Ian

"Yeah? Of course. I mean...I really want to think there's no reason for anyone to be alone in the world. At first sight though? I...don't know about that; I think part of being in love comes with getting to know them.

I think you can...get really hung up on somebody from first sight though. Distracted. Really badly. That can happen...yeah."

[TEXT] ah. yes. I'm okay!

Listen. Ian would help someone no matter what. Friend, stranger, he doesn't have to like you. Because Ian himself needs a lot of help and he knows how it feels to be alone in that. He doesn't want anyone to feel that way when he knows how scary it can be to need someone and feel helpless.

Has it screwed him over? Yeah. Will it screw him over again? Probably.

It's not about what he might get from it, it's about trying to keep the good he sees in people safe. And he fails at being able to help himself, his confidence breaks trying, but for other people? That's where he shines; he can step up for someone else more than he ever could himself.

[TEXT] yeah.

[TEXT] safely, maybe not sane? Heh. But I'm okay.

“ yeah - you take turns aiming for the cup, if you get one in your opponent has to drink it, first to get all 6 wins - you’ve never played beer pong before ? ” the question was half incredulous and half excited; the prospect of helping someone play for the first time sounded fun. poor ian - all of erik’s boisterous attention was now turned to the distinctly quieter clumber resident. grinning widely, he thrust the ball out towards ian in what he hoped was a compelling manner, shaking it slightly. “ it’s super fun man. and i swear its easy. you sure you don’t wanna partner up ? i’m a great teacher ”

“You assume I’ve been to a party before,” it was a joke, also a true fact but it sounded better as a joke. Because that basically put that nice big social outcast sign on his forehead and that was what Ian was trying to avoid. 

“Ah, I trip over things that aren’t even on the ground to trip over,” he replied with a scrub at the back of his neck, that nervous habit spiking up. His experience with games ran more the range of D&D and the video sort, not so much the ones that involved social situations. Plus there was that nagging feeling of letting Erik down.  But, teeth drawn across his lower lip, that expectant look from Erik broke his resolve, he was being invited to play; he could try. 

Henry relaxed when he realised it was Ian - surely this kid wouldn’t yell at him for anything? It was the way the poor guy stared at the floor, or maybe his shoes, with a strange gaze as if his vision wasn’t quite in focus that alerted him to the fact that he might not be okay. “Don’t apologise, totally my fault dude…” Yeah, guys he could comfort, he could deal with that. Henry stretched a hand out to pat his shoulder, an attempt at getting his attention. “Hey, you okay?” Big brother mode was activated.

"Yeah." No. But Ian wasn't going to delve back into the murky waters in his head to fix things, he just wanted the static there from the anxiety to stop. "I..really didn't see you," he clarified but made no move to push his hood away from his face. Right about then it was a necessity that he hated, a crutch he loathed needing, but until that numb feeling settled over his nerves he wasn't going to win that battle. He did glance up, recognized Henry, but everything felt greyscale and out of focus. It was getting better but that slump was hard to climb. "Just a little weird, I guess."

Everything was; people, campus, all the ongoing anger. But it had to get better, it had to, right?

"How're you guys doing over there?" Ian hated it, the fact that some of his friends were only ghosts lately, that others narrowed their eyes at him for missing the guys, he hated the whole situation but that didn't mean he hated the people involved. No, he was worried about them.

Ella could see how heavy he looked, how much the weight of this pushed him down. It was like a cloud of blue was hovering just above his head, which made her sigh. She looked down at the plate of fries she had yet to finish, pushing them into the middle of the table. “It couldn’t have been you,” she assured him, “If anything’s gonna happen, it’ll have nothing to do with you… so no matter what, you’re safe.” How did she know that? Sheer trust? Probably. Ian wasn’t that kind of guy, at least not around her, he wasn’t. “If you wanna hang out somewhere else for a while, until this all blows over, you can stay with me,” she offered, her voice softening, “I’ll have to check in with Persephone too, but I wanna make sure you have a safe place to come to away from all that crap.” She reached her hand over to gently touch his wrist, rubbing her thumb gently for comfort. “No one should be pushed into drama they have no business being in, especially you.”

"Nah, I'm not looking forward to talking to the Dean but I don't think I'll get in trouble." For once that anxious nature would work in his favor, he hadn't been involved and it wasn't like he could have lied very well to cover it, he wasn't worried about anything falling on him. "It's just...some of those friends are probably going to. And it's turned a lot of people to this us versus them mentality. I don't think I'm going to be seeing some of the guys until it blows over." It was odd how it hit a painful nerve; he didn't want those friendships to dissolve. He worried, about Jack and Erik, about the anger in his friends in Clumber; Ian worried about a lot of things.

"Jasmine and Merida are great," he pointed out because they were, they tried to look out for him, but he'd asked them to do that so much it must have been exhausting. "They probably want a break though, from me, maybe just for a little while."

He glanced back at Ella, knowing he was pretty terrible company all around at that point; "I mean...if it's okay? I don't want to bother you either." Everything felt raw under his skin, his insecurities too close to the surface and he couldn't help but voice it.

Stitch had a feeling he wouldn’t mind too much of his affection. He knew all too well about Ian’s family. About Barley, his mom and dad. Stitch knew of Barley as much as Ian knew about Lilo and Nani. But he just had to make sure. Ian might be his best friend but he didn’t want freak him out too early on after meeting. “Okay dude.” Stitch gave a tap on Ian’s shoulder. “And speaking of Barley, how is he? I’m surprised he isn’t still here trying to help you get settled in. Next time you talk to him, tell I say hey. And your mom too.” At this point, could have been apart of the Lightfoot family as much as he knew of them. Hearing that him and Ian were in the same dorms just had Stitch through the roof. Oddly he hadn’t made too many friends within his dorm. He hadn’t had too much luck with his own roommates. He was the type of person that took a while to get to like with all his weird quirks. “Haha! Hell yeah. I was at Clumber last semester. You’re going to love it there. Oh, and we get to visit each other. And, dude I brought my Jeep with me, so if you ever need a ride into the village. Just ask.” Stitch was already planning for the rest of the semester in his head for them.

"Believe me, if I let him he'd still be trying to. Half of what's in my room is his so I don't forget him," Ian chuckled, his brother was everything he wasn't; confident, bold and incredibly welcoming to anyone he met. He wasn't the type easily forgotten but, honestly, Ian was sort of grateful to have things from home to keep him company. "But he's good, mom's good; I think she was relieved when I told her you'd be here." Of course she had been, she knew her son; having Stitch there was support Ian needed.

"Clearly she has no idea how bad of an influence you are," he added with a smile, "but she's going to start demanding you show up for at least one holiday a year. You know how she is with family stuff."

As he listened to Stitch talk he got a little lost in it, the surreal feeling just right there at the edge for him; he was in college with his best friend and they had all the time in the world to spend together. He expected it to be unnerving, it was, but that flare of excitement was starting to catch hold of him too. With Stitch it was hard not to get drawn into his bright moments.

"You brought that blue monstrously?" He grinned a little, then uttered a drawn sound. "Man, I'm still feeling guilty about the last time I almost wrecked Guinevere, you may be driving me around until graduation."

Jasmine was still very concerned. She was always wanting to help people, even when they didn’t want it. Ian was special to her though, because they lived together. She didn’t want to let him down. “Thanks Ian! I appreciate the compliment.” Her lips were still at a slight frown. She wanted him to have fun, but in a healthy way. “Did you want to come with me? I’m sure my friends wouldn’t mind your company.”

"Nah, I mean...thanks, but it's okay." He knew her intentions were good, honestly he'd gotten lucky when it came to roommates. He had been nervous about the idea of living with people who might have had little tolerance for his habits, but most of those worries had dissolved. He couldn't say the volume in that room wasn't excessive at times but Jasmine and Merida had never made him feel unwelcome. Women were a mystery in some of the things they did but it was a far less of anxious puzzle for Ian than guys. Which were more of a distraction the longer he drank, he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing though.

"Ah, actually...maybe that's a good idea." Because the idea of making a fool of himself in that degree? Ian didn't want to even think about it. "I don't know if I trust myself not to do something mortifying drinking around..uh..some people."

Jasmine arrived at the Halloween party wearing a blue patterned dress, face veil, jewelry headdress, and other accessories, while carrying a genie lamp. It may have seemed like a lot, but she liked the little clip on the side of her dress, and thought it was perfect to hang the lamp from. That’s how her genie costume was born. She was very happy with it, while walking through the crowds. Then she happened to see Ian nearby, wanting to wave at her roommate. “Hi Ian!” She got closer to him, noticing his apparent fright to her coming over. The concern became more real for her, when she noticed the alcohol. “Are you okay?”

Once he was finished talking his lungs into breathing again he offered a weak smile. "Yeah, ah, yanno, mostly." He had to be honest to a point, Jasmine saw him every day and knew he wasn't the best around people so it was harder to fake nonchalance around her. Besides, she was probably worried about him. Just, well, he didn't want to always be that worry for his friends even if he appreciated their concern.

"Probably not great, but I'm okay." He confirmed for her and a little for himself, thumb toying at the rim of the cup. "I don't usually, ah..yeah, not so big on parties."

"Your costume turned out good," he nodded to the outfit, happy to shift the conversation. "I just saw it in parts before but it looks great finished."

✦ — .*

A SINGLE EYEBROW ROSE, an expression crossing his features that screamed cocky with hints of amusement laced into it. blue eyes dragging down the frame of the boy, taking joy in the negative signs of emotions Ian was displaying.  — he definitely took more enjoyment than most, if most was even the right term to use; did others find enjoyment in the uncomfortable-ness of others? whether they did or didn’t. ciaran did. it was one of his favorite  — the best form of entertainment he had found. 

“you can’t remember?” laughter followed his words, choosing not to think of how he did not believe him at all. people lied  —  it was to be expected. 

“actually  —” cutting into the sentence ‘you’re an asshole to everybody’ the one thing he managed to find offensive. “I’m not an asshole to shock, you think she would let me get away with that kind of shit?” his tone suddenly falling tight, as if he had just given away a secret. the trio ( him, shock and barrel ) we’re close-knit. a family. yet still, he wouldn’t have put it past the girl to put him in his place, and that would effect him more than he was willing to admit or think about.  —  but still, he let his silence fall again, he had spoke his own defense. 

a step closer, smirk cruelly turning up his lips as his head tilted  — letting a fake look of thinking play out before shaking his head. “why would I be done when this is so much fun. please do, tell me more about how i’m such an asshole.”

Offending Ciaran would have struck plenty of people as a victory, something accomplished and paid back, but it had the unpleasant effect of making Ian feel worse about the whole situation. How did that even happen? He wasn't the bad guy here, what sort of wildly skewed manipulative insanity did the other male just exude that infected him so much? It was starting to get to the point of exhausting trying to be, well nice wasn't the right word because nice went so far over Ciaran's head that it likely didn't even register, but at least something. Anything. He was struggling.

"That's not really-" again, Ian felt the regret hit before the words even fully left his lips, he really needed to stop trying. "Fine, you're not an asshole to people you like." Or tolerated, who knew; Ian avoided the rest of the trio as much as possible so he wasn't sure what type of bizarre dynamic they had going.

He wasn't sure how exactly his already knotted stomach could still just drop in that annoyingly eager way when Ciaran stepped closer, the universe was conspiring against him. "Everyone else already tells you that," Ian resolved and dropped his gaze away. He would have agreed but something about it hit a nerve, a weak and uncomfortable one; the last person he wanted to be was that one. The one who made snide remarks just to point out flaws, there was too thin a line between defending himself and hurting someone else that he didn't want to cross. Ciaran just kept pushing him to it, like he was waiting for one more person to write him off as terrible, kept making it a battle not to.

"I'm sorry, alright?" Maybe Ciaran deserved it but that didn't mean Ian felt right about the frustrated comment, he didn't take any pleasure in being right at some costs.

Open: Clumber House Halloween Party

Ian let himself be talked into things, it was just something he had come to realize long before he'd agreed to actually stay at the party rather than retreat once it was in full swing. It was a balancing act really, suffocating excess of interaction versus loneliness. For most people? It was an easy choice; for Ian it had never been that simple. Compromise was clearly the key. Compromise in the form of the cup clutched in his hands mostly empty, recently anyway, and in lurking at the outskirts of the noise and taking it all in.

It wasn't so bad. (it was but Ian was getting better at lying to himself) And every time he felt that uncomfortable feeling edge up his drowned it in another gulp of alcohol.

Which explained why he jumped as he brought the cup down and realized someone had wandered over while he was lost in thought, catching him off guard and forcing him to swallow too quick and suffer the burn of that alcohol.