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I want to drown in someone

I want to feel important

To feel loved the way I love

Am I not worthy?

Am rotten?

Maybe I’m just not meant for it

Is it my fault for being myself?

Am I too much?

or too little…

Should I shrink even more then I already do

Or be bigger than everyone else

Should I just be the girl you want me to be?

Even though…

The comfort of that sweet darkness keeps tugging at my hand

It’s cool embrace just beckoning for my return

It’s getting harder to fight it off again

So maybe I need to become someone I don’t recognize

Then maybe… just maybe the darkness will go away

And I’ll be free

Why couldn’t you have just ignored me and and went on with your life like before…

You were a stranger…

Then, someone I thought I knew deeply

Now you’re a ghost of my memory

Like the distant smell of your pillow

In the back of my brain like a cancer

Your hands on my skin is just a vagueness now

Twisting my stomach harder and harder

Until I imagine the cool release of this reality

Then I fall back

And I remember

Thinking about you feels like a feral animal has locked its teeth into my neck and it spits all the blood and pain in my face all over again and again and again.