l i v e

"good bye, love you."

and you just laughed

and hung up the phone.

a few seconds later you called me back

and said,

"love you too."

you probably didn't know it then

I wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety of confrontation. questioning if my friends actually like me or not. thinking about if I said too much, too little, too many stupid things

wouldn't have to deal with low self esteem and feeling ugly all the time.

wouldn't have to deal with feeling inadequate, like I could do more.

wouldn't have to see how ugly this world is. how we could solve homelessness/poverty and have world peace if not for human greed and anger.

wouldn't have to ask myself what I did wrong. why don't people love me. why don't people care for me the way I care for them. why don't people reciprocate the energy I give out. feeling alone. feeling left out. feeling like I'll never truly belong anywhere. feeling tired.