I am not locked in, I am DEEPLY locked out

Waking up to this while being sick is a dog is like getting shot in the head. I love it

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

Look I don’t even fucking like Scott Hunter that much, but the chirping scene was so funny. Imagine you’ve just had simultaneously the best and worst moments of your love life due to your own stupidity, and now you’ve got man man run em down Rozanov and boy wonder Hollander saying fuck shit in your face in a span of twenty four hours, I think I too would bring a tank to a knife fight and tell Shane to wipe the cum off his lip before he speaks to me😭

the worst part of summer is that people get sooo comfortable expressing their disgust at having to see other people’s bodies. they’re always complaining about wrinkly old men at the nude hot springs or fat women in bikinis at the beach. I hate that shit. if you’re not capable of being normal about bodies you personally don’t find attractive, just turn your head to look at something else! and if you’re not smart enough to do that, then at least do the rest of us the courtesy of suffering in silence, because we don’t wanna hear your weird comments. thanks.

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"