am i dreaming?

a mix of arguments, tension, manipulation, gossiping, fighting, & general emotional messiness!

you  weren't  supposed  to  hear  that.

don't  look  at  me  like  i'm  the  only  one  lying.

want  to  tell  them,  or  should  i?

you  think  i  don't  know  what  you  did?

i've  hit  people  for  less.

oh,  i  thought  you  already  knew.

that's  funny,  you  didn't  say  that  last  night.

say  that  again.  i  dare  you.

you  wanna  talk  about  loyalty?

no  offense,  but  if  you're  the  last  to  know,  that's  on  you.

go  ahead  -  pretend  like  it  wasn't  your  idea!

they  deserve  to  know  the  truth.

you  didn't  hear  this  from  me,  but  -

oh,  so  now  you  care?

don't  flatter  yourself.  you  were  just  convenient.

you  crossed  a  line.

we  had  bets  on  how  long  it  would  last.

it's  not  even  a  secret  anymore.

you  don't  get  to  cry  about  it  now.

touch  me  again  and  see  what  happens.

say  it  again.  louder  this  time.

you  really  thought  nobody  would  find  out?

don't  act  so  innocent.

okay,  but  am  i  the  villain  for  laughing?

tell  me  who  else  knows.  right  now.

this  whole  time,  and  you  didn't  say  a  word?

don't  act  brave  now.

you're  really  gonna  do  this  here?

it  wasn't  supposed  to  get  this  far!

you  can't  rewrite  history.

oh,  i'd  never  say  it  to  their  faces.

it  was  supposed  to  stay  between  us.

we're  all  thinking  it,  i  just  said  it.

you're  not  as  untouchable  as  you  act.

do  you  even  feel  guilty?

they  warned  me  about  you.

go  ahead,  make  it  worse.

if  you  repeat  this,  i'll  deny  everything.

the  next  thing  out  of  your  mouth  better  be  an  apology.

you're  about  three  seconds  away  from  regretting  this.

you  keep  pushing,  and  i'll  push  you  back.

they're  going  to  find  out.

one  more  lie,  and  i  walk.

they're  lying  to  you.

you  need  to  back  off.  now.

you're  defending  them?  after  everything?

don't  try  to  hide  it.

tell  me,  was  i  just  a  placeholder?

you  really  think  sorry  fixes  this?

there's  nothing  left  to  say.

don't  act  like  you're  the  one  hurting.

i  don't  owe  you  any  explanation.

whatever  helps  you  sleep  at  night.

you  should've  seen  this  coming.

i  hope  it  was  worth  it.

i  told  the  truth.  just  not  all  of  it.

you'll  miss  me  before  i  miss  you.

smile.  you're  ruining  the  mood.

i'd  watch  that  tone  if  i  were  you.

it's  not  my  fault  you  believed  me.

you  have  such  a  talent  for  pretending  you're  innocent.

we  both  know  this  is  over.

i  never  said  i  was  a  good  person.

should ares keep teasing him? no, he probably shouldn’t. this was the guys place of work, for crying out loud! but … but ares wasn’t dumb or blind. he saw how seunggi looked at him. he saw it. he saw how his eyes lingered when ares was getting out of the hot tub or when he was lounging on the chairs — he was pretty sure he even caught one or two looks that seunggi thought he snuck.

not to mention the blush. oh — seunggi flushed so prettily.

so yeah, maybe he flirted a little extra. actually put some effort into it, and all. and definitely stopped wearing shirts — which he was pretty sure had more of those looks coming his way.

and okay. ares also stole a peck on the cheek before running off to bed last night, but he couldn’t help it! surely it wasn’t just a bunch of one sided flirting, right? or was this a classic case of the worker is just being nice — god, he hoped not.

come morning ares was grinning like an idiot by the time he laid eyes on seunggi, and was all too eager to close the distance between them. “morning,” it was very chipper, his usual, and said as his arms looped around seunggi’s waist. “tell me you’ve been thinkin’ about a real kiss all night —“ ares wasn’t sure what exactly came over him but those words were followed up with a nip to the crook of seunggi’s neck. which — like, maybe that was a step too far? maybe? a kiss on the cheek? cute! biting the guys neck?! god —

honestly? seunggi had him with the so then don’t. that was enough to have his heart twisting. all of this alex stuff had happened and seunggi had been sitting here trying to help him and comfort him and then ares opened his mouth, and seemingly did what he did best. ruin it. but seunggi continued on to really drive his reasoning home and ares felt more than just his heart twisting. it was like there was a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how much he swallowed, a throbbing in his chest, a stinging in his eyes — yeah, he didn’t want to keep talking about this.

every step that seunggi took to move further away had ares feeling worse. it felt as if there was no right answer, that with the situation as it was? someone was always going to be hurting. ares didn’t want to have to pick between the two of them, especially knowing the only reason alex hadn’t been around all this time was because he hadn’t looked for him. he didn’t know what it would have been like if they would’ve reconnected, and he would never know, but ares knew for certain what his time with seunggi had been like. and to see him even a little agitated, or upset, or whatever the case may be?

seunggi physically grimaced, his eyes falling shut. his wrists felt funny—

ares was trying to prepare for it, but — but it was hard to prepare when he knew seunggi was right. it sounded insane to want to go near alex. if things were flipped and seunggi was trying to see the guy that threw him around, ares wasn’t sure he’d be the happiest camper. “i mean — i was letting him -“ not the best helping point, surely, but at the same time… ares could have gotten out of that at any one point! he just — he didn’t. so. yeah — he wasn’t sure how helpful that was, because would he do such a thing again? god knows he wouldn’t want to hurt alex, that sentiment wasn’t changing. so how far would things go again before ares acted?

where seunggi was considering prices, ares was wondering what sort of funny name their rv would have, and if he’d still be able to convince the other man to let him squeeze into the teeny tiny shower with him —

“what — yeah, yes.” the question did have his attention snapping to the front pretty quickly, eyes looking for seunggi’s own as his hand tightened ever so slightly around his husband’s. the idea of any barbed wire, though — that had ares huffing out a laugh. the aesthetic of their home didn’t exactly mesh well with ten foot tall fences topped off with barbed wire and motion activated spotlights, did it? it was just a funny image, is all. they’d be labeled doomsday preppers in no time. “i just —“ alright, so, ares wouldn’t actually mind the whole rv thing… for a time. not permanently. and he just sort of — didn’t want to rush into it. especially without saying anything, like goodbye or something. which might have defeated the purpose of wanting to live in an rv in the first place if they were doing it to avoid alex?

but then ares continued and seunggi felt his body fill with dread.

and there it is. the one thing ares was afraid of, the one thing he didn’t want to hear — that seunggi felt unsafe and like that they had to switch things up. and not that they'd have to change how they moved and lived just once, but maybe forever? to live a life where they were constantly looking over their shoulders, always wondering if someone would be showing up — ares couldn't help the way he was slowly filled with sadness. but it was sad, wasn't it? how quickly things could change. was seunggi ever going to want to make a quick trip into town on his own again? probably not —

"— we could be like those people that live in rv's and drive around." just an idea. one he was half on board with, despite it being his idea. he was mostly just trying to lighten the mood, maybe put a small smile on seunggi's face. because truthfully? now that he knew alex was, like, around —

god —

ares didn't even know what word to put on it! did alex want him around or not? was he supposed to follow him or not — obviously he messed it up pretty bad the first time, and this felt way too familiar. what, with the fight, the yelling, the way alex left...

but the longer ares went on, the more seunggi could feel, just from having his hands in his. something felt... off. he could tell ares was being genuine with the idea, but something somewhere didn't click.

“i do,” ares was nodding ever so slightly, mind drifting off as he considered the possibility of it. he knew he was connected to alex, he always has been — he just didn’t think it went both ways? maybe because he was an idiot — “i assumed it had something to do with your ability, too. that for some reason you could just —“ yeah, he was a damned idiot. it wasn’t something ares could remember ever learning, or asking about, or being told in passing — most things just seemed to happen. it happened, and he’d learn as it happened. a question would pop up and he’d take it to an old friend in a bar the next time he visited rome — he simply hadn’t been to rome in a long, long time. that, and it seemed as more time passed he had turned into the old friend at the bar younger vampires would come to here and there. how scary was that? that he still had questions — god. ares was going to end up spinning out of control if he kept it up.

so julien shrugs his shoulder away and steps just out of seunggi's reach, but the coat stays draped over his shoulders. he refuses to even look in the other's direction, but even in the corner of his vision he catches the signs of several nights of missed sleep. which just amplifies julien's exasperation because seunggi isn't supposed to be the one losing sleep over their break-up. julien is the one who's supposed to cry his poor little heart out, disappear from the public eye for just a couple weeks while he mends his wounds, then re-emerge a short while later just to fall in supposed-love all over again.

frankly, seunggi's desperate declarations of love are just pissing him off now.

"that was our secret," julien bites out, wrapping his arms around himself despite the added layer against the cold. "how.. how could you tell her about it? how could you see her there if it didn't mean anything? is that what all of this was then? just.. nothing?"

tears like crystals glimmer at the edge of his lashes, perfect little pearls of heartache. his train will arrive in less than two minutes, and he needs to shake seunggi off before then. with a shaky inhale, julien lifts his gaze from the ground as if doing so might just kill him, then he pins those watery, woeful eyes on seunggi.

"jul—" he chokes out, his head shaking with each step closer. he prepares himself for the worst of julien taking equal steps away, but hopes for the best. "i'm— i'm not like them, baby, i—" he feels as though he's going to outright choke on his tongue at this point, with how quick his mind is moving. he can't quite keep up with how quickly everything is spinning, even as his heart rate sky rockets to the moon. "you're the most important person in my life, julien, i'd never— never lie to you, or do that to you. you mean too much to me to let other people get in the way."

god, he feels like he's going to be sick—

he wants to reach out and touch the other, take his hand or something, but if julien is getting on a train to get away from him, he doesn't think anything will be well-received. even just talking feels like julien might push him on the goddamn tracks.