Life In Screencaps

Believe in yourself a little more.

A little before the pandemic broke, I was in high spirits to start my ‘healing’ journey. I started a strict diet. Then I committed myself to get a little physical: yoga and HIIT.

A day at a time, I started shedding a skin I wanted to forget. Thought processes. Memories. Triggers.

I was gungho at creating something for myself and overcoming what I thought I couldn’t. It got a little dirty, artistic, and thoughtful: painting, blogging, and playing the ukulele.

I was creating what I believed was a pattern for recovery. A structured beggining and end to a day.

Then it started to falter one after the other. I have discovered.

I stopped my physical excercises and stopped eating. I was driven by caffeine while I developed a dislike for painting, blogging, and playing the uke.

I couldn’t go back to the drawing board because starting over becomes difficult after each fall.

Then, they became worse. I was always on high alert. I felt like someone would break in our house. I lie in bed at night thinking what else could go wrong. My self had been in constant meetings with itself. Talking. Thinking.

Until I woke up with panic attacks with triggers coming from all over.