high school sweethearts ⋆˚꩜｡
⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ❝ tony stark x fem!reader ❞
୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ — tws: 3 years age gap (34/37), vulgar language, really bad words (slut, whore etc.), very slight mention of death, toxic relationship.
°˖ཐི༏ཋྀ — genre: fluff, angst.
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ — summary: during another ridiculous and boring party, tony meets his old high school love and regrets his past choices.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖⌗﹒ — a/n: so sorry for my inactivity! it's been a kinda rough period so i really didnt write anything nor i had any ideas. i've been writing this one shot for more than a month and i've finally decided to post it. i've been reading and rereading it for a while now and i dont think there's something more i need to change. (i changed some scenes like 5 times💔) hope u will like it!
.ᐟ.ᐟ — warnings: timeline is after the first avengers, as u could've read before, i changed tony's age (im sorry i dont like fem characters being 35+ age💔😭) . again, there's mention of a toxic relationship so if u get triggered please do not read this. i will put this symbol: # to warn where the triggering scene comes so if u still wanna read, u'll know which scene u should skip.
The noise of the arc reactor was more constant than all the noise three floors above.
Tony was still in the lab, thinking and rethinking about stuff, even tho JARVIS warned him — more than four times — that the party has started. That the important people had arrived. That everyone was waiting for him, the Avengers, too.
Instead, he was focused staring at a robotic tool, maybe hoping he could find an excuse not to show up. Not cause he was anxious or anything like that. He just wasn't in the mood to greet all those people with fake smiles on.
"Sir," JARVIS said smoothly "Miss Potts asked me to kindly inform you that, and I quote: 'if you don't come up right now I'm gonna dismantle your suits with a nail file.' "
Tony sighed and stood up.
He stretched his back slightly, glancing at the mirror on the far wall for a second. Dark shirt, black blazer, neatly trimmed beard. He looked fine. He looked put together. As always.
"Come on Stark, go up, smile and be brilliant."
Upstairs the music was refined, the buffet ridiculous and fake smiles all around — as always.
Tony moved through the crowd with his usual charming smile, nodding to diplomats, models, journalists or even scientists that still owed him dinner that crossed his path to the drinks counter. He ordered a glass of scotch like usual and drank half of it. That's when he saw her as he turned.
Standing elegantly next to the bar, wearing a long sleeves side-slit black dress. Of course it would be black, she loved that color — just like he remembered.
Her gaze did not change, still looking like she hated the world when she was alone.
His mind — and maybe his heart too — stuttered as if someone had pressed the reboot button.
He hadn't seen her in... years. And yet here she was, looking like she never left.
"Y/n?" he said, almost as if it was instinct, without thinking. He approached her softly and gently.
She turned as she heard her name coming from another's voice and when she saw him her eyes widened slightly in surprise. She smiled at him.
"Tony... still alive, I see." she said humorously.
"Seems like so.." he murmured.
"I mean... what are you doing here?" he asked, his tone was clearly surprised and confused.
"Tony, i've always been at all your parties.. you're just too busy saving the world or.. you know, flirting with everyone." she said and chuckled, still holding the glass in her hand.
That small laugh. He'd die to hear it once more. He almost forgot how charming she sounded.
Tony smiled, but it was a nervous smile. He looked around for a second and then back at her.
"Touché." he said softly and for some time neither of them talked.
There was a time when they had endless things to say to each other. So many that they didn't know where to start and now... now they seemed strangers. Strangers with a past.
Y/n decided to break the silence.
"So.. you look surprised." she said, her smile never leaving her face.
Tony turned his head slightly, as if to hear her better but deep down it was just a move to bring him back to reality.
"Oh uh.. yeah. Surprised. And confused. Maybe even a bit drunk but i think surprised will do." he said with a hint of sarcasm but it was clear he was nervous.
"Are you here alone?" he then asked. In his mind he thought he knew the answer but he soon realized he didn't.
"No.. I'm here with my boyfriend." Y/n turned her head and reached her hand out towards someone behind her.
Boyfriend. That word echoed in his mind like a headache. Like a hammer pounding his head. He expected everything but for that word to come out of her lips. Almost as if he would've never even thought that that word existed in her vocabulary. As if it was impossible for her to find someone else. Not because she didn't deserve it, but because Tony just couldn't believe it.
Her boyfriend's voice pulled him back to reality — just in time to see an extended hand and a too-bright smile.
"Mr Stark! What a pleasure to meet you!" Tony looked at his hand and then back at him. He didn't exactly know why but there was something in him that didn't convince him. Something in his gaze. Tony tried to shake it off and put on a fake smile.
"My pleasure... really." he said kindly.
When he let go of his hand, he looked at the couple and the way he kissed her head. That was something he used to do.
"Im sorry, sweetheart, I'm talking to my friends. You can go have fun." her boyfriend said and turned around again.
That was something he used to say, too. 'Sweetheart' was his word. But his words gave Tony another reason to not trust him.
'You can go have fun'. As if she had to ask for permission to have fun without him. But it wasn't important right now.
"He called you sweetheart." his smile tightened slightly and his voice became colder. As if that nickname annoyed him. As if he was jealous.
Y/n looked at him with a slightly tilted head and a hint of a sad expression.
"He's my boyfriend, Tony." she said softly.
Tony sighed at her remark. She was right. He was her boyfriend and Tony was nothing.
"Right." he answered coldly and put on another forced smile.
He cleared his throat, as if to reset the last ten seconds of their chit chat. He needed air and the Avengers were a perfect distraction.
"Would you come with me? I wanna introduce you to my, uh...colleagues." he said and didn't even let her answer cause he put an arm behind her back and gently guided her next to him.
When they arrived Y/n couldn't believe her eyes. She was standing right in front of the Avengers and was about to even talk to them.
All of them raised their drinks when they saw Tony.
"There he is!" Clint Barton said. It didn't take much for them to notice the woman standing right next to Tony.
"I wanted to introduce you to a..." Tony paused to look at her and then back at his friends. Y/n caught that look. His expressions were clear as the day to her. After all, you don't forget your high school first love — not after 4 years spent together. And she could tell his look was nostalgic and even.. sad.
"An old friend." he continued the sentence and smiled.
Natasha Romanoff was the first to step forward, offering her hand with a warm smile. Tony stood aside as his ex-girlfriend greeted everyone.
Natasha was very friendly and immediately started a chat with Y/n, wanting to get to know her as they sat on the small couch.
"Sooo, how do you know Tony?" She asked, propping her chin on her palm, the elbow resting on her knee. She looked really interested.
"Well, we.. we were high school sweethearts, you know.." Y/n said and laughed her embarrassment off while moving a strand of hair behind her ear. That's when Natasha gasped. No one knew that Tony had an high school crush.
"Really? I guess you were the one who broke up." she said humorously. The joke hung in the air for too long. Y/n tried so hard to keep her smile on. Tony looked down at his glass. Suddenly she was eighteen again.
Y/n stared at the phone screen. Another message sent. No answer. She was nervously biting her nails as the rain outside wouldn't stop falling.
'Tony, I heard the news. Please tell me where you are. I just want to see you.'
Three gray ticks. No seen. No words.
The world seemed to have stopped since she had read that new. "Howard and Maria Stark die in a car accident."
Two cold lines in an online article. Two lines that ripped her heart out of her chest. Cause as much as they were Tony's parents, they were like a second family to her. She couldn't even imagine in how much pain Tony was.
After twenty minutes of staring at the empty phone, she grabbed the house keys and left, not even bothering to bring a jacket. Her thoughts were focused on Tony. She needed to see him.
As soon as she arrived, she couldn't help but notice all the lights were off and the door was unlocked.
When she got in, her eyes fell immediately on her boyfriend, sitting on the floor in front of the couch, staring at a paper in front of him. Probably the death certificate. Quietly, she approached him, taking small and light steps, almost as if she could scare him at any moment.
"Tony..." she murmured. When close enough, she fell on her knees to sit next to him. The only concrete thought forming in her head was: 'what do i do?', unsure whether she should touch him or talk to him or whatever.
She soon convinced herself to make a move and gently reached out her hand to his forearm.
"Hey.." she whispered but her soft tone was abruptly cut off by his. Everything but soft.
"What are you doing here?" he said coldly, not even sparing her a glance. Y/n gulped.
"What do you mean? I saw the news, you didn't answer my messages, you scared me... i just.. i just wanted to see you." she explained gently and moved just enough to be able to see his face and she could swear she'd never seen him that way. Never seen him so devoid of emotions.
"There's nothing to say. I don't want and I don't need anyone." he said and he withdrew his arm from her touch, almost as if she was burning him.
"Tony, I'm here. You don't need to do this alone, I—" her words were cut off by a snap of anger mixed with sadness and fear.
"Stop it. You're here for what? To tell me you're sorry? To console me or to tell me that time will heal this? I don't need any of that, Y/n. And I surely don't need you treating me like I'm a child." He said, now completely facing her. Y/n remained silent with her heart beating too loud, too fast. She wanted to scream at him, tell him he was out of his mind. But she knew he needed space.
"I wasn't gonna do any of that. I just wanna love you and be next to you." She muttered, as if scared that at any moment he could eat her with anger.
"And I don't need that. I'm breaking up." he then said. His voice sharp and his words felt like a knife piercing through her chest and going straight to her heart. That couldn't be true. That wasn't Tony. Not the Tony she knew, not the Tony she fell in love with.
"Tony.." she wanted to reply, to tell him it was just his pain and anger that were talking.
"Get out Y/n." he said. Those were his last words she ever heard from him. Not even a sorry. Nothing.
After that day she texted him dozens of times, every day but she never received a single answer. And oh, how much he regretted hurting her. How many times he thought about her and them at night. The damage was done, tho.
"No, no... he was the one who broke up." She answered. Second gasp from Natasha.
"How? You're such a gorgeous woman, why would he break up with you?" she asked. Great question. Why? Alex didn't know and she wished she did.
"Well... it was in high school, you know, so.. i wasn't that pretty..." she said shyly but Tony interrupted.
"You've always been stunning." he said. Maybe he didn't even want to say it. Maybe he was just thinking out loud but Nat and Y/n definitely did hear him.
Y/n glanced at him and smiled a bit.
"There you are." Tony said without looking up from his mess of robotic toys.
"Thought you weren't gonna show up."
Y/n stepped softly into the lab, scanning all the high tech environment with curiosity. For a moment it seemed like being in a sci-fi movie.
"You thought I was gonna give up an opportunity to assist you blowing something up? For heaven's sake."
Tony smiled. "You wound me. I haven't blew something up in... three days." said he, pretending to count on his fingers.
Y/n gently rolled her eyes and giggled. She approached him and stopped beside the workbench, looking attentively at a tool. "What's that?"
"A field drone. Technically the idea is to provide medical support during critical situations." He explained while waving his hands in the air.
"Small, silent, potentially irritating. A bit like me." he added sarcastically.
Y/n furrowed her eyebrows, combined with a small and simple smile. "Can I see?" she asked.
Before she could touch it, he gave her some protective glasses. "Careful. It has the habit of running away when you touch it."
She crouched slightly to have a better view of the new device.
"You know it reminds me of that mini-robot you built in 11th grade? The one that threw chewing gums at teachers." she pointed at it as she looked at him with a big smile, remembering the old days.
Tony widened his eyes and snapped his fingers. "Mr Miller! Oh my god he had an orbit stuck on his jacket for days!"
Y/n laughed. "Yeah and you've been suspended for a week." she shook her head. She still remembered how long that week felt cause they couldn't meet at school.
"Details. Scientific experiment, not vandalism." he pointed out.
For a moment silence echoed in the room. Only the ticking of the keys and the background noise of the laboratory motors. Then with lower voice, Tony said: "You know, it's weird. Like, having you here, in the present. It's not high school, we're not those dumb kids in Converses anymore.."
Y/n listened carefully to his words and she couldn't agree more. Yet she didn't tell him out loud, she limited herself to just think of it.
"Maybe cause we're not kids anymore. We've grown up but not too much to forget each other." she said softly. It was crazy how, in Tony's eyes and ears, she always knew what to say. And she'd say it in the most gentle and careful way.
Tony raised his head, just enough to look at her but as soon as he realized he had been staring for a second more, he looked away, focusing on his project.
"Alright, enough with the sentimentalism. Wanna see what happens if we reverse the polarity?" he asked. Almost like a challenge but it wasn't a question.
He grinned. "Too late I'm already doing it."
Days later, they started spending more time together in the lab. Sometimes assisting him and helping him, other times just watching him work quietly and stay aside. Deep down, Y/n knew he didn't need her help. He didn't need anyone — he was just finding excuses to have her around. Y/n never pointed it out, tho. She simply nodded and enjoyed being in his company.
At first it was all normal, just friends hanging out but her boyfriend didn't seem to agree. Tony began to notice small things. Y/n started to ask him if she could stay longer, maybe to avoid being in the same environment as her boyfriend.
"What's wrong?" he asked one day, catching her staring at the phone, fidgeting with her fingers as she held the phone in her hands. He knew her habits. She would bite the inside of her mouth, fidgeting the fingers, bounce her leg.
"Nothing, don't worry." maybe someone else would've believed her. But he had known her for years and it was so obvious there was something off.
He didn't push her — mostly cause he felt like he didn't have the right to do so — so he nodded and went back on his work. Doesn't mean his mind was focused on it, tho.
The next day something else happened that made Tony immediately realize what was really going on.
It was supposed to be another usual day at his lab, working, talking and why not, eating snacks too. Yet Y/n's boyfriend showed up. Tony immediately stood from his seat, worried about how the hell he entered.
"Whoa, how did you get in here and WHY are you here?" He said, approaching him with arms forward. Y/n stood too, confused about why was he here, he didn't even told her he was coming.
"Your colleagues said i could find my girlfriend here." said the man. Tony gritted his teeth at hearing that word cause yeah, he still couldn't get over the fact she had moved on. He told himself he did too, but moments like that made him regret more than ever his past choice.
"Yeah but you can't stay here." Tony said.
"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Y/n said, walking past the genius to approach her lover.
Tony noticed every single detail. The man's tense expression, to the grip he had on her wrist. Looking too tight for someone who should treat her with love.
When both of them left, Tony couldn't stop thinking about the previous events. There was something off between Y/n and that man who dared to call himself her boyfriend. He seemed too perfect to be real, too flashy in public, almost as if he had to prove to people how well he can treat girls. Too bad reality said otherwise.
The way he held her wrist too tight, the way he looked at her with that look of 'we'll talk about this later', almost as a threat. And he didn't like that. He was worried too so he found himself staring at his phone and then hesitantly hitting sent:
"Hey Y/n, just wondering if everything's okay? I noticed a bit of tension between u and ur boyfriend. Call me if u need."
To which Y/n responded everything was perfectly fine. That her boyfriend was just a bit stressed. But that was normal right? Every couple goes through those things.
Tony stared at the message for too long with a tense jaw. He could almost hear her voice through the screen — calm, reassuring, like she was trying to convince herself more than him.
He didn't buy it. Of course.
Not because he wanted to create problems that didn't exist but because he knew her too well. Knew how she used to cover up bruises from sport, to downplay things that hurt. She never lost that habit. The problem is that this time it wasn't a broken bone, a bruise on the skin. It was something else. Something serious.
He typed a reply — then erased it. Typed again. Deleted.
Instead he threw the phone on the workbench and rubbed his hands over his face.
For the rest of the night he couldn't focus properly on his work, everything JARVIS said seemed distant, the screens blurred and the equations didn't make sense. All he could think of was that grip. That look. That fake smile.
The next time they met, she acted like nothing had happened. Same smile, same tone of voice. But her energy? Off. A little heavier.
"Hey" Tony said, handing her a cup of coffee, without asking if she wanted some.
She grazed his fingers while taking his offering and smiled. A smile that didn't reach her eyes. And her smiles always reached her eyes.
They sat there, in silence, not even looking at each other. It used to feel comfortable but now it just felt...heavy and wrong. And loaded.
"Are you sure everything's okay?" he asked again, more softly. He tried to be cautious of his tone of voice, being as gentle as possible.
Y/n looked down at her cup. "Yeah, just... a bit tired. That's all." she explained. If it wasn't for the way her voice lacked of emotions, he could've believed her.
He didn't push her — not yet at least. But he was watching, and waiting. Waiting for the right moment cause deep down he knew something would've broken — and he wanted to be the one next to her. As if he had to hang up, fix the past problems.
Tony got up and grabbed a screwdriver, ready to work. He didn't ask for help and Y/n watched quietly, scanning his movements. It reminded her of all the nights in his garage back in high school—late hours tinkering, him muttering to himself, her perched on a stool, laughing at his sarcastic remarks. It didn't last long cause after ten minutes or less he stopped and put down all the tools he was holding.
"Your boyfriend looked jealous, more than stressed, last day. When he came here." he said and turned to look at the woman.
She gave a small, half smile and shrugged.
"You know how it is, men."
"Not all of them." Tony shot back immediately, not hesitating a single bit. His answer came out sharper than he would have liked. She looked at him surprised for a moment but then brought her attention back to the cup.
"Look," he stepped closer but keeping the distance.
"I don't wanna do some sort of interrogation, okay? Just... if there's something, anything you're not telling me, I'll get it. But don't fake with me. Not you, at least." he looked at her almost begging.
Y/n looked back, for a longer moment. Her eyes were tired, maybe, or just tired of lying. To herself and to him. But her look didn't give him any sign of opening.
"It's okay, Tony." she said softly, a lie said with a softness that hurt more than truth.
Tony stared at her before looking away and nodding. Maybe he was hoping she would tell him something more. But he found silence once more.
You gotta be patient, he told to himself. That wouldn't make him stop looking out for her.
And just like that, another day went by. Another night spent together in the lab, working, talking, laughing and eating.
Tony was distracted, the second bottle of beer already empty in front of him.
Y/n was sitting on a counter, absentmindedly stirring her pizza with a fork, while Tony tried to fix a piece of armor, but his arm felt tired, slow.
Every now and then, a look of frustration crossed Tony's face. He would pause, lost in thoughts, and then resume working without real conviction. Other times, tho, he moved his gaze towards her.
"You should relax, Tony. Every time you touch these things you scare me." Y/n said, trying to giggle but no sound came out of her mouth. She smiled but it was a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes — once again.
Tony chuckled but it wasn't one of his usuals. "I'm not really the relaxed type, you know that. And anyway, if I don't make a mess, how can I feel alive?"
He stopped. As if trying to find the right joke but his smile faded almost immediately. Some time had passed, yet the feeling of being suspended in the same stasis as always did not go away.
She stared at him with attention. "You don't seem really alive now.." she observed.
Tony looked at her and for a moment something changed in his gaze. He didn't answer immediately.
"It's not easy to keep everything together, Y/n. Not that I've ever been good at doing so and neither at... finding the right direction." he said, gesturing with his hands and trying to keep an unaffected tone of voice.
But as soon as he was about to continue, a sudden metallic noise made him jump. His left arm had touched the armor, and something was coming loose. A click, and the armor shifted dangerously.
"Fuck," Tony muttered and backed off but the movement wasn't fast enough. The armor slammed and jammed into his arm, making him tremble slightly. He tried to move it with force but Y/n immediately got down from the counter and acted rapidly, stopping him.
"Stop, Tony, don't be a jerk," she scolded him, but there was no anger. Just concern. She gently moved the armor from his arm, freeing him and she swear she could feel his gaze on her. He looked at her as if she was the only thing that felt real in that room and it felt just the two of them. No armor, no lab. Just them. And Tony hadn't felt like that in a while. It's like she made him forget about the past, about how he had became a playboy, about how many girls and women he took to his bed.
"You never pay enough attention, huh?" she said.
Tony smiled at her faintly, a smile that didn't suit him at all. "I'm not good at focusing on one thing," he said, his voice a little weaker.
"And sometimes I make mistakes.. but at least I make them with style." he tried to keep up with his ridiculous humor.
Y/n examined if he had any bruises or anything like that and he withdrew.
"I'm fine." he said but she surely wasn't gonna let him walk away like that. She remembered how many times he had said that but he needed hospital.
"Let me help you." she said, a little more serious now. Tony moved aside, pretending not to notice how worried she was.
"There's no need, really," he muttered, and tried to stay away, but Y/n didn't stop. She moved the sleeve of his shirt up, enough to show the forearm. Tony wanted to keep distance because he didn't want to remember how her touch felt. He didn't want to remember how he had pushed her away that night when all she wanted was to provide him comfort and love. He didn't want to remember all of that cause he knew how much of a jerk he had been.
"If you continue like this you're gonna get seriously hurt. Or maybe it's what you're looking for, aren't you?" she said, not looking up at him. The worry in her tone was obvious.
Tony didn't answer immediately. The words seemed to be lost in his mind, a mess of the mix of beer and disorganized thoughts. After a while, when she finished checking up in him, he sank back into his chair and stared at her, truly attentive for the first time. The smile on his face, drunk as it was, slowly faded.
"I don't think I'm looking for something, Y/n. Maybe just not to think too much." he said, his voice lower than usual, as if he wanted to hide a part of himself that he couldn't keep under control. Y/n didn't answer immediately, but his gaze deepened, more searching. "Sometimes I think you should stop and think, Tony. You hide behind these machines, as if they could solve anything or fix you but they don't do that." Y/n's tone was gentle, but there was something real and painful in those words that hurt him more than he was ready to admit. Tony snorted, but he didn't move. They stayed like that for a moment, both of them immersed in that sort of uneasy quiet, as if something was about to break, but neither of them knew what. For someone else it might seem their usual night but they knew better. There has been something different all day.
"I guess...some people just stick in your head. And stay there. Like old songs you didn't know you remembered." Y/n frowned.
"What do you mean?" she asked. Tony looked down at the floor and ran a hand through his hair. An usual gesture he did when he didn't want to say much.
"Nothing. Guess I drank too much." he muttered, dismissing it with a shrug.
Then Tony changed argument. "You know, I've always wondered if I could actually do anything right. Sometimes it feels like I never can, doesn't it? That every step I take, it leads me to do even more damage."
Y/n looked at him for a long time, noticing the vulnerability behind his eyes. Perhaps she was seeing him for who he really was, without the masks, without his usual arrogance.
"It's not that you always do damage, Tony," she said with a sad smile. "It's just that you don't know when to stop." she murmured. Tony knew it. In that moment, he knew it more than anything. He had heard that sentence over and over again, but each time it seemed to run away from his mind. She had told him that countless times during the years spent together. "I've never been good at stopping," he murmured. Then, more quietly, as if confessing, "And yet, sometimes... I wonder if there's something I can do to fix everything. Even if I don't know where to start."
Y/n tried to answer but her breath got heavier and words got stuck in her throat. He noticed there was something bothering her but she didn't knew where to start and how to start. Tony looked at her and for the first time in years he managed to see her being vulnerable again.
"I've wondered.. if it would be possible for me to find my place." She started, her voice trembling slightly. She stopped, taking a deep breath and then continued, with a sincerity that she had been holding inside for so much. But it punched Tony in the gut.
"But i've never managed to do it. I don't even know if I will ever find it. And it scares me, Tony. It scares me not knowing where to go, what to do. It scares me not having a place where I could feel.. right or.. loved." Tony couldn't talk. It's almost as if his breath stopped, as if even that could interrupt her. Her voice got lower, softer and maybe even broken. She managed to hold her gaze on him. Her hands were shaking slightly as she tried to gather her thoughts. Tony, though drunk, felt the need to say something, to be close to her but he didn't move. He couldn't find the right words. His hands were shaking too, and he realized how vulnerable the situation was.
"And I wonder if I'm just forcing myself to live a life I don't want. I never wanted. All of this scares me cause I don't know if I'll ever find that place. I can't even figure out who am I, where am I." she whispered.
Tony finally managed to step closer
"I don't know if this place exists, Y/n. But I know you're not alone." Y/n looked at him, her heart beating faster than before. She didn't respond immediately, but her expression softened, as if she'd finally found some relief in his words. And as the silence fell again, they both knew there was still so much to understand, but that maybe... maybe there was something to start from.
"Maybe I overshared..." she whispered and looked down.
"Nah. You're just drunk." he said with a light tone but there was softness to it. Sometimes he didn't usually allow himself to show it. He was relieved when he managed to rip off a laugh out of her, even if it was barely a breath.
But Tony didn't move. He stayed there, watching her and in that moment, after a while, he felt like he didn't need jokes to cover himself up. He wasn't even sure she noticed how their distance suddenly became more real and more... gentle.
"I.. I don't know if I can help you with all of that," said he, quieter this time. "But if you ever need someone to.. to talk to or just.. be here, I'm not going anywhere."
Y/n met his eyes and she saw the complete sincerity in them. He was expecting an answer but it didn't arrive. And it was enough for him. She just nodded. A simple gesture that showed gratitude.
Tony took a step back, his hand running through his hair, still trying to play it cool, but the weight of the night pressed down on him, heavier than the beer or the tension between them.
"Alright, well... guess you should get some sleep. You've had a lot to.. unload." he said and grinned slightly.
Y/n smiled softly and got up from the chair.
"Goodnight, Tony." she said, her voice was barely audible.
"Goodnight, Y/n." Tony replied with a steady tone.
Y/n walked towards the door but when she got in front of it, she turned.
"Go to sleep, Tony. Don't just pretend it." she said and he smiled as a response.
When she left, he passed his hand through his hair and stood there and he could feel something shifted in the air between the two of them.
And maybe, just maybe, they were both finally starting to figure out what that something was.
That night Tony didn't sleep much. That's why he found himself leaning on the railing of the large terrace that overlooked on New York. The city was strangely silent but always lit up. Y/n found herself getting out of bed too and that's when she noticed him there.
"You never sleep, do you?" she murmured.
He turned his head to look at her and then focused back on the city.
"Sleeping is overrated." he stopped. Then added softly: "Especially when you wake up with the thought of having ruined everything."
She didn't say anything. The wind was messing her hair up and she folded her arms — as if to stop the cold feeling.
"Y/n... I — I don't know where to start. I've had worse months but this? This one screwed me."
She looked at him as if trying to anticipate what he meant but she couldn't find a word that made sense.
"I thought I archived everything. You, us, that idiotic version of me with the brain full of bullshits and heart always in race. But then you reappeared, with that damn dress and I.. shit." he chuckled and shook his head to gather his thoughts.
"I felt alive again. And not because you're absolutely gorgeous — you are, okay but It's not that. It's the way you look at me, like you still see that high school boy that dreamed of building things that would last. When I'm with you I remember that kid and... and I like it."
Y/n shook her head in sadness while looking at him. "Tony..."
"No, wait. Let me finish. I'm not good with these things, you know it. I always make a mess and ruin everything I love but the truth is... I regret it. I regret every day, for years, letting you go. And in this last month, with you, those lunches, those stupid jokes or messages, the silences... you made me feel like at the time. Like I could love without being afraid of being vulnerable." he was so focused on trying to find the right words to explain, that he hadn't noticed the way he stepped slightly closer to her.
Y/n's voice trembled and she looked down. Then up again.
"Tony... I'm with someone else and.." he stopped her.
"I know very well you're with someone else and I'm not here to ruin everything but.. I don't see you're happy with him. I know myself enough to say that I don't wanna fake anymore. And I know I'm the one who left you but I still love you, Y/n. And what happened today just confirmed everything I was doubting. I swear on everything I've built that I feel more here with you than with anyone else." he didn't want to stop cause he knew he was afraid of her answer. Afraid of her saying she had forgotten him.
Y/n looked conflicted with shiny eyes.
"Tony, what happened between us, years ago, broke me. You left me without any valid reason, how can I trust you again?" she murmured.
She did trust him. More than anything but deep down she couldn't risk again.
"I don't know." he whispered but then he stared back at her.
"But if there's even a single opportunity... I wanna try. Even if I gotta wait. Even if you're gonna hate me for a while." he said.
For a brief moment, silence echoed between the two of them and it felt like an eternity and Tony never begged so much inside of him that she would give him a chance. That she would break up and understand.
Then she made half a step closer, almost touched his wrist but she didn't. Not yet.
"Give me some time." these were her last words.
After that night, something broke. Not for Tony, for Y/n. And maybe for Tony, too. Depends on the point of view.
Dinner has been cold for the last ten minutes, but neither of them seemed to notice. Sitting in front of each other, nobody talking, the only sound audible was the noise of the forks moving in the plates, in a house that didn't feel like it.
Y/n moved the food in the plate without really eating. She wasn't the usual yapper at dinner, anymore. She was silent. He, instead, was observing her. When he finally found the words, he spoke:
"Where have you been?" he asked.
Y/n looked up, confused by the question but not surprised.
"The usual. Tony." silence. For a moment it felt like she pronounced a forbidden name. Like Voldemort in Harry Potter.
"Tony," he repeated slower. "You know, you say his name with a confidence... almost as if you're.. intimate."
Y/n tried to ignore his words and lowered her gaze to focus on her plate.
"It's his name." she replied coldly.
"Yeah, but not everybody calls him 'Tony'. It's like you've gotten closer." his tone wasn't angry.
"We're just working together. I've been helping him. It happens." she said.
He tilted his head and she could feel his tension.
"It happens, sure," he continued. "You spend more time with him than with me. Every night. Every fucking night." he spitted.
Y/n put the fork down and moved her head up with an annoyed movement.
"Oh yeah? Cause I've lost count. What is this now? Did you become a team, you two? He makes you laugh, he keeps you busy, he treats you as if you're the only one. And you fall for it, like always." he said, his tone slightly building up with rage.
Y/n stared at him. For the first time in days, she's looking at him directly in his eyes.
"What are you trying to say?" she frowned annoyed.
"I'm saying maybe you should ask yourself why you'd rather spend hours in some goddamn lab with another man than be here with me." he grabbed the plate and stood to put it away on the kitchen counter.
"Or maybe you just like the way he looks at you like he wants to take you to bed. Cause that's what he wants, right? Like the old good days — use you, empty his balls and get back to his fucking ego." he was so full of venom she felt disgusted by his words. The way he described Tony as a heartless bastard. He never used her.
Y/n stopped every movement.
"God, you still think about it, don't you? Whisper sweet words while fixing his toys? Reminiscing how good it felt fucking in the high school bathrooms?"
Silence. Then the only noise was the sound of the plate pushed aside. Y/n kept staring at him and got up, to fully face him.
"You know what's disgusting?" she whispered. "Not what you said, the fact that you really believe that."
"Oh so you're trying to tell me I'm wrong? You act like you don't like it. Tell me you do. You like the idea of being important again for him." the worst is, the answer was yes. She liked the idea of her being a part of his life again. Mostly cause her love never fully faded and she tried so hard to make it fade.
"It's not enough for you how many nights you left me alone, you wanna bullshit me, too." he continued.
"He's a friend. A colleague, but you can't understand, can you?" she replied, her voice higher this time.
"Oh yeah? How many nights you spent 'working' with him? Oh sorry, i meant 'fucking', more than working." he spitted. He didn't even give her time to answer, to explain. And she wasn't in the mood to scream and yell like usual.
"You know what I see? I see a girl who's always wanted attention. That now she found her hero from the young ages and that immediately jumped on him." his tone became more venomous.
"You just changed the ways but you're still the same. Same desperation, same neediness." he said. Y/n gritted her teeth.
"The fuck you mean?" she muttered, trying so hard to control herself. He looked at her in her eyes, almost as if trying to make sure she understood him.
"I mean that you're nothing more than a slut who wants to feel special. And with Stark, you do feel special, don't you?"
That's the last thing she ever had to hear from him. There has been a long pause before she could react. She was broken, destroyed.
"You know what's the difference between you and Tony? He never made me feel dirty for not wanting to have sex. Not a single time. Because playboy or not, he always had respect — he still treated me like i mattered and saw me for who i am." she said coldly and immediately took her jacket, her phone. When she stepped in front of the door she turned one last time.
"And if you ever call me a slut again — I'll make sure it will be the last thing that will ever leave your mouth." with that, she didn't give him time to answer and sprinted out, slamming the door.
Tony was working on one of his suits to fix it and was just about to wrap things up but the door suddenly slammed open. He turned.
"Y/n? What the hell-" his voice caught in his throat when he saw her in that state. All drenched from the rain, breathless, as if she had just ran a marathon. Her hands were trembling, hair stuck on her face and her look was devastated. Hurt. Broken. He approached her.
"Please.. just tell me I can stay here tonight." the words came out in a shaking sound.
"Of course you can — what happened?" he asked, worried as hell. She didn't look much agitated, for the state she was in. Just hurt.
"We fought. Badly. But it was different." Tony immediately knew who she was talking about.
"He said things, Tony — things about you, about us and our past. And things about me, too." said she.
Tony didn't interrupt her, just watched, waited and listened, still remaining close in case she needed him.
"He said that you only want to sleep with me, that that's all you ever wanted even years ago." she swallowed all her emotions. Adrenaline, fear and anger too.
"That you look at me like I'm some kind of prize or a game and that you treat me like I'm the only one and that you're using me." she was trying so hard to maintain the calm and not get overwhelmed. She usually cried when she was in this kind of state, due to emotions.
"He said I'm always chasing attention, that the moment you showed up again I jumped on you." then a pause. Not sure if she wanted to repeat his last words. Also afraid of Tony's reaction.
"He called me a whore, Tony."
Just as she expected, Tony's body stiffened up. The calm he was trying to show in his face faded — not for anger, more for confusion.
"...What?" he muttered. He could see in her eyes how hurt she was, mostly cause he knew very well how much she hated those insults. Even in a joking way.
"He said I haven't changed, that I like the way you look at me cause it makes me feel... important. That I'm pathetic for still caring."
She let out a breathless, humorless giggle.
"He talked about high school like it was some sort of a dirty secret. Like the fact that you and I had something makes me disgusting and — he said that when I come here we don't actually work but we.. we fuck." her voice almost sounded like it was a shame for her to say stuff like this. Especially to Tony after everything.
Tony had to turn away for a moment with the jaw clenched so tight that the twisted muscle was almost visible. He ran a hand through his hair and then all over his face — it was to keep himself from exploding. Y/n exhaled, sitting down on the nearest chair and covered her face with her hands, exhausted from all the situation. Tony turned around again and took a step closer.
"I just want you to know I never used you. Not once. I never looked at you like you were something I owned." he said with a cold tone but sweet at the same time.
"The worst part is I believed him for a moment, Tony. I thought I was that stupid girl from school again, hoping you would look at me the way you used to. I really thought I was some kind of whore that likes attention." she almost whimpered when she said that. He didn't flinch.
"You're not that girl and you've never been stupid. You're a woman who deserves to be respected and loved and you don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology. And don't ever think you're a... that word. Not ever." he found difficult himself to pronounce that word.
She looked at him and sighed with glossy eyes.
"I just needed a place where I could feel.. right." she whispered and looked down. Then she got up.
"You know I will never judge you. I will never look at you like you don't have a value. You're not alone." he said softly.
"I know." Y/n murmured as he reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. She had missed that touch.
"That's why I came here." she tilted her head towards the weight of his hand.
The heavy rain had now softened into light drizzles. Y/n's body tension had slowly begun to fade but her eyes were still a bit red. She sat curled in Tony's couch wearing one of his shirt and wrapped in a blanket he had given her. He patiently waited for her as she took a quick shower and now here they were, sitting next to each other like the old good days. When everything felt right.
Tony put on of the old sci-fi movies they used to make fun of, trying to blur away the silence that harmed her thoughts. Then, her head slowly found the warmth of his shoulder — like a muscle memory. Like she'd done it a hundred times before. And she did. He, instead, didn't move. He just let her be there, as comfortable as she needed to be. Yet a small smile appeared on his face, but hoped she wouldn't notice it. He was tempted to ask her how was she feeling but he didn't. He thought that if she needed, she would talk first.
Halfway through the movie, Tony shifted slightly and sighed. Not an annoyed one, a relieved one. Almost as if he had been waiting for that moment for a decade, like he couldn't stand her being with that guy anymore. He glanced down at her and noticed how she was disconnected. Looking at the movie but not actually watching it or listening to it.
Then after some time, she spoke.
"Tony, I never loved him." her voice was so soft it was barely audible. She shifted and sat up to look at him.
"Maybe at the beginning I thought I did, or maybe I just wanted to prove to myself that I could've loved someone after you. Like I needed to show myself — or even you, that I've moved on." Tony stared at her, trying to find the right words to reply, but she was faster. She looked down, fidgeting with her fingers.
"But the truth is... I didn't prove anything, to anyone." she murmured, almost afraid to tell him that. She paused. She looked up at him again.
"You know how many messages I sent you when you left me," she let out a breathless laugh.
"And you never replied, not once. And It's funny because I never stopped writing. I just stopped sending them." Tony's brows got closer, as if the words had hit a sensitive nerve.
"I used to write on paper. A notebook. Even in the notes app when I got my first modern phone. I wrote about you even when I hated you so much for leaving me behind." her voice trembled but she didn't cry. She was done crying for people who didn't deserve her tears.
"And maybe I was stupid, but... my boyfriend — ex-boyfriend, wasn't so wrong about me liking your attention and stuff.. cause when I saw you again after all this time I started to write about you again." she confessed. She never thought she would've told anyone about this. But she did. And she told the right person. Tony looked at her as if she had just said something illegal, something out of mind. The pain he saw in her eyes wasn't new. It was old, buried in a place of the heart where it didn't hurt much. Just as her lips parted to say something, he grabbed her by the chin and kissed her. No hesitation, no buildup. Just a firm. tender kiss that cut off her sentence mid-thought — not to silence her, but to give her the answers to questions that were left behind.
Her eyes widened in surprise and he paused. As if to give her the choice to pull away or kiss back. When she didn't move, as soon as he was about to pull away she melted into the kiss. Her hand found her way to his chest, her fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt, holding onto it as if it was the only thing left in her life. As if she needed to touch something real, concrete. It wasn't a passionate kiss, just a soft, loving one. A kiss between two people that never broke their lives apart.
When they broke the kiss, Tony rested his forehead against hers.
"I read every message." he whispered.
"I never found the courage to answer. I just thought I never deserved of answering cause you needed to move on from someone like me."
Y/n closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the closeness and by how his touch felt. Even by the feelings she tried so hard to suppress but never left.
"Then why didn't you say anything?"
Tony breathed deeply and reached out to slowly caress her cheek.
"I was afraid that if I opened that door then I wouldn't be able to close it." she finally opened her eyes again and she could tell that his look was still the same. It didn't change not even a bit. Same look of love, same look of guilt and regret. He pulled back just enough to see her.
"But now I don't wanna close any door." he said.
He noticed how a bright smile appeared on her face. A real smile this time. The one that reaches the eyes. For the first time she didn't feel like she had to be on alert every time. She was finally at home, after months, years of hell. Her hand stayed on his chest, over his heart and could feel how fast it was beating.
"Your heart is beating fast.." she murmured, never looking away. Tony smiled.
"It's you. It's always been you." Y/n sighed, relieved, and rested her head on his chest. Tony warmly wrapped his arms around her, as if to shield her from the world.
They stayed like that for a while as the sci-fi movie kept playing in the background — some alien was attacking the hearth, but neither of them cared.
Then Tony broke the silence.
"So, I'm guessing this means you're staying the night?"
Y/n huffed a small laugh from his chest and looked up.
"Wow. Good way to ruin the moment."
"What? I'm trying to be hospitable. You want a warm blanket, an electric toothbrush, even breakfast in bed? I can make some burnt toast. My specialty." Y/n looked at him with a wide smile and chuckled.
"You're the worst." she said. Tony raised an eyebrow.
"And yet, here you are, curled up in my couch, wearing my clothes and wrapped in my blanket. Looking suspiciously like someone who's falling back in love with me."
She rolled her eyes. "If you want I can go home and wear my clothes and my blanket." she teased, to which Tony responded with a surprised yet panicked expression.
"No, I like this much better." he said. Y/n chuckled once more. She knew he liked that better.
They went back to the cuddling position in silence. Not an uncomfortable one, a full one. Then he added something.
"I loved you then, I love you now, Y/n. Honestly... I don't think I ever stopped." she turned to look at him, her eyes scanning all his face.
Tony gave an embarrassed smile. "Every other relationship I've had? They were just... noise. Noise to keep my thoughts away from you, they were something to fill up the blank space you left. They lasted ridiculously short because none of them were you." He looked at her as if he was waiting for an answer but Y/n knew better. She knew he didn't need an answer. She just leaned in and kissed him again — slower, surer. It was almost an action to reassure him.
When they broke apart, he looked at her like he had just remembered how to breathe properly.
"God," he muttered, brushing her hair back. "You ruin me."
Y/n leaned on his hand and smiled.
"Good." Tony chuckled under his breath. After some seconds spent looking at each other, he added:
"For the record, I noticed right away that guy was bad news." he said. Y/n frowned and tilted her head. "How?" she asked curiously.
"Sweetheart, I built metal armors that could make me fly and sentinels. You think I can't spot a manipulative bastard?" Y/n laughed softly and her heart almost skipped a beat when she heard that nickname. She had missed it so much. He used to always call her that.
"Anyways, you don't have to worry about him anymore." Tony said, serious this time.
She blinked. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged in such a casual way — his usual confidence.
"Nothing... let's just say I have my ways of.. back off people like him. More like disappear." he explained. He said it in the most calm tone as if he did something absolutely normal.
A sigh came out of her lips. "Tony.." she muttered.
"Metaphorically." he added. "Mostly."
Y/n looked at him with a raised eyebrow, almost as if wanting to scold him. Like a mom glance-warning her kid. But he smirked, instead.
"What? I'd never kill anyone. Unless they deserve it." he said. She rolled her eyes like usual but the smirk on her lips betrayed her act. "You're unbelievable. And crazy."
"Only for you." he leaned closer and kissed her cheek, just right next to her ear. She smiled and looked at him — for real this time. They both didn't speak for a second, admiring each other as if they'd be the only two human beings to exist on earth.
"Ever since I saw you again at that bar — our first night — i felt it." she murmured, her voice soft. "Every single time we were together after that, my chest... felt light. My head felt light. Like the world wasn't falling apart around me." her eyes never left him. She needed him to see it in her eyes how sincere and genuine her words were.
Tony's expression softened.
"And it was always thanks to you." before she continued she paused and smiled.
"There were so many times I thought of kissing you. Just... throw everything away and listen to my heart. Even when I knew it was the worst idea. Even when I told myself many times to ignore that feeling."
He kept quiet but she felt how his fingers brushed hers. Almost as if he doesn't touch her, he might die or don't feel real enough. And unlike her ex-boyfriend, his touch was actually soft and tender.
"You should've done it. I wouldn't have stopped you." he said softly.
She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I know now."
"I didn't just miss you, Tony. I missed... the way I felt with you. Real, alive, loved. And safe."
Tony breathed like he was holding a long breath he didn't even realize he was holding. All of that felt so familiar — and maybe it was. He was just now remembering how genuine she was and the reason of why he fell in love with her years ago and he realized it wasn't just some teenage love.
"I love you, Tony." she whispered. "I've always loved you. Even when I forced myself not to."
He didn't speak at first, not knowing how to say the right thing but after all it didn't matter. After all they completed each other and even if he wouldn't have spoken, he was sure he would've understood him.
"Yeah." he whispered. "I know that feeling." with that, he pulled her close to him, holding her as if she might run away at any moment. He had never been so sure like in that moment: he had opened an old door and he didn't have any intention of closing it. Because if he did, he promised himself to damn his life forever.
a/n: i got back to my roots with this one. tony's always been my comfort character since i was 11 and robert too and i dont see many ff of him in here😭 i hope this wont flop cause it took me so long, hope u liked reading this<3
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