I know what I'm supposed to do

@misterjanson | museum of natural memes

     Thomas shoots him an irritated look. What he’d MEANT was that the sunset is pretty --- for a few quiet minutes, it’ll give the grass a nice golden glow, and paint the sky in shades of red and orange and purple, and the sun looks bright red and huge against the backdrop of the hills, it’s kind of no wonder people used to write so much poetry about it --- but it’s not like Janson’s ever been poetic.

     Then again, Thomas has never been particularly poetic either.

Which means that, come TST, he’s almost as bewildered by everything outside the compound as his canon counterpart. He knows a little bit more about the sort of dangers to expect, the small cities and settlements people on the outside have congregated in, but if he’s ever been inside a mall before, he doesn’t remember. He and Minho pass by old, dilapidated shops and stores that he’s either never seen before or only vaguely recognizes the concept of. Banana something is a weird name for a store, did that s ar used to be star or something like sear, what on earth is a star bucks, old navy sold clothes, right? Something like that. He doesn’t end up with much time to ponder over it.

he really thought he was gonna. he thought he wanted to make her hurt like she’d hurt them, but more importantly he just wanted her gone. for good. which is fair, honestly, but like...

okay, maybe he did. I swear to god this boy is like a fairy in peter pan, he feels emotions very intensely and sort of all at once and he doesn’t always know what to do with that. maybe he really did want to kill her right up until he was met with the actual chance.

but either way, like. thomas. my son. my pride and joy. you would never.

like we’re talking about a person who felt sick having to kill a full-Gone crank in self defense here. he almost didn’t even do it, if it had just been him there and brenda hadn’t been in danger too I’m not sure if he would have. he ran into the maze to help minho and alby even though by all accounts he should’ve thought they were doomed and stayed safe. he still asked gally to escape with them despite all the animosity between them. in the book, he ran over to help winston get that weird thing off his face even though he didn’t know what it was and didn’t care if it hurt him. he risked life and limb to help minho to safety in the storm even though literally just moments before that he’d been telling himself he’s just gotta keep going no matter what.

like, man, he doesn’t have the heart to kill anyone. he barely has the heart to hurt anyone. he just...he cares too much. he’s too Soft on the inside. he’s got too much empathy.

(gally’s a special case, it was in a moment of rage and grief mixed with immediate opportunity and he wasn’t expecting it, he didn’t have time to think about it like he did ava.)

this boy had more than one opportunity to off ava and he never did. he couldn’t do it. I don’t think he could have even if he hadn’t lost all hope like he did --- even at full emotional capacity he couldn’t have stood there and shot her, he never would have. left her for dead like janson, probably, but kill her? never.

@falsedhope | x | accepting

Minho: Really?

Thomas: Yes.

Minho: You accidentally made out with Newt.

Thomas: Yes.

Minho: Accidentally.

Thomas: Yes.

     “What do you want, Janson?”

     The lab is otherwise quiet. He’d thought there were just guards and overnight staff left in the building this late --- people who probably couldn’t care less why he’s still there. He’d been banking on that. Even Teresa had gone home a while ago; she’d told him he should do the same, and he’d made some vague distracted noise, and she’d sighed, whispered a soft good night, Tom and left him to it. (A lot of their conversations go like that nowadays. As bitter as he still is, it makes his heart ache. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t miss her. She’d been his best friend once. Might still be.)

     He’s stayed late for days now. He doesn’t normally --- if he’s being honest, most of the time he can’t wait to leave, even if only for a few hours spent mostly sleepless and bored in a small apartment nearby. But he’s been here for a while now, hunched over microscopes and data and samples of his own blood. He’s on a mission here.

     Another mission, that is. A secondary mission. But hey, this one won’t even get him in trouble! Probably.

     That doesn’t mean he wants anyone to know what he’s doing, though.

     Damn this rat-faced bastard.

     He wants to curse as he turns in his chair, but he manages to hold it back --- just fires the question at him like maybe Janson won’t look too close if he just gets this over with quickly.

...after the caffeine kicks in