I've lost a considerable amount of weight these past few months that my clothes don't exactly fit me the way they used to. . It's not a matter of vanity, or anything superficial. It's confidence, inner peace, self-esteem and even that fleeting feeling of feeling good. I don't know when I started being so negative again, all I know is that I have demons that I've been dealing with since I was younger. . I try to do different things all the time to keep myself in check. When I'm sad, I divert my attention with animal videos, or chase after something that does not require me to think. I do something physical that requires time (like dragonboating, working out and cooking). . I may look like I'm having fun all the time, but I may only be having fun at the time the photo is taken. And it gets tiring, so tiring. I go back to look at photos that remind me of how happy I was or of people that make me happy. I have been judged for being overdramatic, or making things bigger than they seem. I have conditioned myself to no longer care. . I have been taking care of myself for a long time now and I do need someone to help out every now and then and I am so thankful that I have a few good friends that have the patience to listen to my ranting, even when I know that I can get toxic at times. Sadness is different from depression, but when you're sad a lot of times and you long for an escape all the time, things get hard. It's something that I know I'm overdue at getting out of, and I will eventually. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Qo6-lACUT/?igshid=1f7x24pg1to8x
