her life, it’s almost scary how much they know about each other that if they were to ever expose themselves, they would do it without a single problem.

Jia clears her throat. She does want to talk about it, honestly. She has not had the courage to do so with most people. Seokyung is not exactly gonna judge her. Probably. Still, she has never exactly been comfortable with the whole sex thing. It is a Catholic thing. Besides, being both Latina and American meant she is frequently trying to convince people that she is not easy. She doubts anyone would believe Daewon was her first; even he does not know he was her first. Still, she supposes she does not have to mention the sex stuff to Seokyung. Just the emotional stuff. Except, in some ways, that is even more uncomfortable. She takes a big sip of her drink, knowing she might need another one soon. “I don’t exactly know… what we are. And it bothers me. We used to be friends. Now he’s either… doing that with me or running in the other direction. I am not sure if he even likes me like that. I mean… is he seeing anyone?” she asks. Her face resembles sangria. She has no right to ask; she still has a thing for King. But Danny… he is something else. “Are we allowed to talk about this stuff? You are his group mate.”

the last person who would judge someone based on their sexual encounters and overall life would be seokyung, otherwise, that would make him a huge hypocrite and he was really far from that. he was honest, sometimes crude, sometimes too much for his own sake. but it was fine, it was part of his charm or so he liked to tell himself. but at the same time, he likes knowing things, and the reason? just because he likes to know the latest gossip going around and it’s not even like he’s gonna spread it or anything like that. he just needs to know, he likes being informed, he likes being up to date with things and it shouldn’t surprise anyone. certainly shouldn’t surprise jia, who’s gotten to know him for quite some time now.

“by doing ‘that’, you mean ‘fucking’?” the question just comes out like that, and there’s a mischievous grin on his face due to that. he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a sip before going back to his speech, “why don’t you ask him? i know it sounds easier said that done but that’s why so many people live so confused about their relationship status. because they just let things happen and that’s it. they never sit down and ask each other what’s their status so that’s… definitely something you should do, i think? of course, only if you want to know what’s going on with you two.” he looks away for a moment, only so he can focus on the dance floor.

to her last question, he chuckles, “why not? i mean, it’s not like i’m going to run and tell him you told me all of that? i don’t gossip, jia. yeah, i like knowing what people are up to and shit, but i’m not one to go around just… talking and leaking information? whatever you say to me, it’s safe, you don’t have to worry at all.” and it’s true, even if they’re group mates, seokyung wouldn’t go around revealing stuff that could do any kind of wrong to either party. “so you’re free to talk all you want, i don’t mind listening but for now...” he grabs her hand, her free one.

Father Wei was not exactly a title he liked, especially since he was not the oldest, though he was arguably the most responsible. At least, that was his image. Clearly, his dad would disagree, especially if he could see him now in that moment. Why did he agree to do this? It was so out of his comfort zone. Maybe it was because Seokyung was one of the few people he enjoyed spending time with. That being said, this night was definitely going to put a mark in their track record. Wei held grudges and he was not going to let Seokyung forget their brush with death just because he was forgiving towards his group mates. He was definitely bringing it up next time 1nferno had a movie night and they refused to watch Wei’s choice. He huffed. “Any chance there are taxis in this part of town?” He doubted it, but still worth an ask. He wasn’t normally a drinker, but he was going to need several glasses of fancy wine if they ever found the location they were going for.

“don’t worry, you’re not even my type.” he responds back, clicking his tongue against his palate, a mischievous cackle escaping him at the same time. it was pretty funny whenever they got asked about the one member they would date within the group and whatnot. when it came down to seokyung, it always felt weird having to answer such things because he couldn’t see wei, danny nor woosung in any other kind of light if it wasn’t the one of brothers, of his younger brothers. so it was surely weird, but they always had to answer it, so he sometimes made sure to say wei, knowing they were the closest in age and so people wouldn’t get the wrong idea of him wanting to aim for the younger boys.

“aish, i already explained that i didn’t want to deal with anyone! the other day i was hanging out with signal’s daehyun and it was so annoying having other people approach me and trying to flirt with me and shit. if i wanted any of that of course i’d stay there but i just had no desire? plus you said you wanted good wine and i doubt a hotel has great wine, so i looked this place up and it looked like a fairly good choice, so just stop complaining? oh my gosh.” seokyung moves, only so he can start walking behind wei, but this just so he can wrap his arms around the younger male’s shoulders even if he’s slightly taller than him, “see, i’ll be your human shield so you can stop complaining and be this scared. okay? cool.” he’s obviously just trying to be funny at this point, not wanting to be any kind of tension between them.