anna’s secret garden 𐦍

You died when your smile stopped reaching your eyes

And your skin became cold to touch

You died for a second time last December

When you didn’t take your place at the table

You died again when you forgot my name

Though yours is forever in my heart

You were still in the room with me

But you were no longer here

I lay beside you, holding your hand

the joke, the laugh, the lure, the path

towards a little more corruption

the guilt, the blame, the anger, the shame

the long trail of destruction

the child, the man, the friend, the plan

the rug pulled from beneath my feet

the now, the then, thinking “here we go again”

it’s a cycle that i can’t beat

the phone, the text, the computer, what’s next?

friend or villain, which one is it?

he waited, arrow notched, eyes on target, i watched

does that make me complicit?

his smile, his flask, his demons, his mask

now it’s all so explicit

my love, my silence, my trust, no guidance

i am complicit,

i am complicit,

i am complicit.

I want a second chance at childhood

The one that was stolen from me

I’d pick daisies and daffodils where they stood

So warm and free, I would be

I’d learn my lessons in the classroom, not in the world

And listen to all that ‘stranger danger’ stuff

With my mother watching me dance and twirl

I’d remember to tell her that she’s enough

I would treasure every moment, not live life at full-throttle

And be confident in the skin in which I stand

I would not have to lose my father to the bottle

He’d stay with me always, hand-in-hand

So please turn back the clock to when

I’d turn those flowers into a crown

I will climb the trees, feel the breeze again